Now, as some of you may know, I'm an artist, and not a very shabby one, at that. So, I've decided to put my skills up as a gift to somebody.

To the winner goes a choice of:

1. A pencil drawing, on good-quality paper, of your favorite firearm.
2. A piece of pro-capitalist propaganda art, done in Illustrator and printed on good paper, as well as a CD with the .ai file for reproductions.
3. Your favorite passage from a holy book, done in calligraphy on very fine, false-aged paper, with illuminations. I can do Hebrew, Greek, unembellished Arabic, Latin, and English, and most calligraphic scripts, though I'm most comfortable with Gothic and Uncial.

I'm flexible, however, and could do, say, a logo design or somesuch. Here are my limitations: I will not draw sexual acts, violence, or nudity. I cannot draw in the Anime style, and have a little trouble with non-stylized human faces. The maximum size the final product can be is up to 9"x14". I'm very busy, so my turnaround time may be up to a few months. Hey, don't complain, you're getting something free, and it may be worth something someday.

Here's how to win: Send to me an essay of 100-300 words, of which the topic is why you deserve to win. It may be humorous or serious. Also, tell me your ARFCOM screename, and whether or not I have permission to post your essay here. Whichever one I like best (or hate least) wins. Whether I like you or not, and whether you give me permission to post your essay here, has no bearing on your essay's ranking.

The contest will run from 18:00 EST January 22 (6:00pm EST today), to 1800 EST January 28 (6:00pm EST next Saturday). Send the essay to:

[email protected]
Subject: art contest

Good luck!

(Edit: I don't know if this should be stickied or not... if the mods decide to, that'd probably be good)

tag

This is why I never received any scholarships. I am too lazy to write an essay.


The low grades had something to do with it too...

Hm. I was expecting a little more interest than this. I mean, c'mon, I'm giving away free art, and all you have to do is write.

how about a sample of your skills.

Quoted: how about a sample of your skills.

Sure.

A S&W Schofield, done in Adobe Illustrator

A logo for a league for a new sport, also done in Illustrator

My scanner's down, but once it's back up, I'll be happy to post some of my sketches and calligraphy.

Quoted: [insert stupid shit here]

Hey, you know what? I don't have to do shit. I could just sit here, like your inbred, hillbilly, West Virginia ass and not contribute shit to this site. I could be like you and go off into the woods every day to fuck my cousin and play hide-the-sausage with my dad. I don't have to do anything nice for a group of people I know on the internet. I don't have to put in the efforts on research for serious topics that I do. I don't have to spend my time, MY fucking time, and my money, both of which I have less and less of these days, to try to give something back to this board. I could just pull a possumkop and sit around, picking my ass and trolling like an incestuous fucktard.

Sometimes I wonder why the hell I even bother trying to be nice. The complete assholes have it so much easier.

Quoted: Quoted: [insert stupid shit here] Hey, you know what? I don't have to do shit. I could just sit here, like your inbred, hillbilly, West Virginia ass and not contribute shit to this site. I could be like you and go off into the woods every day to fuck my cousin and play hide-the-sausage with my dad. I don't have to do anything nice for a group of people I know on the internet. I don't have to put in the efforts on research for serious topics that I do. I don't have to spend my time, MY fucking time, and my money, both of which I have less and less of these days, to try to give something back to this board. I could just pull a possumkop and sit around, picking my ass and trolling like an incestuous fucktard. Sometimes I wonder why the hell I even bother trying to be nice. The complete assholes have it so much easier.

Dooood, you take this internet shit waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay to serious.

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: [insert stupid shit here] Hey, you know what? I don't have to do shit. I could just sit here, like your inbred, hillbilly, West Virginia ass and not contribute shit to this site. I could be like you and go off into the woods every day to fuck my cousin and play hide-the-sausage with my dad. I don't have to do anything nice for a group of people I know on the internet. I don't have to put in the efforts on research for serious topics that I do. I don't have to spend my time, MY fucking time, and my money, both of which I have less and less of these days, to try to give something back to this board. I could just pull a possumkop and sit around, picking my ass and trolling like an incestuous fucktard. Sometimes I wonder why the hell I even bother trying to be nice. The complete assholes have it so much easier. Dooood, you take this internet shit waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay to serious.

Well, the possum guy was being a jerk.

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: [insert stupid shit here] Hey, you know what? I don't have to do shit. I could just sit here, like your inbred, hillbilly, West Virginia ass and not contribute shit to this site. I could be like you and go off into the woods every day to fuck my cousin and play hide-the-sausage with my dad. I don't have to do anything nice for a group of people I know on the internet. I don't have to put in the efforts on research for serious topics that I do. I don't have to spend my time, MY fucking time, and my money, both of which I have less and less of these days, to try to give something back to this board. I could just pull a possumkop and sit around, picking my ass and trolling like an incestuous fucktard. Sometimes I wonder why the hell I even bother trying to be nice. The complete assholes have it so much easier. Dooood, you take this internet shit waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay to serious. Well, the possum guy was being a jerk.

The best defense is no response.

Quoted: Dooood, you take this internet shit waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay to serious.

Excuse me for being less than enthused when some gap-tooth, shine-guzzling hayseed shits on my efforts to give a little something back to this community with an image macro. Fucker didn't even take the time to tailor his rant.

Edit: Rather than bump this to the top again when the contest is over, I'll just edit it in case anybody who's tagged it wants to know what happened.

Contest was over as of 6:00PM EST yesterday. I got zero emails. No winners. Oh well.