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Posted: 10/6/2004 5:30:16 AM EST
I noticed the thread "Need help finding someone" and I got to thinking about trying to find my dad again. He split when he found out my mother was pregnant. I never met him. I have come close to finding him by word of mouth when I was a teenager, but it ended up always being a dead end with "he used to live here and I don't know where he moved too" I think about doing it once in a while and then forget about it for a few years.

Have any of you ever done this? Was it worth it? I just want to see what he looks like, maybe find out some medical history so I know what I'm in store for down the road
People take that sort of thing for granted but it is important....you know the typical -does diabetes run in the family, heart disease, cancer, etc.. And I want to ask the shithead why he split and then never gave a shit to try and find me later on.

Can anyone recommend a place that does this and is good at it?

Thanks!
Link Posted: 10/6/2004 5:31:58 AM EST
Blockbuster does:

rent "Finding Nemo"

no really - no idea who you would contact other ethan various searches and stuff for his real name- good luck
Link Posted: 10/6/2004 8:24:20 AM EST

Originally Posted By Sandman67:
I noticed the thread "Need help finding someone" and I got to thinking about trying to find my dad again. He split when he found out my mother was pregnant. I never met him. I have come close to finding him by word of mouth when I was a teenager, but it ended up always being a dead end with "he used to live here and I don't know where he moved too" I think about doing it once in a while and then forget about it for a few years.

Have any of you ever done this? Was it worth it? I just want to see what he looks like, maybe find out some medical history so I know what I'm in store for down the road
People take that sort of thing for granted but it is important....you know the typical -does diabetes run in the family, heart disease, cancer, etc.. And I want to ask the shithead why he split and then never gave a shit to try and find me later on.

Can anyone recommend a place that does this and is good at it?

Thanks!



No experience here, but I bet that a professional PI could probably find him in a couple of days. Have no idea how much it would cost. This assumes he just left vs. "disappeared".

Good luck. Please let us know what you find out.

Thanks,

Merlin
Link Posted: 10/6/2004 8:26:21 AM EST
I can understand wanting to find him...but can you handle the possibilities if you DO actually find him?
Link Posted: 10/6/2004 8:29:42 AM EST

Start with the phonebook online. I helped a lady find her mother that way in 1997. Turned out her mother had been looking for her for years.

Link Posted: 10/6/2004 8:38:51 AM EST
[Last Edit: 10/6/2004 10:19:47 AM EST by skid2964]
good luck with your search ...
Link Posted: 10/6/2004 8:40:52 AM EST
[Last Edit: 10/6/2004 8:55:47 AM EST by DriftPunch]
Be prepared to find something you won't like...
Link Posted: 10/6/2004 8:45:41 AM EST
If you have his SSN, it should be easy to find him. Old bank account information might even do it.
Link Posted: 10/6/2004 8:46:28 AM EST
[Last Edit: 10/6/2004 8:57:42 AM EST by osprey21]
Beware!!!

You may not like what you find.

My father split in 1950 when I was 2 years old, I hadn't seen him since.

I found him last year using THIS

If he/you have an unusual or uncommon last name it makes things much easier.

oh yeah.... and the bastard wouldn't see me.

FUCK YOU TOO BILL !!!

sorry.
Link Posted: 10/6/2004 8:52:28 AM EST
Trust me its not worth it. If he was worth finding he would have found you years ago.


Bobwrench
Link Posted: 10/6/2004 9:24:32 AM EST
[Last Edit: 10/6/2004 9:25:10 AM EST by Sandman67]
I have thought of the possibilities...like finding someone who does not want to know me, or finding a bum, drunk or other misfit. I know deep down it ain't worth it but it's hard to explain, I just want to see what he looks like....know what I mean?

His last name was Foehner or Fohner -German name and he was in the Navy. I was born in 67, so it would be around that time. That is all I have, no license or SSN. So you can see my problem. I have nothing to really go on. I have thought about the PI and even called one once but he wanted something like 200.00 an hour with a minimum of 5 hours no matter what he might or might not find. And he said it could go longer too. I said screw dat.
Link Posted: 10/6/2004 10:05:10 AM EST
Try using BlackBook at www.crimetime.com/online.htm......it has a lot of search weapons. Good luck.
Link Posted: 10/6/2004 10:19:04 AM EST
Link Posted: 10/6/2004 10:58:15 AM EST
I was 24 the first time I met my dad and found him after tracking down his sister and literally pestering her for any information she could give me about him. I had grown up with a big hole in my heart and one way or another I needed to put it to rest.

