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9/22/2017 12:11:25 AM
Posted: 9/28/2005 10:08:44 PM EDT
www.fortbragg/sfc/item1216trngexc.html

Females Used In Combat Stress Exercises

By SSgt. Barry Sadler

We've all been there. You are sitting quitely in your living room and letting all the problems of the day quietly slip away. Suddenly a female enters the environment. Without warning you are subjected to a massive barrage of gossip, complaints and a endless parade of mundane questions.

Quickly your mental capacity to process all the new data is overloaded and your average person either breaks under the stress in a defensive fit of outrage meant to act as a deterrent or he quietly retreats within himself never to be seen again on a conscious level.

Combat veterans were the first to note that this mental barrage was quite similar to what happens when a soldier becomes subject to a massive enemy attack. In an effort to better prepare our nations special forces community to the duress of sudden, unexpected violent enemy fire the Army Special Forces School has adopted a program that will simulate this mental onslaught.

4 females between the ages of 21-35 are selected at random and prepared by watching 8 hours of Oprah, The View, 2 random soap operas and a Lifetime Channel movie. Then each female member is isolated for a 2 hour period to 'prime' them. The SFC school at Ft. Bragg has determined that 2 hours of isolation without contact is the optimum time for your average female to reach a state of 'critical mass.'

Without warning program participants are subjected to one of the females in a confined area with no possiblity of escape. Soldiers are subjected to almost 30 mins. of intensive contact. Prior test have determined that any additional contact begins to cause irrepairable damage far beyond the post tramatic stress syndrome experienced by many combat veterans.

Graduates of the training program credit it with saving their very lives. Lt. Neddermeyer, who is no stranger to intense fire under combat stated the following, "It absolutely saved the lives of me an my men. We came under a surprise enemy mortar attack. All around us men were being blown to pieces and we had no cover. Men everywhere froze in fear and hesitation. Only due to the program I had been through much worse. My head was clear as I began to issue orders and mounted a counter offensive against the weak point in the enemy line. It was hell, but thankfully I had been there before."

Critics of the program argue that it is much too harsh and should be banned under the Geneva Accord. The program does have a 24% failure rate, exceedingly high given that only special forces troops are allowed to particpate. This contrasts sharply with their 2% failure rate in all other military programs. To make matters worse, those that fail are deemed "unsuitable for further military service" in more than 68% of the cases. Noted Capt. Miller, "When it works it works, but when it fails it is a career ender."

Other members of the Geneva Convention also are critical of the program, not for the extreme stress that it places on the soldiers but for the 'unfair advantage' it gives successful graduates. Arab delegates stated that "Our women are not like American women. There is no way we could establish a comparable program. This will only lead to a gross disparity." The French sided with the dissenters by stating that "Americans have enough advantage, this is simply overkill."

And finally the National Organization of Women (NOW) also objected to the program. While they are pleased that women are being seen as a valuable asset in some respects, they believe that this program does not fairly demonstrate a womans self worth and makes them more of a commodity to be used for the benefit of male soldiers.

Time will only tell if the "Estrogen Stress" programs, as they are commonly known, will survive or if they will go the way of other well meaning failures like Agent Orange defoliation.
Link Posted: 9/28/2005 10:13:31 PM EDT
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

*br­eathe.....*


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA­



wow i'm gonna be a super commando!!! and I have prior training!

knew that bitch would come in handy! that's better then PT!

-Roth
Link Posted: 9/28/2005 10:17:05 PM EDT
Was that from the guy who wrote the Balad of the Green Berets?
Link Posted: 9/28/2005 10:27:57 PM EDT

Originally Posted By WildBoar:
Was that from the guy who wrote the Balad of the Green Berets?



Just what I was thinking...isn't he dead for a couple decades now?
Link Posted: 9/28/2005 10:31:01 PM EDT
"What about myyyyyyyyy needs?"
Link Posted: 9/28/2005 10:32:20 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/28/2005 10:33:29 PM EDT by DzlBenz]
Shit. Double tap.
Link Posted: 9/28/2005 10:32:59 PM EDT
How does it feel to be an asshole, Neidermeyer?


