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Posted: 11/1/2015 1:36:42 PM EDT
Had quite the doozy last night.  Not going into details, just believe me when I say it got crazy.  I tried like hell to deescalate the situation, but it kept unraveling.  Another friend had to take him to the ground after slapping him around a bit.  Then after a few thinly veiled threats, I had to grab his uncontrollably sobbing wife and leave for her protection.  I asked her several times if she wanted to go to the police, but she insisted on seeing his dad instead.  I left her safe and sound in the FIL's hands and went home.  

As far as I know, this is not typical behavior of my friend, and this is the first I've seen of it.  But I don't want to go though this again.  I hope his wife makes the right choice for herself- whatever that choice may be.  But as for myself, I think I'm done with that path.  Also, I'm getting waaay too old for this drama shit.  

Anyone go though something similar?  Did you make amends or move on?
Link Posted: 11/1/2015 1:38:38 PM EDT
[#1]
Several people are no longer a part of my life because they can't or won't control themselves.  

Sucks, but I don't need it.
Link Posted: 11/1/2015 1:38:54 PM EDT
[#2]
No.

Everyone that I have known that was a belligerent drunk continue to be problems.
Link Posted: 11/1/2015 1:40:02 PM EDT
[#3]
Quoted:
Had quite the doozy last night.  Not going into details, just believe me when I say it got crazy.  I tried like hell to deescalate the situation, but it kept unraveling.  Another friend had to take him to the ground after slapping him around a bit.  Then after a few thinly veiled threats, I had to grab his uncontrollably sobbing wife and leave for her protection.  I asked her several times if she wanted to go to the police, but she insisted on seeing his dad instead.  I left her safe and sound in the FIL's hands and went home.  

As far as I know, this is not typical behavior of my friend, and this is the first I've seen of it.  But I don't want to go though this again.  I hope his wife makes the right choice for herself- whatever that choice may be.  But as for myself, I think I'm done with that path.  Also, I'm getting waaay too old for this drama shit.  

Anyone go though something similar?  Did you make amends or move on?
View Quote

Sounds like you have answered your own question.
Link Posted: 11/1/2015 1:40:05 PM EDT
[#4]
I've dealt with similar crap with one of my friends for years. We've been close since 5th grade, but having to intervene in a fistfight in the back of an uber van was enough that I don't want to hang out with him after dark anymore.
Link Posted: 11/1/2015 1:40:14 PM EDT
[#5]
Alcohol has not been friendly with my family. My mother, my brother and my son were all alcoholics. Two commited suicide in a drunken stupor. All three deaths were tied to alcohol. I saw what was going on an quit drinking alcohol 26 years ago.

I never gave up on them, but they gave up on themselves. Alcohol is a bitch.
Link Posted: 11/1/2015 1:40:55 PM EDT
[#6]

Sounds like there's more of a history there than just last night.
Last night was just when it came out.
Link Posted: 11/1/2015 1:42:03 PM EDT
[#7]
I dont need that drama in my life. perhaps this is why I have so few friends.
Link Posted: 11/1/2015 1:42:27 PM EDT
[#8]
If it's not typical, of course. I don't have a single friend that hasn't had a "bad" night they'd like back. I've had many myself, even if not to that of an extreme.
Link Posted: 11/1/2015 1:43:40 PM EDT
[#9]
Nope. Nope. Nope.

In before OP needs bail.
Link Posted: 11/1/2015 1:45:08 PM EDT
[#10]
nope.
Link Posted: 11/1/2015 1:46:54 PM EDT
[#11]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
I dont need that drama in my life. perhaps this is why I have so few friends.
View Quote

This right here.

I got tired of it all
Link Posted: 11/1/2015 1:47:19 PM EDT
[#12]
It takes all my effort to deal with my own life.  I can't deal with other people's problems and dramas too.

I don't understand people who have to stick their noses into other people's lives.  They must not have enough of their own going on.


Your friend sounds like an anchor OP.  You can't help him and he can only drag you down.
Link Posted: 11/1/2015 1:48:09 PM EDT
[#13]
Link Posted: 11/1/2015 1:48:28 PM EDT
[#14]
Nope. In my 46 years, there have been two.
Link Posted: 11/1/2015 1:49:28 PM EDT
[#15]
Hang out with them with the condition of no alcohol.  It may make him confront his problem.
Link Posted: 11/1/2015 1:51:06 PM EDT
[#16]
I've pretty much purged my life of the hard drinkers and hard partiers....I am better off and healthier for it.  I don't need their drama, I don't need them trying to goad me into drinking.  

