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Posted: 1/2/2004 6:19:17 AM EDT
Have been seeing this older woman (she's 46, I'm 39) for a month or so now.  She has been divorced for 15 years and is looking for a husband.  I just finished up my divorce a few months ago, and the last thing I want is a serious relationship.  

We went out New Years Eve night and had a crappy time.  I knew me "stiffing" her a couple times was a sore spot, but thought she would get over it.

How can I get this chick back?  She is hot, 5'
1", 105pounds......great in the sack.  What can I email her back to at least get her to reconsider?  Or, is it time to scrounge thru the Yahoo Personals again?  Dammit!!!!!!!!!

Here's her email to me last night:

"I just couldn't get into the evening.  I'd been kind of stewing about your not calling or knowing for sure you were coming for the  second time in a couple of days, the looseness of the plans for a big night like New Years and there being no way for me to get a hold of you but by e-mail.    I tried when we came back to the house, but you were falling asleep.  

The fact that you told "ex-wife" you were "on call" so we could even go out just kind of highlights the difference in where we're at.  I'm so far away from all that fighting with my ex and you're just trying to get a house and get settled.  I'm sorry, but it's not working for me and you didn't seem real happy last night either.  I'm sure you could name a number of things I did that irritated you and they are probably fair criticisms.  Bottom line is you aren't going to leave "anytown USA" and if I leave "anytown USA 2", it won't be to go to "anytown USA", so maybe it's best we move on."

Pretty blunt and to the point, huh?  Too bad too since I fly into the same city 5 nights a week and could have my cake and "eat it" too!!  Dammmmmmmmiiiiiiittttttt......can't believe I blew it!!!!!!!!!!!

vmax84

Link Posted: 1/2/2004 6:21:37 AM EDT
run.

fast and far.

run.

there are always more.  if it is that bad now, imagine what something serious would be like.
Link Posted: 1/2/2004 6:23:58 AM EDT
Dammmmmiiiittttttt!!!!!!!!!!!    
Link Posted: 1/2/2004 6:25:37 AM EDT
well from the way I read it, it looks like Rosie and going to be getting more action these days.  [lol]
Link Posted: 1/2/2004 6:29:15 AM EDT
Doesn't look good for the home team, does it?

vmax84
Link Posted: 1/2/2004 6:31:35 AM EDT
How did you "stiff" her?

Women don't like to be put on-hold while your trying to find better things to do, or simply can't make up your mind.

'Been there, done that.
Link Posted: 1/2/2004 6:32:01 AM EDT
Fuhgeddaboudid.
Link Posted: 1/2/2004 6:32:07 AM EDT
I don't know but it sounds like you deserved to get blown off, and not in a way that you might enjoy.

Sounds to me, from what you've said and what she wrote that you were basically stringing her along and using her for sex.

She was bound to notice sooner or later.

You got what you deserved.
Link Posted: 1/2/2004 6:34:18 AM EDT
So let me get this straight, you don't want a serious relationship but your whole world is going to fall apart if you can't keep this woman?  You don't know even know what you want, so why are you suprised when things don't work out?

You said it yourself, that you aren't ready for anything serious.  So let this one go.  The fact that you were talking about your ex with a new woman shows that you haven't moved on yet.  So take some time to get over your past relationship and use that time to date several other people.  Then after you have moved on you can try contacting this woman again and see where it goes from there.  But for now let her go.

Or you can just be miserable stressing out about not being able to keep women you don't want to be serious with.
Link Posted: 1/2/2004 6:34:23 AM EDT
V MAX,wtf?Why are you so pissed off???I thought you where tuff and didn't let women affect you like this?Why don't you just "move on"?Remember the last hot topic on this subject???
Link Posted: 1/2/2004 6:36:07 AM EDT
I"m not denying I blew it with her.  I should have called her and updated on my "change of plans".  And yes, I agree I got what was coming to me.

But.........any suggestions on how to get her back?  Damn, she was so much fun!!  


vmax84
Link Posted: 1/2/2004 6:36:21 AM EDT
It looks like she hit the nail on the head.

It appears that she is ready for a long term, steady, monogamous relationship.

You are not.
Link Posted: 1/2/2004 6:39:47 AM EDT
Originally Posted By storminnorman:
V MAX,wtf?Why are you so pissed off???I thought you where tuff and didn't let women affect you like this?Why don't you just "move on"?Remember the last hot topic on this subject???
View Quote


I"m not pissed or even all that bummed out!!!!!!!!!  Just amazed how stupid  I was with this whole thing.  I don't need a woman in my life right now, with buying a house, getting over the ex, etc.,  (and I'm doing well at keeping them away!!), but wow, they are fun at times!!  

vmax84
Link Posted: 1/2/2004 6:40:22 AM EDT
Originally Posted By vmax84:
I"m not denying I blew it with her.  I should have called her and updated on my "change of plans".  And yes, I agree I got what was coming to me.

