Funny Story... How the hell do I get out of this

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Funny Story... How the hell do I get out of this (Page 1 of 2)

Posted: 1/21/2013 6:46:42 AM EDT

Thought I would share a story with you to see how you would handle this. First let me start by stating that I have never nor do I ever intend on cheating on my wife. I love her and would never do that to her.

Last night she was doing the laundry. She was doing a load of my jeans and when she went to pull the jeans out of the washer and into the dryer, there was a womans fake nail in the washer. The kind that gets glued onto their real nails. I have no clue where that nail could have come from but all I could do was laugh because she was getting so upset. The laughing part didnt help me in convincing her. Honestly, I have no clue where this nail came from or how it got into my clothes. how do i go about fixing this one?

[UPDATE]
Just got a phone call from the wifey today. She was at her sister's place this morning to help watch the kids. She said our little niece (6 years old) was wearing the same nails she found in the laundry..... Looks as if i'm off the hook and someone owes me big

I know she hates being wrong and really hates when she has to apologize. She's never going to live this one down!!

Lesson learned tho.... never wear pants with pockets to a strip club

Posted: 1/21/2013 6:48:47 AM EDT

[#1]

If you're telling the truth there is nothing you can really do about it--anything you say will be a lie. Pretty much just have to rely on the history / trust that is there in your marriage.

Posted: 1/21/2013 6:49:19 AM EDT

[#2]

Your Screwed

Posted: 1/21/2013 6:51:50 AM EDT

[#3]

Admit it's from the stripper that was in your hotel room.

Posted: 1/21/2013 6:52:11 AM EDT

[#4]

Quoted:

Your Screwed

Ahem. *You're*

Posted: 1/21/2013 6:54:27 AM EDT

[#5]

you're fukked - just not by wifie anymore!

seriously though, if your marriage is built on love and trust, then nothing to worry about...

Posted: 1/21/2013 6:54:29 AM EDT

[#6]

Come clean about your transvestite tendencies and show her the fake nails that you have been wearing without her knowledge.

She may have some fashion tips for you, making it a win/win.

Posted: 1/21/2013 6:54:33 AM EDT

[#7]

Buy big black dildo, offer to do laundry, "find" big black dildo in her pile.

Win!

Posted: 1/21/2013 6:54:45 AM EDT

[#8]

Go ahead and admit to your wife your're a cross dresser.
It might actually do things for her.

Posted: 1/21/2013 6:55:04 AM EDT

[#9]

What color was said nail?

Posted: 1/21/2013 6:55:25 AM EDT

[#10]

Sounds like your wife doesn't trust you.

Either that or she is insecure and/or immature.

Any of this true?

Posted: 1/21/2013 6:56:31 AM EDT

[#11]

Tell her you were drunk and it didn't mean anything.

Posted: 1/21/2013 6:58:28 AM EDT

[#12]

Tell her you're gay and your boyfriend likes the Lee Press On's whilst giving handjobs.

Posted: 1/21/2013 6:58:37 AM EDT

[#13]

Maybe your were set up!

Posted: 1/21/2013 7:00:20 AM EDT

[#14]

Tag

Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile

Posted: 1/21/2013 7:08:41 AM EDT

[#15]

Ask her where she bought it

Posted: 1/21/2013 7:09:21 AM EDT

[#16]

There was a business trip I took about a half a year ago and I did get dragged to a strip club, but i find it hard to believe that her nail was in my pant pocket all this time with out me noticing it.

Posted: 1/21/2013 7:10:31 AM EDT

[#17]

it was zebra printed. she trusts me. Shes just busting my balls

Posted: 1/21/2013 7:11:49 AM EDT

[#18]

I did get dragged to a strip club

Lol!

Posted: 1/21/2013 7:12:33 AM EDT

[#19]

thats fuckin nasty

Posted: 1/21/2013 7:14:53 AM EDT

[#20]

Quoted:
There was a business trip I took about a half a year ago and I did get dragged to a strip club, but i find it hard to believe that her nail was in my pant pocket all this time with out me noticing it.

Dragged huh? Does wifey know that? Does she trust that you wouldn't do that?

Posted: 1/21/2013 7:15:07 AM EDT

[#21]

Pic of wife and/or girlfriend?

Posted: 1/21/2013 7:17:07 AM EDT

[#22]

Glue fake nails to nine of your fingers. She will eventually notice the missing one. Problem solved!

Posted: 1/21/2013 7:17:36 AM EDT

[#23]

double tap. sorrry.

Posted: 1/21/2013 7:17:48 AM EDT

[#24]

Do you occasionally reach into public waste containers and grab fistfuls of trash and stuff them in your pockets? If so I found your problem.

Posted: 1/21/2013 7:21:46 AM EDT

[#25]

see this is the kind of crap that would happen to me. And then your wife makes those 'you have splaining to do." face and you just crack up laughing.

nothing you can do, either she believes you or she doesnt. if she doesnt you will never ever convince her otherwise.

Posted: 1/21/2013 7:22:38 AM EDT

[#26]

Since she already thinks you are cheating, might as well just go ahead and do it anyway.

Posted: 1/21/2013 7:23:33 AM EDT

[#27]

OP you might as well come clean with your wife and admit that you like to cross dress. Maybe you two can go purse shopping together, it'll open a whole new area of your relationship.

