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Posted: 6/8/2016 5:15:41 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 6/22/2016 7:32:55 AM EDT by romax]
I'll try to make this as short as possible. Single mom moves in a year or so ago. On the first day she comes over to introduce herself to my wife and I. She seems like she is a nice lady. Raising 2 boys and works full time. Over the next year we talk on occasion. Most conversations instigated by her. Mostly text from her saying she will be out of town for the weekend if I mind watching her dogs and stuff like that. A few months ago she asked if I could cut down a lot of underbrush on the property line and she will clean it up and she says BTW "I have a real boyfriend now". Ok, no problem. I cut it all down and it sits there for about 2 weeks. It looks bad so I ask if she needed help cleaning it up. She replies, oh you can talk to my boyfriend about it, here's his name and number. Mind you, I have yet even see the boyfriend at her house. A few days go by and I had a postponement with a job I'm working on so I stayed home and cleaned up the mess. She came out and I told her I had time so I just took care of it. A few weeks later she goes out of town and leaves the dogs out in her front yard (electric fence). After listening to them barking nonstop for 9 hours I text her, hey are your dogs going to be out all night? No response. After about the 4th try, my wife text her and gets a response imedietly. Over the last couple weeks she kept texting and asking if I lost a flashlight. I told her no every time. Today she caught me outside and asked me again and said she was asking because she has seen a few things moved around on her back porch and a couple nights ago her boyfriend came over at 1am and some guy was on her back porch and ran and jumped the fence into my back yard and disappeared on the other side of my house. I told her once again it's not my flashlight, thanks for telling me and I'll keep an eye on my yard, my wife, and my daughter but now that I think about it I wonder if she was acussing me? I feel like telling her first of all I am happily married for 29 years, she's prob, 20 years younger than me and I don't find short women with beer guts attractive. Plus if I tried to jump that fence I would prob break a hip or something. Guess I'll just leave it be for a while.
UPDATE:
Here's the short version of a loooong story.
Turns out her new boyfriend is bat shit crazy. All the accusations were coming from him and him seeing someone on the back porch was fabricated.
Neighbor girl is scared of the guy. My wife and I just dropped her off at the airport and she is leaving town for a few weeks. Local Sherrif will be patrolling the area more often for a while.
Link Posted: 6/8/2016 5:16:13 PM EDT
Creeper
Link Posted: 6/8/2016 5:17:59 PM EDT
Does she wear panties?
Link Posted: 6/8/2016 5:18:23 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 6/8/2016 5:18:48 PM EDT by Jmmoney]
The strangest thing about your whole story is that you text with a female neighbor. I don't even have the house phone number for any of my neighbors, let alone their cell. Then again, I'm an anti-social weirdo.
Link Posted: 6/8/2016 5:18:48 PM EDT
Link Posted: 6/8/2016 5:19:28 PM EDT
Originally Posted By romax:
I'll try to make this as short as possible. Single mom moves in a year or so ago. On the first day she comes over to introduce herself to my wife and I. She seems like she is a nice lady. Raising 2 boys and works full time. Over the next year we talk on occasion. Most conversations instigated by her. Mostly text from her saying she will be out of town for the weekend if I mind watching her dogs and stuff like that. A few months ago she asked if I could cut down a lot of underbrush on the property line and she will clean it up and she says BTW "I have a real boyfriend now". Ok, no problem. I cut it all down and it sits there for about 2 weeks. It looks bad so I ask if she needed help cleaning it up. She replies, oh you can talk to my boyfriend about it, here's his name and number. Mind you, I have yet even see the boyfriend at her house. A few days go by and I had a postponement with a job I'm working on so I stayed home and cleaned up the mess. She came out and I told her I had time so I just took care of it. A few weeks later she goes out of town and leaves the dogs out in her front yard (electric fence). After listening to them barking nonstop for 9 hours I text her, hey are your dogs going to be out all night? No response. After about the 4th try, my wife text her and gets a response imedietly. Over the last couple weeks she kept texting and asking if I lost a flashlight. I told her no every time. Today she caught me outside and asked me again and said she was asking because she has seen a few things moved around on her back porch and a couple nights ago her boyfriend came over at 1am and some guy was on her back porch and ran and jumped the fence into my back yard and disappeared on the other side of my house. I told her once again it's not my flashlight, thanks for telling me and I'll keep an eye on my yard, my wife, and my daughter but now that I think about it I wonder if she was acussing me? I feel like telling her first of all I am happily married for 29 years, she's prob, 20 years younger than me and I don't find short women with beer guts attractive. Plus if I tried to jump that fence I would prob break a hip or something. Guess I'll just leave it be for a while.
View Quote


