I fear this may be the future.............


Year 2106

Q: How do I get on-line approval to fire each round from my pre-ban Colt Python (my gun has the BATF approved 1 round cylinder installed)?

A: You must attach the Colt model 2042 USB 6.0 internet connection and camera to your sporting-use-BATF approved pistol, and then navigate on your PC to www.gov/BATF/firingapproval.com. Once you have the connection at the web page, you must send an image of your target to the BATF Firing Approval Center. The BATF Firing Approval Center will then confirm that your target is a sporting-use-only target (non sporting-use targets will be denied---Agents will visit you shortly). The BATF Firing Approval Center guarantees an under 5 minute approval time per target. Once you receive confirmation that your target is approved, your firearm will be activated and you may fire one round at the target. Target approval expires in one minute. This process must be repeated for each round that you fire, including self-defense situations. Self defense situations take priority and the BATF will try to get your firing approval approved in under 3 minutes (make sure and check the "self defense" box on the web page).

Note: Ammunition will be checked for lawful compliance during targeting approval. Any ammunition other than FMJ Ultra Low Velocity will be rejected.

Q:  Will the BATF approved FMJ Ultra Low Velocity "sporting purpose" rounds still blow up my Glock?

A:  Of course.  Stupid.

Q: What is the current affiliation of the BATF with the US government?

A: None, the BATF was disbanded by order of the supreme court in 2018, shortly there after the remaining staff of the brady campagin bought the copy right to all the old BATF logos and insignias and set up there voluntary gun control agency as an example of what should be done. None of our regulations or rulings are in any way legally binding and should not be taken as such. Please see the disclaimer on our website.

Q: When will the party start?

A: 7:30.  Alcohol, tobacco and firearms will be provided.  You will have to bring your own ammo.

The firearms division of the BATF will be a museum run by the National Park Service.
They will give tours and show people what citizens used to be free to own.  

Quoted: Q: What is the current affiliation of the BATF with the US government? A: None, the BATF was disbanded by order of the supreme court in 2018, shortly there after the remaining staff of the brady campagin bought the copy right to all the old BATF logos and insignias and set up there voluntary gun control agency as an example of what should be done. None of our regulations or rulings are in any way legally binding and should not be taken as such. Please see the disclaimer on our website.

You sir, should be an editorial cartoonist.  

404 - Page not found

About a 100 years uh....well if we hold the country together I guess.

The BATFEN 2044 Firearm Purchase Program...

Posted :: 7/29/2004 12:07:54 AM

Welcome to the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, Explosives and Narcotics Firearm Purchase Program.

Since becoming the exclusive distributor of firearms in the United States in 2018 and in accordance with our continued commitment to the second amendment rights of qualified citizens* the BATFEN is again offering firearms for purchase to eligible buyers.


*All potential purchasers must have a current, valid Federal Firearm Purchase permit complete with current FBI/BATFEN records search, State Firearm Purchase ID, BATFEN approved firearms storage unit and proof of current Firearm Owner Insurance Policy.

SPORTING FIREARMS:

Remington SPORT Shotgun - The famous Remington pump action shotgun patterned after the legendary 870 in BLAZE ORANGE with a 2 shot magazine capacity especially designed and approved for sport shooting events and legal hunting. Available in 12 ga. and 20 ga. Legal in most states. 4,000 available for $975.00 each.

Remington DEFENSE Shotgun - For those states where defensive firearms are permitted we offer this model based upon the Remington SPORT in DEFENSE BLUE with a full 3 shot magazine capacity. Available in 12 ga. and 20 ga. Requires completion of BATFEN "Rules and Regulations for Defensive Firearm Ownership" course. 1,500 available for $975.00 each.

Ammunition for the above available in lots of 100 for $250.00. All cartidges are individually serial numbered and registered to purchaser. All spent casings must be returned (including logs of discharge) to be eligible for replacement ammunition.

Remington HUNTING Rifle - The premier hunting arm in the world based upon the legendary 700 rifle. This single shot .243 is the ONLY rifle currently produced for civilian sales. Available in classic blue metal with wood stock for all approved (requires current hunting license for eligible purchase) hunting events. Faetures a powerful non removeable 6x sporting scope serial numbered to the firearm. Legal only in states that permit rifle hunting. 1,000 available for $2,500 each.

Ammunition for the above available in lots of 50 for $500.00. All cartidges are individually serial numbered and registered to purchaser. All spent casings must be returned (including logs of discharge) to be eligible for replacement ammunition.

