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Posted: 9/18/2005 8:29:11 PM EDT
Anyone know of a home remedy laxative that works? I don't care which end it is administered through. I have a stomach ache, I have not, uh, evacuated since Friday, and I need to go NOW. I took some Pepto Bismol last night which has only served to stop up the plumbing worse.

At this point, I'd stuff a 223 round up my butt if I thought it would help....
Link Posted: 9/18/2005 8:31:09 PM EDT

Originally Posted By PeteCO:
At this point, I'd stuff a 223 round up my butt if I thought it would help....



Just make sure to use a blank.
Link Posted: 9/18/2005 8:33:19 PM EDT
Coffee. Lots of coffee.
Link Posted: 9/18/2005 8:33:40 PM EDT
apple juice,
popeye's(that shit burns)
Link Posted: 9/18/2005 8:35:07 PM EDT
Expired quail eggs.
Link Posted: 9/18/2005 8:35:45 PM EDT
Oh.. prune juice.
Link Posted: 9/18/2005 8:35:56 PM EDT
If you want quick action, a suppository is the way to go. I gave the suggestion; I'm not offering to help from here on out.
Link Posted: 9/18/2005 8:35:56 PM EDT
Prune juice. Always work for me.
Link Posted: 9/18/2005 8:36:55 PM EDT

Originally Posted By JBowles:
apple juice,
popeye's(that shit burns)



I already ate some apple sauce, now I'm wolfing down a baked potato. This shit started Friday night, and the popcorn I ate today while watching War of The Worlds sure as hell didn't help.
Link Posted: 9/18/2005 8:37:06 PM EDT
Link Posted: 9/18/2005 8:37:47 PM EDT
Suppositories are fastest.

1/2 to 1 quart of Prune juice will clean you out, but stick close to the bathroom for a few hours.

Or in classic ARFCOM style.... "Get Both".

Those with plugged up kids know these things.
Link Posted: 9/18/2005 8:38:08 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Midnight-Sniper:
If you want quick action, a suppository is the way to go. I gave the suggestion; I'm not offering to help from here on out.



I am out of Dulcolax suppositories, or else I'd shove one up my ass.
Link Posted: 9/18/2005 8:38:11 PM EDT
Dulcolax
Link Posted: 9/18/2005 8:39:27 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/18/2005 8:41:08 PM EDT by twonami]
Salt water? or go to a 24 hour drug store and get the Fleet laxative
Link Posted: 9/18/2005 8:39:32 PM EDT
Fleet
Link Posted: 9/18/2005 8:39:55 PM EDT

Originally Posted By PeteCO:

Originally Posted By Midnight-Sniper:
If you want quick action, a suppository is the way to go. I gave the suggestion; I'm not offering to help from here on out.



I am out of Dulcolax suppositories, or else I'd shove one up my ass.



Then the unspoken… mineral oil enema
Link Posted: 9/18/2005 8:39:57 PM EDT
Fleet Phospho Soda. You'll be "evacuating" your life away for the next few hours.
Link Posted: 9/18/2005 8:41:09 PM EDT
Coffee, and a nice, big bowl of Colon Blow®.
Link Posted: 9/18/2005 8:41:49 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/18/2005 8:44:08 PM EDT by PeteCO]
Forgot to say that there is no drug store or even supermarket within 45 minutes of where I am right now. I need something that I have here at the house.

Salt water you say? Do I drink it or?

Coffee is out since I have to get to bed soon.

Not to be gross or anything, but I feel the urge, I just CAN'T go. It hurts at this point.
Link Posted: 9/18/2005 8:42:28 PM EDT
Link Posted: 9/18/2005 8:42:31 PM EDT
Don't eat starch.
Link Posted: 9/18/2005 8:47:07 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/18/2005 8:49:34 PM EDT by twonami]
drink the saltwater if your blood pressure is okay. I don't want you to pop a gasket
ETA:
Recipe
2 Quarts Water - boil to tea drinking temperature
1 Level Tablespoon Salt
Juice from a Lime/Lemon - if required to offset the taste
16oz (1/2 Liter) Serving Cup
Link Posted: 9/18/2005 8:50:03 PM EDT

Originally Posted By twonami:
drink the saltwater if your blood pressure is okay. I don't want you to pop a gasket



Blood pressure is fine. I just don't have lots of stuff here at the cabin. In desperation, I was about to gag back a tablespoon or two of vegetable oil, thinking that might literally make things slide around easier.

I'll try some salt water.
Link Posted: 9/18/2005 8:51:01 PM EDT
Link Posted: 9/18/2005 9:01:14 PM EDT
I just hammered a tall glass of warm salt water. Naturally, I'll keep you all posted.....
Link Posted: 9/18/2005 9:04:10 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/18/2005 9:15:44 PM EDT by twonami]

Originally Posted By PeteCO:
I just hammered a tall glass of warm salt water. Naturally, I'll keep you all posted.....


good luck I hope it works for you. Don't forget to drink plenty of water to keep things moving.
Range report would be cool but pics are NOT needed
Link Posted: 9/18/2005 9:08:01 PM EDT
I dont suppose you have manzanita bushes out there do ya? Tea made with the leaves make a wonderfull laxative. We had a guy drink a couple cups of a strong tea made with the leaves and we had bets to see how long he would last. He started running ot the head about 20 minutes after drinking
Link Posted: 9/18/2005 9:10:26 PM EDT
Gad! Is nothing taboo here?
Link Posted: 9/18/2005 9:11:40 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/18/2005 9:12:19 PM EDT by southeast_scrounger]

Originally Posted By Morning_Wood:
Gad! Is nothing taboo here?



