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Posted: 12/20/2005 10:31:11 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/22/2005 8:16:53 AM EDT by Fat_McNasty]
So I'm sitting here in my office looking with a good view of a table that was set up for the office snacks. Each department is to bring in food stuff for the rest of the office to eat during the day. Chips, candy, cookies, salsa and dips are among the things that inhabit the table.
What strikes me as odd is how the people act while grazing at the table. In simple terms it like watching a documentary of a watering hole on the serengeti. Its almost comical to watch these people slowly saunter up to the table looking around to see if any one is watching. Then grab a bunch of food while at the same time feeding there face. If some one that is higher on the food chain approaches. The eater/s will flee to the refuge of there desk.
I have also noticed that the lower workers also travel in groups. Maby there is safety in numbers. Where as a higher ranking boss or CEO travels alone.

So I'm plans for today to to setup a stand near the table, downwind so not to spook the game. If I get lucky I can to do a bit of catch, tag and release.

Well wish me luck on my Office Safari! w00t!
Link Posted: 12/20/2005 10:36:01 AM EDT
This is a golden opportunity!

As the underlings begin to graze & lose focus on their surroundings, stand up and loudly say "Merry Christmas Mr. <insert higher up name>"

Watch them scurry
Link Posted: 12/20/2005 10:39:27 AM EDT

Wait until there is a BUNCH of them around the table, then throw a firecracker under the table.

BANG! Watch what happens.





­
*Just kidding. Use a M80 instead.
Link Posted: 12/20/2005 10:42:02 AM EDT
Where the hell is your treestand???!
Link Posted: 12/20/2005 10:45:07 AM EDT

Originally Posted By w4klr:
Where the hell is your treestand???!



Near the table.. But its actually a blind that looks just like a copy machine.
Link Posted: 12/20/2005 10:45:19 AM EDT
Higher ranking bosses and CEO's travel alone because they have no friends. They get up that high in business by backstabbing, brown-nosing and generally stepping on other ppl.
Link Posted: 12/20/2005 10:46:17 AM EDT
Drozd Down!


Uh. I mean draw down!
Link Posted: 12/20/2005 10:49:13 AM EDT
I would like to also add.. What kind of sick bastard puts pineapple in salsa! OMG that's gross!
Link Posted: 12/20/2005 10:53:15 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Fat_McNasty:
I would like to also add.. What kind of sick bastard puts pineapple in salsa! OMG that's gross!




Link Posted: 12/20/2005 10:55:02 AM EDT
Link Posted: 12/20/2005 11:04:16 AM EDT
Spycam
Link Posted: 12/20/2005 11:12:23 AM EDT

Originally Posted By SouthHoof:
This is a golden opportunity!

As the underlings begin to graze & lose focus on their surroundings, stand up and loudly say "Merry Christmas Mr. <insert higher up name>"

Watch them scurry



No way, that's way too mean. I mean, how dare you say Christmas at work!
Link Posted: 12/20/2005 11:30:26 AM EDT

Originally Posted By 9mm4me:
Higher ranking bosses and CEO's travel alone because they have no friends. They get up that high in business by backstabbing, brown-nosing and generally stepping on other ppl.




Passed over, huh?






All kidding aside, this is the e-mail that our social planner Nazi sent out about our Pot Luck action tomorrow...

"In order to accommodate all the food that will be brought in tomorrow, we will need to clean the fridge this afternoon. Please check to make sure all your items are thrown out or marked accordingly by 3:00PM.

Breakfast food will be placed in the Irvine room first thing in the morning and will be there until 9:30.

At 10:00-11:30 the dips, cheese, crackers and veggies along with soda & ice will be brought into the room.

Lunch will be at 11:45-2:30

Dessert will also be brought into the room at 12:00PM and remain until 3:30


Please keep your food with you until it’s time to place in the Irvine room. I will announce the times and removal of courses.


We will all help with the cleanup and make it a great feast for all to enjoy.



Thank you,

Xxxxxxxx Xxxxxxx

Business Name Here

XXX-XXX-XXXX"



Now, personally, I try to wait until the cows have finished their initial gorge-fest (that way I get to keep all my appendages). Then I move in like a jackal and feast on the scraps.
Link Posted: 12/20/2005 11:37:39 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/20/2005 11:48:45 AM EDT by GlockSmack]
Yes, and if you don't bring food for the fodder, then you can't partake. Way to embrace the holiday season of sharing. assmonkeys.
Link Posted: 12/20/2005 11:41:34 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/20/2005 11:41:58 AM EDT by Stealth]
I consider myself the "hawk" of the grazing table.

First I walk buy pretending not to notice the food, yet memorizing every dish and location.

Then I swoop back the other way grabbing an entire ham, chicken wing platter, or box of donuts and carry my prey into the cubical.

