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Posted: 6/29/2002 7:56:17 PM EDT
Please send me your funny police stories. i need a good laugh. thanks in advance!
Link Posted: 6/29/2002 7:59:04 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Citabria7GCBC: Please send me your funny police stories. i need a good laugh. thanks in advance!
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Link Posted: 6/29/2002 8:02:36 PM EDT
Um, you probubly wouldnt believe them. It would be unethical for me to share them on a public forum and they are all at least NC17 rated, so the thread would get locked.
Link Posted: 6/29/2002 8:06:00 PM EDT
Originally Posted By AR15fan: Um, you probubly wouldnt believe them. It would be unethical for me to share them on a public forum and they are all at least NC17 rated, so the thread would get locked.
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Link Posted: 6/29/2002 8:09:28 PM EDT
Originally Posted By ar10er:
Originally Posted By AR15fan: Um, you probubly wouldnt believe them. It would be unethical for me to share them on a public forum and they are all at least NC17 rated, so the thread would get locked.
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just cut out the bad words!
Link Posted: 6/29/2002 8:46:40 PM EDT
How about the fact our city police chief and a detective were arrested. Yep put in cuffs. What for you say? Seems there was some large amounts of oxycontin and some firearms missing from the evidence lockup. How's that for funny?
Link Posted: 6/29/2002 9:07:34 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 6/29/2002 9:09:20 PM EDT by Sukebe]
Well...There was the time I caught a guy dragging his wife's dying body down the stairs from their apartment after he had shot her in the head. On second thought, it really wasn't all that funny. Except after I got home(6 hours late) My wife asked me where I had been. I told her I had to work over because I caught a guy dragging his wife down some stairs. She asked why he was doing that. I said every mans fantasy. Huh? she replied. "He shot her in the head" I explained. After that the day really got long. I finally convinced her that I was just tired and stressed from the whole experience of watching this woman take her death gasps. Then she felt sorry for me.
Link Posted: 6/29/2002 9:11:21 PM EDT
One day the sheriff sees Billy-Bob walking around town with nothing on except his gun belt and his boots. The sheriff says "Billy-Bob, what the hell are you doing walking around town dressed like that?" Billy-Bob replies "Well sheriff, it's a long story!" Sheriff says that he isn't in a hurry and that Billy-Bob should tell the story. Billy-Bob continues "Well sheriff, me and Mary-Lou was down on the farm and we started a cuddling. Mary-Lou said we should go in the barn and we did. Inside the barn we stated a kissing and a cuddling and things got pretty hot and heavy, well Mary-Lou said that we should go up on the hill. So we did. Up on the hill we started a kissing and a cuddling and then Mary-Lou took off all her clothes and said that I should do the same. Well, I took off all my clothes except my gun belt and my boots. Then Mary-Lou lay on the ground and opened her legs and said "Billy-Bob, go to town"
Link Posted: 6/29/2002 9:12:06 PM EDT
Link Posted: 6/29/2002 9:12:52 PM EDT
Two guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court before the judge. The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday. Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the first one, "How did you do over the weekend?" "Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever." "17 people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?" "I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: _ / | | O \ _ / and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle) is your brain after drugs." "That's admirable," said the judge. "And you, how did you do?" (to the 2nd guy) "Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever." "156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that!" "Well, I used the same two circles. I pointed to the small circle and told them, "this is your asshole before prison......"
Link Posted: 6/29/2002 9:14:37 PM EDT
A police officer had just pulled a car over. When he walked up to the car a man rolled down the window and said, "what's the problem officer?" To which the policeman responded, "I stopped you for running that red light behind you." Just then the man's wife leaned forward from the driver's seat and said with a very loud voice, "I told him to stop at that light. But did he listen? No. He just kept right on going." The man then turned to his wife and yelled "Shut up bitch!" The policeman continued, "And just before the light I clocked you doing 50 m.p.h. and the speed limit is only 30." His wife then leaned forward again and squawked "I told him to slow down. But did he listen to me. No! He never listens to me." And again the man shouted at his wife "Listen bitch, I told you to SHUT UP!" The policeman then looked at the woman and said "does he always talk to you this way?" To which the woman responed, "Only when he has been drinking."
