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Posted: 9/15/2004 3:42:57 PM EDT
A little history before I begin my rant.

My step sister went to school at NYU. She graduated, dated a football player from Africa, here illegally now, got pregnant, moved back to WY to live at my Dad's house to raise her daughter.

She now has had a good paying government job for over two years now, but still lives at home, does not pay rent, finally bought her own car, and has her mother take care of the daughter during the day.

My dad has two sons, one is gay, one is not. My two sons will be his only (blood) grandkids. He paid lots of attention to them before my step sister got pregnant. Now, when I call, all he ever talks about is Naya this, Naya that. My step sister is very lazy, and is an awful parent. My step mother spoils her rotten, then makes her daughter do all of the discipline. I don't think it is all my step sister's fault. My step mother is an evil wicked witch, spawned of satin, consumed by drugs, alcohol, and the need to be the center of attention all of the time.

On our trip to Africa this summer, my dad said something that really got to me. He talked about Naya all the time to people he met, but rarely ever mentioned his grandsons(my sons!) Even my brother thought it was weird. He was pissed too. At one point, he said to someone, "I really don't miss much back home, but I really miss Naya."

I didn't say anything, but the favoritism was very obvious. He has always been like this. My brother and I were saints as kids, young adults, and adults. He always seemed to talk about how great our friends were, never really showing much pride in us. My brother is a ER Doc. I, admittedly am only a teacher, but did get my master's.

I have learned to deal with his lack of pride in me, but it really is pissing me off about my sons. They are some of the best behaved kids you will ever meet. They hunt, even at 10 and 5, and are very intelligent. Naya on the other hand at two years old is out of control. No one disciplines her at all.

My guess is drop out druggy, and pregnant by 16.

How do you deal with favoritism from your parents?
Link Posted: 9/15/2004 6:02:54 PM EDT

Originally Posted By guns762:

{Large Snip}

My guess is drop out druggy, and pregnant by 16.

I'm betting with you.
I was just out to dinner with a friend of mine, and the two kids at the next table were about as rotten of kids as I have seen. It took everything We had not to say or do something. Their dads just sat there eating and talking, like nothing was wrong. Unreal what people let their kids do these days. I know that My kids have NEVER behaved like that! If we ever started to have a problem, we had a little "Walk outside" and things were set right again, BEFORE returning to the table.

Originally Posted By guns762:
How do you deal with favoritism from your parents?

My Mom always favored My two older siblings over Me. In her eyes they could do no wrong. Even after I was married and had kids of My own, My sister and brother were always "Tops" in her world.
In the last years of her life, my brother just "up -n- left" without telling anyone why/what/where he was going. She never said it, but I know that this deeply hurt mom. My sister has always been able to find the time to "Do things" with My mom, but only when it was of benefit to her own interests. Even so, mom always spoke highly of them, even when she could no longer do everything for herself, and My wife, kids and I were the ONLY ones coming over to help her out. I didn't always get along the best with or agree with my mom, but she was Mom, and I love(ed) her regardless. My kids, wife and I spent much of the last years doing anything and everything We could for her, without a single (a.) word from My brother or (b.) offer of help from My sister.

I didn't like the way Mom favored my siblings, but I can(have) forgiven her for that.
I can NEVER forgive them. I told her (long before) that when she was gone, my family would be gone. I will only have contact with them for a short time now. After here estate is settled, They will cease to exist for Me and My family. Is it hash of me to be so bitter toward them? I don't think so. My kids still talk to my sister via email once in awhile, but that is slowly fading too.

Tall Shadow
Link Posted: 9/15/2004 7:19:17 PM EDT
My mothers parents showed a ton of favortism towards her brother and sister and it was extended to their children. Irony is hearing your grandmother go on and on about how hard it was to find just the right gift for one of your cousins when she forgot your brother's birthday the month before.

It just meant that we weren't very close to our extended family.
Link Posted: 9/15/2004 7:28:51 PM EDT
I realize that part of it is the simple fact that my dad lives with the kid, but my family only lives 90 miles away. We see them quite a bit. My father and I are pretty close. We share all the same hobbies, and are "friends".

I feel for my brother, who has never had the attention of my dad. I think he became a doc just to try to make my dad proud of him. It worked in a way, but my dad never goes to see him.

I just don't want my boys to think that they are not as loved as my stepsister's kid. Christmas tends to be pretty obvious to 10yr olds.
Link Posted: 9/15/2004 7:31:22 PM EDT

Nothing you can do about. Fuck em. Live your life and forget about them.
Link Posted: 9/15/2004 10:13:13 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Guns_N_Shizzle:

Nothing you can do about. Fuck em. Live your life and forget about them.

Link Posted: 9/15/2004 10:25:02 PM EDT
Far worse. My dad favors another man's kids over his own. Really screwed me up in the head.
Link Posted: 9/15/2004 10:28:49 PM EDT
My great grandfather disowned my grandfather, and by extension my father and us. They never got any inheritance from him. At the end of his life, it was my grandfather taking care of him, my dad visiting him, and pictures of my brother and I on his wall. I would have liked to meet him, but I was 3 at the end.
Link Posted: 9/15/2004 10:36:39 PM EDT
I know what you mean. I'm the eldest of three kids and got shuffled out when i turned 16 and sent away to learn a trade.

It took a few years to realize my upbringing wasn't all I thought it was, now I'm not very close to my parents at all or my brother and sister for that matter.

BUT, you have your own family now. Dont make the same error in raising or loving your kids as your parents may have to you.

The way they treat your kids is the same as mine treat my daughter.

Sometimes it takes a while to come to terms with.
All the best, and give your kids a cuddle
Link Posted: 9/15/2004 10:42:20 PM EDT
Been there, done that, got the T-Shirt.

Let it go, it will only eat you up.

Link Posted: 9/15/2004 11:31:52 PM EDT

Raise your children well, and avoid your relatives. I had to do it, and my family is better off for it.

Tried talking to my parents about the situation, and was accused of 'jealousy'. Ditto my cousin was in the same situation with parents and favoritism.

Create an extended family of good friends, and relatives who value you and your family.

with all good wishes,


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