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Posted: 4/20/2016 1:09:52 PM EDT
So my fiance and I want kids at some point, but we're debating the method. She's got a bit of down syndrome and other mental illness on her side of the family, I have depression, alcoholism, and cancer on mine. We're both perfectly healthy, but we'd rather adopt a healthy kid in need of a family rather than bring a mentally disabled kid with no chance of success into the world. Is there any way to find out, given the parent's genetics, what the probability is of a handicapped child? On the same note, how does adoption work? Like a brief rundown of the process and costs.

I don't mean to sound like "we don't want a gross retarded kid", we just want to make the best decision to create a happy and healthy family.
Link Posted: 4/20/2016 1:18:40 PM EDT
I certainly don't blame you. If you're not turned off by the idea of not passing on your specific family lineage via genetics, then by all means, go for it.

I do know it can be expensive and frustrating however, but it's a hell of a nice thing to do.
Link Posted: 4/20/2016 1:24:05 PM EDT
You can't predict mental illness or cancer in an adopted kid either.

But, I'm all for less pro-creation and more adoption.

It can be a very hard road though. Go in with both eyes wide open.

We adopted 8 years ago. It's been......a growing experience. I love my son, but damn I had no idea how hard this would be.
Link Posted: 4/20/2016 1:32:38 PM EDT
Originally Posted By bes53181:
So my fiance and I want kids at some point, but we're debating the method. She's got a bit of down syndrome and other mental illness on her side of the family, I have depression, alcoholism, and cancer on mine. We're both perfectly healthy, but we'd rather adopt a healthy kid in need of a family rather than bring a mentally disabled kid with no chance of success into the world. Is there any way to find out, given the parent's genetics, what the probability is of a handicapped child? On the same note, how does adoption work? Like a brief rundown of the process and costs.

I don't mean to sound like "we don't want a gross retarded kid", we just want to make the best decision to create a happy and healthy family.
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Are you sure that down syndrome in her family is even hereditary? What family doesn't have cancer?

MYTH: Down syndrome is hereditary and runs in families.

TRUTH: Translocation, a type of Down syndrome that accounts for 3 to 4% of all cases, is the only type of Down syndrome known to have a hereditary component. Of those, one third (or 1% of all cases of Down syndrome) are hereditary. - See more at: http://www.ndss.org/Down-Syndrome/Myths-Truths/#sthash.Dsy0CUdh.dpuf
Link Posted: 4/20/2016 1:44:44 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 4/20/2016 1:46:34 PM EDT by SamBram]
I don't think Down's is genetic, and you'd be hard pressed to find many family tree's without some history of cancer, depression and alcoholism.

ETA - her age is more relevant than anything with Downs.
Link Posted: 4/20/2016 1:46:36 PM EDT
I've got heart disease (literally killed every male on my dad's side who wasn't stabbed in a bar or executed) on my side and depression and cancer on my wife's. No big deal. Everybody dies of something.

Go have kids. Be less paranoid.
Link Posted: 4/20/2016 1:54:16 PM EDT
Nobody is perfect.

Nobody's kid, is therefore, perfect.

You are rolling the genetic dice when you have children. As long as you are not both (for instance) Ashkenazi Jews who both are carriers for Tay-Sachs then why not roll you own?
Link Posted: 4/20/2016 1:55:09 PM EDT
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Originally Posted By brgator:


Are you sure that down syndrome in her family is even hereditary? What family doesn't have cancer?

MYTH: Down syndrome is hereditary and runs in families.

TRUTH: Translocation, a type of Down syndrome that accounts for 3 to 4% of all cases, is the only type of Down syndrome known to have a hereditary component. Of those, one third (or 1% of all cases of Down syndrome) are hereditary. - See more at: http://www.ndss.org/Down-Syndrome/Myths-Truths/#sthash.Dsy0CUdh.dpuf
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Originally Posted By brgator:
Originally Posted By bes53181:
So my fiance and I want kids at some point, but we're debating the method. She's got a bit of down syndrome and other mental illness on her side of the family, I have depression, alcoholism, and cancer on mine. We're both perfectly healthy, but we'd rather adopt a healthy kid in need of a family rather than bring a mentally disabled kid with no chance of success into the world. Is there any way to find out, given the parent's genetics, what the probability is of a handicapped child? On the same note, how does adoption work? Like a brief rundown of the process and costs.

I don't mean to sound like "we don't want a gross retarded kid", we just want to make the best decision to create a happy and healthy family.


Are you sure that down syndrome in her family is even hereditary? What family doesn't have cancer?

MYTH: Down syndrome is hereditary and runs in families.

TRUTH: Translocation, a type of Down syndrome that accounts for 3 to 4% of all cases, is the only type of Down syndrome known to have a hereditary component. Of those, one third (or 1% of all cases of Down syndrome) are hereditary. - See more at: http://www.ndss.org/Down-Syndrome/Myths-Truths/#sthash.Dsy0CUdh.dpuf



This is very much news to me, thanks for sharing. I was under the impression that Down Syndrome was exclusively genetic.
Link Posted: 4/20/2016 1:56:50 PM EDT
Here is my two cents. Go see a Reproductive Endocrinologist if you are worried about passing on a genetic disease. They can screen your embryos' and tell which ones have genetics issues.

I would not wish adoption on my worst enemy. I was injured during my time in the sandbox and I will not be fathering any children. We been trying to adopt for five years with zero success. Our adoption agency has given us all kind of excuses: Adoptions are down. Single motherhood is cool now. Unplanned Pregnancy happens less frequently. I'm too old, have too many scars, etc.

Facing a future with no children just suxs! Adoption is no longer a good fallback plan for couples.
Link Posted: 4/20/2016 2:11:47 PM EDT
Nothing wrong with adopting. As far as what is involved, I would consult a family attorney or some type of adoption expert for advise on how to continue.
Link Posted: 4/20/2016 3:56:03 PM EDT
That genetic lottery can work against you in adoption, too, if the parents had issues. I have two adopted sisters. They have the same mother. They have schizophrenia, depression, oppositional-defiant disorder, and a host of other issues. They have ruined the last 25 years for my parents.

I'm not saying don't adopt. I'm just saying try to get a genetic profile of the birthparents in advance, if possible.
Link Posted: 4/20/2016 4:05:08 PM EDT
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Originally Posted By SamBram:
I don't think Down's is genetic, and you'd be hard pressed to find many family tree's without some history of cancer, depression and alcoholism.

ETA - her age is more relevant than anything with Downs.
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My uncle had Down's. My grandmother was in her 40s when she had him.

When my wife was pregnant with our first, I told the doctor about my uncle and he said the same thing.
Link Posted: 4/20/2016 5:22:11 PM EDT
The sad fact is, a kid you adopt is just as likely or more likely to have some of those issues than your own kids. If you don't have fertility issues, I say make your own. There's nothing like looking into the eyes of a baby you made.
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