Link Posted: 6/29/2002 9:16:26 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 6/29/2002 9:16:47 PM EDT by Sukebe]
The guy who got hit by the train? I know him. He had really bad dandruff. How do I know that? They found his head and shoulders along the tracks. AAAAAH HA, HA, HA, HA HA....Get it? Head and Shoulders?....I crack myself up.
Link Posted: 6/29/2002 9:17:46 PM EDT
Some not too smart gangsters decide to rob a bank. After several days of planning they agree on the best plan. The next day they get to work and are able to get into the bank relatively easy thanks to their planning. Once inside the main vault they discover one wall is full of safety deposit boxes and start to work on them immediately. They drill and pry open the first box only to find a small container of vanilla pudding inside. The Head Gangster says "Okay, well, at least we can eat it." So they eat the pudding. They drill and pry open up the second Safety deposit box and there sits another pudding. They decide to devour it too. Determined to find the goods, the process continues for the rest of the night until all the safety deposit boxes have been opened. They didn't find any money or jewelry in any of the boxes. Disappointed the head gangster said "Well, at least they left something for us to eat" The next day, while listening to the news they hear: "Yesterday the largest sperm bank in the USA was robbed by an unknown group of people
Link Posted: 6/29/2002 9:20:24 PM EDT
A rookie police officer was assigned to ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came over the car's radio telling them to disperse some people who were loitering. The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner. The rookie rolled down his window and said, "Let's get off the corner." No one moved, so he barked again, "Let's get off the corner!" Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled glances in his direction. Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, "Well, how did I do?" "Pretty good," replied the veteran, "especially since that was a bus stop."
Link Posted: 6/29/2002 9:23:12 PM EDT
My best friend is now a Sgt on our hometown police dept. But one night a few years back while he was patrolman he got a call from dispatch. "The street at West 5th and C Street is on fire." "On FIRE!!??" "Affirmative. That is what was reported." When he got there he found the street really was on fire. Some moron had made a Molotov Cocktail out of a plastic milk jug. [whacko] [:D]
Link Posted: 6/29/2002 9:23:29 PM EDT
_ / \ O | | \ _ /
Link Posted: 6/29/2002 9:23:54 PM EDT
Late one Friday night the policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening. "Aye, so I have. 'Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then there was something called "Happy Hour" and they served these mar-gar-itos which are quite good. I had four or five o' those. Then I had to drive me friend Mike home and O' course I had to go in for a couple of Guinness - couldn't be rude, ye know. Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for later .." And the man fumbled around in his coat until he located his bottle of whiskey, which he held up for inspection. The officer sighed, and said, "Sir, I'm afraid I'll need you to step out of the car and take a breathalyzer test." Indignantly, the man said, "Why? Don't ye believe me?!"
Link Posted: 6/29/2002 9:26:54 PM EDT
Todd was arrested AGAIN and the detective was leafing through his crime history folder. "Hmmm, quite a record." he said. "Shoplifting, hit-and-run, disorderly conduct, armed robbery, sexual assault, sexual assault, forgery, sexual assault, manslaughter..." "Yeah, I know." said Todd. "It took me quite a while to figure out what I was good at."
