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Posted: 5/23/2005 12:19:27 AM EDT
I never really considered this.

Endor Holocaust
What happens when you detonate a spherical metal honeycomb over five hundred miles wide just above the atmosphere of a habitable world? Regardless of specifics, the world won't remain habitable for long.


Introduction

This document does not advocate or condone the extinction or betrayal of ewoks, it merely reports upon a physical situation and the acts involved.

The circumstances at the end of Return of the Jedi lead inevitably to an environmental disaster on the Endor moon. The explosion of a small artificial moon in low orbit sends a meteoric rain onto the ewok sanctuary, on a scale unmatched since Endor formed. Through either direct atmospheric injection of small particles, or showers of ejecta from large impacts, the atmosphere will be filled with smoke and fallout causing a gargantuan nuclear-winter effect.

Unless the rebel commandoes on Endor were executing a suicide mission, the rebel fleet was evidently able to intervene to protect their immediate vicinity: probably an area comparable to Luxembourg. Debris fragments amounting to the mass of the rebel fleet might conceivably have been diverted from that particular locality (by the exertion of the fleet's tractor beams) and onto adjacent areas of the Endorian globe. However this is only a tiny fraction of the total mass incident on the moon during an event lasting mere minutes. The mass of the entire debris cloud and fireball is incomparably (inexorably) greater than the combined mass of both fleets over Endor.

A general climatological catastrophe was unavoidable. Averting the disaster would have required physical action on a scale greater than the construction of a Death Star, within minutes of the battle station's explosion.

Immediately following ROTJ the Endor moon has become unliveable, meaning that the ewoks are extinct except for those:

The Death Star II was designed as bait for the Rebel Alliance, but it was never supposed to be destroyed. The station was meant to be protected by an impenetrable deflector shield. Primitive bipeds on that paradise world were recruited and exploited by daring rebel commandos. They managed to overwhelm the security forces defending the shield's power generator. Ironically, the ewoks were actually the beneficiaries of the deflector shield, and their aggression indirectly and unwittingly brought about their world's doom.

Destruction of both the deflector shield and the battle station caused some serious collateral damage.

www.theforce.net/swtc/holocaust.html
Link Posted: 5/23/2005 12:22:54 AM EDT
haha the ewoks owned themselves thats what they get for being so cute
Link Posted: 5/23/2005 12:27:14 AM EDT
How would Endor have survived? Simple. The screenwriter said it did. It is just a movie after all.
Link Posted: 5/23/2005 12:58:57 AM EDT
i read a pretty convincing article stating the empire was in reality the good guys.


completely queered my whole view of the lucasian universe
Link Posted: 5/23/2005 1:04:42 AM EDT
Could you post that article
Link Posted: 5/23/2005 1:10:02 AM EDT

Originally Posted By druncuncas:
i read a pretty convincing article stating the empire was in reality the good guys



All a matter of storytelling and perspective.Lucas musta been a rebel-sympathizer.
Link Posted: 5/23/2005 1:11:24 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/23/2005 1:11:34 AM EDT by Katana16j]
Sadly I knew a kid in Grade school who believed exactly that. That Star Wars was a "Last Starfighter" type thing that was actually ongoing, and Lucas was a Rebel Sympathizer preparing Earth to come into the conflict on the side of the rebellion.
Link Posted: 5/23/2005 1:15:57 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/23/2005 1:16:45 AM EDT by druncuncas]

Originally Posted By Katana16j:
Could you post that article


www.weeklystandard.com/Content/Public/Articles/000/000/001/248ipzbt.asp

The Case for the Empire
From the May 16, 2002 Daily Standard: Everything you think you know about Star Wars is wrong.
by Jonathan V. Last
12/26/2002 12:00:00 AM


Jonathan V. Last, online editor





STAR WARS RETURNS today with its fifth installment, "Attack of the Clones." There will be talk of the Force and the Dark Side and the epic morality of George Lucas's series. But the truth is that from the beginning, Lucas confused the good guys with the bad. The deep lesson of Star Wars is that the Empire is good.

It's a difficult leap to make--embracing Darth Vader and the Emperor over the plucky and attractive Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia--but a careful examination of the facts, sorted apart from Lucas's off-the-shelf moral cues, makes a quite convincing case.