How did you manage to make it over that fence so quickly?
Link Posted: 6/8/2016 5:20:06 PM EDT
Paragraphs.

They exist for a reason.

A.W.D.
Link Posted: 6/8/2016 5:20:24 PM EDT
She's crazy, has the hots for you. There is no boyfriend, there is no flashlight, there was no intruder.
Link Posted: 6/8/2016 5:20:24 PM EDT
Why the fuck are you doing shit for her and not her so called "boyfriend"?
Link Posted: 6/8/2016 5:20:35 PM EDT
Amazon has pretty good deals on cheap flashlights to replace the one you lost.
Link Posted: 6/8/2016 5:21:35 PM EDT
Stop all contact.

And


IN!
Link Posted: 6/8/2016 5:21:42 PM EDT
Dude , you're so clueless. She's letting you know she will give you a show if you come over


Link Posted: 6/8/2016 5:21:53 PM EDT
Originally Posted By romax:
I'll try to make this as short as possible. Single mom moves in a year or so ago. On the first day she comes over to introduce herself to my wife and I. She seems like she is a nice lady. Raising 2 boys and works full time.

Over the next year we talk on occasion. Most conversations instigated by her. Mostly text from her saying she will be out of town for the weekend if I mind watching her dogs and stuff like that. A few months ago she asked if I could cut down a lot of underbrush on the property line and she will clean it up and she says BTW "I have a real boyfriend now". Ok, no problem. I cut it all down and it sits there for about 2 weeks. It looks bad so I ask if she needed help cleaning it up. She replies, oh you can talk to my boyfriend about it, here's his name and number. Mind you, I have yet even see the boyfriend at her house.

A few days go by and I had a postponement with a job I'm working on so I stayed home and cleaned up the mess. She came out and I told her I had time so I just took care of it. A few weeks later she goes out of town and leaves the dogs out in her front yard (electric fence). After listening to them barking nonstop for 9 hours I text her, hey are your dogs going to be out all night? No response. After about the 4th try, my wife text her and gets a response imedietly.

Over the last couple weeks she kept texting and asking if I lost a flashlight. I told her no every time. Today she caught me outside and asked me again and said she was asking because she has seen a few things moved around on her back porch and a couple nights ago her boyfriend came over at 1am and some guy was on her back porch and ran and jumped the fence into my back yard and disappeared on the other side of my house. I told her once again it's not my flashlight, thanks for telling me and I'll keep an eye on my yard, my wife, and my daughter but now that I think about it I wonder if she was acussing me?

I feel like telling her first of all I am happily married for 29 years, she's prob, 20 years younger than me and I don't find short women with beer guts attractive. Plus if I tried to jump that fence I would prob break a hip or something. Guess I'll just leave it be for a while.
View Quote


With paragraphs.
Link Posted: 6/8/2016 5:22:00 PM EDT
Night vision would work better.she won't notice you as easy if you're not shining a flashlight around at night
Link Posted: 6/8/2016 5:22:12 PM EDT
Link Posted: 6/8/2016 5:22:46 PM EDT
Link Posted: 6/8/2016 5:22:57 PM EDT
Just cut a hole in the fence. It will make it easier to get your flashlight back next time.

