Warning

 

Close

Confirm Action

Are you sure you wish to do this?

Confirm Cancel
Member Login

Site Notices
Posted: 5/13/2004 7:10:59 PM EST
So I am getting the steaks ready for the BBQ by getting them all tenderized, seasoned and such when the wife says the following: "What is mens fasination with pounding their meat?"

My 16. y.o. son and I barely held in the laughter.

So what are so your wife's funny lines??

SGtar15
Link Posted: 5/13/2004 7:19:12 PM EST
Mine keeps quite and never says a word.


Oh I forgot Im not married.
Link Posted: 5/13/2004 7:20:37 PM EST
I'll tell you when I meet her.
Link Posted: 5/13/2004 7:20:56 PM EST
I DO
Link Posted: 5/13/2004 7:23:46 PM EST
A friend of mine & I came in one hot summer afternoon from cutting/splitting/hauling/stacking wood.

My wife's comment after she had brought us some lemonade was "You two look like you're hot to trot."

After my buddy blew lemonade all over the table.......... and I explained later, she doesn't use that expression in public anymore.

NMSight
Link Posted: 5/13/2004 7:24:37 PM EST
No Comment
Link Posted: 5/13/2004 7:33:34 PM EST
"It feels like you are using a bat!"
Link Posted: 5/13/2004 7:40:37 PM EST
Link Posted: 5/13/2004 7:51:12 PM EST

Originally Posted By JTAC_Supply:
"You'll be sorry when I'm gone"......



I'm sure it will hit me
When I walk in that door tonight.
I'm sure gonna miss her
Oh, lookee there, I got a bite.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled thread.
Link Posted: 5/13/2004 7:54:47 PM EST
"What the hell is that? It looks like a dick . Only smaller ."


That's what I get for throwing the hotdog down the hallway .
Link Posted: 5/13/2004 7:55:45 PM EST
I was handing my wife a coke while we are watching the Indian National Rodeo in Albuquerque, New Mexico. I pulled the coke ack to tease and she blurts out "Indian Giver". Every Navajo within ear shot turned and looked at us....I never did see that last bull rider.
Link Posted: 5/13/2004 8:05:01 PM EST
[Last Edit: 5/13/2004 8:06:28 PM EST by kindstranger]
I have a whole book. They are usually very enlightening and base.

Edited to say that I wasted post 1000 on this stupid comment.
Link Posted: 5/13/2004 8:10:50 PM EST
We were watching some show on TV abt living in the country, and the person was talking about
gathering eggs in the chickencoop. I said something about doing that at the farm we have in
PA, and she said, "Well, don't the chickens get upset when you take their eggs?"
"Well, yeah, occasionally. Sometimes they just jump off the nest, but sometimes they peck at you?"
"They do? Well, don't those chicken peckers hurt?" (I spewed Pepsi all over the couch at that.)
She sits there with this blank look on her face until it dawns on her just what it was that she
really said. "Oh..... you know what I mean!"
(I've never let her forget about that one!)
Link Posted: 5/13/2004 8:13:27 PM EST

Originally Posted By Taxman:
Mine keeps quite and never says a word.


Oh I forgot Im not married.



That would explain it.
Link Posted: 5/13/2004 8:27:41 PM EST
Link Posted: 5/14/2004 7:55:06 AM EST
I was reading my e-mail and was deleteing the usual pensi-enlargement spam e-mails and stuff. I was reading a particularly funny one and quipped: "Hon, this e-mail says it can add length *and* girth in weeks!"

She didn't even break her stride typing on the other computer when she said, "God, no. You're big enough already!"

I about passed out, then I asked her to say it again in front mf my friends.

Link Posted: 5/14/2004 8:24:56 AM EST
Not the wife, the GF.


She wanted a DVD player for the TV in the bedroom so she could watch HER kind of movies. (You know, the ones with ZERO explosions, automatic weapons, good death, etc) so I bought her one, hooked it up and she went and rented a couple of DVDs. I showed he how to get the movie going and walked out to watch TV in another room.

About 2 hours later she's standing in the hallway calling for me. I get up, walk that way and ask,"What do you need?"
She says-I shit you not-, "How do I rewind these DVDs?"
Link Posted: 5/14/2004 8:41:04 AM EST
The second time my wife met my parents, I grilled some steak and italian sausages for dinner. My mother said she only rarely has sausages for dinner. My wife (GF at the time) replies:

"I never liked sausages before...Chimbo's sausage is the only sausage I like. Juicy, not too hot, but deifinitely hot enough."

