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11/20/2019 5:07:11 PM
Posted: 10/30/2006 7:30:00 AM EST
I seem to have a fight with my wife about once every couple months. She ends up telling me that "all I think about is guns" and "guns are the most important thing in your life"......I love my wife, and she knew before we were married that I have a "Hobby" but she says it is an OBSESSION......

Anyone care to chime in..........
Link Posted: 10/30/2006 7:31:14 AM EST
I would choose love over a gun any time, but thats me. That said, if she knew before hand, then she can get over it.
Link Posted: 10/30/2006 7:31:44 AM EST
You should take some time and consider whether she is right or not.
Link Posted: 10/30/2006 7:32:36 AM EST
I'd tell her:

"The guns were here before you came...
The guns will still be here after you're gone."

I think its a subtle hint.
Link Posted: 10/30/2006 7:33:29 AM EST
She is right...to an extent. I sometimes get too caught up in new projects....then she lets me know. I then realize that I need to settle down a bit. The problem is that I get caught up again later.

I know she is right.....I just need to learn that I need to "Back-er-down" now and then.
Link Posted: 10/30/2006 7:34:09 AM EST
I had a wife who thought that way about my books.

Keyword had.

Link Posted: 10/30/2006 7:34:45 AM EST
Does she have a hobby? Does your spending on your hobby grossly exceed what she spends on hers?

If it's fair then she shouldn't care but if you're dropping money you shouldn't spend there's legitimate concern.

Just my 2 cents.
Link Posted: 10/30/2006 7:35:22 AM EST
I've never had that argument....Then again,, I only have
a few guns, and, don't have, or want "safe queens".
I'm not a collector. Matter of fact, my AR is the only
weapon that is "mine". I hve a shotgun, and, she
has a shotgun. I have a handgun, and, she has a handgun.

That said-Take a look at yourself and, see if she's right
or not. Look at what portion of your budget goes to things
that you do together, and, what % goes to your weapons, shootng,
etc.

You might consider selling one off (depending) and doing something nice for
her...This is all situationally dependant, of course.
Link Posted: 10/30/2006 7:35:30 AM EST
[Last Edit: 10/30/2006 7:36:25 AM EST by Chimpy]
My wife has pulled that on me once or twice. The first time it happened, I blew it off with the "you knew who I was before you married me" talk, but the second time, I took it in as a subconscious "please pay more attention to me".

I've cut back on my discussion of weapons with her, I've cut my range habits in half and devoted that recovered time to her.

It's worked very well, because before when I would buy a new gun, she'd have a conniption. But since I've changed my range habits and given her more of my attention I get a "When do I get to shoot it?".

She's happy, and I'm happy. I had to learn in a marriage, her and I are a team, and learning to compromise but not be walked on would be a virtue.

And I'll don my flame suit for ARFCOM....NOW for not kicking her to the curb
Link Posted: 10/30/2006 7:37:42 AM EST
Take her out for a nice dinner, gaze into her eyes and tell her how much you love her (think of your guns the whole time )

No, seriously. Do something nice for her. You'd be surprised at how the smallest gesture will make them happy; flowers (hardly the price of a box of 5.56), dinner and a movie (three boxes of ammo), a tropical vacation getaway (price of three complete Stag rifles) – now this is just getting crazy.
Link Posted: 10/30/2006 7:40:30 AM EST
Guns aren't the issue. She is mad about something else. She may be troubled by the fact that you are getting your emotional appetite satiated by guns and the people who share your interest.

Women don't like competition. Many do not like the idea of their husbands spending money without their input.

I believe that all people need a hobby/something to serve as a constructive pressure valve for life.
Link Posted: 10/30/2006 7:41:04 AM EST

Does she have a hobby? Does your spending on your hobby grossly exceed what she spends on hers?

If it's fair then she shouldn't care but if you're dropping money you shouldn't spend there's legitimate concern.

Just my 2 cents.


