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Posted: 9/28/2005 9:27:23 AM EDT
Archaeological Dig Uncovers Ancient Race Of Skeleton People
| Issue 35•45

AL JIZAH, EGYPT—A team of British and Egyptian archaeologists made a stunning discovery Monday, unearthing several intact specimens of "skeleton people"—skinless, organless humans who populated the Nile delta region an estimated 6,000 years ago.


Enlarge Image

An archaeologist examines the intact remains of a spooky "skeleton person."
"This is an incredible find," said Dr. Christian Hutchins, Oxford University archaeologist and head of the dig team. "Imagine: At one time, this entire area was filled with spooky, bony, walking skeletons."

"The implications are staggering," Hutchins continued. "We now know that the skeletons we see in horror films and on Halloween are not mere products of the imagination, but actually lived on Earth."

Standing at the excavation site, a 20-by-20-foot square pit along the Nile River, Hutchins noted key elements of the find. "The skeletons lived in this mud-brick structure, which, based on what we know of these people, was probably haunted," he said. "Although we found crude cooking utensils in the area, as well as evidence of crafts like pottery and weaving, we are inclined to believe that the skeletons' chief activity was jumping out at nearby humans and scaring them. And though we know little of their language and means of communication, it is likely that they said 'boogedy-boogedy' a lot."

Approximately 200 yards west of the excavation site, the archaeologists also found evidence of farming.

"What's puzzling about this," Cambridge University archaeologist Sir Ian Edmund-White said, "is that skeletons would not benefit from harvested crops, as any food taken orally would immediately fall through the hole behind the jaw and down through the rib cage, eventually hitting the ground. Our best guess is that they scared away a group of human farmers, then remained behind to haunt the dwelling. Or perhaps they bartered goods in a nearby city to acquire skeleton accessories, such as chains, coffins and tattered, dirty clothing."


Enlarge Image

An artist's rendering of what a warrior-skeleton may have looked like.
Continued Edmund-White: "The hole in that theory, however, is that a 1997 excavation of this area which yielded extensive records of local clans and merchants made no mention of even one animated mass of bones coming to town for the purpose of trade. But we are taking great pains to recover as much of the site as possible, while also being extremely careful not to fall victim to some kind of spooky skeleton curse."

As for what led to the extinction of the skeletons, Edmund-White offered a theory.

"Perhaps an Egyptian priest or king broke the curse of the skeletons, either by defeating the head skeleton in combat or by discovering the magic words needed to send their spirits back to Hell," Edmund-White said. "In any case, there is strong evidence that the Power of Greyskull played a significant role in the defeat of the skeleton people."

According to Hutchins, the skeletons bear numerous similarities to humans, leading him to suspect that there may be an evolutionary link between the two species.

"Like humans, these creatures walked upright on two legs and possessed highly developed opposable thumbs," Edmund-White said. "These and many other similarities lend credence to the theory that hundreds of thousands of years ago, human development passed through a skeletal stage. These skeletons may, in fact, be ancestors of us all."

"Any of us could be part skeleton," he added.

Other experts disagreed.

"The evidence of an evolutionary link between humans and skeletons is sparse at best," said Dr. Terrance Schneider of the University of Chicago. "Furthermore, it is downright unscientific to theorize that skeleton life originated in Egypt merely because mummies, another species of monster, are indigenous to the area. Spooky creatures are found all over the world, from the vampires of Transylvania to the headless horsemen of Sleepy Hollow."
Link Posted: 9/28/2005 9:28:28 AM EDT
huh?
Link Posted: 9/28/2005 9:29:47 AM EDT
uhm. link?
Link Posted: 9/28/2005 9:31:23 AM EDT
Imagine that.

Egyptian records going much futher back completely failed to mention them.

Link Posted: 9/28/2005 9:32:15 AM EDT
Onion?
Link Posted: 9/28/2005 9:34:53 AM EDT
see aliens buried there dead under the pyramids
Link Posted: 9/28/2005 9:42:37 AM EDT
I think this is either the dumbest thing I've ever read or a complete hoax. How about a link?
Link Posted: 9/28/2005 9:45:22 AM EDT

Originally Posted By mjohn3006:
uhm. link?



It figures,The Onion...
Link Posted: 9/28/2005 10:10:21 AM EDT
Link Posted: 9/28/2005 10:13:15 AM EDT
It is redunant anyhow, "skinless, organless...." The skin is an organ, sheesh...
Link Posted: 9/28/2005 10:17:07 AM EDT
An artist's rendering of what a warrior-skeleton may have looked like.



Link Posted: 9/28/2005 10:19:07 AM EDT
That is freaking hilarious. "Experts disagree that any of us could be part skeleton." Damn that's some funny stuff.
Link Posted: 9/28/2005 10:19:54 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/28/2005 10:23:13 AM EDT by FunYun1983]
What do you find in graves... skeletons.

It's kinda funny some of you guys need a link to invalidate this. [ (wtf, the pharaoh emotion doesnt work)
Link Posted: 9/28/2005 10:20:26 AM EDT
Nothing to see here.....
Link Posted: 9/28/2005 10:21:18 AM EDT
They found the Army of Darkness? Someone get me my boom stick....
Link Posted: 9/28/2005 10:26:41 AM EDT
Link Posted: 9/28/2005 10:27:24 AM EDT
They found a giant squid?
Link Posted: 9/28/2005 10:35:28 AM EDT

Originally Posted By macman37:
huh?




+1
Link Posted: 9/28/2005 10:37:33 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/28/2005 10:49:14 AM EDT by Ramjet]

Originally Posted By 3rdStreet:
An artist's rendering of what a warrior-skeleton may have looked like.

www.theonion.com/content/files/images/onion_news2206.article.jpg




I saw Sinbad fight those in that movie! If it's made into a movie, it's gotta be true

See...


opps...that was Jason and the Hugonauts....lol...okay, Argonauts.
Link Posted: 9/28/2005 10:37:34 AM EDT
Link Posted: 9/28/2005 10:37:49 AM EDT
Five foot diameter calamari rings!
Link Posted: 9/28/2005 10:38:59 AM EDT
Just in time for Halloween.
Link Posted: 9/28/2005 10:39:34 AM EDT

Originally Posted By 3rdStreet:
An artist's rendering of what a warrior-skeleton may have looked like.

www.theonion.com/content/files/images/onion_news2206.article.jpg




This is old news! Remember Jason and the Argonauts.
Link Posted: 9/28/2005 10:41:02 AM EDT
Link Posted: 9/28/2005 10:50:44 AM EDT
I saw one swimming in the Mississippi.

He sorta cheated by using a board for flotation. Leaky bastards.
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