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Posted: 12/18/2016 12:31:13 AM EDT
I know, keep on trucking motherfucker! But man, maybe it's the Christmas season which is normally my favorite time of year. Maybe it's stiff muscles because I don't drink enough water and I am out of shape. Maybe it's my cold hearted wife and my constantly being second to our 12 month old boy. Maybe it's my Mother's cancer which isn't completely off the radar yet. Maybe it's that my brothers 13 year old son was just diagnosed with bone cancer. Maybe I'm just getting old and soft or maybe I just care less and less? I don't feel like doing any of my hobbies, or really get enjoyment out of them. Meh. I quit watching the news and the weather has been pretty crappy so I can't do much outside.

I think I am just really really fucking bored. I don't normally complain out loud but needed to vent.
Link Posted: 12/18/2016 12:32:51 AM EDT
[#1]
It will pass with the wife and the son. Be happy she cares about him. Try listening to podcasts, they can motivate you.
Link Posted: 12/18/2016 12:37:39 AM EDT
[#2]
Seriously, pray and seek God. Listen to some praise and worship music.  Even if you don't want to. I promise it will lift your spirit's. You probably won't realize it till after its happened. It works.
Link Posted: 12/18/2016 12:49:50 AM EDT
[#3]
OP prayers for your mom and nephew, things will get better. Almost two years ago my mother was dying of cancer. I got called out of work and told I needed to get to the hospital as mom was not expected to make it through the night. I made it to the hospital and she made it through the night but dad had a massive heart attack. He actually died in the ER but they were able to bring him back. I ended up with my parents in adjacent rooms in the hospital. Mom made it one more day and dad made it out of the hospital alive. We got through it with gods help and as a family. I'm sure you can get through this rough patch with the help of god and your family.
Link Posted: 12/18/2016 12:52:45 AM EDT
[#4]
OP, put one foot in front of the other. You will be ok.
Link Posted: 12/18/2016 12:56:25 AM EDT
[#5]
It does get better with the kid and your wife. We have a 15 month old so I can relate. Like someone else said, be grateful she cared. You could have a sack of crap wife who puts your son last. You really don't want that. Right now he's still pretty needy.

Keep the lines of verbal communication with your wife open or else resentments can form.

I'm sorry about your other relatives. When it rains it sometimes pours. Try to hang in there.
Link Posted: 12/18/2016 1:02:51 AM EDT
[#6]
What you are experiencing, my friend, is "life".

Sorry to break it to you, but in between all the joy and fucking hard stuff that is the day to day.

You've got to focus, make everyone happy and pay the bills at the same time. I can tell you this.......it eventually does get a little easier if you save your pennies and, but it just gives you time to deal correctly with all the other shit as long as you've got your kids and shit squared away.


What I'm saying....is this.......
Yeah, you've got a lot going on and I feel for you. We've all been there or are just getting ready to go there. It sucks. There comes a time where you are the care giver to two generations and the main provider. It's where the rubber meets the road, or whatever analogy you have for it. You've got to be the strong on for sometimes more than one side of the family at once. There's a metric shit ton of responsibility that goes with it, but you've got to be the one that grabs the ball and runs with it, just to get everyone  else through.

It's one of the unpleasantries of life. But the way you handle it has an effect on everyone you love. This is what it means by  that stupid, overused phrase, "manning up". You have to be the rock. The voice above panic and despair to rally the family and set the course forward.
It doesn't mean you hurt any less......it just means that you help everyone carry on. Take care of your family. Do what needs to be done. Sit back a few years from now in silence and look around at what's been built and saved. Have a whiskey or bourbon......neat. You will be glad you did.
Link Posted: 12/18/2016 1:06:33 AM EDT
[#7]
Sorry to heat about all of that Op...but welcome to being a man with a family.

Link Posted: 12/18/2016 1:12:13 AM EDT
[#8]
Yup
We can get loaded down with obligations worries and concerns

This time of year is tough. Expectations of providing joy to others, end of year work tasks, organizing the holidays. And of course your personal burdens.

I've got em too. My sons are not home for the first time, wife's birthday, she's traveling next week, work stuff, found out my dog is sick with no cure. Weather sucks, not much sun, driving in shit weather is stressful.