Link Posted: 6/8/2016 5:22:59 PM EDT
Should have said, "No, but if you happen to find a FLESHlight under your bathroom window, I think it belongs to a "friend."
Link Posted: 6/8/2016 5:23:08 PM EDT
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By Jmmoney:
The strangest thing about your whole story is that you text with a female neighbor. I don't even have the house phone number for any of my neighbors, let alone their cell. Then again, I'm an anti-social weirdo.
View Quote

Kinda this. I don't have the house - or cell - numbers of any of my neighbors here (apartment complex). If I want to talk to any of them I just walk over and talk.
Link Posted: 6/8/2016 5:23:47 PM EDT
My unattractive neighbor tries to make small talk with me and asks me to check her lawn mower etc. all the time.
Drives me nuts and I try to avoid her if possible. And I sure as shit dont text her. My wife and her have each others numbers for whatever neighborly shit that might pop up but theres no need for her to have my number and vice versa.
Link Posted: 6/8/2016 5:26:30 PM EDT
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By Johnny_Reno:



The good news is that those Chinese LED flashlights are cheap and easily replaced.


View Quote

Bad news is that my time isn't. OP is just being plain stupid.
Link Posted: 6/8/2016 5:27:12 PM EDT

In for the laughs this thread will surely deliver
Link Posted: 6/8/2016 5:27:17 PM EDT
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By DangerJ:
She's crazy, has the hots for you. There is no boyfriend, there is no flashlight, there was no intruder.
View Quote


This.
Link Posted: 6/8/2016 5:28:01 PM EDT
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By DmacRTCo:
My unattractive neighbor tries to make small talk with me and asks me to check her lawn mower etc. all the time.
Drives me nuts and I try to avoid her if possible. And I sure as shit dont text her. My wife and her have each others numbers for whatever neighborly shit that might pop up but theres no need for her to have my number and vice versa.
View Quote

My wife gave the neighbor MY cell number. Said she didn't want the girl bothering her. Thanks honey!
Link Posted: 6/8/2016 5:28:24 PM EDT
Wait do you think she meant "fleshlight" because never turn down a free fleshlight.
Link Posted: 6/8/2016 5:28:45 PM EDT
TL;DR version

"The crazy moved in next door".
Link Posted: 6/8/2016 5:31:43 PM EDT
Peeping Tom that brings a flashlight ain't worth a damn.
Link Posted: 6/8/2016 5:31:48 PM EDT
SIIHPAPP
Link Posted: 6/8/2016 5:32:04 PM EDT
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By NOVA1234:
Creeper
View Quote

Link Posted: 6/8/2016 5:32:56 PM EDT
She didn't accuse you, but she suspects its you.

I'd put up cameras to watch my house. Better yet, if you must speak with her, have her pay for the cameras to watch your place. Save yousrelf some $$$ that way.
Link Posted: 6/8/2016 5:36:48 PM EDT
Don't lose your shit. If you tell her she's gross as evidence of your innocence, she'll cut your brake lines and frame you for rape.
Link Posted: 6/8/2016 5:40:38 PM EDT
Dibs on guns and ammo.
Link Posted: 6/8/2016 5:41:30 PM EDT
She wants the D
Link Posted: 6/8/2016 5:42:15 PM EDT
Link Posted: 6/8/2016 5:43:46 PM EDT
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By LORD-eX-Bu:
Amazon has pretty good deals on cheap flashlights to replace the one you lost.
View Quote


Oh dear
Link Posted: 6/8/2016 5:44:16 PM EDT
Dude they make drones now for a reason
Link Posted: 6/8/2016 5:46:41 PM EDT
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By itsARanchrifle:
Do her Does she wear panties fit over your head?
View Quote

Link Posted: 6/8/2016 5:46:51 PM EDT
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By chase45:
Dude they make drones now for a reason
View Quote
And NOD's
Link Posted: 6/8/2016 5:47:38 PM EDT
Drill hole in fence
Put genitals through hole
Send text
????
Profit
Link Posted: 6/8/2016 5:48:42 PM EDT
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By Deadtired:
And NOD's
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Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By Deadtired:
Originally Posted By chase45:
Dude they make drones now for a reason
And NOD's


Its best when you couple them together
Link Posted: 6/8/2016 5:49:54 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 6/8/2016 5:50:28 PM EDT by HammerHammer]
In before OP gets hit up for child support to the neighbor?