Link Posted: 11/1/2015 1:52:44 PM EDT
[#17]
I cut ties with everyone who does crap like this.  I'm too old to deal with that drama.
Link Posted: 11/1/2015 1:53:31 PM EDT
[#18]
I don't know how old you are, but part of growing up is realizing, and knowing when you have to remove friends from your life. If he calls in a few days and apologizes and owns his problems, then consider giving him another shot under ultimatum he doesn't drink. If he can't recognize it he's not someone worth keeping around. I've got a few friends I'd go out of my way to help if they were in trouble, but protecting family comes first.

In other words: Don't party with people who have less to lose than you do.
Link Posted: 11/1/2015 1:53:34 PM EDT
[#19]
First one is on the house, after that they gotta go.

Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile
Link Posted: 11/1/2015 1:53:46 PM EDT
[#20]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Hang out with them with the condition of no alcohol.  It may make him confront his problem.
View Quote


Start with this.  How good of a friend is or should he be?  Does he need the help and honesty  of a friend to be a better person?
Link Posted: 11/1/2015 1:55:03 PM EDT
[#21]
Link Posted: 11/1/2015 1:56:08 PM EDT
[#22]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
I've pretty much purged my life of the hard drinkers and hard partiers....I am better off and healthier for it.  I don't need their drama, I don't need them trying to goad me into drinking.  

View Quote



Link Posted: 11/1/2015 1:56:10 PM EDT
[#23]
It depends, North Dakota leads the nation concerning alcohol in several categories, doing stupid shit while wasted seems to be a part of our culture. So far I haven't had to cut anybody out of my life for it and I hope it stays that way.
Link Posted: 11/1/2015 1:56:13 PM EDT
[#24]
Well I go to Cola Warrior, so there's my answer
Link Posted: 11/1/2015 1:57:55 PM EDT
[#25]
Drama and drunks get cut out the moment they're identified. There's nobody in my life who I can't live without and happiness is a core of solid people sharing your life, however small that core may end up being, and nothing gets to threaten that.
Link Posted: 11/1/2015 1:58:27 PM EDT
[#26]
I'd say it's his job to make amends, not yours. Hope the wife can count on you for moral support now that you have an inking of what's going on.
Link Posted: 11/1/2015 1:58:31 PM EDT
[#27]
Once is all it takes.  I tell them to call me when they're permanently off the booze, but until then to stay the fuck away from me.
 





Link Posted: 11/1/2015 1:58:41 PM EDT
[#28]
I have a wife and children.  I have no room for error when it comes to violent and/or unpredictable people.
Link Posted: 11/1/2015 2:02:38 PM EDT
[#29]
I was in a similar situation 2 weeks ago and cut them off the moment I walked out.  I'm not interested in dealing with people who have zero self-control, even if they manage to unfuck themselves.
Link Posted: 11/1/2015 2:05:36 PM EDT
[#30]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Several people are no longer a part of my life because they can't or won't control themselves.  

Sucks, but I don't need it.
View Quote

This. It can cost you more than you think
Link Posted: 11/1/2015 2:09:18 PM EDT
[#31]
Stay far away from this guy.

In my younger days, I had a friend / coworker, a graduate of the Colorado School of Mines, whom I once invited, along with many others, to a party at my rented apartment. He and another friend stayed late, after all the other friends had left, and continued their drinking. I wouldn't have minded this, but he grabbed my original M1840 cavalry saber and began waving it around threateningly, almost putting holes in the walls. I got the other friend to take him home.

Sometime later, he got a job as a mining engineer in Brazil, making incredible money. We heard that he got drunk and drove his sports car off a cliff. A spectacular end, but not really a surprise. Alcoholism and aggressiveness are a fatal combination.
Link Posted: 11/1/2015 2:09:26 PM EDT
[#32]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:

This right here.

I got tired of it all
View Quote View All Quotes
View All Quotes
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Quoted:
I dont need that drama in my life. perhaps this is why I have so few friends.

This right here.

I got tired of it all




Me, too...
Link Posted: 11/1/2015 2:10:07 PM EDT
[#33]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
I'd say it's his job to make amends, not yours. Hope the wife can count on you for moral support now that you have an inking of what's going on.
View Quote


I don't really know her that well, but I know she's in good hands with his family.  His old man is old school wise, and big enough to put the hurt on if he has to.  Her choice to go there was probably best.  His dad will set him straight for the time being, but I hope she thinks long and hard about the future.
Link Posted: 11/1/2015 2:12:02 PM EDT
[#34]
Yes, a couple of high school friends, a Navy friend and a friend from the CCC's who couldn't hold their alcohol.
One thing or another happened, I didn't need their bullshit in my life.