Link Posted: 6/29/2002 9:29:06 PM EDT
New CIA Agents Three men are going through CIA training, trying to become secret agents. They finally got through all their written and physical tests when they are pulled aside by one of the instructors who took them to a small room with another room adjacent to it. They brought the first guy's wife into the room and left her there. The instructor then loaded two rounds into a pistol, handed it to the first man saying, "Go kill your wife of five years." The trainee took the weapon, went into the next room. He came back out one minute later and said, "I can't do it." The instructor replied, "Then you fail out get out." The second candidate's wife was brought to the room. The instructor then loaded two rounds into a pistol, handed it to the second man and said, "Go kill your wife of ten years." The trainee took the weapon, went into the next room, but returned three minutes later and said, "I can't do it." The instructor replied, "Then you fail out - get out." Finally, the third candidate's wife was left in the adjacent room. The instructor loaded two rounds into a pistol, handed it to the third man and said, "Go kill your wife of fifteen years." The trainee took the weapon, went into the next room where there is silence for one minute. Suddenly, there was the sound of two gunshot, followed by a huge commotion in the room. The third man came out finally, sweating profusely, and said, "Good job, asshole! You gave me blanks. I had to choke the bitch.
Link Posted: 6/29/2002 9:29:51 PM EDT
Link Posted: 6/29/2002 9:42:07 PM EDT
Police Quotes =============== "The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile." "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired." "So, you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?" "Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?" "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket." "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?" "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven." "Life's tough, it's tougher if you're stupid." "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want." "Just how big were those two beers? "In God we trust, all others are suspects."
Link Posted: 6/29/2002 9:49:25 PM EDT
What do you call a clairvoyant midget who escaped from prison? A small medium at large. In Hot Pursuit Two girlfriends were speeding down the highway at well over a 100 miles per hour. "Hey," asked the brunette at the wheel, "see any cops following us?" The blonde turned around for a long look. "As a matter of fact, I do." "Oh, NOOOO!" yelled the brunette. "Are his flashers on?" The blonde turned around again. "Yup...nope...yup...nope...yup..." How many cop jokes are there? Just two, all the rest are true!
Link Posted: 6/29/2002 9:52:16 PM EDT
NEWSFLASH ************* North Dakota's worst air disaster occurred today, when a small two-seater Cessna152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in the central state. Local search and rescue workers have recovered 826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening.
Link Posted: 6/29/2002 9:53:34 PM EDT
Originally Posted By anti-gov-tinfoil-man:
_ / \ O | | \ _ /
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Where were you when I needed you?
Link Posted: 6/29/2002 9:55:53 PM EDT
COUNTY LOCKUP CRITIQUE In order to provide you, the customer, with the best possible service, we ask that you take a few minutes to complete this critique... 1. During your arrest, were you advised of your rights in a timely manner? Yes ___ No___ What rights?___ 2. If your attitude at the time of arrest required the use of force, how would you rate the application of said force? Too much___ Not enough___ Just right___ 3. If an arrest warrant was used during your arrest, what type was it? Consensual___ Court ordered___ Police ordered___ 4. When you were handcuffed, how would you rate their use? Too tight___ Not tight enough___ Too loose___ Not loose enough___ Just right___ 5. For what crime were you arrested? Homicide___ Rape___ Robbery___ DWI___ Stupid in public___ Highway Mopery___ Other ______________________________ 6. During your arrest, was the officer's commentary, directed at you, politically correct? Yes___ No___ 7. During your ride to jail, how many times did the officer's driving habits cause your face to impact with the "silent partner"? Once___ Twice___ Three times___ I can't remember___ 8. Once you arrived at our jail, how were you removed from the vehicle? Through the car door___ Through the trunk___ From the trunk___ Through the wing window___ Off the bumper___ 9. Have you taken advantage of our department's free attitude adjustment program? Yes___ No___ Not yet___ 10. How would you rate the food at our jail, in comparison with food at other jails you have visited? Excellent___ Good___ Fair___ Poor___ Bad___ What food?___ 11. Would you recommend being arrested by our department to your fellow felons? Yes___ No___ You gotta be kidding___ 12. Were you offered an opportunity to confess to the crime you were arrested for? Yes___ No___ 13. Were you offered an opportunity to confess to the crime you were not arrested for? Yes___ No___ 14. Our department is offering a "Time Saver Program", whereby you can sign all forms ahead of time, and we will fill in the blanks later. Would you be interested in such a program? Yes___ No___ Does "X" count as a signature?___ Thank you for your participation!