Nobody caught it but me, and I almost died. I sat there for the next five minutes trying not to laugh, and finally had to excuse myself. I pointed it out to her later, and we both had a good laugh about it.
Link Posted: 5/14/2004 8:43:13 AM EST


this chick i know is an account executive for purevolume.com (shameless plug).

anyhow, a while back she got a bunch of new business cards that are really rad. they have a weird plastic coating on them though, which makes them really difficult to tear.

so she gives me a card and comments on how you cannot rip them. she says:

"yeah, after we got them, me and a couple of the guys were sitting around TRYING TO RIP ONE for like an hour!"

i just about fell over thinking about a bunch of dudes and this pretty little chick all sitting around trying to break some ass!


Link Posted: 5/14/2004 11:06:44 AM EST
This just in:

"Quit. Stop sniffing my panties."

I can't make this kind of stuff up guys.
Link Posted: 5/14/2004 11:21:48 AM EST
"You're useless." That one had me in stitches....lol
"You're self absorbed"...another side splitter
"How can you vote for Bush?" HAHAHAHAHA
"Do these pants make my ass look fat?" No, it looks fat without them...lol
"The guns go or I go." See ya!


She's quite the pistol.
Link Posted: 5/14/2004 11:25:16 AM EST
This is a good one. I was working on the car and needed some gasket sealer so I ask here to get me some. Normally I call it "gorilla snot" and I'm sure a lot of you know it by this name but when I ask her to get it for me she called it "monkey cheese", that really cracked me up and to this day when I need some gasket sealer I'll ask her for monkey cheese,LOL.
Link Posted: 5/14/2004 11:27:15 AM EST
my wife asked a waitress "what comes on a B.L.T.?"
Link Posted: 5/14/2004 11:36:48 AM EST
Driving with the wife and a H2 went by. She said to me"Bet you'd really like to get a Hummer now"
Link Posted: 5/14/2004 11:40:04 AM EST
she says "put it in my ass" i say " YOU DONT DESERVE IT"
Link Posted: 5/14/2004 11:57:14 AM EST
Since we're bragging about our wedding tackle, a few months ago my wife and I were at a BBQ joint with another couple. After a few drinks, the women's conversation became a little "colorful." They were talking about a single man at church, wondering why he hadn't married. The other woman said "Well, there's no doubt he's well equipped for marriage. Have you seen his feet? He wears about a size 14 shoe, and you know there's a direct relationship between shoe size and, well, you know." My wife blurts out, totally unconsciously "That is not true. FLAL1A only wears a size 10 shoe and he's hu...." Silence, blushing (on her part; I just grinned), and laughter follwed, in that order.
Link Posted: 5/14/2004 12:33:56 PM EST

Originally Posted By FLAL1A:
Since we're bragging about our wedding tackle, a few months ago my wife and I were at a BBQ joint with another couple. After a few drinks, the women's conversation became a little "colorful." They were talking about a single man at church, wondering why he hadn't married. The other woman said "Well, there's no doubt he's well equipped for marriage. Have you seen his feet? He wears about a size 14 shoe, and you know there's a direct relationship between shoe size and, well, you know." My wife blurts out, totally unconsciously "That is not true. FLAL1A only wears a size 10 shoe and he's hu...." Silence, blushing (on her part; I just grinned), and laughter follwed, in that order.



Yeah, Uh huh You mean "FLAL1A wears a size 14 shoe and he's ti..."

But seriously, I was on the phone with my girlfriend once who was packing some stuff up for a move to another house and out of the blue and innocently she says "There's nothing quite like a nicely stuffed box." I still bring it up periodically and embarass her
Link Posted: 5/14/2004 12:45:00 PM EST
Can you clean the yard.
Link Posted: 5/14/2004 1:02:06 PM EST
Pulled up to "drive-up mailbox" at the post office and proceeded to put my mail in the "out of town" box, and my wife physically stopped me and asked me what I was doing.........she said "you cant put your mail in the box because the PO wont get it because they are........OUT OF TOWN! So I slapped her upside the head and we had a good day.
Link Posted: 5/14/2004 1:11:29 PM EST
My wife one day came home from work obviously a little pissed off.
I made the mistake of asking what was wrong.
She began to flood the room with every possibly thing anyone could think of and at the end said "I am so mentally ERECT". She meant to say a wreck but it was too late I was laughing my ass off and she was getting more pissed until I told her what she said.
She actually laughed as I put my finger pointing out from my head and repeated what she had said.
Now she justs laughs when I ask her if she had a good day or a "Mentally Erect Day". LMAO

Semper Fi
Link Posted: 5/14/2004 1:12:21 PM EST
We were watching the movie "From Hell" last night, & a small detail that was important happened to the main detictive, & my wifes says don't worry, he has a photogenic memory.

