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Posted: 9/26/2005 1:37:56 PM EDT
Why is that so hard for some people(mostly women) to understand?
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 1:40:46 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/26/2005 1:42:19 PM EDT by MillerSHO]
I think men understand that it's a normal function so it's accepted and funny when someone decides to bark it out.

Women like to act like they never even take dumps or pick there nose cause they can't accept it's just human nature.

That is until a baby farts or picks it's nose, then it's "AWWW HE/SHE's soooo cute".

My wife still acts like she doesn't take shits or farts.

You want to know how to get to a women?

When your talking about farts to your women, tell her she farts in her sleep.

OMG its awesome to see how each women reacts to that.
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 1:40:52 PM EDT
IBT
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 1:41:45 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/26/2005 1:42:20 PM EDT by klutz347]
It's a guy thing.

Even when my boys were 18 months and younger, they would laugh when they farted or I farted around them.

edit for piss poor spelling.
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 1:42:46 PM EDT
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 1:42:59 PM EDT
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 1:43:07 PM EDT
My son is 18 months and when he cuts a big one, he looks at me to see if I heard it, then starts laughing hard.
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 1:46:07 PM EDT

Originally Posted By DDiggler:
My son is 18 months and when he cuts a big one, he looks at me to see if I heard it, then starts laughing hard.



now that's funny. Seriously though - would you want a woman who ran around saying "Here, pull my finger?"

Appreciate what you have. Patty
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 1:46:23 PM EDT

Originally Posted By mjohn3006:

Why is that so hard for some people(mostly women) to understand?




Sorry man, but I don't understand either.



After age 6, what's the fascination with bodily functions?
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 1:46:43 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Lakeguy:
Farts




My wife thinks i'm nuts now. i'm laughing so hard it hurts!!!
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 1:47:42 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/26/2005 1:47:53 PM EDT by DK-Prof]

Originally Posted By pattymcn:
Seriously though - would you want a woman who ran around saying "Here, pull my finger?"



Apparently, you have not met my wife
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 1:47:54 PM EDT

Originally Posted By mjohn3006:
Why is that so hard for some people(mostly women) to understand?


They understand, they're just not as proud.
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 1:48:49 PM EDT
OK farts are funny. Pretty universally funny.

But I'm glad that my wife and I don't fart around each other and with the exception of an occasional "Do you think you could have sprayed a little air freshener?" I'm fine with not knowing about her bowel movements.

HOWEVER

I am keeping the "Did you know you fart in your sleep" line for a rainy day...
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 1:49:06 PM EDT

Originally Posted By mjohn3006:
Why is that so hard for some people(mostly women) to understand?



Maybe in private. In public though? Low brow humor.
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 1:50:20 PM EDT
This thread has potential
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 1:51:41 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/26/2005 1:52:59 PM EDT by mjohn3006]

Originally Posted By tc556guy:

Originally Posted By mjohn3006:
Why is that so hard for some people(mostly women) to understand?



Maybe in private. In public though? Low brow humor.



Is a couple of guys hanging out "public"?


Cause its saying "we had a farting contest" that gets indignant wtf looks from people and caused this thread.
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 1:54:00 PM EDT

Originally Posted By mjohn3006:
Is a couple of guys hanging out "public"?


Cause its saying "we had a farting contest" that gets indignant wtf looks from people and caused this thread.


If they are hanging out IN public and around other peopel than yes, they are in public. If all a couple of guys hanging out can think to do is have a farting contest, I think they need to expand their horizons.
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 1:56:25 PM EDT

Originally Posted By MillerSHO:

You want to know how to get to a women?

When your talking about farts to your women, tell her she farts in her sleep.

OMG its awesome to see how each women reacts to that. hr


Don't forget to tell her she practically sends the blanket flying. I got a girlfriend so embarrassed telling her she farts like a marine in her sleep, I couldn't stay over for weeks. I highly recommend cutting one that will take the paint off the wall, wake her up and blame her.
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 1:56:33 PM EDT

Originally Posted By tc556guy:

Originally Posted By mjohn3006:
Is a couple of guys hanging out "public"?