Link Posted: 6/29/2002 10:03:21 PM EDT
What we have hear is a failer to comunicate. I have herd many police jokes. but i was more interested in funny real police stories. but whatever floats your boat.
Link Posted: 6/29/2002 10:09:08 PM EDT
Hey, most of what I put up are true stories, like these. PICK THE RIGHT BANK You don't want to make the same mistake as the fellow in Anaheim, CA, who tried to hold up a bank that was no longer in business and had no money. STUDY YOUR HISTORY Don't try to stick up the First National Bank of Northfield, Minnesota. Jesse James tried it 111 years ago, and the townsfolk took just seven minutes to kill two and capture three of his gang. Nobody tried again until 1984, and the customers chased the guy down. They're tight with their dollar, those Minnesotans. SPEAK TO THE RIGHT TELLER One robber in Upland, CA, presented his note to the teller, and her father, who was in the next line, got all bent out of shape about it. He wrestled the guy to the ground and sat on him until authorities arrived. DON'T SIGN YOUR DEMAND NOTE Demand notes have been written on the back of a subpoena issued in the name of a bank robber in Pittsburgh... on an envelope bearing the name and address of another in Detroit....and in East Hartford, Connecticut, on the back of a withdrawal slip giving the robber's signature and account number. DON'T ADVERTISE A teenage girl in Los Angeles tried to distract attention from her face by wearing a see-through blouse with no bra while holding up banks. GO EASY ON THE DISGUISE One robber, dressed up as a woman with very heavy make-up, ran face first into a glass door. He was the first criminal ever to be positively identified by lip-print. TAKE RIGHT TURNS ONLY Avoid the sad fate of the thieves in Florida who took a wrong turn into the Homestead Air Force Base, drove up to a military police guardhouse and, thinking it was a toll-booth, offered the security men money. BE AWARE OF THE TIME Or the chagrin of the bank robber in Cheshire, Massachusetts, who hit the bank at 4:30 PM, then tried to escape through downtown North Adams, where he was trapped in rush hour traffic until police arrived. CONSIDER ANOTHER LINE OF WORK Bank robbery is not for everyone. One nervous Newport, RI robber, while trying to stuff his ill-gotten gains into his shirt pocket, shot himself in the head and died instantly. BE STRONG Then there was the case of the hopeful criminal in Swansea, Massachusetts, who, when the teller told him she had no money, fainted. He was still unconscious when the police arrived. His getaway car, parked nearby, had the keys locked inside it.
Link Posted: 6/29/2002 10:11:20 PM EDT
Link Posted: 6/29/2002 10:13:21 PM EDT
Originally Posted By DoubleFeed:
7. During your ride to jail, how many times did the officer's driving habits cause your face to impact with the "silent partner"? Once___ Twice___ Three times___ [i]I can't remember___[/i]
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Try this one. The District Of Columbia, long known as the "murder capital of the world" because it has the highest per capita murder rate on the planet, announced yesterday that it had hired a new police chief, retired Deputy Chief Fred Thomas. Mr. Thomas is quoted in today's Washington Times as saying: "Unfortunately, a lot of the crime and violence has been driven by our youths--and for the past seven years, I've been working with them." Guess things aren't going to change too much...
