Al Qaeda Plots Assault on America's Medical Resources

#65279; Nov. 23, 2002

Ozzi Bin Ja-Zarri, an International News correspondent in Jerusalem, has uncovered disturbing information regarding a potential Al Qaeda plot to attack America’s medical resources by using the common cold virus.    Al Qaeda agents, in forty American cities, plan to start releasing six different strains of the common cold this winter season.

Each agent has with them several vials containing seperate cold viruses.  On December 7th 2002, the agents will break open the vials and infect themselves with each of the strains of virus.   Once the agents become ill, they will spread the common cold by sneezing or coughing into salad bars at various chain restaurants including Ruby Tuesdays and the Golden Corral.  The operatives will handle, sneeze and cough on the food in order to contaminate it.  Agents also plan to handle food in the produce sections of grocery stores.   Many of these agents also have jobs in fast food restaurants or grocery stores and are in prime positions to spread the cold viruses.   The Al Qaeda operatives have also trained not to wash their hands after using the restroom.  Al Qaeda operatives are experienced at coating their hands and other body parts with feces.  Once they have built up a layer of feces on their hands, the operatives will begin smearing their hands against fruit and vegetables in the produce section of grocery stores in order to spread the infections.

While the common cold may not seem like much of a threat to the United States, its cumulative effects could be catastrophic.  Dr. Jason Braswick from the Grossman/Kato Medical Institute, stated that while the common cold by itself would pose little threat to America, the simultaneous introduction of six strains of cold virus could place an undue strain on America’s medical resources.  

“Every year we have one or two strains of the cold virus, but six strains at one time could be
catastrophic.  We only produce so much cold and flu medicine in the United States.  We plan on
having one or two viruses a year.  With six alien viruses being introduced at the peak of the cold season, our cold and sinus medicines will run out within a week.” Doctor Braswick stated.  Doctor Braswick also noted that the American economy could be wrecked by the introduction of the cold virus. “Just imagine how many people will call in sick at the same time.... It could cause a nationwide shutdown.”

This plot takes Al Qaeda to a new level of gamesmanship which has not been seen since the
Cold War.  These type of subtle attacks on a nation can go unseen until the totality of the attacks creates a disaster.  

The FBI is urging all Americans to be on the lookout for individuals who may try to handle
food or produce after using the restroom (especially individuals with fecal matter on their hands).


-Ozzi Bin Ja-Zarri  

Al Qaeda operatives are experienced at coating their hands and other body parts with feces.

Quoted:
That would have to mean school age children are a terrorist plot.  They spread more colds and flus than a *million* such terrorist operatives.

Just more evidence for the notion that having kids is dangerous to your health!

[;D]

Once the agents become ill, they will spread the common cold by sneezing or coughing into salad bars at various chain restaurants including Ruby Tuesdays and the Golden Corral.

Quoted:
FACT:  You suck at writing.  Don't quit your day job.

Quoted:
Yes, disturbing. That you, a supposed adult, bought into this bullshit.....


Scott

Quoted:
[rolleyes]

FACT: I wrote this myself.

Quoted:
All I know is that the people who thought I posted this because I was being serious are the [b]rea[/b] fucking morons.

FACT: I wrote this myself.

FACT: If you thought I was stupid enough to be posting this as some kind of warning, then [b]YOU[/b] are a dipshit.


-SS

Quoted:
I have had a cold all weekend. OHMYGOD terrorists have already got me.....save yourselves, it's too late for me. [:D]