It's the feeling of helplessness. It's common. Take small constant bites out of the issues and realize you can't fix everything.

Prayer helps too.
Link Posted: 12/18/2016 1:14:52 AM EDT
[#9]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Sorry to heat about all of that Op...but welcome to being a man with a family.
View Quote

Link Posted: 12/18/2016 1:22:38 AM EDT
[#10]
Sorry OP.  I wish I had some useful advice.  Everyone's burden is unique, so know one will ever really understand.  I had my own struggles with feeling overwhelmed.  I cannot really point to one thing that stood apart from the advice give by everyone above.  

I would advise to stay away from the booze for a while, and spend some times with your friends.  The distraction of friends, I think, helps the body/psyche relax from dwelling on every little stressor.  Anything you can do to keep your body/psyche from being consumed by everything is recommended.  Your body/psyche will eventually process everything on its own and at its own pace.  It will go on in the background at a subconscious level if your conscious mind is kept active.  At least, that is one of the things that worked for me.

Keep your head up and IM if you ever need to speak to a total stranger.  Sometimes it helps.
Link Posted: 12/18/2016 1:24:24 AM EDT
[#11]
last 8 years.....
Link Posted: 12/18/2016 1:26:48 AM EDT
[#12]
Quoted:
I know, keep on trucking motherfucker! But man, maybe it's the Christmas season which is normally my favorite time of year. Maybe it's stiff muscles because I don't drink enough water and I am out of shape. Maybe it's my cold hearted wife and my constantly being second to our 12 month old boy. Maybe it's my Mother's cancer which isn't completely off the radar yet. Maybe it's that my brothers 13 year old son was just diagnosed with bone cancer. Maybe I'm just getting old and soft or maybe I just care less and less? I don't feel like doing any of my hobbies, or really get enjoyment out of them. Meh. I quit watching the news and the weather has been pretty crappy so I can't do much outside.

I think I am just really really fucking bored. I don't normally complain out loud but needed to vent.
View Quote


Maybe it's all those things.
Link Posted: 12/18/2016 1:30:29 AM EDT
[#13]
Link Posted: 12/18/2016 1:46:09 AM EDT
[#14]
Yeah you could say that

My daughter, whom I am trying to get through grad school just announced her engagement, so looks like I have
a wedding to pay for in addition to helping her with school.

Wife's car is on its death bed, need to buy a new one soon.

Oldest son's mental illness has sucked every bit of joy out of our family for the last 4 years or so, in addition to the financial cost.

Add in the holiday stuff, work bullshit, and personal bs and it gets to be a little much sometimes
Link Posted: 12/18/2016 1:50:22 AM EDT
[#15]
Quoted:
I know, keep on trucking motherfucker! But man, maybe it's the Christmas season which is normally my favorite time of year. Maybe it's stiff muscles because I don't drink enough water and I am out of shape. Maybe it's my cold hearted wife and my constantly being second to our 12 month old boy. Maybe it's my Mother's cancer which isn't completely off the radar yet. Maybe it's that my brothers 13 year old son was just diagnosed with bone cancer. Maybe I'm just getting old and soft or maybe I just care less and less? I don't feel like doing any of my hobbies, or really get enjoyment out of them. Meh. I quit watching the news and the weather has been pretty crappy so I can't do much outside.

I think I am just really really fucking bored. I don't normally complain out loud but needed to vent.
View Quote



I have the same problem.  Most of my circle of friends disintegrated over time.  Various reasons such as some dealing with health issues, more focus on family, constant work travel, useless drama, etc...   I say this because one of the major ingredients to life is people, friends, family, loved ones.  If these areas in your life falter, your life sinks.  Its also very sad considering they are also the main causes of grief, stress and depression.
Link Posted: 12/18/2016 1:51:24 AM EDT
[#16]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Seriously, pray and seek God. Listen to some praise and worship music.  Even if you don't want to. I promise it will lift your spirit's. You probably won't realize it till after its happened. It works.
View Quote



I wish that were true, I never found solace in religion, just more people.
Link Posted: 12/18/2016 1:51:51 AM EDT
[#17]
Obviously I don't post much but thought I'd offer my thoughts/experiences.