COLLECTOR FIREARMS:

The following are available ONLY to those individuals who qualify to purchase SPORTING FIREARMS and have a current Firearm Collectors License, State Collectors License who have completed the BATFEN "Collector Firearms Liabilty" course and have proof of Collector Firearms Insurance.

DEWATTS:

These firearms have had the fring pins removed, bolt faces milled flush and chambers welded so ammunition cannot be loaded. These were original assault weapons back in the days when they were legal. Come with one high capacity BLOCKED magazine. Look and feel just like the original killing machines of the 20th century. Marked "DEWATT" on receiver.

AK47 (Romanian) - The most notorious of all the assault weapons. Own the rifle that inspired the need for modern firearms regulation. 100 reconditioned rifles available to qualified collectors for $3,000 each.

AR15 - The deadly rifle of the 2002 Sniper Killings. A favorite alternative for terrorists who could not obtain the AK47. 100 reconditioned rifles available to qualified collectors for $4,500 each.

No ammunition is available for the above with the banning of military cartridges for civilian ownership. It is not legal to convert DEWATTS into functional firearms capable of chambering SPORTING ammunition. Owners of DEWATT firerams are subject to periodic inspections of compliance.

LIVE FIREARMS:

Chinese SKS - This is a functional, original firearm in 65% (BATFEN Grade) condition. 3 available for $12,500 each.

AR15 - We actually found one in BATFEN evidence vaults that had escaped the 2021 Presidential Order for destruction of ALL US made copies of military rifles. While many were legally converted to DEWATTS this is the only known FUNCTIONAL RIFLE still in existence. With the expiration of the Presidential Destruction Order this one becomes LEGAL for civilian ownership.

Rifle is a Olympic Arms 20" Standard model in military 5.56 and comes with one fully functional 30 round magazine serial numbered to the rifle. It is in 75% (BATFEN Grade) condition and will be made available for 12 hour auction to qualified buyers. Bidding price to begin at $35,000.

No ammunition is available for the above with the banning of military cartridges for civilian ownership. It is not legal to convert military chamber firearms into firearms capable of chambering SPORTING ammunition. Owners of military chamber firearms are subject to periodic inspections of compliance.

NFA FIREARMS:

As several registered NFA weapons were not US made copies of military rifles many of these escaped the 2021 PDO and are still eligible for purchase and ownership. In addition to all above sporting and collector firearms requirements these are subject to additional NFA regulations and requirements.

We have 3 NFA weapons available for this Purchase Program.

1. FN FNC - A rather obscure military chamber rifle which is the epitomy of an assault weapon. Fully functional and full automatic. Incredible in 85% (BATFEN Grade) condition and priced at $72,000.

2. HK MP5 - While most of these were destroyed on the grounds that the sear was US made several managed to remain hidden during the 2021 PDO and later resurfaced. 35% (BATFEN Grade) condition and priced at $69,000.

No ammunition is available for the above with the banning of military cartridges for civilian ownership. It is not legal to convert military chamber firearms into firearms capable of chambering SPORTING ammunition. Owners of military chamber firearms are subject to periodic inspections of compliance.

3. Steyr-Solothurn MP34 - Museum Sale offered on the private market by a museum that could no longer afford firearms insurance. Not only is this a fully functional NFA weapon, it is chambered in 9x23mm Steyr which is not regulated under the military chamber restrictions law. This means it is legal to own, possess ammo and shoot. A lot of 50 rounds of serial numbered ammunition is included with BATFEN authorization to obtain reloads in compliance with Ammunition regulation laws. Actually own and shoot a functional machine gun. 65% (BATFEN Grade) condition and a incredible deal at $250,000. Legal in all 12 NFA States.

Quoted: The BATFEN 2044 Firearm Purchase Program... Remington DEFENSE Shotgun - For those states where defensive firearms are permitted we offer this model based upon the Remington SPORT in DEFENSE BLUE with a full 3 shot magazine capacity. Available in 12 ga. and 20 ga. Requires completion of BATFEN "Rules and Regulations for Defensive Firearm Ownership" course. 1,500 available for $975.00 each.

You know.  I got to thinking.

In 100 years.  I think $975 for a shotgun will probably be a heck of a good price.

BATFE 2016 FAQ

Q: Where do I submit my Class III application?

A: Any field office before the giant asteroid hits Earth on March 23, 2017.