Link Posted: 6/29/2002 10:21:10 PM EDT
Since the majority of my career has been spent either in Vice or Sex Crimes I really don't have any safe enough for a public forum, but I'll tell you about the closest call I ever had. It has a funny side, or at least I think so. My own backup put me in the emergency Room. A long time ago in the dim past I was working uniform patrol. Been on the street 2 years at this point. Answered a prowler call at 0300 in a normally quiet neighborhood. Arrived and waited for backup to show. Due to a slow night, got three other officers. Dispatch was still on the phone with the resident, and he insisted there was someone trying to break in. Dispatch also mentioned the guy didn't sound quite right. (found out later he had been freebasing cocaine) Check of the yard was negative, so I approached the front door. I knocked, received no answer. Knocked again, (standing to the side) and the door started to open. A gun barrel stuck out of the door crack. Folks, this was a gun barrel off of the battleship Missouri. it was 65 feet long, moved in slow motion, and when it fired a volkswagen came out of the muzzle and flames reached the end of the street. I'm quite sure they saw the muzzle flash in Houston. He missed, but the muzzle blast ripped a double-hand sized hole in my shirt. it had been less than 4" away. I grabbed the gun and shooting hand with my left hand, drew with my right, picked the guy off the ground and through the door, and pinned him to the wall with the barrel of my Model 66 in his throat. Dangled him about 2 feet off the floor. I'm standing there, holding this gurgling guy up with no difficulty whatsoever, looking down at this Ruger Security Six in my hand, and wondering where the BIG gun went to, (since this one obviously wasn't it) when I became aware of a rumbling sound. Kind of odd that sound. Almost like a buffalo stampede. I looked up just in time to see my backup. all three of them, round the wooden porch at a dead run. Towards me. All of us met at the same time. Shooter, me, 3 guys the size of rhinos, and the wall. (cracked the wall) Knocked me flat, broke my nose, and gave me a slight concussion. The only injury I'd had up to this point was 2 broken fingers from squeezing the gun so hard. (2 hours after the incident I still had the outline of a cylinder and topstrap in my hand.) My backup dragged the guy down , fell on him, (all three) and had him trussed up so tight it looked like a calf roping contest. Dragged him to a car and left me on the porch. I get driven to the hospital, blood everywhere. (the nose) Walk in and the place freaks. All they heard was an officer was involved in a shooting. A full five minutes I argued with a nurse trying to convince her I hadn't been shot, trying to keep her from cutting my clothes off. Finally had to point out the muddy footprints up my chest to convince her what had really happened.
Link Posted: 6/29/2002 10:45:39 PM EDT
This is by far the funniest thing I have ever heard over a police radio [b](Note: the names in the following story have been changed to protect the guilty.)[/b] I was a Law Enforcement Specialist (K9) with the U.S. Air Force in 1985. We had just gotten an FNG on flight straight from Lackland, and he was helping out the desk sergeant, Sgt. Smith (who was also the flight Breathalyzer-operator) on the mid-shift. I was in my patrol car when I heard the following exchange over the radio: [b]Flight Chief:[/b] Control, this is Badge 8. [b]FNG:[/b] Go ahead Badge 8. [b]Flight Chief:[/b] Where is Sgt Smith? [b]FNG:[/b] She's in the back room blowing a suspect. [b](Dead Silence)[/b] [b]Flight Chief:[/b] She's what? At this point I nearly drove off of the road, I was laughing so hard. We had to hide the FNG for about a week to keep Sgt. Smith from killing him.
Link Posted: 6/29/2002 11:04:01 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 6/29/2002 11:15:54 PM EDT by ar10er]
True Sorry, not me, I just copied it.[B)] I was dispatched to a burglary call. When I arrived at the scene, I was met by the complaining party. It seems someone had broken into his large barn sometime during the night. He took me to the door and showed me where the perpetrator had pried his way into the building. We entered the building and I saw what appeared to be where someone had thrown up or had a bowel movement. I made the observation that the perpetrator was probably intoxicated and had thrown-up. However, the complainant disagreed with me about this. He told me that he had another idea why the would-be thief had gotten sick. Inside this barn was a large motor home. Sitting on the floor, near the side of the vehicle was a five gallon gas can. Near the gas can was a piece of siphoning hose. It was obvious that the perpetrator had intended to steal some gas from the motor home. However, he had made an error in doing so. Being unfamiliar with this type of vehicle, the perpetrator had removed the gas cap, or so he thought. He then stuck in the siphon hose, placed his mouth on the other end of the hose and began to suck. The only problem was the perpetrator had not taken off the gas cap, but had removed the cap that goes to the portable sewage container. The complainant advised me that he had just gotten back from a camping trip and had not had a chance to empty the sewage tank. So instead of drawing up gasoline from the tank, the perpetrator had drawn up of mouth full of raw human sewage.
