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Posted: 8/24/2005 6:56:29 AM EDT
[#1]
I would drag my dick thru 9 miles of broken glass just to eat the peanuts out of your shit.
Don't remember where I heard that now. 
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Posted: 8/24/2005 6:57:34 AM EDT
[#2]
\ Yeah, but did you actually hear a guy say that to a woman? |
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Posted: 8/24/2005 6:58:11 AM EDT
[#3]
"I can't drink words."
(My response to EB when she says "I love you" in the morning without a cup of coffee for me.) |
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Posted: 8/24/2005 6:59:50 AM EDT
[#4]
"I'll throw one in ya."
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Posted: 8/24/2005 7:01:55 AM EDT
[#5]
"I'd like to take my trouser trout to tuna town."
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Posted: 8/24/2005 7:02:03 AM EDT
[#6]
"don't worry baby, I'll only put the head in"
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Posted: 8/24/2005 7:03:19 AM EDT
[#7]
"Yes, go ahead and buy your AR."
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Posted: 8/24/2005 7:03:43 AM EDT
[#8]
Yes I did. It was a guy I worked with I remember now, That was one warped man too. He was talking to his g/f at the time. He told everyone that she swallowed and then she said that he swallows too. his reply," yeah she farts and I swallow, the gas is bad but the nuts are good" |
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Posted: 8/24/2005 7:05:03 AM EDT
[#9]
A biker and his girlfriend is at dinner with his lawyer brother and his wife.
The biker feels all uncomfortable doesn't know how to act in such a posh enviroment. He observes his upscale laywer brother as he says to his wife over coffee, "Pass the suger, suger" The wife giggled and they embraced in a kiss. The biker thought about that and decided he was going to give it a try when the meal arrived. The meal was delivered to the table, the biker saw his chance. He leaned over to his girfriend and said: "Pass the pork, pig." |
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Posted: 8/24/2005 7:06:26 AM EDT
[#10]
"NEVER STOP FUCKING ME!" From Jerry Mcquire.
As far as real life. I accidently got involved with this crazy bitch that liked to be called real dirty things. She liked it when I called her a wh0re or a $lut or stuff like that. Usually when I was pulling her hair. All by her request. So (ill keep it as clean as possible) one day we're messing around and I have a hand full of her hair and say "Suck it you effing wh0re" and she went to TOWN on me. Wierd wierd girl. I found out later she married a kennedy. |
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Posted: 8/24/2005 7:06:27 AM EDT
[#11]
Princess Leia: "I love you"
Han Solo: "I know" |
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Posted: 8/24/2005 7:06:48 AM EDT
[#12]
[Mr T] Hey boy, you look mighty good in those jeans[Mr T]
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Posted: 8/24/2005 7:09:57 AM EDT
[#13]
Heres one from a friend.....
Talked to him a few weeks ago and he mentioned he was car shopping....he's been looking at mid 80's Porsche 911's.....but what he always wanted was a Ferrari, similar vintage, but more expensive. Talked to him a couple of days ago and now he is looking for a Ferrari.... Seems his wife approached him and asked him why he was looking at Porsche's when he always wanted a Ferrari...he explains that resale value is better, cost of ownership is cheaper (they are not wealthy so him spending 30k on a leisure vehicle is a huge investment for their family), etc. She then states to him " You have never compromised on anything in your life, you really want a Ferrari so why look at Porsche's....if you come home with a 911 I will know that you compromised and I will be disappointed in you...." Now thats romance...... 
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Posted: 8/24/2005 7:21:19 AM EDT
[#14]
True story.
A friend of mine(girl) was asked by a guy to marry him. Dufus: Will you marry me? I love you. My friend: No! Dufus: You fucking bitch! I hate you! I swear to god.....I busted out laughing when she told me. |
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Posted: 8/24/2005 7:23:54 AM EDT
[#15]
rofl. 
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Posted: 8/24/2005 7:24:37 AM EDT
[#16]
BINGO!  Funniest one I ever heard mentioned (not used) is "I'd drag my dick through a mile of broken glass than dip it in alcohol just to hear her fart through a walkie-talkie". THAT midwatch NEVER settled down after that gem! None of us could stop laughing!
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Posted: 8/24/2005 7:25:33 AM EDT
[#17]
I don’t know how this will rank since most so far are comical but during our INS interview the investigator asked why I decided to marry SHEISLEGEND.
I told him I had been with a few girlfriends I could live with but I think I finally found one I couldn’t live without. He asked her if she told me to say that (she didn’t tell me to). |
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Posted: 8/24/2005 7:27:37 AM EDT
[#18]
Patty
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Posted: 8/24/2005 7:32:21 AM EDT
[#19]
Her: Hey, arn't you married?? Me: No, that's my wife your thinking of. [true story] , a few beers later, she did not care at all !