First, an aside: For the sake of this discussion, I've considered only the history gleaned from the actual Star Wars films, not the Expanded Universe. If you know what the Expanded Universe is and want to argue that no discussion of Star Wars can be complete without considering material outside the canon, that's fine. However, it's always been my view that the comic books and novels largely serve to clean up Lucas's narrative and philosophical messes. Therefore, discussions of intrinsic intent must necessarily revolve around the movies alone. You may disagree, but please don't e-mail me about it.

If you don't know what the Expanded Universe is, well, uh, neither do I.

I. The Problems with the Galactic Republic

At the beginning of the Star Wars saga, the known universe is governed by the Galactic Republic. The Republic is controlled by a Senate, which is, in turn, run by an elected chancellor who's in charge of procedure, but

has little real power.

Scores of thousands of planets are represented in the Galactic Senate, and as we first encounter it, it is sclerotic and ineffectual. The Republic has grown over many millennia to the point where there are so many factions and disparate interests, that it is simply too big to be governable. Even the Republic's staunchest supporters recognize this failing: In "The Phantom Menace," Queen Amidala admits, "It is clear to me now that the Republic no longer functions." In "Attack of the Clones," young Anakin Skywalker observes that it simply "doesn't work."

The Senate moves so slowly that it is powerless to stop aggression between member states. In "The Phantom Menace" a supra-planetary alliance, the Trade Federation (think of it as OPEC to the Galactic Republic's United Nations), invades a planet and all the Senate can agree to do is call for an investigation.

Like the United Nations, the Republic has no armed forces of its own, but instead relies on a group of warriors, the Jedi knights, to "keep the peace." The Jedi, while autonomous, often work in tandem with the Senate, trying to smooth over quarrels and avoid conflicts. But the Jedi number only in the thousands--they cannot protect everyone.

What's more, it's not clear that they should be "protecting" anyone. The Jedi are Lucas's great heroes, full of Zen wisdom and righteous power. They encourage people to "use the Force"--the mystical energy which is the source of their power--but the truth, revealed in "The Phantom Menace," is that the Force isn't available to the rabble. The Force comes from midi-chlorians, tiny symbiotic organisms in people's blood, like mitochondria. The Force, it turns out, is an inherited, genetic trait. If you don't have the blood, you don't get the Force. Which makes the Jedi not a democratic militia, but a royalist Swiss guard.

And an arrogant royalist Swiss guard, at that. With one or two notable exceptions, the Jedi we meet in Star Wars are full of themselves. They ignore the counsel of others (often with terrible consequences), and seem honestly to believe that they are at the center of the universe. When the chief Jedi record-keeper is asked in "Attack of the Clones" about a planet she has never heard of, she replies that if it's not in the Jedi archives, it doesn't exist. (The planet in question does exist, again, with terrible consequences.)
In "Attack of the Clones," a mysterious figure, Count Dooku, leads a separatist movement of planets that want to secede from the Republic. Dooku promises these confederates smaller government, unlimited free trade, and an "absolute commitment to capitalism." Dooku's motives are suspect--it's not clear whether or not he believes in these causes. However, there's no reason to doubt the motives of the other separatists--they seem genuinely to want to make a fresh start with a government that isn't bloated and dysfunctional.

The Republic, of course, is eager to quash these separatists, but they never make a compelling case--or any case, for that matter--as to why, if they are such a freedom-loving regime, these planets should not be allowed to check out of the Republic and take control of their own destinies.

II. The Empire

We do not yet know the exact how's and why's, but we do know this: At some point between the end of Episode II and the beginning of

Episode IV, the Republic is replaced by an Empire. The first hint comes in "Attack of the Clones," when the Senate's Chancellor Palpatine is granted emergency powers to deal with the separatists. It spoils very little to tell you that Palpatine eventually becomes the Emperor. For a time, he keeps the Senate in place, functioning as a rubber-stamp, much like the Roman imperial senate, but a few minutes into Episode IV, we are informed that the he has dissolved the Senate, and that "the last remnants of the Old Republic have been swept away."

Lucas wants the Empire to stand for evil, so he tells us that the Emperor and Darth Vader have gone over to the Dark Side and dresses them in black.

But look closer. When Palpatine is still a senator, he says, "The Republic is not what it once was. The Senate is full of greedy, squabbling delegates. There is no interest in the common good." At one point he laments that "the bureaucrats are in charge now."