Link Posted: 11/1/2015 2:21:13 PM EDT
[#35]
Cut my best friend and hunting partner of 20+ years loose about a year ago. Not a violent guy when he drank, I would just have to babysit him everytime.



I just got sick of it, aND never called him again.




I found out months later that his (very close) sister did the same. She no longer allows him to visit with her.




He was given many chances by both of us.




It's a shame. He is a good man and a good friend sober.




Good luck op.







Link Posted: 11/1/2015 2:25:37 PM EDT
[#36]
I've cut a lot of "friends" out over the last few years, alcohol related ignorance has been a big factor in all of them
Link Posted: 11/1/2015 2:29:20 PM EDT
[#37]
you can't save everyone.

sometimes, all you can do is NOT be around when they go too far.

I generally went out to country bars by myself when I lived in Houston, for the simple reason that I didn't know anybody who I could really trust. I figured I was better off knowing that I was on my own.
Link Posted: 11/1/2015 2:30:35 PM EDT
[#38]
Fuuuuuck that shit.
Link Posted: 11/1/2015 2:33:17 PM EDT
[#39]
Nope, all it takes for me is one time, then you are no longer welcome in my life.  seen to much of the garbage that comes along with it.  you all that enjoy that type of "friendship" can keep it.
Link Posted: 11/1/2015 2:35:38 PM EDT
[#40]
I just wish I had friends... Drunk, out of control, or whatever!
Link Posted: 11/1/2015 2:36:03 PM EDT
[#41]
Quoted:
Had quite the doozy last night.  Not going into details, just believe me when I say it got crazy.  I tried like hell to deescalate the situation, but it kept unraveling.  Another friend had to take him to the ground after slapping him around a bit.  Then after a few thinly veiled threats, I had to grab his uncontrollably sobbing wife and leave for her protection.  I asked her several times if she wanted to go to the police, but she insisted on seeing his dad instead.  I left her safe and sound in the FIL's hands and went home.  

As far as I know, this is not typical behavior of my friend, and this is the first I've seen of it.  But I don't want to go though this again.  I hope his wife makes the right choice for herself- whatever that choice may be.  But as for myself, I think I'm done with that path.  Also, I'm getting waaay too old for this drama shit.  

Anyone go though something similar?  Did you make amends or move on?
View Quote


Cut him out now, tell him why, and then maybe he'll stop drinking and you can let him back in.

People have stopped drinking before, and being rejected for being a drunk has helped them quit before. Give it a shot.
Link Posted: 11/1/2015 2:46:28 PM EDT
[#42]
I've had a few "loose cannon" friends over the years. They are not my friends anymore. I'm too old for that shit.
Link Posted: 11/1/2015 2:58:11 PM EDT
[#43]
Eject
Link Posted: 11/1/2015 2:58:26 PM EDT
[#44]
I don't have any time for drunks or wife beaters.
Link Posted: 11/1/2015 3:00:02 PM EDT
[#45]
Having to baby sit someone when they drink is the worst.
Reminds me of high school.
Link Posted: 11/1/2015 3:03:15 PM EDT
[#46]
Link Posted: 11/1/2015 3:05:16 PM EDT
[#47]
Get away from people like that. Invariably they will drag you into messes not of your making but surely leaving you to clean up their mess.
Link Posted: 11/1/2015 3:09:18 PM EDT
[#48]
I agree with those who said you make your choice to move away and he can decide to change and apologize or not.



I tend to run on the concept of first screw up,  see if things changed or not.



2nd screw up is end of it.



Does depend on amount of screw up.



Having to remove dude's wife and ask if she wanted to go to police shows a heck of a level of screw up.



Sounds like I would not be around dude at all until he had made some major changes in life and shown he made those changes.  I don't want to hear about it, I want to see it.
Link Posted: 11/1/2015 3:25:41 PM EDT
[#49]
I was the beligerant drunk. I realized recently that nothing good has ever happened in my life from alcohol. I'm done.
Link Posted: 11/1/2015 3:26:51 PM EDT
[#50]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
I was the beligerant drunk. I realized recently that nothing good has ever happened in my life from alcohol. I'm done.
View Quote


Might want to change the line under your user name....
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