Quoted: This process must be repeated for each round that you fire, including self-defense situations. Self defense situations take priority and the BATF will try to get your firing approval approved in under 3 minutes (make sure and check the "self defense" box on the web page).

Do you believe, for one single moment, that you will be permitted to use a firearm in a self defense situation in 100 years?  (With the given senario, in which the Unites States of America still exists and you are still alive!)

Q: ¿Usted tiene una versión Inglesa de este sitio?

A: sí. Chasque por favor aquí...

Quoted: Q:  Will the BATF approved FMJ Ultra Low Velocity "sporting purpose" rounds still blow up my Glock? A:  Of course.  Stupid.

Quoted: The BATFEN 2044 Firearm Purchase Program... Posted :: 7/29/2004 12:07:54 AM Welcome to the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, Explosives and Narcotics Firearm Purchase Program. Since becoming the exclusive distributor of firearms in the United States in 2018 and in accordance with our continued commitment to the second amendment rights of qualified citizens* the BATFEN is again offering firearms for purchase to eligible buyers. *All potential purchasers must have a current, valid Federal Firearm Purchase permit complete with current FBI/BATFEN records search, State Firearm Purchase ID, BATFEN approved firearms storage unit and proof of current Firearm Owner Insurance Policy. SPORTING FIREARMS: Remington SPORT Shotgun - The famous Remington pump action shotgun patterned after the legendary 870 in BLAZE ORANGE with a 2 shot magazine capacity especially designed and approved for sport shooting events and legal hunting. Available in 12 ga. and 20 ga. Legal in most states. 4,000 available for $975.00 each. Remington DEFENSE Shotgun - For those states where defensive firearms are permitted we offer this model based upon the Remington SPORT in DEFENSE BLUE with a full 3 shot magazine capacity. Available in 12 ga. and 20 ga. Requires completion of BATFEN "Rules and Regulations for Defensive Firearm Ownership" course. 1,500 available for $975.00 each. Ammunition for the above available in lots of 100 for $250.00. All cartidges are individually serial numbered and registered to purchaser. All spent casings must be returned (including logs of discharge) to be eligible for replacement ammunition. Remington HUNTING Rifle - The premier hunting arm in the world based upon the legendary 700 rifle. This single shot .243 is the ONLY rifle currently produced for civilian sales. Available in classic blue metal with wood stock for all approved (requires current hunting license for eligible purchase) hunting events. Faetures a powerful non removeable 6x sporting scope serial numbered to the firearm. Legal only in states that permit rifle hunting. 1,000 available for $2,500 each. Ammunition for the above available in lots of 50 for $500.00. All cartidges are individually serial numbered and registered to purchaser. All spent casings must be returned (including logs of discharge) to be eligible for replacement ammunition. COLLECTOR FIREARMS: The following are available ONLY to those individuals who qualify to purchase SPORTING FIREARMS and have a current Firearm Collectors License, State Collectors License who have completed the BATFEN "Collector Firearms Liabilty" course and have proof of Collector Firearms Insurance. DEWATTS: These firearms have had the fring pins removed, bolt faces milled flush and chambers welded so ammunition cannot be loaded. These were original assault weapons back in the days when they were legal. Come with one high capacity BLOCKED magazine. Look and feel just like the original killing machines of the 20th century. Marked "DEWATT" on receiver. AK47 (Romanian) - The most notorious of all the assault weapons. Own the rifle that inspired the need for modern firearms regulation. 100 reconditioned rifles available to qualified collectors for $3,000 each. AR15 - The deadly rifle of the 2002 Sniper Killings. A favorite alternative for terrorists who could not obtain the AK47. 100 reconditioned rifles available to qualified collectors for $4,500 each. No ammunition is available for the above with the banning of military cartridges for civilian ownership. It is not legal to convert DEWATTS into functional firearms capable of chambering SPORTING ammunition. Owners of DEWATT firerams are subject to periodic inspections of compliance. LIVE FIREARMS: Chinese SKS - This is a functional, original firearm in 65% (BATFEN Grade) condition. 3 available for $12,500 each. AR15 - We actually found one in BATFEN evidence vaults that had escaped the 2021 Presidential Order for destruction of ALL US made copies of military rifles. While many were legally converted to DEWATTS this is the only known FUNCTIONAL RIFLE still in existence. With the expiration of the Presidential Destruction Order this one becomes LEGAL for civilian ownership. Rifle is a Olympic Arms 20" Standard model in military 5.56 and comes with one fully functional 30 round magazine serial numbered to the rifle. It is in 75% (BATFEN Grade) condition and will be made available for 12 hour auction to qualified buyers. Bidding price to begin at $35,000. No ammunition is available for the above with the banning of military cartridges for civilian ownership. It is not legal to convert military chamber firearms into firearms capable of chambering SPORTING ammunition. Owners of military chamber firearms are subject to periodic inspections of compliance. NFA FIREARMS: As several registered NFA weapons were not US made copies of military rifles many of these escaped the 2021 PDO and are still eligible for purchase and ownership. In addition to all above sporting and collector firearms requirements these are subject to additional NFA regulations and requirements. We have 3 NFA weapons available for this Purchase Program. 1. FN FNC - A rather obscure military chamber rifle which is the epitomy of an assault weapon. Fully functional and full automatic. Incredible in 85% (BATFEN Grade) condition and priced at $72,000. 2. HK MP5 - While most of these were destroyed on the grounds that the sear was US made several managed to remain hidden during the 2021 PDO and later resurfaced. 35% (BATFEN Grade) condition and priced at $69,000. No ammunition is available for the above with the banning of military cartridges for civilian ownership. It is not legal to convert military chamber firearms into firearms capable of chambering SPORTING ammunition. Owners of military chamber firearms are subject to periodic inspections of compliance. 3. Steyr-Solothurn MP34 - Museum Sale offered on the private market by a museum that could no longer afford firearms insurance. Not only is this a fully functional NFA weapon, it is chambered in 9x23mm Steyr which is not regulated under the military chamber restrictions law. This means it is legal to own, possess ammo and shoot. A lot of 50 rounds of serial numbered ammunition is included with BATFEN authorization to obtain reloads in compliance with Ammunition regulation laws. Actually own and shoot a functional machine gun. 65% (BATFEN Grade) condition and a incredible deal at $250,000. Legal in all 12 NFA States.