After devouring the entire ham, chicken wing platter or box of donuts, I return the empty container giving the owner a well deserved feeling of "wow, my stuff went over well".

This methods keeps me from being trampled by the herd and allows me to eat casually.
Link Posted: 12/20/2005 11:44:05 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/20/2005 11:46:04 AM EDT by Fat_McNasty]
Update.. I have done a bit of looking and found a salsa without the damn fruit in it.. But its not hot, Its a lot like eating tomato sauce. Doesn't anyone in Oregon know how to make a good salsa! I was told not to bring any of mine anymore since they had to take that one gal to the hospital.
Link Posted: 12/20/2005 11:46:45 AM EDT

Originally Posted By GlockSmack:
Yes, and if you don't bring food for the fodder, then you can't partake. Way to embrace the holiday season of sharing assmonkeys.




Who wants to share assmonkeys?
Link Posted: 12/20/2005 11:48:41 AM EDT

Originally Posted By PosterChild:

Originally Posted By GlockSmack:
Yes, and if you don't bring food for the fodder, then you can't partake. Way to embrace the holiday season of sharing assmonkeys.




Who wants to share assmonkeys?



The Russians did at one time!
Link Posted: 12/20/2005 11:51:43 AM EDT

Originally Posted By PosterChild:

Originally Posted By GlockSmack:
Yes, and if you don't bring food for the fodder, then you can't partake. Way to embrace the holiday season of sharing assmonkeys.




Who wants to share assmonkeys?




Assmonkeys need to be deep tissue marinaded for at least 24 hours prior to cooking.
Link Posted: 12/20/2005 11:52:03 AM EDT
What is even worse is to be in the head and see those assholes walk out without washing their hands. They then proceed directly to the kitchen and handle food, drink machines, and each other. The rest of use are trying to find a way to make it obvious that this is not appreciated, especially on pot luck days.

I am almost to the point of saying something on the PA. I think something along the lines of Hey, _________ you forgot to wash your hands after using the bathroom. Jerk.

Link Posted: 12/20/2005 11:52:04 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Fat_McNasty:
I would like to also add.. What kind of sick bastard puts pineapple in salsa! OMG that's gross!



Probably the same kind of sick bastard that puts beans in chili. Ick.
Link Posted: 12/20/2005 11:52:58 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Stealth:

Originally Posted By PosterChild:

Originally Posted By GlockSmack:
Yes, and if you don't bring food for the fodder, then you can't partake. Way to embrace the holiday season of sharing assmonkeys.




Who wants to share assmonkeys?




Assmonkeys need to be deep tissue marinaded for at least 24 hours prior to cooking.



Asshole! I just spat weak salsa and chips all over my keyboard!
Link Posted: 12/20/2005 11:54:07 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Fat_McNasty:
Update.. I have done a bit of looking and found a salsa without the damn fruit in it.. But its not hot, Its a lot like eating tomato sauce. Doesn't anyone in Oregon know how to make a good salsa! I was told not to bring any of mine anymore since they had to take that one gal to the hospital.



1. There's nothing more satisfying than hearing your name being cursed as the person you afflicted with either chili or salsa is wheeled away.

2. Move to FL dude, we've got more than enough Guatamalans, Mexicans, and Cubans, I'm sure you'll be able to find a spicy concoction somewhere.

Fruit in salsa, frickin typical.
Link Posted: 12/20/2005 11:54:54 AM EDT
good post!
Link Posted: 12/20/2005 1:15:38 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/20/2005 1:16:45 PM EDT by Kharn]
As a potluck buffet molester, I must tag this thread.
And I dont go with a group when grabbing the food, I only scout with other lowly coworkers (maybe grabbing one or two small cookies), then return for the alpha strike solo. That way they cant rat me out as eating all the good food at a staff meeting.

Kharn
Link Posted: 12/20/2005 1:19:52 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Fat_McNasty:
Update.. I have done a bit of looking and found a salsa without the damn fruit in it.. But its not hot, Its a lot like eating tomato sauce. Doesn't anyone in Oregon know how to make a good salsa! I was told not to bring any of mine anymore since they had to take that one gal to the hospital.



It's not good salsa unless it burns going down and burns coming out.
Link Posted: 12/20/2005 1:22:14 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Fat_McNasty:
I would like to also add.. What kind of sick bastard puts pineapple in salsa! OMG that's gross!



Now papaya is outstanding...but yes, pineapple is worthy of two to the chest, one to the head.
Link Posted: 12/20/2005 8:44:16 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Fat_McNasty:

Originally Posted By w4klr:
Where the hell is your treestand???!



Near the table.. But its actually a blind that looks just like a copy machine.