Were in the cowboy hall of fame in OKC, & were looking at about a 9 foot tall statue of some famous cowboy, & I was explaing to my wife it was a statue of a real person, nit just art, & she looks it up & down & says, wow! he was big! Lots of laughter all around.
Link Posted: 5/14/2004 1:16:39 PM EST

Originally Posted By palmer:
Can you clean the yard.



classic
Link Posted: 5/14/2004 1:24:36 PM EST

Originally Posted By NMSight:
A friend of mine & I came in one hot summer afternoon from cutting/splitting/hauling/stacking wood.

My wife's comment after she had brought us some lemonade was "You two look like you're hot to trot."

After my buddy blew lemonade all over the table.......... and I explained later, she doesn't use that expression in public anymore.

NMSight



explain please
Link Posted: 5/14/2004 1:47:33 PM EST
Wife and I were driving in between Hays, Kansas and Salina on I-70. There is a large pig farm on the south side. My wife points and says look at all the pretty horses.

I remind her of it quite often.

And to many others to remember.
Link Posted: 5/14/2004 2:00:46 PM EST

Originally Posted By WolfAR15:

Originally Posted By NMSight:
A friend of mine & I came in one hot summer afternoon from cutting/splitting/hauling/stacking wood.

My wife's comment after she had brought us some lemonade was "You two look like you're hot to trot."

After my buddy blew lemonade all over the table.......... and I explained later, she doesn't use that expression in public anymore

NMSight



explain please



Maybe its a gang bang thing or something, an explanation would be nice.
Link Posted: 5/14/2004 5:50:39 PM EST
"The Guns of Will Sonnett" used to be on a local TV station late at night and we would watch it together. One night she asks "what time is 'The Sonnett of Will Smith' on?".

Link Posted: 5/14/2004 10:20:31 PM EST
Our Jack Russel terrier, "Jackie," had a litter of puppies.

My wife told our 5yo son, "You can pat the puppy, but only if I'm holding it."

She got very embarrassed when I asked her if that applied to me too.
Link Posted: 5/14/2004 11:01:37 PM EST
My girlfriend said this the first time I met her. She arrived with some of our mutual friends earlier that day to go four wheeling. I didn't have anyone with me so I conned her into riding with me for the trip. On our way back she wanted to drive the jeep so I sat back and had a cold one. We are still out in the boondocks when I asked her to pull over so I could take a whizz. As I get out she says" Do you want me to hold that for you?" Well shit I mean hell we just met! I turned and looked with astonishment at her and about that time she realized what she said."No no I mean you beer "she said. She was so embarrassed I could hardly get a word out of her the rest of the way home. I kept her anyway even though she didn't mean it.
Link Posted: 5/14/2004 11:20:44 PM EST
[Last Edit: 5/14/2004 11:29:43 PM EST by Ridge_runner]

Originally Posted By Mmanwitgun:

Originally Posted By WolfAR15:

Originally Posted By NMSight:
A friend of mine & I came in one hot summer afternoon from cutting/splitting/hauling/stacking wood.

My wife's comment after she had brought us some lemonade was "You two look like you're hot to trot."

After my buddy blew lemonade all over the table.......... and I explained later, she doesn't use that expression in public anymore

NMSight



explain please



Maybe its a gang bang thing or something, an explanation would be nice.

I cant speak for NMSight but mmmm how do I say this, ever saw a horse "hot" or letting it all hang out? When this happens they usually get excited and trot around in short bursts. Especially when they are put in a small fenced in area away from the "in season" mare. Damn, maybe I may have spent to much time working on horse farms during the summer while I was in high school.
Link Posted: 5/15/2004 2:02:04 AM EST
We're driving down I-4 and the wife says"What's that",I say it's a water tower.After a few seconds of thought she said"What's in it?"
Link Posted: 5/15/2004 2:43:53 AM EST
One day on the way to work my wife sees this big Winnabago type vehicle like they use in mobile blood banks,lots of cops,crime scene tape and the T.V. news is also there.She says great"A Blood Drive!!!!!",so she pulls over.She walks up to the nearest cop and says "How do I get around this tape,I need to go to the bloodmobile van to give blood."The cop says "Thank you very much ,we may need the blood later but right now we have a hostage situation here and the van is the S.W.A.T. van." She couldn't get out of there quick enough.
Link Posted: 5/15/2004 3:09:02 AM EST
"Are you kidding?"
Link Posted: 5/15/2004 3:47:10 AM EST
[Last Edit: 5/15/2004 3:47:45 AM EST by SS109]
Before we were dating, the wife and I were both working at a sno-cone stand. I had run out of Cherry fluid on my end of the stand so I used hers. She announced loudly to the 20 customers in line,
"You took my cherry"
Then she turned red when she realized what she had said.
Top Top