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Posted: 8/26/2004 7:08:57 AM EST
[Last Edit: 9/23/2004 7:45:32 AM EST by Stoney-Point]
Last weekend I spied something at Larry's Pistol and Pawn that tickled my fancy. (Note: keep in mind that my "fancy" is easily tickled). I bought something really cool for Angie. The occasion was her 34th birthday and I was looking for a little something extra for my sweet wife. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer with a clip. For those of you who are not familiar with this household security product, it is a less-than-lethal stun gun with two metal prongs designed to incapacitate an assailant with a shock of high-voltage, low amperage electricity while you flee to safety. The effects are supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, but allowing you adequate time to retreat to safety. You simply jab the prongs into your basic 250 lb. tattooed sociopath assailant, push the button, and it will render him a slobbering, goggle-eyed, muscle-twitching, whimpering, pencil-neck geek. If you've never seen one of these things in action, then you're truly missing out--way too cool!

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was so disappointed. Upon reading the directions (I'm a techno-geek...we don't need no stinkin' directions), I found much to my chagrin that this particular model would not create an arch between the prongs. How disappointing! I do love fire for effect, and unchained electrons are just a whole bunch of fun. I learned that if I pushed the button, however, and pressed it against a metal surface that I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs that I was so looking forward to. I did so. Awesome!!! Sparks, a blue arc of electricity, and a loud pop!!! Yipeeeeee . . I'm easily amused, just for your information, but I have yet to explain to Angie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two little bitty AAA batteries, etc., etc. There I sat in my recliner, my dog Foster looking on intently
(trusting soul), reading the directions (that would be me doin' the readin', not Foster) and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh and blood target. I must admit I thought about zapping Foster for a fraction of a second and thought better of it. He is such a trusting pup, after all. But, if I was going to give this thing to Angie to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong? Was I wrong to think that? Seemed reasonable to me at the time...

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, Tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second burst
would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the
ground like a fish out of water. All the while I'm looking at this little device (measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference, pretty cute really, and loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries) thinking to myself, "no friggin' way!" Friggin' way--trust me, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best. Those of you who know me well have got a pretty good idea of what followed. I'm sitting there alone, Foster looking on with his head cocked to one side as to say, "don't do it buddy," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny lil' ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad (sound, rational thinking under the circumstances, wouldn't you agree?). I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the hell of it. (Note: You know, a bad decision is like hindsight--always twenty-twenty. It is so obvious that it was a bad decision after the fact, even though it seemed so right at the time. Don't ya just hate that?)

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY SHIT! DAaaaauuuuuuMN!!! I'm pretty sure that Jessie Ventura ran in through the front door, picked me up out of that recliner, then body slammed me on the carpet eight or nine times. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, soaking wet, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position.Foster was standing over me making whining sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to himself, "That was fun! Do it again, do it again!" (Note: If you ever feel compelled to mug yourself with a Tazer, one note of caution. There is no
such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You're not going to let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by your violent thrashing about on the floor. Then, if you're lucky, you won't dislodge one of the prongs 1/4" deep in your thigh like yours truly.) SON-OF-A-BITCH that hurt! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at this point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they get there??? My triceps, right thigh and both titties were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, as my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. give or take an ounce or two, I'm pretty sure.

By the way, has anyone seen my testicles? I think they ran away. I'm offering a reward. They're round, rather large, kinda hairy, and handsome if I must say so myself. Miss 'em . . . sure would like to get 'em back.
Link Posted: 8/26/2004 7:22:50 AM EST
[Last Edit: 8/26/2004 10:59:19 AM EST by Dolomite]
Link Posted: 8/26/2004 7:25:14 AM EST


"Hey y'all, watch th... AAARRRRGGHHHHHTHBLMMUMMMARRRRTTTHHPPPP"
Link Posted: 8/26/2004 7:25:48 AM EST
Not to interrupt a fucking hilarious story, but what you have is a stun gun, not a Taser. Tasers fire darts.
Link Posted: 8/26/2004 7:26:18 AM EST
Not the sharpest tool in the shed are we?
Link Posted: 8/26/2004 7:28:40 AM EST

Originally Posted By Stoney-Point:
less than 3/4 inch in circumference



Uh, that's about .144" diameter. A triple-A is bigger than that.
Link Posted: 8/26/2004 7:29:26 AM EST
I've now heard this story THREE times.
Each time it's by a different author.
I think it's a fake, or a repeated legend.
Link Posted: 8/26/2004 7:37:36 AM EST
Link Posted: 8/26/2004 7:38:29 AM EST
Link Posted: 8/26/2004 7:40:40 AM EST
[Last Edit: 8/26/2004 7:42:15 AM EST by BayEagle]

Originally Posted By Cincinnatus:
I've now heard this story THREE times.
Each time it's by a different author.
I think it's a fake, or a repeated legend.



You're right - i found a chunk of it here: www.thedonovan.com/

ETA - and the rest of it here: www.homesteadingtoday.com/vb/showthread.php?t=54524
Link Posted: 8/26/2004 7:40:51 AM EST
Yes it's a fake.....maybe based on an actual event.
My father sent it to me with his name and my mother's name inserted in it.

