Warning

 

Close

Confirm Action

Are you sure you wish to do this?

Confirm Cancel
Member Login

Posted: 2/1/2011 4:31:03 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 2/1/2011 4:34:54 AM EDT by Soylent]
Fuck. You.

You are the single most vile, abhorrent, awful thing invented by mankind to date. The taste is, I imagine, similar to what satans nostrils taste like after a hard day of burning brimstone. It's bad enough what it's supposed to do, but damn near puking your empty guts into the kitchen sink every 15 minutes for an hour is like the cherry on the cake. Fucking jerks.
True, it's a watery consistancy but that is just the set up for the ambush later on, isn't it?

Oh, and not very much later on either you atomic-fucking-colon blowing bottle of goatfuck. An entire brand new roll of MD toilet paper in 2 hours.

What. The. Fuck.

Drank it at 6pm, all done with the...."effects"...by 8:30pm.

Oh, but the fun is just getting started isn't it you sadistic motherfuckers? Yeahhhh, dose two started at 4:00am this morning. It is now 5:30am and I have (I hope) finished most of the effects of the secondary batch. I also need to hang a third roll of TP up in the last 11.5 hours.

I am pretty sure there wasn't anything left after dose...



damn, brb...

ok, back.

I am pretty sure there wasn't anything left after dose...

number one. I haven't eaten since Sunday night so why in the fuck do I have to take dose number 2?

Fuck you MoviPrep. Fuck you in the red, swollen, chapped and inflamed baboon ass.

Fuck you.
Link Posted: 2/1/2011 4:33:35 AM EDT
Poop thread is epic.
Link Posted: 2/1/2011 4:34:00 AM EDT
WOW
Link Posted: 2/1/2011 4:36:47 AM EDT
Holy shit dude.....
Link Posted: 2/1/2011 4:39:04 AM EDT
In on the poop thread!!!!!!


Solid 9/10 on the rant
Link Posted: 2/1/2011 4:43:55 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 2/1/2011 4:45:59 AM EDT by Soylent]
It isn't poop. That happened 6 hours after the godadmned Rx lax tablets. Oh, no what ensues is simply the tears of all of humanitys suffering to date flowing at an alarming rate through your body.

Fucking chemistry kit monkeys.

If I ever happen across OBL, I know exactly how he is going to die.


ETA
They're foing to SIIMPAPP
Link Posted: 2/1/2011 4:49:34 AM EDT
So can we call you "Squirt" today?

Link Posted: 2/1/2011 4:50:39 AM EDT
Save yourself the trouble, just do weekly high colonics, trust me, it refreshes you!
Link Posted: 2/1/2011 4:51:31 AM EDT


Link Posted: 2/1/2011 4:52:25 AM EDT
Is that stuff like Fleet?

My old boss had to do that. He tried to work, it's hard to work from the restroom.
Link Posted: 2/1/2011 4:52:54 AM EDT
You should have gotten some flushable wet wipes man, mucho easier on the back side.
Link Posted: 2/1/2011 4:54:40 AM EDT
Originally Posted By bstonemega:
You should have gotten some flushable wet wipes man, mucho easier on the back side.


Poor planning on my part. I did some reading up beforehand but forgot to get some of those. Even if I never have to do this again, I'm gonna have a box of those nearby.

Just in case, yanno...
Link Posted: 2/1/2011 4:56:16 AM EDT
...and so it begins.

Link Posted: 2/1/2011 4:56:20 AM EDT
Impressive post.

Link Posted: 2/1/2011 4:56:53 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Soylent:
Originally Posted By bstonemega:
You should have gotten some flushable wet wipes man, mucho easier on the back side.


Poor planning on my part. I did some reading up beforehand but forgot to get some of those. Even if I never have to do this again, I'm gonna have a box of those nearby.

Just in case, yanno...


I go nowhere without flushable wet wipes. I have a case of individually wraped ones for travel and am fully stocked at work and home.
Link Posted: 2/1/2011 4:58:39 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 2/1/2011 6:17:27 AM EDT by EPOCH96]
spent a couple days watching colonoscopies in nursing school. You could always tell on the camera which patients had actually drank the prep correctly and which ones had given up. The trained eye could probably still spot bad things, but to the causal observer, it was a challenge seeing anything in some people.

There's a reason you're paying alot of money to have someone put a camera up your ass. It would likly be in your best interest to give him the best shot at actually seeing something
Link Posted: 2/1/2011 5:02:07 AM EDT
BTDT

The human body is amazeing with its usual routines and yet so much more capeable to "step up to the plate" and deliver in the extreme.

I believe my response was something along the lines of "did not know it was possible for me to do that!"
Link Posted: 2/1/2011 5:03:12 AM EDT
anti-freeze may not be such a good idea.

100 grams of polyethylene glycol

http://www.drugs.com/pro/moviprep.html

next time fast for 7 days.
Link Posted: 2/1/2011 5:06:09 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 2/1/2011 5:08:28 AM EDT by GreatDane]
Trust me when I say this: it could have been much worse. At least you had/have the opportunity to to /use/ the toilet.

Link Posted: 2/1/2011 5:09:56 AM EDT
Originally Posted By nhsport:
BTDT

The human body is amazeing with its usual routines and yet so much more capeable to "step up to the plate" and deliver in the extreme.

I believe my response was something along the lines of "did not know it was possible for me to do that!"


