I worked at a kiosk in a mall not too long ago selling cell phones... anyway, this geriatric fucktard comes walking up wearing jeans, suspenders and a hardhat painted with the stars and stripes, his fat ass belly just hanging over his pants and straining the buttons on his dirty shirt, and starts talking to me about phones. I turn around but mysteriously all the guys I work with are gone, so I have to humor him. Conversation is going well till I let slip that I had been in the Navy... oh shit, I thought as I saw his eyes light up.
This guy was a SEAL, or at least had been back in 'Nam, till he got shot in the leg by an AK. Used to pal around with Admiral Mike Boorda (the CNO who killed himself), back when Mike was just a junior officer. He was a sniper too... since they didn't have to hump as much as the normal SEALs, what with his shot up leg and all. Mentioned some absurd amount of confirmed kills, like 60+, some hand-to-hand.
20 minutes go by and this ass just wont run out of wind. By this time all my coworkers are laughing at me, and all I can do is nod politely and mutter the occaisional "uh-huh", or "wow, bet that was exciting". I kept looking for an out, but couldn't find it... till my buddy tried to help me out by leaning over and telling me that I had to go to lunch or I was holding everyone else up. This was untrue of course, but I jumped on it as a not unkind way of getting the fuck away from that moron.
Get this, that bastard followed me! Talking the whole way to the food court! Said he hadn't had lunch yet and would love to join me!
I was in hell at this point.
I sat for 20 minutes with this wannabe lying assclown talking at me, and generally embarrasing me for being seen in an upscale mall with a guy in a hardhat who WASN'T fixing something. I literally lost it at the end... I just hopped up and said bye, and walked very, very quickly away. Thank God he never came back. Fucker didn't even buy a phone.