All very good questions, I am glad someone asked.

She has NO hobby what so ever, I tell her that she should and I would support her in whatever she decided to try..as long as it didn't make us broke.

I spend NO money that comes out of both our checks. I have a cache of weapons and parts that I have put together in the last 20+ years that I sell and trade to supply funding for new stuff....

I think the big issue is when I get on a kick I will spend too much time running up and down the stairs to check my e-mail and my posts HERE....and she thinks I can't do anything without thinking constantly about guns.....she has a point.

Link Posted: 10/30/2006 7:41:16 AM EST

Originally Posted By Chimpy:
My wife has pulled that on me once or twice. The first time it happened, I blew it off with the "you knew who I was before you married me" talk, but the second time, I took it in as a subconscious "please pay more attention to me".

I've cut back on my discussion of weapons with her, I've cut my range habits in half and devoted that recovered time to her.

It's worked very well, because before when I would buy a new gun, she'd have a conniption. But since I've changed my range habits and given her more of my attention I get a "When do I get to shoot it?".

She's happy, and I'm happy. I had to learn in a marriage, her and I are a team, and learning to compromise but not be walked on would be a virtue.

And I'll don my flame suit for ARFCOM....NOW for not kicking her to the curb



Pretty damn sensible for an Arfcommer.....

Listen up boys, the Oracle has spoken..............
Link Posted: 10/30/2006 7:41:30 AM EST
Do you sleep with the guns?


Have your guns taken over her side of the bed?
Link Posted: 10/30/2006 7:44:02 AM EST
[Last Edit: 10/30/2006 7:45:42 AM EST by HK_DUDE]
We have a 3 year old and a 1 year old at home...I spend equal time with the kids, that's not it.

I really think she wants more quality time together. We don't really ever do anything, just the 2 of us.

We need to get a sitter and go out and re-kindle.

I've asked her many time to go shoot (which I hardly ever do..no lie) and she says she has no interest what so ever.
Link Posted: 10/30/2006 7:45:55 AM EST

Originally Posted By HK_DUDE:
She is right...to an extent. I sometimes get too caught up in new projects....then she lets me know. I then realize that I need to settle down a bit. The problem is that I get caught up again later.

I know she is right.....I just need to learn that I need to "Back-er-down" now and then.

You already know the answer to your question. I had the same issue four years ago. I realized my wife WASN'T anti-gun. She just wanted my time.

Spent time with her.

Luckly, now my wife understands the value of my hobby since I don't smoke, drink, watch porn, addicted internet (I am doing this from work at lunch time. I don't have internet at home), or watch TV (I don't have TV, VCR, DVD, or radio except weather radio). She knows I need to spend some time tinkering.
Link Posted: 10/30/2006 7:46:05 AM EST
if it were me, then the guns would be gone

but I would make an agreement that I can keep a few for defense / protection
Link Posted: 10/30/2006 7:48:20 AM EST

Originally Posted By HK_DUDE:
We have a 3 year old and a 1 year old at home...I spend equal time with the kids, that's not it.

I really think she wants more quality time together. We don't really ever do anything, just the 2 of us.

We need to get a sitter and go out and re-kindle.

I've asked her many time to go shoot (which I hardly ever do..no lie) and she says she has no interest what so ever.


If that's the case you may want to continue with said plan even after you have achieved rekindled status.
Link Posted: 10/30/2006 7:49:35 AM EST
Don't get me wrong.....she isn't telling me to get rid of the guns....she just wants me to simmer down.

I do know the answer....I need to spend more quality time with her.

I was moslty checking if anyone else was in the same situation as me...from time to time.
Link Posted: 10/30/2006 7:49:46 AM EST

Originally Posted By Chimpy:
My wife has pulled that on me once or twice.
<snip>
And I'll don my flame suit for ARFCOM....NOW for not kicking her to the curb


Good on you for finding a happy medium.
Some women really are worth it.