So instead of RealTree camo, you've got Xerox?
Link Posted: 12/20/2005 9:17:39 PM EDT

Originally Posted By USNDOC:
What is even worse is to be in the head and see those assholes walk out without washing their hands. They then proceed directly to the kitchen and handle food, drink machines, and each other. The rest of use are trying to find a way to make it obvious that this is not appreciated, especially on pot luck days.

I am almost to the point of saying something on the PA. I think something along the lines of Hey, _________ you forgot to wash your hands after using the bathroom. Jerk.





absolute worst. I see this all the time. Seems to be prevalent in every office. And the ***holes who won't wash their hands are the ones double dipping and noodling around in the freaking food. I refuse to eat any food at an office I didn't see prepared myself.

We "solved" the whole outing of the non-handwashers at my old company in a nice way. A few of us were bitching about non-washers and there were a few repeat offenders. I got the great idea to start an email spoof from the bathroom genie about who wasn't doing it.

After our first couple of spoofed emails from the bathroom genie to the entire company urging employees to wash their damn hands and naming a few names explicitly, people got to studiously washing their hands whenever they went in there. Like they should.

I should start doing this at my current job.....
Link Posted: 12/20/2005 9:30:17 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Fat_McNasty:
I would like to also add.. What kind of sick bastard puts pineapple in salsa! OMG that's gross!



that's horrible!
Link Posted: 12/20/2005 9:49:02 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Stealth:

Originally Posted By PosterChild:

Originally Posted By GlockSmack:
Yes, and if you don't bring food for the fodder, then you can't partake. Way to embrace the holiday season of sharing assmonkeys.




Who wants to share assmonkeys?




Assmonkeys need to be deep tissue marinaded for at least 24 hours prior to cooking.



Ok that's just sigline material right there.
Link Posted: 12/20/2005 10:55:54 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Fat_McNasty:
Update.. I have done a bit of looking and found a salsa without the damn fruit in it.. But its not hot, Its a lot like eating tomato sauce. Doesn't anyone in Oregon know how to make a good salsa! I was told not to bring any of mine anymore since they had to take that one gal to the hospital.



Hey, if your salsa is that hot....How can I get some??


Seriously.

No Expert
Link Posted: 12/20/2005 11:14:54 PM EDT

Originally Posted By w4klr:
Where the hell is your treestand???!



Luckily I was not in the process of eating or drinking when I read that.
Link Posted: 12/21/2005 5:44:21 AM EDT

Originally Posted By No_Expert:

Originally Posted By Fat_McNasty:
Update.. I have done a bit of looking and found a salsa without the damn fruit in it.. But its not hot, Its a lot like eating tomato sauce. Doesn't anyone in Oregon know how to make a good salsa! I was told not to bring any of mine anymore since they had to take that one gal to the hospital.



Hey, if your salsa is that hot....How can I get some??


Seriously.

No Expert



Well it will have to be a FFL to FFL transfer with a 4473. I don't want any children injured or maimed.
Link Posted: 12/21/2005 7:35:44 AM EDT
Get to work!

no wonder the chinese will be taking us over.
Link Posted: 12/21/2005 7:43:37 AM EDT

Originally Posted By patchouli:
Get to work!

no wonder the chinese will be taking us over.



Work I am working.. Just multi-tasking!
Link Posted: 12/21/2005 7:53:32 AM EDT
It sounds like your talking about my office building. Put a dish of candy out in the breakroom around here and it disappears almost immediately. It's like the air in there has some sort of degrading quality to it that dissolves candy.

I haven't attended a Christmas (err, excuse me, Holiday) dinner here since I came to work here five years ago. Out of all the people that are employed here less than ten will actually speak to you.

And who the hell puts fruit in salsa??? That is worthy of a complete ass-kicking. I belive I'd draw down on someone if I found fruit in my salsa.
Link Posted: 12/21/2005 8:37:36 AM EDT
It's hard to imagine morale that high around here. We had a crappy holiday potluck organized by the office admistrator for 100 people that virtually no one participated in and consisted entirely of store-bought cookies. It was held downstairs. My boss handed out modest gifts to his reports. Other than that there have been no holiday decorations or treats. There are several sign up sheets to pay $100 for some carmel covered popcorn or other such treat.

Certainly, after Christmas, there will be plates full of bad, stale leftovers dumped on the counters. I sometimes toss these in the garbage to prevent myself and others from being tempted to eat crisco covered with powdered sugar. One of these days, I'm going to bring in the scraps from my dinner and put them on the counter next to someone's leftover, brown guacamole from yesterday's meeting.
Link Posted: 12/21/2005 8:44:12 AM EDT
Update!!!
Well they brought out the cakes and cookies today. This has lured in a whole new group of animals! I'm seeing hippos and elephants nonchalanty grazing, they do not seem threatened or as jumpy as the ones I saw yesterday. The planes game on teh other hand does to seem to impressed with the sugary treats. Ill keep looking today I hope to bag an assmoney for Stealth! He keeps wanting to try out this new deep tissue marinade he has...