Cause its saying "we had a farting contest" that gets indignant wtf looks from people and caused this thread.


If they are hanging out IN public and around other peopel than yes, they are in public. If all a couple of guys hanging out can think to do is have a farting contest, I think they need to expand their horizons.



Walking in the woods hunting. No one else around. Squirrels not to be found anywhere, gave up and started farting.
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 2:02:41 PM EDT
When I want to make my wife mad, I tell her that she left the bathroom smelling really foul. She can't stand it that her poop stinks.

We have a two girls (2 and 4). They can almost fart on demand. One will fart, the other will laugh and within 30 seconds the other one farts.

I'm so proud.

R.
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 2:33:08 PM EDT


You want to know how to get to a women?

When your talking about farts to your women, tell her she farts in her sleep.

OMG its awesome to see how each women reacts to that.




I will try that
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 2:40:40 PM EDT
A womans fart can usually peel paint...a byproduct of holding it in too long.

Mine? not so bad...hell when I pull the covers over my girlfriend's head at night after ripping a good one she only fights it for a couple minutes.
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 2:41:32 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Gatchaman:

Originally Posted By MillerSHO:

You want to know how to get to a women?

When your talking about farts to your women, tell her she farts in her sleep.

OMG its awesome to see how each women reacts to that.


I highly recommend cutting one
that will take the paint off the wall, wake her up and blame her.



Heheh, now that's good.
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 2:42:46 PM EDT
Why am I reminded of that scene in "Mallrats" when Brody explains why his girlfriend left him for farting?
"she left you for farting in front of her"
"Yeah, but she was going down on me at the time"
"You're lucky all she did was leave you"
"Waht can i say I was relaxed"
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 2:45:04 PM EDT
I farted once.
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 2:45:32 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Gatchaman:

Originally Posted By MillerSHO:

You want to know how to get to a women?

When your talking about farts to your women, tell her she farts in her sleep.

OMG its awesome to see how each women reacts to that.



Don't forget to tell her she practically sends the blanket flying. I got a girlfriend so embarrassed telling her she farts like a marine in her sleep, I couldn't stay over for weeks. I highly recommend cutting one that will take the paint off the wall, wake her up and blame her.

Some of my farts wake her out of a dead sleep. Once, the smell woke ME out of a dead sleep. I really didn't think it was me, and I wanted to nail her for it. I elbowed her, which woke her, and said "You fucking hog!!" Of course, she says "That wasn't me... nothing that nasty can come out of me!" Yeah, right, I thought.

A minute or two passed, and so did a small bubble of my gas. I then lifted the covers discreetly, took a whiff, recognized it as the previously offending odor, smiled, and said "Sorry."

She then punched me.
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 2:47:23 PM EDT
My wife complains about my farts, yet she lets loose first thing on waking up and it sounds like ripping burlap bags. Then she denies it.
Who knows why they do what they do.
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 2:49:37 PM EDT

Originally Posted By rob78:
I pull the covers over my girlfriend's head at night after ripping a good one



I love giving the wife the "Dutch Oven" treatment
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 2:51:57 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/26/2005 2:52:12 PM EDT by DK-Prof]

Originally Posted By gaspasser:
My wife complains about my farts, yet she lets loose first thing on waking up and it sounds like ripping burlap bags. Then she denies it.







Link Posted: 9/26/2005 3:07:29 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Lakeguy:

Originally Posted By rob78:
I pull the covers over my girlfriend's head at night after ripping a good one



I love giving the wife the "Dutch Oven" treatment



My wife always tries to sneak them out (SBD's) and hits me with a dutch oven every now and again.

Yet she give's me a hard time when I fart when I'm in the bathroom; something's not right there.
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 3:10:24 PM EDT

Originally Posted By DK-Prof:

Originally Posted By gaspasser:
My wife complains about my farts, yet she lets loose first thing on waking up and it sounds like ripping burlap bags. Then she denies it.