Palpatine believes that the political order must be manipulated to produce peace and stability. When he mutters, "There is no civility, there is only politics," we see that at heart, he's an esoteric Straussian.

Make no mistake, as emperor, Palpatine is a dictator--but a relatively benign one, like Pinochet. It's a dictatorship people can do business with. They collect taxes and patrol the skies. They try to stop organized crime (in the form of the smuggling rings run by the Hutts). The Empire has virtually no effect on the daily life of the average, law-abiding citizen.

Also, unlike the divine-right Jedi, the Empire is a meritocracy. The Empire runs academies throughout the galaxy (Han Solo begins his career at an Imperial academy), and those who show promise are promoted, often rapidly. In "The Empire Strikes Back" Captain Piett is quickly promoted to admiral when his predecessor "falls down on the job."

And while it's a small point, the Empire's manners and decorum speak well of it. When Darth Vader is forced to employ bounty hunters to track down Han Solo, he refuses to address them by name. Even Boba Fett, the greatest of all trackers, is referred to icily as "bounty hunter." And yet Fett understands the protocol. When he captures Solo, he calls him "Captain Solo." (Whether this is in deference to Han's former rank in the Imperial starfleet, or simply because Han owns and pilots his own ship, we don't know. I suspect it's the former.)

But the most compelling evidence that the Empire isn't evil comes in "The Empire Strikes Back" when Darth Vader is battling Luke Skywalker. After an exhausting fight, Vader is poised to finish Luke off, but he stays his hand. He tries to convert Luke to the Dark Side with this simple plea: "There is no escape. Don't make me destroy you. . . . Join me, and I will complete your training. With our combined strength, we can end this destructive conflict and bring order to the galaxy." It is here we find the real controlling impulse for the Dark Side and the Empire. The Empire doesn't want slaves or destruction or "evil." It wants order.

None of which is to say that the Empire isn't sometimes brutal. In Episode IV, Imperial stormtroopers kill Luke's aunt and uncle and Grand Moff Tarkin orders the destruction of an entire planet, Alderaan. But viewed in context, these acts are less brutal than they initially appear. Poor Aunt Beru and Uncle Owen reach a grisly end, but only after they aid the rebellion by hiding Luke and harboring two fugitive droids. They aren't given due process, but they are traitors.

The destruction of Alderaan is often cited as ipso facto proof of the Empire's "evilness" because it seems like mass murder--planeticide, even. As Tarkin prepares to fire the Death Star, Princess Leia implores him to spare the planet, saying, "Alderaan is peaceful. We have no weapons." Her plea is important, if true.

But the audience has no reason to believe that Leia is telling the truth. In Episode IV, every bit of information she gives the Empire is willfully untrue. In the opening, she tells Darth Vader that she is on a diplomatic mission of mercy, when in fact she is on a spy mission, trying to deliver schematics of the Death Star to the Rebel Alliance. When asked where the Alliance is headquartered, she lies again.

Leia's lies are perfectly defensible--she thinks she's serving the greater good--but they make her wholly unreliable on the question of whether or not Alderaan really is peaceful and defenseless. If anything, since Leia is a high-ranking member of the rebellion and the princess of Alderaan, it would be reasonable to suspect that Alderaan is a front for Rebel activity or at least home to many more spies and insurgents like Leia.

Whatever the case, the important thing to recognize is that the Empire is not committing random acts of terror. It is engaged in a fight for the survival of its regime against a violent group of rebels who are committed to its destruction.

III. After the Rebellion

As we all know from the final Star Wars installment, "Return of the Jedi," the rebellion is eventually successful. The Emperor is assassinated, Darth Vader abdicates his post and dies, the central governing apparatus of the Empire is destroyed in a spectacular space battle, and the rebels rejoice with their small, annoying Ewok friends. But what happens next?

(There is a raft of literature on this point, but, as I said at the beginning, I'm going to ignore it because it doesn't speak to Lucas's original intent.)

In Episode IV, after Grand Moff Tarkin announces that the Imperial Senate has been abolished, he's asked how the Emperor can possibly hope to keep control of the galaxy. "The regional governors now have direct control over territories," he says. "Fear will keep the local systems in line."