Link Posted: 6/29/2002 11:04:40 PM EDT
I got pulled over for speeding, and the cop actually had a sense of humor. I was wearing these really awful loud plaid polyester pants I bough from a Salvation Army when he pulled me over. He walks up to my rolled-down window, opens his mouth to ask for my license and registration, but his mouth just hangs there open. He's looking at my trousers. "I know you must be in a hurry to get to the golf course, but you still have to obey the speed limit." Funniest thing I've ever heard out of a cop's mouth.
Link Posted: 6/29/2002 11:08:28 PM EDT
ar10er That's hilarious! I dont know why they called you, looks like justice was served to me.
Link Posted: 6/29/2002 11:39:52 PM EDT
A fella was driving down the road one night, at a high rate of speed, when a police pulled in behind him and proceeded to hit the siren and lights. The guy just kept on driving. The police chased the guy all the way to the guy's house. The police got out of the squad car, drew his gun, and ordered the guy to lie face down with his hands behind his back. The guy obeyed the police officer. When the police asked him why he didn't stop, the guy replied,"Last week, my wife ran off with a policeman and I thought you were trying to bring her back to me!"
Link Posted: 6/30/2002 2:02:12 AM EDT
Link Posted: 6/30/2002 3:58:56 AM EDT
well, not a police story, but still very funny. This was actually overheard on the scanner one night in Minneapolis, between a paramedic and dispatcher. Dispatcher: We have an unknown medical emergency at the Gay 90s. (yes, this happens to be a gay nightclub) Paramedic: Could you please give me the address again. Dispatcher: the address is 123 Hennepin Ave., but caller requests you enter in the rear. Then there was just a long silence.
Link Posted: 6/30/2002 4:10:44 AM EDT
So, I'm out bicycling around town one night, when I pass by a cop who was stuck waiting for a train to clear a crossing. Being on a bike, I could slip through a pedestrian tunnel, and I grinned at him and did so. Two miles later, I see a cop with his lights on, buzzing through a red light. A mile after that, I see a cop with his lights on, buzzing across a major road. About a mile after that, I get pinned by the cop's spotlight, he's got a second unit behind him with two more cops, and they give me the third degree for ten minutes on what the fuck I'm doing, demand my ID, and all that crap. Turns out the first cop, having seen me grin at him, decided I was up to no good, so all these cops I've seen buzzing around for the past four miles were trying to track me down. He gives me some civic-virtue speech about making sure to lock my garage at night and how he thought I might be a bicycle thief since it was so late (10pm on a midsummer night), and goes on his merry way. Ah, life in a small town. Three cops (at least), chasing around a guy for several miles, all because he grinned at one of them. [:D]
Link Posted: 6/30/2002 4:26:40 AM EDT
I'll chime in here, I only wish I had my camera with me yesterday. My wife and I were having lunch at the A&W, sitting inside. A car parked next to ours, and had a baseball style cap on the dash with a sheriff emblem on the front. I had to look hard to read it "SHERIFF DEPARTMENT - WAYNE COUNTY" (Detriot area), just your everyday LEO on vacation. Stuck on the windshield, next to the cap, was his Whistler Radar Detector. I thought it would have made a great internet posting. Fred
Link Posted: 6/30/2002 4:29:37 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 6/30/2002 4:30:40 AM EDT by Spade]