She was anything but nice and finally relented after telling me she didn't think I was his kid and various other nicities. She coughed up his SSN and I called the red cross with the information. They found him no problem and let me know that it was up to him to make contact as children have no right to initiate contact with parents. He wrote me a letter to begin with and we wrote back and forth for a while before talking on the phone and then meeting face to face for the first time.

I took a friend/mentor along with me as it was a pretty uncomfortable situation. After hearing my mother tell me what a rotten no good POS he was and that I was just like him for the better part of my life. I had some issues that's for sure. Many of them revolved around the chip on my shoulder as a result of feeling sorry for myself.

Think long and hard about what you are about to get yourself into if you decide to go through with it. I had nightmares about it for a long time. See my dad isn't right in a lot of ways. He's a drunk. He has emphazima. He is half crazy and will disappear if he feels remotely any pressure to do something he is not comfortable with. I had dreams that he would show up on my door step asking for a place to stay.
He called me once after getting out of the VA hospital. They had set him up in an apartment and all was well untill a couple weeks later when he came to in the downtown area of a city naked and not knowing where he was or how he got there.

Anyways when I met him it was a pretty surreal day. He and I look alike, sound alike, smoked the same cigs and all kinds of weird little things like that. Oh the first time we both laughed at a joke my buddy told we just kinda looked at each other cause the laugh was the same and it really was a bit creepy.

I see now how my mother resented the daily reminder I represented although she should have dealt with it and moved on. Since having children of my own I really have a hard time relating to the things I heard her say growing up. I think she's a bit off her rocker too but what can I do they're my family.

That is what I am getting at after reiterating the warning everyone else has given you. We don't have a choice who our parents are. Good bad or indifferent they are who they are. I can't change them but I can shut myself away from them if I choose or feel that the effort of having a relationship isn't worth it. I did that after finding my dad the first time. I was getting marrried and expected him to come but he wouldn't have any of it. I gave him a ration of $hit for it on the phone and didn't hear from him again for 11 years.

This year I really got to thinking about him becasue I have two little girls and the thought of them not knowing anyone on their fathers side of the family really was weighing on my mind and heart. What could I tell them growing up about my dad? I sure didn't want to repeat the same nonsense my mother did to me. I realized that I wanted to hear from him again and hoped he was still alive. I checked the Social Security web page for death notices for other people with the same surname and found his brother had died. I had his SSN but doubted that that would work again.

One morning while getting ready for work I decided to offer up a prayer to The Father and see what he wanted me to do about it. I started praying and asked him straight out to bring my dad to me if it was in his will to do so. I try to make it a practice to NOT pray for things for myself but I felt that this was somethign that could help my framily and that it was OK to do...

A week went by...

I got home from work one afternoon and as I walked through the door the phone rang and my wife picked up. I was putting my things away and when I turned around from the hall closet my wife said to me "It's your dad." I kinda froze up. The thought that after 11 years of no contact and no idea where my father was to have a simple prayer answered just left me at a loss for words. I spoke briefly with him and then told my wife the story. I have been speaking to him weekly since.

Dont get me wrong, I refuse to be a doormat to anyone but I do think that I can have a relationship with my dad and hopefully have some great memories together before he leaves this place but it may not be easy. In fact it may be downright hard at times, I feel it's worth the effort though and hopefully my girls will have some great memories with their grandfather.

I hope things work out for you and will keep you in my prayers friend.

bosifus

Link Posted: 10/6/2004 11:06:28 AM EST

Originally Posted By Sandman67:
His last name was Foehner or Fohner -German name and he was in the Navy.



Try the Navy?
Link Posted: 10/6/2004 2:43:10 PM EST
Just want to thank all you guys for the advice and personal experiences. I used one of those search pages one of you gave me and I actually got a hit. I may check it out further. I'll let you all know.

Thanks again gents!!
Link Posted: 10/6/2004 3:07:17 PM EST
hmmmm seems to me I still remember"your 18 your out my girlfreinds moving in" went to visit once and I have a sister now and the 'lusty' unit is a FAT Pig that was 1987 and all still could care less glad I at least got some kind of life......Fuck You Ol'Man see you in Hell to make it right and I will..................



Be careful of what you want to find
Link Posted: 10/6/2004 3:12:28 PM EST
There are "parent locater services," commonly used in child support cases. Some bail bondsmen do it and charge around $50. Call your local child support services and ask if they can give you phone numbers.
Link Posted: 10/6/2004 3:18:09 PM EST
joe dirt????
Link Posted: 10/6/2004 3:31:35 PM EST
Good luck with your search.
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