So under Imperial rule, a large group of regional potentates, each with access to a sizable army and star destroyers, runs local affairs. These governors owe their fealty to the Emperor. And once the Emperor is dead, the galaxy will be plunged into chaos.

In all of the time we spend observing the Rebel Alliance, we never hear of their governing strategy or their plans for a post-Imperial universe. All we see are plots and fighting. Their victory over the Empire doesn't liberate the galaxy--it turns the galaxy into Somalia writ large: dominated by local warlords who are answerable to no one.

Which makes the rebels--Lucas's heroes--an unimpressive crew of anarchic royals who wreck the galaxy so that Princess Leia can have her tiara back.

I'll take the Empire.





Link Posted: 5/23/2005 1:20:45 AM EDT
It don't make sense!
Link Posted: 5/23/2005 1:21:42 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Katana16j:
Sadly I knew a kid in Grade school who believed exactly that. That Star Wars was a "Last Starfighter" type thing that was actually ongoing, and Lucas was a Rebel Sympathizer preparing Earth to come into the conflict on the side of the rebellion.



Preparing Earth to battle?

Did said friend not remember the little part in the beginning about "A long time ago...."
Link Posted: 5/23/2005 1:40:40 AM EDT
Be suspect of any government that relies on central planning for "order and the common good," whether in real life or a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away.
Link Posted: 5/23/2005 1:45:39 AM EDT

Originally Posted By swingset:
It don't make sense!
carloperez.com/xhomepage/spotlight/cochrane.jpg



NERDS USUALLY DONT!
Link Posted: 5/23/2005 2:52:08 AM EDT
Sure, killing billions by blowing up entire planets cuz someone won't talk is what good guys do!
Link Posted: 5/23/2005 2:54:51 AM EDT
Tagged so I can use this against the nerds at work who wont stop having light-saber duels in the back room.

Kharn
Link Posted: 5/23/2005 3:32:11 AM EDT
tag
Link Posted: 5/23/2005 3:39:04 AM EDT

And yet Fett understands the protocol. When he captures Solo, he calls him "Captain Solo." (Whether this is in deference to Han's former rank in the Imperial starfleet, or simply because Han owns and pilots his own ship, we don't know. I suspect it's the former.)


The Imperial Navy seems to use a similar ranking system to the US Navy.
Captain Piett was probably the equivalent to an O-6.

Han Solo did enter the Imperial academy but would have been at most an O-1/O-2 before he left.
Link Posted: 5/23/2005 3:45:13 AM EDT

Originally Posted By raven:
This document does not advocate or condone the extinction or betrayal of ewoks, it merely reports upon a physical situation and the acts involved.



Heh, I endorse there exctinction, there should have been a few more bits of furry road kill when that AT-ST's stomped those little buggers.

Good essay though innit :)

/PHil
Link Posted: 5/23/2005 3:47:04 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Gator:
Sure, killing billions by blowing up entire planets cuz someone won't talk is what good guys do!



Princess Leia did lie about everything, for all we know Alderaan was full of insurgents with weapons stashed underground.
Link Posted: 5/23/2005 4:03:05 AM EDT
Oh dear.

More starwars geekery.

Do the words "suspension of reality" mean anything to some people?

Link Posted: 5/23/2005 4:06:56 AM EDT

Originally Posted By John_Wayne777:
Oh dear.

More starwars geekery.

Do the words "suspension of reality" mean anything to some people?




Oh my, the only type of people that say that become zombie food!
Link Posted: 5/23/2005 4:24:53 AM EDT
tag
Link Posted: 5/23/2005 4:32:13 AM EDT
Nerd tag for later reading!
Link Posted: 5/23/2005 4:38:31 AM EDT
that article is a load of crap. the nazi's brought order to depression-era germany. look what that got them. and dismissing the desctruction of alderann by saying "well they probably did have weapons" is like trying to rationalize the holocaust by saying "well the jews probably were bad". load of crap, I say!
Link Posted: 5/23/2005 4:42:48 AM EDT
Link Posted: 5/23/2005 4:42:52 AM EDT
Other unrealistic parts of Starwars include, gravity on Star Destroyers, and sounds being emmited from craft in space.
Link Posted: 5/23/2005 4:46:37 AM EDT
"Make no mistake, as emperor, Palpatine is a dictator--but a relatively benign one, like Pinochet."
Link Posted: 5/23/2005 4:46:42 AM EDT
ewoks = midget wookies
Link Posted: 5/23/2005 5:03:29 AM EDT
Tag.
Link Posted: 5/23/2005 5:04:49 AM EDT
Tag.
Link Posted: 5/23/2005 5:26:05 AM EDT

Originally Posted By deimos:
"Make no mistake, as emperor, Palpatine is a dictator--but a relatively benign one, like Pinochet."



