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1/25/2018 7:38:29 AM
Posted: 12/19/2005 11:01:01 AM EST
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot

broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia

Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two

seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse

kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but

Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay,

but because he has run out of women.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets

the information he wants.

Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead

decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly

thereafter he grew a beard.

Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game,

but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a

roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied,

"That's no glitch."

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related

deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks

and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the

transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the

face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony,

couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They

now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought

a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard

rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd

had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking

its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the

good Chuck, he taketh away.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the

JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with

his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer


Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck


There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked

names for his left and right legs.

It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a

pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure

more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned

beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
Link Posted: 12/19/2005 11:01:51 AM EST
Link Posted: 12/19/2005 11:02:31 AM EST
[Last Edit: 12/19/2005 11:02:31 AM EST by The_Beer_Slayer]
little know fact. Chuck Norris doesn't lock threads for dupes....... but i do :)
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