I spit coffee thru my nose reading it....I figured some of y'all would be smart enough to know I am not dumb enough to try this......
Link Posted: 8/26/2004 7:43:10 AM EST

Originally Posted By Stoney-Point:
Yes it's a fake.....maybe based on an actual event.
My father sent it to me with his name and my mother's name inserted in it.

I spit coffee thru my nose reading it....I figured some of y'all would be smart enough to know I am not dumb enough to try this......



C'mon, it't ArfCOM, of course we think there are guys around here dumb enough to try it, LOL!
Link Posted: 8/26/2004 8:02:48 AM EST
So Stoney actually took the time to change names and places to post this BS for us. Thanks.
Link Posted: 8/26/2004 8:11:24 AM EST
I d pay good money to see someone do that
Link Posted: 8/26/2004 11:12:59 AM EST

Originally Posted By DeadSled:
I d pay good money to see someone do that


How much?
Link Posted: 8/26/2004 11:30:28 AM EST
[Last Edit: 8/26/2004 11:31:56 AM EST by u-baddog]
I did it

I was looking for a stun gun to give to the G/F about 1985. I happened to be at a gunshow and low and behold there was a vendor selling I think it was a NOVA stun gun not sure.

I looked at the display one without batts. in it. I asked the vendor how it worked ? He handed me the charged up one he had behind the counter. I pushed the button and got the arc across the points.

The vendor says "That will put you down nothing flat. "I said "No way."
He said try it on your leg if your so sure.

Remember this is BEFORE everyone and their mother has watch someone get shocked on COPS.

So I lean down and hold it by the rear of my calf (I was wearing shorts) and let it rip.
Next thing I knew I was on the floor and the stun gun was laying a few feet away. It felt like someone kicked my leg out from under me. That was the first time I had been hit with a stun gun and I will never forget it. Damn floor was hard.
Link Posted: 8/26/2004 11:31:37 AM EST

Originally Posted By u-baddog:
I did it

I was loooking for a stun gun to give to the G/F about 1985. I happened to be at a gunshow and low and behold there was a vendor selling I think it was a NOVA stun gun not sure.

I looked at the display one with out batt. in it. I asked the vendor how it worked ? He handed me the charged up one he had behind the counter. I pushed the button and got the arc across the points.

The vendor says "That will put you down nothing flat. "I said "No way."
He said try it on your leg if you so sure.

Remember this is BEFORE everyone and their mother has watch someone get shocked on COPS.

So I lean down and hold it by the rear of my calf (I was wearing shorts) and let it rip.
Next thing I knew I was on the floor and the stun gun was laying a few feet away. It felt like someone kicked my leg out from under me. That was the first time I had been hit with a stun gun and I will never forget it. Damn floor was hard.



Yeah, I remember that one..the Nova XR5000. It's candy-ass compared to an X26 Taser.
Link Posted: 8/26/2004 11:33:20 AM EST

Originally Posted By QuietShootr:
[
Yeah, I remember that one..the Nova XR5000. It's candy-ass compared to an X26 Taser.



Have you been trained/hit with the X26 ?
Link Posted: 8/26/2004 12:06:53 PM EST

Originally Posted By u-baddog:

Originally Posted By QuietShootr:
[
Yeah, I remember that one..the Nova XR5000. It's candy-ass compared to an X26 Taser.



Have you been trained/hit with the X26 ?



I've taken an M26 hit. No comparison. The older "stun guns" worked on a pain compliance principle, which didn't always work (EDP, drugs, extreme intoxication, high pain threshold). The new Tasers work on a different prinicple, and actually override nerve impulses. The pain is just an unpleasant (extremely unpleasant) side effect, though it doesn't last too long after the current stops, though I remember being in somewhat of a daze for awhile afterwards. You could probably get used to it (the aftereffects), but if anyone EVER tries to zap me again, they are getting shot, so I don't imagine I will get used to it.
Link Posted: 8/26/2004 12:15:22 PM EST

Originally Posted By u-baddog:

Originally Posted By QuietShootr:
[
Yeah, I remember that one..the Nova XR5000. It's candy-ass compared to an X26 Taser.



Have you been trained/hit with the X26 ?



I've taken two X26 hits. Yes, it hurts like hell, and I feel the same way as natez. Anyone points one of those fuckers at me for real, they're going to be sorry they brought electrons to a gunfight.
Link Posted: 8/26/2004 12:46:00 PM EST


I have a 400,000 volt stun gun. It arches very well. One pop from that puppy and they stay down.


Company has no guns (weapons) policy. They compromised and allowed the stungun.
Link Posted: 8/26/2004 12:53:40 PM EST
If I remember right, Echo6 got hit with one (and Mace/Pepper Spray) for the ArfCOM fear factor last year. There's a video somewhere.
Link Posted: 8/26/2004 12:55:31 PM EST
Build a Tesla coil. Theyre fun -Foxxz
Link Posted: 8/26/2004 1:15:29 PM EST

Originally Posted By Foxxz:
Build a Tesla coil. Theyre fun

-Foxxz



Tesla coils aren't usually current-limited like a Taser or stun gun. Current kills.
Link Posted: 8/26/2004 1:18:05 PM EST
I think it's pretty misleading to post an "internet story" without first saying some sorta disclaimer saying you received said story in an e-mail by whoever. But whatever...
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