Your wife just gave you the greatest gift a man can ask for. My boy, oldest of our 3 kids, just turned 4 and he's my best buddy. You have no idea how much fun you're going to have as he starts to get older.

It may be worth having your wife talk to her doctor about potential post-partum depression.  Pregnancy/breast feeding related hormones can cause some pretty dark thoughts and she could be scared about admitting anything.  She needs to know there isn't anything "wrong with her",  it's not her fault and that you understand and support her 100%.  chemicals in the brain that are messed up can be fixed and the changes can be remarkable.

It's easy to love your wife when the going is easy. These are the times, when the going gets tough, when it's more important then ever to work at loving and supporting her.  Bring her flowers, tell her how good of a mom she is being, etc..  

Stay strong and keep your head up. This too shall pass.
Link Posted: 12/18/2016 3:16:47 AM EDT
[#18]
Yes. Talked to some people here. It helped.
Link Posted: 12/18/2016 4:43:07 AM EDT
[#19]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Seriously, pray and seek God. Listen to some praise and worship music.  Even if you don't want to. I promise it will lift your spirit's. You probably won't realize it till after its happened. It works.
View Quote


Second post nailed it this time.

It's all those things adding up to one great big burden. Turn to God in prayer and let him take those burdens off your shoulders.

Don't know how to pray? Talk to him as you would your dad. He reveals himself to us as father. And as a father he cares about us and will give us a helping hand if we ask and let him.

I've been listening to KLOVE radio exclusively for the past three or four years. I second the recommendation of listening to praise and worship music. It also helps.
Link Posted: 12/18/2016 4:55:15 AM EDT
[#20]

Yep. Having to start a job search while trying to get ready for Christmas is a real mind blower.

If it wasn't for the support of my wife, my sons, and one heck of a lot of really good people here on Arfcom my head would really be spinning.

Link Posted: 12/18/2016 8:36:31 AM EDT
[#21]
Self employed for the last eleven years, three young kids, wife has been a stay home mom until recently, now works 2.75 hrs per day at a local school.

For a while I was VERY busy, racking in some good cash, felt great.  Work slowed down, I slowed down (46 now), health ins. going through the roof, old cars in the stable, the responsibilities were/are beating me down too.  I kept "suggesting" to the wife over the years that we cannot survive forever on one income, seemed to go in one ear and out the other.  Finally I laid it down hard, told her she has had eleven years to plan for reintegration into the workforce and has done nothing.  I was making contingency plans for my own financial security.  I think my message may have gotten through.

I had a friend, great friend, we would help each w/ anything.  He is an auto mechanic and has helped me many times over the years as I have him.  Then he got promoted to supervisor at work, white shirt, no tools.  The last two times I asked for help he said "I don't work on cars anymore".   Then while talking to another friend, fellow shooter, she said she was going to his house to have her brakes done.  I guess he does work on some people's cars.  That cut me deep.  

My middle boy has issues, feels that everyone is out to get him, has an excuse for everything, not very motivated, etc.  He's 11.  At school he says everyone makes him feel like dirt, gets VERY angry.  This has been getting worse so my wife has requested to have the school's social worker talk to him, see if she can figure out where this is coming from.

My dad just passed a couple of months ago and honestly I don't miss him.  Growing up he was not a great dad IMO.  He went to work, came home, ate dinner, sat on the couch to watch TV, fell asleep.  Oh he would call me out of my room to change the channel on occasion.  Now that I'm a dad I know what it means to be a good dad.  Hug your kids, talk to them, do things with them.  The more I look back the angrier I get.  

My only hobby is reloading and shooting which I don't get to do often because of work, kids, family.  I have a nice motorcycle, rode it maybe three times last year.  

I am pretty sure I will never be able to retire.  Wife has been out of the workforce for too long, not very motivated to get back to it, prefers to be at home doing housewife stuff, likes her routine.  My body is breaking down, I've already had one back surgery.  I fear one day I will miss a step on the ladder, jar my back, out of commission, wife only working 2.75 hrs per day, savings will be depleted in short order.  

My wife was the same way after our first was born which is natural.  By the third kid she was ready to let them play with broken glass and play in traffic.  It does get better for most moms, they tend to mellow after a learning curve.  Hobbies and friends will help you get through this time.

Hang in there OP
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