On the other hand, some women are never happy, either.
In which case, definitely not worth it.

Gotta take it on a case by case basis.
Link Posted: 10/30/2006 7:51:12 AM EST

If that's the case you may want to continue with said plan even after you have achieved rekindled status.


+1
Link Posted: 10/30/2006 7:56:51 AM EST

Originally Posted By HK_DUDE:
Don't get me wrong.....she isn't telling me to get rid of the guns....she just wants me to simmer down.

I do know the answer....I need to spend more quality time with her.

I was moslty checking if anyone else was in the same situation as me...from time to time.


I think you should get a wireless router, and a laptop, to keep upstairs next to the couch. Now the two of you can watch a movie, but you can still keep tabs on business.

The part about "he hides in the basement/garage all the time" is a very common complaint... and could be the root cause, for which she basically blames the guns. Its possible that its not the guns at all. (esp. with no money spending!) Could be that she just wants more couch time.


I would also take the wife, and a camera, and go do some hiking in a state park. See what wildlife you can find. Women like walks in the park. Also maybe just head out for a drive somewhere... stop into little shops, have some coffees, explore new places. Historical/sightseeing stuff.
Link Posted: 10/30/2006 7:59:00 AM EST
When I explained the "Bug Out Bag" to my fiance she started to get a little nervous. I told her if I ever call her and say "get out NOW!" that that is the bag she is to take with her. I told her the purpose of the bag and asked if there was anything she thought we should add to it for TEOTWAWKI situations. Her response:

Tampons.

Link Posted: 10/30/2006 8:00:54 AM EST

Originally Posted By Another_Dude:
When I explained the "Bug Out Bag" to my fiance she started to get a little nervous. I told her if I ever call her and say "get out NOW!" that that is the bag she is to take with her. I told her the purpose of the bag and asked if there was anything she thought we should add to it for TEOTWAWKI situations. Her response:

Tampons.



They're supposed to be good for putting in a wound to stop the bleeding!
Link Posted: 10/30/2006 8:01:36 AM EST

Originally Posted By Another_Dude:
I told her the purpose of the bag and asked if there was anything she thought we should add to it for TEOTWAWKI situations. Her response:


Tampons.




Just because you don't need them, you discount the fact that she does?
Link Posted: 10/30/2006 8:02:41 AM EST
I have fooled with guns since I was 10 years old so my wife knew what she was getting. I try not to talk guns with her because I know she isn't really into them. Now that the kids are older and like to shoot she has been going to the range with us and having fun.
She just wants some time with you as she probably sees you as her hobby. Next time she says that stuff go wash the solvent off your hands and then chase her around the house and jump her.
Link Posted: 10/30/2006 8:02:51 AM EST

Originally Posted By BillTheButcher:
if it were me, then the guns would be gone

but I would make an agreement that I can keep a few for defense / protection


You're just lookin for a good deal.
Link Posted: 10/30/2006 8:11:23 AM EST
[Last Edit: 10/30/2006 8:18:40 AM EST by sabre_kc]
My wife and I have had the "gun discussion" more than once. I have noticed that it's not a good idea to explain to her how much I'd love to have an A-4 clone, new Glock, another shotgun, or whatever.

The fact is, to her there is much not to like about my gun OBSESSION.
#1- They are expensive.
#2- I already have enough and don't NEED anymore regardless of politics, history, current events...or whatever I'm telling her at the moment to attempt to get more guns, mags, ammo, etc. To her, it's just an excuse to buy what she doesn't want me to.
#3- She grew up in a home without guns. To her, she has compromised enough already.

Yes it's true you can never have enough, I know this. But "the best weapons money can I buy defend my faith, family, country, and freedom" is not more important to her than a nice dinner without the kids or new tile in the kitchen. If she is wrong it doesn't matter, that's how she FEELS.

I'm not saying we are wrong for being "gun crazy" in the least. I'm simply saying me having 4, 5, 6 AR-15s doesn't make sense to her. I'll get my guns, I just don't discuss everything about my guns all the time with her.

