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11/24/2017 4:44:23 PM
11/22/2017 10:05:29 PM
Posted: 10/18/2004 8:30:30 AM EST
Satire from TheOnion.com

". . .I won't bore you with a bunch of fucking specifics. Just know that, should you elect John Kerry, we'll be able to bounce a goddamn quarter off our border! We'll have big impenetrable gates made of gumdrops and, I don't know, gold. Whatever the fuck! . . ."
Link Posted: 10/18/2004 8:44:15 AM EST
whats the significance or the humor behind the profanity??
Link Posted: 10/18/2004 8:53:57 AM EST

Let's work together to pave the way for a big, bright, beautiful fucking future for America, all right? So all the world can once again say, "Hey, where's that warm, golden glow coming from? Why, it's coming from the U.S. of A., where cocks are thick, tits are perky, and sunbeams shine out of everyone's asses!"
Link Posted: 10/18/2004 9:39:12 AM EST
[Last Edit: 10/18/2004 9:39:21 AM EST by Ghostchild]


And how about my middle-class people? Any middle-class people out there? Hey! Who's gonna be your next vice president? All right! Let's hear it for pot bellies and minivans and stinky disposable diapers! How about a shout-out to credit-card debt? I love it! I wish I could pinch your chubby little chipmunk cheeks! If you put John Kerry and me in the White House, we'll have each one of you in the driver's seat of a brand-new SUV. Your bosses will be less cranky, your children will be kept in trucker hats and iPods, and your TV screens will grow even wider. Those who are bald will wake up one morning and magically find themselves with thick heads of luxurious, silky hair. You'll open your refrigerators and 15-pound hams will tumble out. Your dog might even start to talk, and the first thing he'll say is "I love you." It'll be that good.

Link Posted: 10/18/2004 9:43:33 AM EST

Originally Posted By Dolomite:

Let's work together to pave the way for a big, bright, beautiful fucking future for America, all right? So all the world can once again say, "Hey, where's that warm, golden glow coming from? Why, it's coming from the U.S. of A., where cocks are thick, tits are perky, and sunbeams shine out of everyone's asses!"





I read this while eating lunch at qdoba last week. When I got to that line, I snorted habnero salsa out of my nose.

Link Posted: 10/18/2004 10:19:22 AM EST
[Last Edit: 10/18/2004 10:19:36 AM EST by RevDeadCorpse]

Originally Posted By Red_Beard:

I read this while eating lunch at qdoba last week. When I got to that line, I snorted habnero salsa out of my nose.




Well... at least you won't have to worry about catching a cold this fall. After buring out all your nostril hair and welding your sinus' shut, you won't even notice.

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