Yeah, the cat did it. I've heard that one before.
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 7:13:53 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Lakeguy:

Originally Posted By rob78:
I pull the covers over my girlfriend's head at night after ripping a good one



I love giving the wife the "Dutch Oven" treatment



Someone needs to post the video.
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 7:17:01 AM EDT

Originally Posted By gaspasser:
My wife complains about my farts, yet she lets loose first thing on waking up and it sounds like ripping burlap bags. Then she denies it.
Who knows why they do what they do.



I'm just going on a hunch, but is gas passing a big thing in your life?
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 7:20:42 AM EDT

Originally Posted By DK-Prof:

Originally Posted By pattymcn:
Seriously though - would you want a woman who ran around saying "Here, pull my finger?"



Apparently, you have not met my wife



Oh NO! I've seen pictures. She is too much of a lady [covers ears and runs away] Patty
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 7:30:28 AM EDT

Originally Posted By pattymcn:

Originally Posted By DK-Prof:

Originally Posted By pattymcn:
Seriously though - would you want a woman who ran around saying "Here, pull my finger?"



Apparently, you have not met my wife



Oh NO! I've seen pictures. She is too much of a lady [covers ears and runs away] Patty



desertmoon claws out his own EYES!!!! NO...not THAT woman,....anyone but her!!!


I deny it!! It is not possible!!! I refuse to believe DKPROF.....!!!!!
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 7:42:06 AM EDT
Not all women hate them. Somebody on the now deceased pre-ban.com linked a video of women that loved to fart while nude into other women’s faces and like sniff and inhale them.
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 7:42:21 AM EDT
Only my farts are funny.
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 7:52:10 AM EDT



me and my girl were goofing around a few weeks back. this usually escalates from poking and generally annoying eachother to wrestling.

well, to make a long story short, i got her in a figure-four arond the mid section and squeezed a little.

the resulting noise, blast of heat, and eye-watering fumes i managed to squeeze out of this cute little 95lb. female almost put me in a coma.

needless to say, she was a bit embarrased. i don't know why though, we both had a good laugh, and my sinuses were now clear.


Link Posted: 9/27/2005 7:56:04 AM EDT
Everyone does it whether they admit it or not. The only difference is that some people choose to silence the fair warning that God intended. I would rather have an audible warning so I can avoid the smell.
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 7:57:43 AM EDT
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 10:25:43 AM EDT

Originally Posted By pattymcn:

Originally Posted By DK-Prof:

Originally Posted By pattymcn:
Seriously though - would you want a woman who ran around saying "Here, pull my finger?"



Apparently, you have not met my wife



Oh NO! I've seen pictures. She is too much of a lady [covers ears and runs away] Patty





Around her, it's not your EARS you need to be covering!
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 10:42:02 AM EDT
Everytime you fart a little bit of your soul seeps out.

Remember this.

Use them wisely.
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 10:55:07 AM EDT

Originally Posted By FloridaConfederate:
Everytime you fart a little bit of your soul seeps out.

Remember this.

Use them wisely.




If that is true, then I was soul-less by the time I was 7.
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 11:02:16 AM EDT
This thread was intensely difficult to masturbate to.
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 11:29:16 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Lakeguy:
Farts





Click all the buttons as fast as you can and listen to the symphony!

Link Posted: 9/27/2005 11:32:19 AM EDT

Originally Posted By npd233:
i22.photobucket.com/albums/b350/npd233/dutchoven.gif



Patty
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 12:37:52 PM EDT
I would never do that.

I want to live to be much older than I am now.


(My Dad, 85 says, "When I go, I hope I am shot to death by a jealous husband.")
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 12:50:30 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Austrian:
This thread was intensely difficult to masturbate to.



was? was?

damn
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 2:58:18 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Schulze:

Originally Posted By gaspasser:
My wife complains about my farts, yet she lets loose first thing on waking up and it sounds like ripping burlap bags. Then she denies it.
Who knows why they do what they do.



I'm just going on a hunch, but is gas passing a big thing in your life?



It gets cold here.
Very cold.
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 3:14:38 PM EDT
Reminds me of this photo:



Link Posted: 9/27/2005 3:23:51 PM EDT
All I know is: be careful who you try to Dutch oven. It could horrendously backfire.
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