Posted: 2/2/2001 4:50:53 PM EST
I was telling this story to someone recently and thought others might have similar experiences.
In the Army we had a type of NBC training, we would dress up in mopp level 4 (face mask, suit, stupid booties (1985)) ,and play team sports like volleyball, football, soccer and baseball. Some of these are contact sports, like soccer. I had a sargent who him and I had already 'taken off the rank,out back' and he took every opportunity to bust my hump after that. With the anonymity of face masks I put a piece of 100 mile an hour tape for id purposes on him and waited for the perfect time when he got the ball. As the ball was heading for him I let fly a forward kick high and hard to his crotch area, he went down fairly quick and the people that saw what happened all scuried away real quick including myself. It took 10 minutes for him to get up, during that time the CO had a little talk with us about fair play and were all playing on the same team, etc. we were all trying to keep a straight face throught this until he said 'NOW LETS PLAY BALL', it took a few more minutes for everyone to stop laughing including the CO before we could start playing sans SSGT CANADY.
I've got a million stories from when I was in the service. And most are probably only amusing to me but here's one.
One year in Turkey it came time for our yearly mile and a half run to qualify. We worked shift work and had 4 different flights ours being Charlie. We had found out that 2 of our sister flights had went to run and no one was there to time them and they didn't run, they just turned in slips with times.
So on our given day 150 of us walked over to the PE field beers in hand ready to turn in our slips. Well low and behold our new 90 day wonder Flight CO was there with clip board in hand ready to time us. We protested to no avail, he said we where going to run.
We lined up at the starting line and when he said go all 150 of us started walking around the track. We made it halfway around the track cut across the center of the track and each of us yell time as we pass him and continued walking towards the barracks. He just stood there with his mouth open and suprisingly we didn't have to go out and requalify.
Would that be as funny as when we would walk down the hallways sprinkling Cyanne pepper all over the floor when we knew they where going to bring the dogs through for a suprise drug search? We did laugh pretty good watching those dogs snortin and sneezing and howling like crazy.
God we could be some bad boys.
Once, when we were headed out on a med-float I suggested to the CO that we might hold a Marathon (26.2 Miles) on the flight deck to break the monotony of the Atlantic transit. (About 12 days with a slow moving amphibious group.) Strictly voluntary, of course. This translated to about 300 laps of the flight deck. We had enough good runners in the company where there might be some interest. I even suggested that we have a Squad "relay marathon."
Unfortunantly, we also had some rowing machines that we brought along for recreational PT. The CO decided that, while the kernal of my idea was good, it would be better to have the whole company "row" across the atlantic, with two Marines taking turns on the rowing machines continuously for 12 days.
And we did it, too. I'm not making this up. I swear it wasn't my fault, but if I had kept my mouth shut nobody would have had to wake up at 3 AM to go pull at a rowing machine for half-an-hour.
I recall that the CO was an excellent officer. To this day I don't understand what was going on in his head. To his credit, and that of the other officers, they took their turns and in the early morning hours, too.
I'll count this one as a service story only because I was in the service when it happened.
One day my buddy Doc and I where riding dirt bikes in the mountains in Japan. We came upon this really steep sandy trail that lead down the side of the mountain. It had a few tracks in it and since we where exploring and (looking for pot that grew wild over there) we headed down the side of this mountain. Man it was steep and windy but hell someone else went down and came back up. After a quarter of a mile down the side of this mountain we learned the err of our ways. The path abruptly dropped right into a rice patty. And it was a muddy mess right there, Because who ever had went down before tore the area up trying to get back up the mountain but there was no room to get any kind of a run to get up it.
It took us close to 5 hours pushing and pulling the bikes one at a time out of the rice patties to the nearest road. It wasn't funny then but thinking back on it now it's hilarious.
a short story that is true( as all lies begin whith :) "this aint no shi2"
we had this corpral that insisted on going to breakfast with us so every morn at 6:30am he got us up to ask if we would go with him, we worked 4pm to mid night! one am we got up early. using a propane tourch we started heating the door knob at 06:25. i know it was hot on the out side because our side was glowing! at the consistant 6:30 he knocked and one of us yelled its not locked come on in!
the scream was horrible, and when we opened the door he was gone and the knob was still smoking!
a couple of weeks later he came again in the am, while he stood outside the door one of the guys shot lighter fluid under it... he didnt notice the small puddle of fluid forming.. when the match was put to the fuel.. any way he never asked us to get up and eat with him again...pat
It's right before the start of TEAM SPIRIT '85 (winter), and myself and 5 other guys in my unit are maintaining a site on top of this mountain in Korea. For one hot meal a day we make a 45 min. drive to a ROK Army compound.