Posted: 1/21/2013 7:23:49 AM EDT

[#28]

You were framed.

Posted: 1/21/2013 7:24:36 AM EDT

[#29]

Quoted:
Do you occasionally reach into public waste containers and grab fistfuls of trash and stuff them in your pockets? If so I found your problem.

But seriously, if you're not a cheater, your wife already knows. If she was blind and naive, she would have never brought it up.

Posted: 1/21/2013 7:26:50 AM EDT

[#30]

Probably was stuck to your shoe and tracked into the house.

Posted: 1/21/2013 7:27:12 AM EDT

[#31]

no matter what, its gonna be expensive

Posted: 1/21/2013 7:28:05 AM EDT

[#32]

Accidentally "find" a XXL MAGNUM condom in her purse.

See how SHE likes getting accused of stuff.

Posted: 1/21/2013 7:32:33 AM EDT

[#33]

Quoted:
Glue fake nails to nine of your fingers. She will eventually notice the missing one. Problem solved!

I like this one. I may need to do this.

FYI the strip club was a high end club. I'm a Rick's Man (Any Stern fans will know what this means)

Posted: 1/21/2013 7:36:21 AM EDT

[#34]

Quoted:

Quoted:
There was a business trip I took about a half a year ago and I did get dragged to a strip club, but i find it hard to believe that her nail was in my pant pocket all this time with out me noticing it.

Dragged huh? Does wifey know that? Does she trust that you wouldn't do that?

http://sellyourtvconceptnow.com/pitch-tv-show/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/waterboy-henry-winkler-ass-tattoo-300x162.jpg

As the fonz would say, "What mamma don't know won't hurt her"

Posted: 1/21/2013 7:36:55 AM EDT

[#35]

Just come clean and tell her that sometimes you like to feel.... pretty.

Posted: 1/21/2013 7:37:15 AM EDT

[#36]

Either get in that time travelling Deloren and go back in time to
sign up earlier so that nobody calls you a noob.

or

Post pics.

Here to help.

Posted: 1/21/2013 7:37:50 AM EDT

[#37]

Quoted:
it was zebra printed. she trusts me. Shes just busting my balls

Zebra? Sounds like a stripper nail…. Point out if you were with another woman she would have more class then that

Posted: 1/21/2013 7:38:34 AM EDT

[#38]

When we were still married, my ex found a long, straight black hair in some camping gear that she borrowed from me.

She fumed and fussed and demanded to know where it came from. I let her rant for about 20 minutes, then when there was a pause I reminded her that one of my best male friends, a buddy from high school with whom I have gone camping innumerable times, had long black hair until about a year earlier when he got married. Obviously the hair could have been his, and that was the most obvious explanation (in fact the only reasonable one.)

She got so mad she stormed out of the house and went for a long drive. But she never spoke of it again.

Posted: 1/21/2013 7:40:05 AM EDT

[#39]

Find a dead possum and put it in your pants next laundry day. She'll forget all about the nail.

Posted: 1/21/2013 7:41:53 AM EDT

[#40]

F5F5F5

Still not there

Posted: 1/21/2013 7:44:35 AM EDT

[#41]

Maybe the wife is doing some projecting.

Posted: 1/21/2013 7:46:39 AM EDT

[#42]

My Wife found a pair of women's sunglasses in my truck one time.

I had no idea where they came from. Turned out to be my buddy's girlfriend's glasses. She threw them in there at a pig roast.

Posted: 1/21/2013 7:47:22 AM EDT

[#43]

It could have come from her girlfriend and was just left over from when she did her laundry.

Posted: 1/21/2013 7:47:36 AM EDT

[#44]

Quoted:
it was zebra printed. she trusts me. Shes just busting my balls

Those things fall off, and they're sticky, so you probably just sat on it somewhere. Good on your wife for busting your chops.

Posted: 1/21/2013 7:52:36 AM EDT

[#45]

I posed your situation to my wife. Her response was "You can't screw an acrylic nail".

She also said your only shot at redemption is going on Steve Wilkos' show and proving your innocence.

Posted: 1/21/2013 7:53:47 AM EDT

[#46]

Quoted:

Quoted:
Your Screwed

Ahem. *You're*

Unless of course he was referring to the "screw" he and the hooker had.

Posted: 1/21/2013 7:54:08 AM EDT

[#47]

Quoted:

Quoted:
it was zebra printed. she trusts me. Shes just busting my balls

Those things fall off, and they're sticky, so you probably just sat on it somewhere. Good on your wife for busting your chops.

Thinking of OP walking around with a zebra nail stuck to his ass...

Posted: 1/21/2013 7:54:43 AM EDT

[#48]

Join date, post count.

Drama.

Posted: 1/21/2013 7:58:26 AM EDT

[#49]

Quoted:
Join date, post count.

Drama.

just thought I'd share something that wasn't so depressing like AWB how we cant find ammo anywhere. I just joined today, so when would be an appropriate amount of time before I post something?

Posted: 1/21/2013 8:01:03 AM EDT

[#50]

Eject

Or don't it does not matter much at this point

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Funny Story... How the hell do I get out of this (Page 1 of 2)

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