....says the member with the name: " Morning Wood "
Link Posted: 9/18/2005 9:13:29 PM EDT
Well, we all knew you were full of shit, now we have proof.

The mods dont like poop threads, it will get squashed soon enough.
Link Posted: 9/18/2005 9:13:54 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Morning_Wood:
Gad! Is nothing taboo here?


the word "Gad" is taboo because it is teh ghey
Link Posted: 9/18/2005 9:28:29 PM EDT
Update: I still haven't taken a dump, but after I ate my potato I put the plate on the bookshelf near my desk, being too lazy to take it to the kitchen. (My wife comes in here every morning and takes the dishes out)

Anyway, I must have placed it precariously on the edge, because that damn plate just fell off, scaring the holy dogshit out of me and the dog. Also woke my wife up, and coated the carpet with melted butter and cheese fragments.
Link Posted: 9/18/2005 9:30:01 PM EDT
Two words: old saurkraut
Link Posted: 9/18/2005 9:36:11 PM EDT
okay 10 to 20 drop of visean ( sp ? the eye drop stuff ) in a drink. great practical joke too.

or a glass of mineral oil ( nasty )

warm slightly soapy water, and no you dont drink it. just use about 4 to 8 oz's. also lots of ways to deposit it where you want it. but lay in an empty bath tub for leakage reasons. you want to hold it in for a few mins if you can
Link Posted: 9/18/2005 9:36:16 PM EDT

Originally Posted By PeteCO:
Update: I still haven't taken a dump, but after I ate my potato I put the plate on the bookshelf near my desk, being too lazy to take it to the kitchen. (My wife comes in here every morning and takes the dishes out)

Anyway, I must have placed it precariously on the edge, because that damn plate just fell off, scaring the holy dogshit out of me and the dog. Also woke my wife up, and coated the carpet with melted butter and cheese fragments.



didn't scare the shit out of you huh.... the dogshit outta the dog mabye....but (unfortunately for you) not the shit out of you....

you don't have wireless and a laptop do you? you could give real-time updates....

-Roth
Link Posted: 9/18/2005 9:40:09 PM EDT
drink another glass of saltwater
Link Posted: 9/18/2005 9:42:33 PM EDT

Originally Posted By twonami:
drink another glass of saltwater



It works that fast?
Link Posted: 9/18/2005 9:47:39 PM EDT
If you have any epsom salts around the cabin, read the box. I use to lose 12-14 pounds overnight when I had to make weight in the military.
Link Posted: 9/18/2005 9:48:58 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/18/2005 9:50:41 PM EDT by twonami]

Originally Posted By PeteCO:

Originally Posted By twonami:
drink another glass of saltwater



It works that fast?


you should be getting the urge to poop within the hour unless your really, really constipated.
ETA: everyone is a little different so you may need to experiment
Link Posted: 9/18/2005 10:43:57 PM EDT
Problem solved. I am going to bed. I am frickin SWEATING.
Link Posted: 9/18/2005 10:48:13 PM EDT
Thanks for sharing!
Link Posted: 9/18/2005 10:51:31 PM EDT

Originally Posted By PeteCO:
Problem solved. I am going to bed. I am frickin SWEATING.


Did it wind up like this?

Link Posted: 9/18/2005 10:55:12 PM EDT

Originally Posted By operatorerror:
Thanks for sharing!



At least I didn't post pics, like someone did here once....
Link Posted: 9/18/2005 10:56:15 PM EDT

Originally Posted By PeteCO:
Problem solved. I am going to bed. I am frickin SWEATING.



Shit, I've had the same problem lately. Metamucil works for me.
Link Posted: 9/18/2005 10:58:16 PM EDT
WOOOHOOO!!!!! CONGRATS!!!

-Roth
Link Posted: 9/19/2005 2:36:04 AM EDT

Originally Posted By PeteCO:
Problem solved. I am going to bed. I am frickin SWEATING.


cooool
Link Posted: 9/19/2005 4:58:39 AM EDT
Teaspoon of epsom salt in a glass of water.
Link Posted: 9/19/2005 5:02:20 AM EDT
How about 14 cups of coffee, a 10 hour shift and a couple tamales?
Link Posted: 9/19/2005 5:06:12 AM EDT

Originally Posted By smokycity:
How about 14 cups of coffee, a 10 hour shift and a couple tamales?



It only works when you are trying to sandbag the wife.


Sheep
Link Posted: 9/19/2005 6:45:19 AM EDT
The quality of medical advice available on this site never ceases to amaze me.
Link Posted: 9/19/2005 12:49:33 PM EDT
if you read the label i believe baby oil will work iirc
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