Wow!! That was very creative and really got me thinking that what you wrote might actually happen. Scary!

Q: Is it legal to but a bayonet lug on a phased plasma rifle in the 40 watt range.

A: No. That's just stupid.


(yes...nerd alert).

Q.  While sweeping sidewalks on my weekly mandatory public service tour, I discovered a napkin that had a child's drawing of an old 21st century gun.  What should I do?

A.  Press the "Overlord" button on your security transmitter immediately.  A Civil Protection crew will arrive within a few minutes to remove the offending article for complete vaporization.  Forensic analysis will enable us to track down the child-criminal and eliminate him/her/it from society.  You will be taken into protective custody and escorted to the nearest reprogramming center to remove the harmful effects that observing such a horrible picture will have on your mind.




Q.  My great grandfather told me a story about people carrying guns in the old days for "self" defense.  Can you imagine such a preposterous thing?!  I mean usurping the government's protective authority is just absurd.  Is there something wrong with Gramps?

A.  Your great grandfather has been relocated to the processing center.  He will no longer terrorize you.




Q.  Is it true that a person can be in the same room with a gun without dying?  I don't remember where I heard such a thing -- honest.

A.  Absolutely not.  If that were true, then the establishment of millions of EPA superfund sites 50 years ago to cleanse the land of guns would have been for nothing.  Further, the trillions spent on military blitz teams to locate all of the sites would have been a waste.  Completely impossible.  You should purge your mind of such dangerous thought.  Or we will do it for you.

Good ones, guys.  Soon they will have to add "P" to their name once they start regulating "Porn".

Quoted: Q: When will the party start? A: 4:207:30.  Alcohol, tobacco and firearms will be provided.  You will have to bring your own ammo.

Not that I know anything about that sort of thing...first hand...no, really.


ByteTheBullet  (-:

Quoted: Q.  While sweeping sidewalks on my weekly mandatory public service tour, I discovered a napkin that had a child's drawing of an old 21st century gun.  What should I do? A.  Press the "Overlord" button on your security transmitter immediately.  A Civil Protection crew will arrive within a few minutes to remove the offending article for complete vaporization.  Forensic analysis will enable us to track down the child-criminal and eliminate him/her/it from society.  You will be taken into protective custody and escorted to the nearest reprogramming center to remove the harmful effects that observing such a horrible picture will have on your mind. Q.  My great grandfather told me a story about people carrying guns in the old days for "self" defense.  Can you imagine such a preposterous thing?!  I mean usurping the government's protective authority is just absurd.  Is there something wrong with Gramps? A.  Your great grandfather has been relocated to the processing center.  He will no longer terrorize you. Q.  Is it true that a person can be in the same room with a gun without dying?  I don't remember where I heard such a thing -- honest. A.  Absolutely not.  If that were true, then the establishment of millions of EPA superfund sites 50 years ago to cleanse the land of guns would have been for nothing.  Further, the trillions spent on military blitz teams to locate all of the sites would have been a waste.  Completely impossible.  You should purge your mind of such dangerous thought.  Or we will do it for you.