Eta: ...and/or a restraining order.
Link Posted: 6/8/2016 5:51:57 PM EDT
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By Mikhail_86:

View Quote

Holy kindergarten Batman, it took me a almost a minute to read all of that!
Link Posted: 6/8/2016 5:52:17 PM EDT
.

stop texting her

stop doing shit for her



Link Posted: 6/8/2016 5:52:53 PM EDT
Link Posted: 6/8/2016 5:53:11 PM EDT
Stop talking to the shitty neighbors
Link Posted: 6/8/2016 5:54:24 PM EDT
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By 40xb-shooter:

this

OP, never be with her alone in her house or yours for that matter.
View Quote View All Quotes
View All Quotes
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By 40xb-shooter:
Originally Posted By DangerJ:
She's crazy, has the hots for you. There is no boyfriend, there is no flashlight, there was no intruder.

this

OP, never be with her alone in her house or yours for that matter.

Nope, I won't.
Link Posted: 6/8/2016 5:55:25 PM EDT
Originally Posted By romax:
I'll try to make this as short as possible. Single mom moves in a year or so ago. On the first day she comes over to introduce herself to my wife and I. She seems like she is a nice lady. Raising 2 boys and works full time. Over the next year we talk on occasion. Most conversations instigated by her. Mostly text from her saying she will be out of town for the weekend if I mind watching her dogs and stuff like that. A few months ago she asked if I could cut down a lot of underbrush on the property line and she will clean it up and she says BTW "I have a real boyfriend now". Ok, no problem. I cut it all down and it sits there for about 2 weeks. It looks bad so I ask if she needed help cleaning it up. She replies, oh you can talk to my boyfriend about it, here's his name and number. Mind you, I have yet even see the boyfriend at her house. A few days go by and I had a postponement with a job I'm working on so I stayed home and cleaned up the mess. She came out and I told her I had time so I just took care of it. A few weeks later she goes out of town and leaves the dogs out in her front yard (electric fence). After listening to them barking nonstop for 9 hours I text her, hey are your dogs going to be out all night? No response. After about the 4th try, my wife text her and gets a response imedietly. Over the last couple weeks she kept texting and asking if I lost a flashlight. I told her no every time. Today she caught me outside and asked me again and said she was asking because she has seen a few things moved around on her back porch and a couple nights ago her boyfriend came over at 1am and some guy was on her back porch and ran and jumped the fence into my back yard and disappeared on the other side of my house. I told her once again it's not my flashlight, thanks for telling me and I'll keep an eye on my yard, my wife, and my daughter but now that I think about it I wonder if she was acussing me? I feel like telling her first of all I am happily married for 29 years, she's prob, 20 years younger than me and I don't find short women with beer guts attractive. Plus if I tried to jump that fence I would prob break a hip or something. Guess I'll just leave it be for a while.
View Quote


Must be a white woman. If you even look at them for 1.87 seconds, you want to rape them.
Link Posted: 6/8/2016 5:55:48 PM EDT
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By OlCrow:

Holy kindergarten Batman, it took me a almost a minute to read all of that!
View Quote View All Quotes
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Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By OlCrow:
Originally Posted By Mikhail_86:
http://i61.tinypic.com/30my62a.jpg

Holy kindergarten Batman, it took me a almost a minute to read all of that!

Sorry, I don't paragraph too good.
Link Posted: 6/8/2016 5:55:59 PM EDT
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By spurg:
Just cut a hole in the fence. It will make it easier to get your flashlight back next time.

View Quote


Stick your dick into that hole and see what happens
Link Posted: 6/8/2016 5:56:36 PM EDT
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By HardShell:


A'cussing you? Only if she was Southern.

Accusing you? Almost certainly.
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Originally Posted By HardShell:
Originally Posted By romax:
... I wonder if she was acussing me?...


A'cussing you? Only if she was Southern.

Accusing you? Almost certainly.

And apparently I don't spale too good.
Link Posted: 6/8/2016 6:00:01 PM EDT
Not enough swearing to be a rant and not enough porn to be a letter to Penthouse.

Meh.
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