I mentioned to my wife last night around 8:00pm "Oh gawd...I hafta drink another quart of that stuff tomorrow morning...It doesn't make any sense, there can't be anything left!"

She laughed
Link Posted: 2/1/2011 5:12:09 AM EDT
Link Posted: 2/1/2011 5:12:22 AM EDT
i opted for the pills instead. i couldn't bring myself to drink the other stuff.
Link Posted: 2/1/2011 5:15:25 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 2/1/2011 5:17:16 AM EDT by Soylent]
Originally Posted By NoloContendere:
i opted for the pills instead. i couldn't bring myself to drink the other stuff.


I had no idea. I had had a CT scan done and the contrast stuff was bad enough, and I was thinking it would be like that. So naive, a mere babe wandering hill and dale.

ETA
My uncle had this done a few years ago and he said the farting part was fantastic. Claimed it was the only good thing about the entire experience having that 5 minute fart.

Personally, I'm afraid I'm going to ruin the wallpaper in the exam room.

Welp, that's their problem!
Link Posted: 2/1/2011 5:15:27 AM EDT
My sympathies. Been there, done that, you described it perfectly...
Link Posted: 2/1/2011 5:15:51 AM EDT
Link Posted: 2/1/2011 5:17:02 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Soylent:
Originally Posted By NoloContendere:
i opted for the pills instead. i couldn't bring myself to drink the other stuff.


I had no idea. I had had a CT scan done and the contrast stuff was bad enough, and I was thinking it would be like that. So naive, a mere babe wandering hill and dale.


Next time, ask for the pills. You still have to take an extreme number of pills, and drink 8oz of water with each 'set', but at least it doesn't taste like hot garbage.
Link Posted: 2/1/2011 5:19:36 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 2/1/2011 5:20:07 AM EDT by GLHX2112]
I mixed in Crystal Lite. Made a huge difference. Docs need to get on the same sheet of paper, I only had to do the prep the night before. No pills, no Round #2 the next morning. Fuck That.
Link Posted: 2/1/2011 5:21:41 AM EDT
Originally Posted By DK-Prof:
Originally Posted By NoloContendere:
i opted for the pills instead. i couldn't bring myself to drink the other stuff.


If you mix in gatorade powder, it's not that bad. It's not great or anything, but it's not nasty either.


so says the gooseman.........
Link Posted: 2/1/2011 5:25:54 AM EDT
What is this stuff, a laxitive?

IBTL for poopy thread.
Link Posted: 2/1/2011 5:27:10 AM EDT
Link Posted: 2/1/2011 5:30:38 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 2/1/2011 5:31:37 AM EDT by Soylent]
Originally Posted By DK-Prof:
Originally Posted By Searcherfortruth:
What is this stuff, a laxitive?

IBTL for poopy thread.


You'll find out when you turn 50.


Or you get unlucky and run into a series of GI troubles all of a sudden when you're 41...howcome my luck never works teh other way around? Like for the Powerball or the LaRue drawing or something?

By the way, is it just me or is that third run to the bathroom in 15 minutes the lonliest mile you've ever covered?


*ETA*
Laxative is too tame a word. It's fucking colon demo in a quart bottle. A two part un-epoxy of hell.
Link Posted: 2/1/2011 7:28:29 AM EDT
One hour before deflowering

Hold me?
Link Posted: 2/1/2011 7:33:58 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Soylent:
One hour before deflowering

Hold me?


Don't worry it'll be over before you know it. Now if you wake up and hear Barry White music and the doctor is smoking a cigarette you have something to worry about.
Link Posted: 2/1/2011 7:39:34 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Soylent:
One hour before deflowering

Hold me?

You: Are you using the whole fist doc?

Doc: No. No.

You: Why'd you say that twice?

Doc: I didn't. I didn't. It was an echo. Echo.


(Two good movies at once.)
Link Posted: 2/1/2011 7:40:26 AM EDT
Originally Posted By FGracing:
Originally Posted By Soylent:
One hour before deflowering

Hold me?


Don't worry it'll be over before you know it. Now if you wake up and hear Barry White music and the doctor is smoking a cigarette you have something to worry about.


My buddy yesterday: "I had my first rectal exam today. The only thing I was confused about was how the doctor conducted the exam with both of his hands on my shoulders."
Link Posted: 2/1/2011 7:45:07 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Soylent:
One hour before deflowering

Hold me?


tell them not to put it on youtube. if you get an upper as well, make sure they do #1 before #2, or at least use different cameras........

Link Posted: 2/1/2011 7:45:35 AM EDT
I had the stomach bug on Saturday. I'll spare the details. The best part was taking a shower while I was still dehydrated, passing out and scaring the crap out of my girlfriend. She had to push me out of the way with the bathroom door so she could get in to make sure I was still alive. Went to the doctors and got two bags of fluids put in me via IV. Fun times.

My experience sounds a lot like your story except I didn't willingly do this to myself.
Link Posted: 2/1/2011 7:46:01 AM EDT
My wife is currently looking through the list of things AFLAC will pay out for.


She's trying to turn me out I think
Link Posted: 2/1/2011 12:20:53 PM EDT
All done. They put me completely out for the photo shoot. It appears they want to confiscate part of me innards, so I have to make an appointment with the surgeon to have a consult.

On the upside...we stopped and ate on the way home!

Wooohooooooo!

Mushroom Bacon Swiss, fries, and a sodapop.

No booze for me they said.

On the even better upside, it all seems to be staying put!


Oh, and yes the farty thing was pretty impressive
Top Top