LMAO!!!!

Q.  NSA intercepted my internet request to rent the movie Heat from Netflix, sent some ATF agents to my house, and told me I couldn't watch the movie without a background check.  So I applied for a ATF Heat Watching Permit after getting sign offs from my local sheriff, state Attorney General, Govenor, and the President.   I also submitted my fingerprints, retina scan, and DNA samples, still haven't received my AHWP.  What gives?

A.  All request for AHWP have been given an Administrative Denial based on the fact that it promotes negative culture of Gun Violence.  You may watch a Sean Penn movie instead.

Quoted: Quoted: The BATFEN 2044 Firearm Purchase Program... Remington DEFENSE Shotgun - For those states where defensive firearms are permitted we offer this model based upon the Remington SPORT in DEFENSE BLUE with a full 3 shot magazine capacity. Available in 12 ga. and 20 ga. Requires completion of BATFEN "Rules and Regulations for Defensive Firearm Ownership" course. 1,500 available for $975.00 each. You know.  I got to thinking. In 100 years.  I think $975 for a shotgun will probably be a heck of a good price.

The BATFEN 2044 Firearm Purchase Program...

By 2106 it will be-

Q: What was a Firearm?


A: An archaic/antiquated device of the 20th century whose only use was for the killing of people. These were removed from circulation due to their evil nature. Please report to the reeducation center for immediate reprocessing.

Q.  I am licensed by the appropriate local, state, and federal agencies to own a firearm (secured at my local licensed club),  and to use both alcohol and tobacco  products.  I wish to fire my single shot .22 rifle at my local club using my annual ammo ration of 3 (three) rounds.  In addition, I wish to smoke my annual tobacco ration of 1 (one) cigarette/cigar,  and consume my annual ration of alcohol ( 1.5 oz of 120 proof distilled spirit).  Is it possible to  do all three activies within the same calender month?

A. Certainly not.  The (Chelsea) Clinton Act of 2058 prohibits alcohol or tobacco consumption and the discharge of firearms by licensed individuals  to occur within the same six month period.  Concurrent use of the above is a felony that carries a minimum penalty of 10 years incarcaration and forefeiture of all firearm, nicotine, and alcohol  consumption privileges.   It's for the children.

Quoted: Q.  NSA intercepted my internet request to rent the movie Heat from Netflix, sent some ATF agents to my house, and told me I couldn't watch the movie without a background check.  So I applied for a ATF Heat Watching Permit after getting sign offs from my local sheriff, state Attorney General, Govenor, and the President.   I also submitted my fingerprints, retina scan, and DNA samples, still haven't received my AHWP.  What gives? A.  All request for AHWP have been given an Administrative Denial based on the fact that it promotes negative culture of Gun Violence.  You may watch a Sean Penn movie instead.

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What was the gun Al Pacino used in that movie?

BATFE FAQ PAGE 1/1/2106
A. CLICK HERE FOR THE ATF CIVILIAN BURBON APPRECIATION PROGRAM
T. CLICK HERE FOR THE ATF LEGAL CUBAN CIGAR AFFICIONADO PROGRAM
F. CLICK HERE FOR THE CIVILIAN MARKSMANSHIP PROGRAM FOR YOUR FREE GARAND
E. CLICK HERE FOR FREE FIREWORKS AND TANNERITE!

BATFE FAQ PAGE 1/1/2106
A. CLICK HERE FOR THE ATF CIVILIAN BURBON APPRECIATION PROGRAM
T. CLICK HERE FOR THE ATF LEGAL CUBAN CIGAR AFFICIONADO PROGRAM
F. CLICK HERE FOR THE ATF CIVILIAN JR. MARKSMANSHIP PROGRAM TO GET YOUR FREE GARAND.
E. CLICK HERE FOR FREE FIREWORKS AND TANNERITE YAY!