But.........any suggestions on how to get her back?  Damn, she was so much fun!!  


vmax84
View Quote



Run.  (yes, I repeat myself)

Fun is temporary, misery is forever.  From the looks of it, she is 90% misery and 10% fun.  Problem is, you only see that last 10%.  
Link Posted: 1/2/2004 6:42:27 AM EDT
Originally Posted By vmax84:
But.........any suggestions on how to get her back?  Damn, she was so much fun!!  
View Quote


Yeah, call her about 10 times a day start begging.  Then send her flowers every day.  When she still doesn't respond park your car outside her house and wait for her.


LOL

Dude, you are obsessing.  Your best bet is to move on, date other people, and then get in contact with her later.
Link Posted: 1/2/2004 6:44:36 AM EDT
Originally Posted By brasspile:
Originally Posted By vmax84:
I"m not denying I blew it with her.  I should have called her and updated on my "change of plans".  And yes, I agree I got what was coming to me.

But.........any suggestions on how to get her back?  Damn, she was so much fun!!  


vmax84
View Quote



Run.  (yes, I repeat myself)

Fun is temporary, misery is forever.  From the looks of it, she is 90% misery and 10% fun.  Problem is, you only see that last 10%.  
View Quote

And he's just a barrel of fun for the women. NOT.

She's the one doing the running, and rightly so.

Leave the woman alone and get your head out of your ass. Quit complaining when women refuse to be used to fill your liesure time.
Link Posted: 1/2/2004 6:48:01 AM EDT
how about you give her your cell # since the only way she can contact you is by email.  Heck she probably thinks you are still married as well.  Either be truthful with her, or move on, this one you screwed up.
Link Posted: 1/2/2004 6:52:10 AM EDT
Originally Posted By hydgirl:
Originally Posted By brasspile:
Originally Posted By vmax84:
I"m not denying I blew it with her.  I should have called her and updated on my "change of plans".  And yes, I agree I got what was coming to me.

But.........any suggestions on how to get her back?  Damn, she was so much fun!!  


vmax84
View Quote



Run.  (yes, I repeat myself)

Fun is temporary, misery is forever.  From the looks of it, she is 90% misery and 10% fun.  Problem is, you only see that last 10%.  
View Quote

And he's just a barrel of fun for the women. NOT.

She's the one doing the running, and rightly so.

Leave the woman alone and get your head out of your ass. Quit complaining when women refuse to be used to fill your liesure time.
View Quote


I am not sayin he is right.

I am saying that pretty much ALL women are 90% misery.

Just my opinion.  

(well, my experience is closer to 98.54% misery, but I am givin the chicks a chance here...)
Link Posted: 1/2/2004 6:53:13 AM EDT
Link Posted: 1/2/2004 6:55:33 AM EDT
If you really cared for her, you wouldn't have been stringing her along in the first place. Seems to me that you had fun fooling around and saw her as a plaything. When she caught on to this, she decided it wasn't good enough for her.

What's the problem?
Link Posted: 1/2/2004 6:57:27 AM EDT
She's just setting the hook....relax.
Link Posted: 1/2/2004 7:09:58 AM EDT
Speaking as an expert on the subject of blowing it with hot women – first off, consider yourself lucky that she even dignified you and the situation you both were in (not really a relationship) with a termination communiqué.

Second of all, move on to other women: This provides you with a great distraction to your nagging recollection that, yes indeed, you did fucking blow this sweet, sweet deal, AND it allows you to potentially get into another, better one.[:)]

And lastly; don’t call her ten times a day – if she doesn’t contact you after two attempts on your part – it ain’t gonna happen – ever.  In fact if she’s starting to refer to you to her friends as “that stalker”, well, you are really fucked because then even her female acquaintances will be reluctant to speak to you.  Also, as odd as it may seem,  “the two tries” is [I]more[/I] likely to produce the 2:00AM “hook-up” phone call from her somewhere down the road.  Remember: the 2:00AM “hook-up” call isn’t about you, it’s about her.  “Two tries” – no more. That is the discipline.
Link Posted: 1/2/2004 7:15:52 AM EDT
Originally Posted By brasspile:
I am not sayin he is right.

I am saying that pretty much ALL women are 90% misery.

Just my opinion.  

(well, my experience is closer to 98.54% misery, but I am givin the chicks a chance here...)
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LOL...and that, firends, is why Brass is currently single.