I spent two years at RIT up in New York. When I was there, there was this mp3 floating around campus. It was a recording off a scanner on the RIT Campus Safety channel. Quick background: Campus Safety has it's regular cops, and student help who do patrols and check doors. The students are known as "Green shirts". So one night, late, two greenshirts are talking too a guy who they believe has just stolen a fooseball table from the ninth floor of a dorm. The guy takes off running and the mp3 details the green shirts and cops chasing him all over the dorm side of campus and in the tunnels. Finally they corner him in the first floor of Fish C1. The following is from memory, but should be pretty close to the end of the mp3 [b]Greenshirt[/b]Base, suspect is now in Fish C1 [b]Safety Office[/b]Copy, all units be advised suspect is in Fish C1 [b]Greenshirt[/b]Suspect is corned in Fish C1 *sounds of yelling in the background [b]Safety Office[/b]Copy *pause [b]Campus Cop[/b]Base, this is Unit 4 requesting RIT Ambulance to Grace Watson for subject injured in an altercation. [b]Safety Office[/b]Copy. RIT Ambulance to Grace Watson Hall for subject injured in an altercation [b]RIT Ambulance[/b]RIT Ambulance en route *long pause [b]Greenshirt[/b]Uhh...base..uh, we've got uh [i]blood on the wall[/i] in Fish C1 [b]Safety Office, rather nonchalantly[/b]Copy
Link Posted: 6/30/2002 4:48:34 AM EDT
Link Posted: 6/30/2002 7:02:34 AM EDT
Dispatch: any available, naked man in the street harassing cars, Red River and Quadalupe. Baker 501: (female rookie) dispatch, any description? Dispatch: Negative 501, but it's probably going to be the only naked guy out there. If you find more than one let me know.
Link Posted: 6/30/2002 7:28:54 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 6/30/2002 7:33:43 AM EDT by AeroE]
Link Posted: 6/30/2002 8:04:18 AM EDT
Here's one of my favorites: One night I get a call to meet the paramedics at a crack hotel. On the scene I find about 4 paramedics CPRing an obvious prostitute who is lying in a bed naked. I stand there for a minute and ask a paramedic "Why did you call me on a medical call?". He says "She's dead". "Dude" is standing there and I ask him what happened. He says he "just met" this girl and they checked in to the hotel, drank a little wine, smoked a little crack, then she passed out. He couldn't wake her and called an ambulance and now everybody was here. I say "OK". Then he says "She's going to be alright isn't she?". I say "She's dead". When I say that he starts sweating and acting funny so I handcuff him and sit him in a chair. Then he says "How long she been dead?". I look at him and say "No way". He starts really getting aggitated and starts saying "I didn't know! I swear to God I didn't know! I already paid! Know what I mean! I already paid!" So remember, even if you already paid, check your date for a pulse before finishing the deal.
Link Posted: 6/30/2002 8:16:38 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 6/30/2002 8:21:05 AM EDT by Kar98]
On the subject of dumb burglars: Early 1990s: two guys broke into the office of a farm cooperative in rural Northeast Germany (ie, the northern part of former East Germany, this is important). They found the box with the coffee fund, fiddled around with the computer, a donation from West Germany, didn't figure out how to remove the box, took the ancient amber monitor, found a Polaroid camera, tried it out at each other, and decided since the pictures came out all black the camera must have been defective, removed themselves from the scene left camera and both pictures behind...only to be arrested a few hours later.
Link Posted: 6/30/2002 9:00:06 AM EDT
Usual spousal story, only active duty army post, so he gets released and the charges dropped so her income stream continues as soon as she recants and tells at the station how she fell down the stairs or whatever the next day. So this guy whomps on his woman with an iron, but she is not badly hurt other than the huge lumps on her and they let her out of the hospital. So she comes in to change her story and the desk sgt is like "What the heck, he could have killed you?" (which was a dumb thing to do as she was black and some black wives would get confused and cry about the MPs yelling the "N" word and beating her man during the bust in order to make her story better, which they didn't have to do at all but which would get an investigation of us going) ....so any anyway she fires back in a loud clear voice with "He my man, and I loves him!" We used that for weeks around the station. The thing that made it really funny was the huge lumps on her head and arms at the time.
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