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Posted: 8/24/2005 7:54:26 AM EDT
[#20]
"do you have a girlfriend?"
"no, but I know a girl who'd be mad if she heard me say that" |
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Posted: 8/24/2005 8:01:15 AM EDT
[#21]
'There....that oughta hold you'
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Posted: 8/24/2005 8:02:26 AM EDT
[#22]
I liked the lines Jake Elwood laid on Carrie Fisher when he was on his knees staring at her M-16!
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Posted: 8/24/2005 8:08:17 AM EDT
[#23]
You had me at Dicks fuck Assholes.
Team America |
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Posted: 8/24/2005 8:13:13 AM EDT
[#24]
"Hey honey, hows about we get a little mud on the turtle?"
Or my own: "What would you say if I asked you to marry me?" "I'd say yes." "Well then, let's do it." |
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Posted: 8/24/2005 8:14:35 AM EDT
[#25]
Yo Hommie! Is that my briefcase?
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Posted: 8/24/2005 8:25:24 AM EDT
[#26]
I think you mean Elwood Blues. I always found 50 Cent has a way with words: "I love you like a fat kid love cake, girl."  And this wasn't necesserily romantic, but I still laughed. Approached by two 15-year-old's in the mall: "You're hot, can we have your number?" "No." "Well...you're ugly anyway." "Nice save." |
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Posted: 8/24/2005 8:30:28 AM EDT
[#27]
"Get in the truck, bitch!"
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Posted: 8/24/2005 8:45:57 AM EDT
[#28]
No, Jake was played by Belushi. Elwood was Ackroyd. 
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Posted: 8/24/2005 8:53:18 AM EDT
[#29]
"Yer perfume has a lovely stench"
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Posted: 8/24/2005 9:20:45 AM EDT
[#30]
They probably would have creamed their jeans if you'd actually said yes.  Idiots. 
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Posted: 8/24/2005 9:30:29 AM EDT
[#31]
while a chick was giving me head, she held onto my penis and was talking to me, i just said
its not a microphone stop talking into it |
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Posted: 8/24/2005 9:44:52 AM EDT
[#32]
I'm surprised nobody has listed:
"I promise I'll never die." From Team America |
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Posted: 8/24/2005 10:01:35 AM EDT
[#33]
[after a burst of gunfire from the Mystery Woman, Jake climbs to his feet, covered in mud from the tunnel floor]
Jake: It's good to see you, sweetheart. Mystery Woman: You contemptible pig! I remained celibate for you. I stood at the back of a cathedral, waiting, in celibacy, for you, with three hundred friends and relatives in attendance. My uncle hired the best Romanian caterers in the state. To obtain the seven limousines for the wedding party, my father used up his last favor with Mad Pete Trullo. So for me, for my mother, my grandmother, my father, my uncle, and for the common good, I must now kill you, and your brother. [Jake falls to his knees] Jake: Oh, please, don't kill us. Please, please don't kill us. You know I love you baby. I wouldn't leave ya. It wasn't my fault. Mystery Woman: You miserable slug! You think you can talk your way out of this? You betrayed me. Jake: No I didn't. Honest... I ran out of gas. I, I had a flat tire. I didn't have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn't come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood. Locusts. IT WASN'T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD. [Elwood covers his head in anticipation of more gunfire, Jake removes his sunglasses to make a wordless appeal, and the Mystery Woman visibly softens] Mystery Woman: Oh, Jake... Jake, honey... [Jake embraces the Mystery Woman and they kiss] Jake: [to Elwood] Let's go. [He drops the Mystery Woman and walks off] Elwood: [to the Mystery Woman as he steps past her] Take it easy. |
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Posted: 8/24/2005 10:03:24 AM EDT
[#34]
I just laughed at the poor attempt to save their pride. |
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Posted: 8/24/2005 10:16:52 AM EDT
[#35]
I can't believe no one's brought up the Arfcom Romantic Classic
"Go make me a sammich" |
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Posted: 8/24/2005 10:17:39 AM EDT
[#36]
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Posted: 8/24/2005 11:43:45 AM EDT
[#37]
Oh man that is way too fucking funny!!!!.....
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Posted: 8/24/2005 12:03:29 PM EDT
[#38]
You blonde haired B&*(H,
with eyes like a frog, break-over like a shotgun, I'm gonna F*&K you like a dog |
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Posted: 8/24/2005 12:14:34 PM EDT
[#39]
How about, "You're better than an AR because you come assembled." |
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