LOL

Sgtar15
Link Posted: 1/2/2004 7:22:54 AM EDT
Get some of those mini camera things you see on the internet, place them inside  her house when she is not home, set up a recording device near her domicile. Watch her every move, "who dares wins"
Link Posted: 1/2/2004 7:34:59 AM EDT
I agree with everyone else that you should move along.  You first line says it all:
(she is)looking for a husband. I just finished up my divorce a few months ago, and the last thing I want is a serious relationship.
View Quote

So why are you stringing her along?  Ahhh, the old booty call in one of your fly-in cities.  You must be a pilot.

Guys might be able to pull off that kind of s**t with a girl in their 20's but a 46 y/o woman is pretty set in her ways:

Strike 1 - You've been dating her a month and all she has is your email.

Strike 2 - You are still lying to your ex-wife to be with her.

Strike 3 - Standing her up at least twice.

Live and learn and do things differently with the next lonely divorcee you meet online.
Link Posted: 1/2/2004 8:23:27 AM EDT
This thread is impossible to evaluate without pics.

CW
Link Posted: 1/2/2004 8:45:25 AM EDT
Getting a divorce is similar to starting Alcoholics Anonymous. There are steps that you must complete before you can continue to progress. Right now you are working on the 'rebound' step. You are trying to move past the ex and so you are sticking your bread in any warm oven.

This woman probably is nowhere near right for you. She just appears to be because of all the bullshit you just got finished putting up with from your ex makes anything else look attractive.

Move on, find another warm piece to snuggle with and work on getting over the ex. You will be ready to move out of 'rebound' phase when you quit making excuses about dates to your ex and when you quit telling your dates about your problems with her. Just have fun while you are free and bang some hot chicks while you are at it [;D]
Link Posted: 1/2/2004 8:57:17 AM EDT
You're done...
Link Posted: 1/2/2004 9:42:25 AM EDT
I never lied to her about anything and she knows it.  She knew what she was getting into from the start; heck, I even showed her pics of my kids.  

One thing she did misunderstand was the part that I had to be "on call" for my job.  I had to tell my ex this since I only had New Years Day off and my house is a very long drive from where I work.  I was suppose to have my kids for New Years day, but driving home for one day and then turning right back around and fly the next day is somewhat draining.  It's not like my work place is right across town....it's hundreds of miles a way (one way).  What I was worried about was my ex-wife.....she has a way of turning this sort of stuff around to make me look like "the bad Dad".  I have 50% physical and joint custody of them (she hates me for this), I have them 26% more of the time than she does while they are awake (she hates that), my attorney found a way for me to bypass the required overnights with the kids (she hates us both for that one, plus my job keeps me away from home 5 nights out of 7), and my child support payments to her border on being pitiful (and I know she hates me for this one).  She hates it because for a divorce, I walked away smelling as good as a guy could; she didn't/couldn't take the kids from me (even though she and her attorney tried like hell), I have the kids all the time and we have a great time together, and property wise and financially I walked away with way more than my 50%........because my attorney (who is blood), kicked their ass.  

I guess the point I was trying to make is that I needed a day to relax, have a day where I didn't spend 5-6 hours of driving on the road, to kick back and do nothing......and the only way to do that, without the ex jotting it down in her journal (and I'm sure she has one on me) that "I didn't want to face my responsibilty of raising the kids, etc.), was to tell her I was "on call".  And if a flight would have come up, hell, I would have went on it to boot, so I was gambling on that one as well.  

Where the hell was I going with all of this?  Oh yeah.....I think my new friend just thought I should have been a little more upfront on my schedule and communication skills....and she's 100% right.

vmax84
Link Posted: 1/2/2004 9:57:31 AM EDT
Simple,
If you really want her back

1. Swallow pride
2. Apologize
3. Communicate

Otherwise, go see a hooker.
Link Posted: 1/2/2004 10:07:11 AM EDT
Link Posted: 1/2/2004 11:13:12 AM EDT
Originally Posted By SteyrAUG:
Originally Posted By vmax84:
I"m not denying I blew it with her.  I should have called her and updated on my "change of plans".  And yes, I agree I got what was coming to me.

But.........any suggestions on how to get her back?  Damn, she was so much fun!!  


vmax84
View Quote




Here's a thought.

"Hello, sorry I was such a dick. Here is my phone number so you can actually reach me. I didn't realize what I had till it was gone.

Signed,

Dickhead."
View Quote


That is one of the more logical approaches.  Thanks.....might even keep the same name, since if the shoe fits, wear it.

vmax84
Link Posted: 1/2/2004 11:30:10 AM EDT
You don't need that, use your hands!
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