Take her to dinner, then to Home Depot. Put that ceiling fan in she has wanted for months. Oh, and save the gun talk for ARF.com.
Link Posted: 10/30/2006 8:20:02 AM EST
[Last Edit: 10/30/2006 8:21:10 AM EST by AeroE]
The only rule I put down before marriage was that I would always own an airplane and there was no discussing the topic.

Could have been the same with firearms, I suppose, but that falls under the category of "she should have figured that one out on her own".
Link Posted: 10/30/2006 8:29:10 AM EST
Ahhh the advantages of being young and single
Link Posted: 10/30/2006 8:41:18 AM EST
My g/f told me the other day that she needs another pistol, and her own M4. She's already got a K15, a Baby Eagle, and a Para-Ord .45. She wants another Para-Ord, I think. She's buying me a Howa 1500 .308 for Christmas, and wants me to get another Ruger New Vaquero to match the one I've got. Oh, and she also wants her own 870. A Marine Magnum, actually.

I like to think that she was raised right. Her daddy's a... firearm enthusiast. State Police.

She wants an Uzi.

Link Posted: 10/30/2006 8:44:29 AM EST
[Last Edit: 10/30/2006 8:45:08 AM EST by Ineedhelp]
HELL, I have the exact opposite problem.


Its always ME telling the wife to SLOW DOWN with the firearms purchases.

Im a lucky dog.
Link Posted: 10/30/2006 8:44:33 AM EST

Originally Posted By Another_Dude:
Tampons.



What's with the , those are shotgun cleaning wads, you don't have your mind in a true shtf mindset
Link Posted: 10/30/2006 8:47:41 AM EST

Originally Posted By HK_DUDE:
Don't get me wrong.....she isn't telling me to get rid of the guns....she just wants me to simmer down.

I do know the answer....I need to spend more quality time with her.

I was moslty checking if anyone else was in the same situation as me...from time to time.


I am in this position right now. I am getting into reloading and I read and find stuff from here and there. Why I got a single stage, Cheaper than the rest, I get to use it one step at a time. It gives her some time to watch tv or I get to do it when she takes her naps on the weekends.

She just does not like this forum that much because I ask my questions to the masses.
Link Posted: 10/30/2006 8:49:32 AM EST
HUGE Ctrl+D.

My girlfriend often says "all you care about is guns..." which I can understand. I get the gun fever and want to play with my toys or check ARFCOM from time to time. I might send her this link and let her see that she's not alone.

In reality, I do love guns as a whole. As far as material possessions go they are my favorite by far. However, I LOVE her more than life itself and definitely more than anything material. She even likes to shoot with me sometimes, but as said before its definitely an attention thing, and if they don't fell they are getting enough attention, I think we should be there to change that. [Hands over man card]
Link Posted: 10/30/2006 8:51:58 AM EST

Originally Posted By Chimpy:

Originally Posted By Another_Dude:
Tampons.



What's with the , those are shotgun cleaning wads, you don't have your mind in a true shtf mindset


Brilliant Chimpy. That'll be my excuse to the zitty kid at the store when I'm buying a box of 12 gauge cleaners!
Link Posted: 10/30/2006 8:53:04 AM EST

Originally Posted By Another_Dude:
Brilliant Chimpy. That'll be my excuse to the zitty kid at the store when I'm buying a box of 12 gauge cleaners!


I can't take credit for that one, that's another hallmark from Old_Painless.
Link Posted: 10/30/2006 8:53:27 AM EST

Originally Posted By all4freedom:
HUGE Ctrl+D.

My girlfriend often says "all you care about is guns..." which I can understand. I get the gun fever and want to play with my toys or check ARFCOM from time to time. I might send her this link and let her see that she's not alone.