We just got the new Chevy CUCV trucks to replace our Dodge M880's, and I found that the CUCV's have much better traction on the snow.
So we head out down the narrow trail off the mountain; I'm driving, my good buddy Mark is shotgun, and riding b#tch is a new guy, Sammy. Sammy is a simple guy, tall and lanky, from the South.
The trail is pretty rough, slippery as hell and a straight drop-off on the sides. The koreans have lined the sides of this trail with small rocks, which I couldn't see stopping a cart, much less a vehicle from going over the side. Not that I'm worried about that, being 18 years old and all.
SO .... we're hauling ass down this road, and I'm commenting on how well the CUCV is handling the turns over the M880. Sammy is not happy.
"You gonna slow down ?", says Sammy.
"No man, don't worry about it."
Mark and I are getting a kick out of him getting nervous, so I put a little more speed on.
"You gonna SLOW DOWN !?"
"Calm down man, it's cool."
We come to this hard right turn, I turn the wheel to the right and the truck keeps on going STRAIGHT ! All three of us in that instant -
"OOOOHHHH SSSSSHHHHH#$%^TTTT !!!!!!"
The front end slams into the rocks, and it's stopped cold. My heart's about in my throat, and we're all sitting there, shakin' in our boots. Sammy's the first one to say something ....
"Are you gonna SLOW DOWN NOW ???!!!!"
"Yes Sammy, WE'RE GONNA SLOW DOWN !"
I had just got back to my unit (82d) from Jump School, and being an NCO the guys put me on every jump going [V].
Being at the beginning of when I started jumping, I can't remember what # jumps they were, but they were back-to-back night CE's (combat equipment). Finished up the first jump around 0400, then went back to work at 1300 the next day, right into prejump for the second one. Drop time on the second one was like 2200.
As we're in the air on the second drop, I'm feeling real scared. I'm probably still single digits in the # of jumps I have, so I don't have alot of confidence yet. Add to that the fatigue I'm feeling from the day before, and things are NOT going well for me.
Fast forward to the green light (this is back when we stood in the door, went up 6" and out 36". You had to have your steps synchronized so you can get a good exit) - we start exiting, and I'm tight on the guy in front of me.
He gets to the door, and instead of making that turn and heading out, he stops and backs into me. BAD NEWS ....
Getting my steps right is now impossible, so I walk out the door, walking onto the jump platform, and FALL OFF HEAD FIRST into the 150 mph slipstream (FULL combat equipment !).
Keep in mind that this is happening in SECONDS ....
I'm UPSIDE DOWN, with NO tightness in my body position whatsoever. The airstream catches my elbow, which isn't tight into my sides like it should be, and I start spinning.
My chute catches air, and yanks me upright. I'm still spinning, faster than I thought is humanly possible; I'm actually thinking as I'm spinning "This is impossible."
Now I'm under canopy, and I stop spinning. For the moment I'm relieved, and I automatically reach up to spread the risers apart to bicycle the twists out. Not necessary, as I start UNSPINNING just as fast as before, but in the opposite direction [:O] !
I stop spinning, and I'm completely disoriented [:X*] . I still have sense to me to try and release my equipment tie-downs to lower my ALICE pack (jumping H-harness), but the ground's right there, and I HIT.
I hit the ground like a sack of sh%t, kick over my ALICE pack and just lie there. Can't believe that I'm still alive.
I'm lying there for how long I don't remember, not thinking to take my harness off or anything, and I hear this "Hey dude, you alright ?" I look over and there's a small circle of guys in the prone, not 10 feet from where I landed.
Back to my senses, I started getting my act together, wondering if there's a better way to earn that extra $110 [BD] .
Fortunately things got better after that.
I'll spare you guys the "Nut Shot" story ....
We did the cayene pepper bit too.
guy i knew said that when he was in the navy he got what we called in the army a article 15 for some chicken s*** thing and for his punishment he had to clean the latrine. when he got done he broke a piece of choclate candy on the toilet seat. when the officer who had brought him up on charges came in to inspect he saw the t*** on the seat and said to my friend "is that what i think it is?" joe stuck his finger in it and licked it and said "yes sir it is". the lt ran out the door and never bothered joe again.
Sign up for the ARFCOM weekly newsletter and be entered to win a free ARFCOM membership. One new winner* is announced every week!
You will receive an email every Friday morning featuring the latest chatter from the hottest topics, breaking news surrounding legislation, as well as exclusive deals only available to ARFCOM email subscribers.