Link Posted: 9/28/2005 10:35:28 PM EDT
hmmm, i only thought that women were useful for releiving the stress of combat training...
Link Posted: 9/29/2005 4:22:13 AM EDT

Originally Posted By NUCdt04:
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
*breathe.....*


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA­



wow i'm gonna be a super commando!!! and I have prior training!

knew that bitch would come in handy! that's better then PT!

-Roth



Estrogen Tab.
Link Posted: 9/29/2005 4:30:30 AM EDT
I can't get the link to work.

Is this a joke?
Link Posted: 9/29/2005 4:38:19 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/29/2005 4:42:40 AM EDT by vito113]
Link Posted: 9/29/2005 4:39:37 AM EDT
Link Posted: 9/29/2005 4:45:36 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/29/2005 4:46:19 AM EDT by UmpaLumpa]


This has got to be a joke, its to good to be true!!!
Link Posted: 9/29/2005 4:53:35 AM EDT
What are they going to do when 1/2 of them in the study get pregnant?
Link Posted: 9/29/2005 6:15:22 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Centauro97:
I can't get the link to work.

Is this a joke?



Shirley you can't be serious.
Link Posted: 9/29/2005 6:19:10 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/29/2005 6:19:37 AM EDT by efpeter]

Originally Posted By SteyrAUG:

Shirley you can't be serious.





Yes, I am serious. And stop calling me Shirley.
Link Posted: 9/29/2005 6:24:53 AM EDT
That's a bona fide hoot!
Link Posted: 9/29/2005 6:38:52 AM EDT
Steyr, did you write that?
Link Posted: 9/29/2005 6:50:03 AM EDT
So I do know what it's like to be in combat, after all. Cool!
Link Posted: 9/29/2005 6:52:22 AM EDT

Originally Posted By efpeter:

Originally Posted By SteyrAUG:

Shirley you can't be serious.





Yes, I am serious. And stop calling me Shirley.


Link Posted: 9/29/2005 7:03:11 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/29/2005 7:06:46 AM EDT by pbrstreetgang]
i'm ready for a deep insertion mission. i'm rock hard now.

... hmmm, double, double, entendre.
Link Posted: 9/29/2005 7:14:50 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/29/2005 7:15:15 AM EDT by jaeger_1969]
BUDS doesn't have anything on my wife! Holy Crap!
Link Posted: 9/29/2005 7:46:10 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Schulze:
Steyr, did you write that?



Yes, that is original work.
Link Posted: 9/29/2005 7:49:49 AM EDT

Originally Posted By SteyrAUG:

Originally Posted By Schulze:
Steyr, did you write that?



Yes, that is original work.



Very nice. Your talent is right up there with the contributors to The Onion.
Link Posted: 9/29/2005 7:51:23 AM EDT
U.S Spec Ops will have em in the cot in 10 minutes.
Link Posted: 9/30/2005 4:10:41 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/30/2005 4:12:15 PM EDT by napalm]

Originally Posted By SteyrAUG:
www.fortbragg/sfc/item1216trngexc.html

Graduates of the training program credit it with saving their very lives. Lt. Neddermeyer, who is no stranger to intense fire under combat stated the following, "A PLEDGE PIN?!@?!"







"Some joker loaded this pistol with blanks, so I had to beat her to death with the chair."
Link Posted: 9/30/2005 5:01:11 PM EDT
Hey Steyr... you forgot your tagline...


SteyrAUG, a regular contributor to The Onion, wrote....



Link Posted: 9/30/2005 6:10:47 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Tango7:
Hey Steyr... you forgot your tagline...


SteyrAUG, a regular contributor to The Onion, wrote....







I'd like to think I'm far too qualified to work for "The Onion."

Link Posted: 9/30/2005 6:13:27 PM EDT
That was funny and scary for a second.




Good work!
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