In reality, I do love guns as a whole. As far as material possessions go they are my favorite by far. However, I LOVE her more than life itself and definitely more than anything material. She even likes to shoot with me sometimes, but as said before its definitely an attention thing, and if they don't fell they are getting enough attention, I think we should be there to change that. [Hands over man card]


So I guess you weren't kidding about sending her a link to this thread.
Link Posted: 10/30/2006 8:58:53 AM EST
Proud member of the "Gun Culture" as defined by Mr. John Ross! If you don't have it already, get it - Unintended Consequences!

Like some folks are drawn to motorcycles, cars, fine wines and cigars...

I honestly do not define "shooting" and "collecting" as a hobby - its a lifestyle.

My wife knows this, respects it and even enjoys it as well. Even though she may not shoot as much as I, our fundemental right to own firearms is one of her strongest stances.
Link Posted: 10/30/2006 8:58:54 AM EST
I admit I have a problem with guns. I obsess over every new part that I order. I obsessed over mt CMP order for two weeks waiting for it to come. Can't wait to shoot that Greek ammo.
Link Posted: 10/30/2006 9:01:07 AM EST

Originally Posted By gonzo_beyondo:
I'd tell her:

"The guns were here before you came...
**HALF**The guns will still be here after you're gone."

I think its a subtle hint.
Link Posted: 10/30/2006 9:01:23 AM EST
so are you divorced yet?
Link Posted: 10/30/2006 9:06:51 AM EST
get her a few of her own, make it "our thing" instead of"my thing"
Link Posted: 10/30/2006 9:15:31 AM EST

get her a few of her own, make it "our thing" instead of"my thing"


I've talked about this before....but never actually bought her anything specific.

Maybe a "Girl-ish" .22 carbine would make her have more interest. Also, maybe as my boys get older she will want to take part in a family outting to the range.
Link Posted: 10/30/2006 9:35:08 AM EST
HK_DUDE repeat this to her:

"Honey when I look deep into your eyes, deep into your pupils, I see a shimmering deep deep polished blue. It reminds me of a highly polished Smith & Wesson revolver."

Thats a slam dunk gonna get ya laid kind of line
Link Posted: 10/30/2006 9:35:47 AM EST
Happiness is a warm gun, yeah yeah
Link Posted: 10/30/2006 9:41:57 AM EST

HK_DUDE repeat this to her:

"Honey when I look deep into your eyes, deep into your pupils, I see a shimmering deep deep polished blue. It reminds me of a highly polished Smith & Wesson revolver."

Thats a slam dunk gonna get ya laid kind of line


Link Posted: 10/30/2006 10:42:34 AM EST

Originally Posted By AeroE:
The only rule I put down before marriage was that I would always own an airplane and there was no discussing the topic.

Could have been the same with firearms, I suppose, but that falls under the category of "she should have figured that one out on her own".


What kind of plane do you have?
Link Posted: 10/30/2006 10:48:51 AM EST
[Last Edit: 10/30/2006 10:51:51 AM EST by Spade]

Originally Posted By AeroE:
The only rule I put down before marriage was that I would always own an airplane and there was no discussing the topic.

Could have been the same with firearms, I suppose, but that falls under the category of "she should have figured that one out on her own".


Good deal there.

I had the following discussion with one girl the first time she came over my place.
"Uh, is that a gun? I don't like guns."
"The door is over there."

I have hobbies. Shooting, hiking, shooting furry things and eating them, etc. These will not change. Like it or leave it. Beats the hell out of me why you'd marry somebody who didn't respect you enough to understand your hobbies and interests.

I don't get this "But I LOVE her" crap. Essentially, you're selling out yourself for the attentions of somebody else. I'd rather try to find somebody who shared my interests. I personally think those types of relationships are the ones that are essentially doomed. I knew a couple that did that for years while dating. "Oh, this annoys me. But we'll work it out! We will! We're in love!" and they'd try to smooth everything out because they were "in love".

Marriage lasted 7 months, of course. Because really, they weren't compatible. They were just fooling themselves.

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