Ooo this just in!! The CEO stopped by my blind and thought he would wish me a merry x-mas, and handed me a $50 gift card to Fred Meyer! WOW! Now I can get that liver transplant that I do so needed! Or a couple boxes of fine wine..
Link Posted: 12/21/2005 10:45:42 AM EDT
Yo! Save me some cake. Okay?
Link Posted: 12/21/2005 10:53:14 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Stealth:
Yo! Save me some cake. Okay?



Better yet I have captured you a assmonkey! I hope I can keep it fresh for ya! See ya on Sat!
Link Posted: 12/21/2005 11:02:55 AM EDT
Update!!!
Well they brought out the cakes and cookies today. This has lured in a whole new group of animals! I'm seeing hippos and elephants nonchalanty grazing, they do not seem threatened or as jumpy as the ones I saw yesterday. The planes game on teh other hand does to seem to impressed with the sugary treats. Ill keep looking today I hope to bag an assmoney for Stealth! He keeps wanting to try out this new deep tissue marinade he has...


Ooo this just in!! The CEO stopped by my blind and thought he would wish me a merry x-mas, and handed me a $50 gift card to Fred Meyer! WOW! Now I can get that liver transplant that I do so needed! Or a couple boxes of fine wine..




Fifty more than I got!
Link Posted: 12/21/2005 11:07:38 AM EDT
So your assmonkey trap worked as planned. Good to hear.

It better not get overcooked like last year. There's nothing worse than a crispy flaming assmonkey for Christmas dinner.

Link Posted: 12/21/2005 11:17:42 AM EDT
Alright McNasty...you asked for it.









...hope you're happy. I almost paid for these with my life.


Link Posted: 12/21/2005 11:18:14 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Fat_McNasty:
Update!!!
Well they brought out the cakes and cookies today. This has lured in a whole new group of animals! I'm seeing hippos and elephants nonchalanty grazing, they do not seem threatened or as jumpy as the ones I saw yesterday. The planes game on teh other hand does to seem to impressed with the sugary treats. Ill keep looking today I hope to bag an assmoney for Stealth! He keeps wanting to try out this new deep tissue marinade he has...


Ooo this just in!! The CEO stopped by my blind and thought he would wish me a merry x-mas, and handed me a $50 gift card to Fred Meyer! WOW! Now I can get that liver transplant that I do so needed! Or a couple boxes of fine wine..


Fred Meyer=IIRC a grocery store right? Your boss has fine taste
Link Posted: 12/21/2005 11:22:03 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/21/2005 11:32:49 AM EDT by Stealth]

Originally Posted By PosterChild:
Alright McNasty...you asked for it.


www.benderstreet.com/images/1_low.jpg


www.benderstreet.com/images/3_low.jpg



...hope you're happy. I almost paid for these with my life.





I'm beginning to wonder if the 416 RemMag is underpowered.
Link Posted: 12/21/2005 11:25:32 AM EDT
Link Posted: 12/21/2005 11:27:33 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Stealth:
I consider myself the "hawk" of the grazing table.

First I walk buy pretending not to notice the food, yet memorizing every dish and location.

Then I swoop back the other way grabbing an entire ham, chicken wing platter, or box of donuts and carry my prey into the cubical.

After devouring the entire ham, chicken wing platter or box of donuts, I return the empty container giving the owner a well deserved feeling of "wow, my stuff went over well".

This methods keeps me from being trampled by the herd and allows me to eat casually.






You definately live up to your screen name.
Link Posted: 12/21/2005 11:27:40 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Stealth:

Originally Posted By PosterChild:
Alright McNasty...you asked for it.


www.benderstreet.com/images/1_low.jpg


www.benderstreet.com/images/3_low.jpg



...hope you're happy. I almost paid for these with my life.





I'm beginning to wonder if the 416 RemMag is underpowered.



See! See I told you to go with the .460 Wby Mag!

And Yes Fred Meyer is a higher class version of a super walmart.

Thank you posterchild, for the great nature shots! I hope you were not seen from behind your blind!
Link Posted: 12/21/2005 11:29:30 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Fat_McNasty:

.......Or a couple boxes of fine wine..



That's pretty funny ..
Link Posted: 12/21/2005 11:30:09 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/21/2005 11:30:51 AM EDT by mucknuggle]
A family friend works for a large insurance company and marvels at how her coworkers act in these situations.

Many of them keep large, styrofoam carry out containers at their desk and will take as much as they can get home with them, or will make two plates and conver one with foil, or try the old "I'm getting a plate for so and so" routine, then "so and so" will be in line getting their own food a minute later.
'
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