Who'd you want? Pinochet or Castro's man? Chile's free today and one of the most prosperous countries in Latin America. Cuba's the reverse. Probably the least-free and poorest Latin American country.
Link Posted: 5/23/2005 5:30:03 AM EDT
I don't care what anyone says... Leia is a hottie!
Link Posted: 5/23/2005 5:34:29 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/23/2005 5:35:34 AM EDT by opie69]

Originally Posted By chris157c:
I don't care what anyone says... Leia is a hottie!




+1 especially in the slave outfit
Link Posted: 5/23/2005 5:35:16 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/23/2005 5:36:00 AM EDT by opie69]
oops double post
Link Posted: 5/23/2005 5:42:46 AM EDT

Originally Posted By QuantumPion:
that article is a load of crap. the nazi's brought order to depression-era germany. look what that got them. and dismissing the desctruction of alderann by saying "well they probably did have weapons" is like trying to rationalize the holocaust by saying "well the jews probably were bad". load of crap, I say!



I believe a lot of the dark grey Imperial uniforms were made to be reminiscient of Nazi uniforms.

Obviously not as blatantly as the stuff in Starship Troopers, but a little.
Link Posted: 5/23/2005 5:43:06 AM EDT

Originally Posted By raven:

Originally Posted By deimos:
"Make no mistake, as emperor, Palpatine is a dictator--but a relatively benign one, like Pinochet."



Who'd you want? Pinochet or Castro's man? Chile's free today and one of the most prosperous countries in Latin America. Cuba's the reverse. Probably the least-free and poorest Latin American country.



Damn, I read "benevolent", not "benign"
Link Posted: 5/23/2005 8:27:13 AM EDT
From the TV show Newsradio:

"Tragedy struck today in Sector Nine as rebel terrorists blew up the Death Star, killing thousands. The Rebel Alliance, a fringe group of anti-Empire fanatics, has claimed responsibility for the terrorist act. Fortunately, Lord Vader escaped without harm. Our hearts go out to the families of the victims."
Link Posted: 5/23/2005 8:44:44 AM EDT
What about all the contractors? I mean, the first death star was already built, so everyone on it would be military personnel, but the second death star must have had thousands, if not millions, of civilian contractors on it.

/clerks.
Link Posted: 5/23/2005 9:23:33 AM EDT

Han Solo begins his career at an Imperial academy


That was in the non-expanded Star Wars universe? In which movie is it mentioned? I've read "The Case for the Empire" a couple years ago, it's a fun read, but not new.

In regards to "Captain Solo," that's a big thing of Lucas'...characters are addressed by their titles all the time...Lord Vader, Captain Solo, etc.
Link Posted: 5/23/2005 9:26:11 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/23/2005 9:41:54 AM EDT by WildBoar]
Didnt the red stripe on Hans pants signify something about his service in the Empire?
Link Posted: 5/23/2005 9:37:47 AM EDT
Let's do it, I friggin hate ewoks.

I would have joined the Imperial Navy just to kill the little bastards. I can see it now, sniping the little boogers from a few hundred yards away as they throw rocks and swing on vines, it doesn't get any better. And then, after all the warriors are dead, go into the village and execute the chieftans, enslave the survivors, ship them off to the Kessel mines and work them til they die! Damn, I hate Ewoks.
Link Posted: 5/23/2005 9:53:37 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/23/2005 9:55:06 AM EDT by DigDug]
Link Posted: 5/23/2005 10:02:38 AM EDT

Originally Posted By nacrotek:
ewoks = midget wookies


Yep, they're just at the perfect heigth to punch you in hoo-haa's, versus a Wookie ripping your arm
off and beating you to death with it.
Link Posted: 5/23/2005 10:44:36 AM EDT

Originally Posted By deimos:
"Make no mistake, as emperor, Palpatine is a dictator--but a relatively benign one, like Pinochet."



Yeah, tell that to Salvador Allende!
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