Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'racism' these days.

   
   So, the customer asked, "In what aisle could I find the Polish sausage?"
   
   The clerk looks at him and says, "Are you Polish?"
   
   The guy (clearly offended) says, "Well, yes I am. But let me ask you
   something. If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I
   was Italian? Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask
   me if I was German?
   
   Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog, would you ask me if I was Jewish?
   Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?' If I
   asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?"

    The clerk says, "Well, no, I probably wouldn't!"
   
   With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy say's, "Well then,
   why did you ask me if I'm Polish, just because I asked for Polish
   sausage?"

   The clerk simply replied, "Because you're in Home Depot."
****************************

Here is the proof that we have become too dependent on our computers:


Question:


Are you Male or female?
To find out the answer, Look down...
––-
––-
––-
––-
––-
––-
––-
––-
––-
––-
––-
––-
––-

Look down, dammit,
not scroll down!
********************************

The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch.


The Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch?  Don't you see that sign right over your head?"


"Yep", he replied.  "That's why I'm dumpin' it here, cause it says:  'Fine For Dumping Garbage'."

Game warden comes up to a guy fishing at a lake, says "you got a permit for those fish?".

Fisherman says "oh no, these, I didn't catch these, these are my pet fish.  I bring them out for exercise.  I let them out into the lake, let them swim around, then after a while, whistle, and they jump back in the bucket".

Of course the warden says "oh yeah, right.  Like I'm going to believe that.  Show me."

Guy says, "alright, sure", and dumps the bucket into the lake.  After a bit the warden says "so?"

Guy says "what?".  Warden says, "the fish, they coming back?"

Fisherman says "what fish?"

Sara Jessica Parker walks into a bar. Bartender says.......

Why the long face?

The Pope went on vacation for a few days to visit the rugged  mountains of   Alaska.

He was cruising along the campground in  the Pope Mobile when he heard a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods.  He found a helpless Viking fan wearing shorts, sandals, a 'Go Vikes Go' hat and  a “Vikings rule” shirt.
The man was screaming and struggling frantically,  thrashing all about, and trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10-foot  grizzly bear.

As the Pope watched in horror, a group of Packers fans  wearing 'Super Bowl Bound' shirts came racing up. One quickly fired a 44 magnum  slug right into the bear's chest. The two other men pulled the semiconscious  Viking fan from the bear's grasp. Then using baseball bats, the three Packer  fans finished off the grizzly. Two of the men dragged the dead grizzly onto the  bed of their pickup truck while the other tenderly placed the injured Viking fan  in the back seat.

As they began to leave, the Pope summoned all of the  men over to him. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions!" he proudly  proclaimed. "I have heard there was bitter hatred between Packer fans and Viking  fans, but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not true."

As the  Pope drove off, one Packer’s fan asked his buddies, "Who the heck was that  guy?"

"Dude, that was the Pope," another replied. "He's in direct contact  with
Heaven and has access to all wisdom."

"Well," the Packer fan  said, "he may have access to all wisdom, but he doesn't know squat about bear  hunting! By the way, is the bait still alive or do we need to go back to  Minnesota and get another one?"