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Posted: 10/29/2013 9:40:58 PM EDT
I present the new cutting edge of holistic hippie quackery: The Lotus Birth







I DID NOT CUT MY BABY'S UMBILICAL CORD FOR SIX DAYS SO WE COULD HAVE A NATURAL "LOTUS BIRTH" JUST LIKE CHIMPANZEES

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Other animals chew the cord off shortly after birth, but as a vegan, this option did not appeal to me.





During my lotus birth, a lovely six-day period of bonding and closeness was established with my baby, and we washed and wrapped the placenta everyday to keep it clean and placed it in a waterproof pouch.





As the placenta did not release until five hours after the birth, this provided for a special bonding period in a close embrace, without separation. During this vital period of bonding between us, I felt strongly that it was important that no one else take the baby away. Having the placenta still attached to the cord helped to ensure this.





Shortly after the birth, the cord dried quickly into the texture of an electric cable. During the nights we slept with the baby on the bed and the placenta was placed next to the bed. Transporting the placenta with baby around the house was made convenient by using a stretchy wrap, which had a pocket in the front to hold the placenta.





After six days of healing and bonding, we woke up one morning to find our baby Ulysses had gripped hold of the cord and detached it by himself, leaving a neat and healthy-looking belly button. For the six days the placenta was still attached, he was very peaceful and slept extremely well. Due to the damp environment where we lived and because we also chose to wrap plastic around the cloth, the placenta did not dry out as well as it should have and did leave a musty smell for the last few days. However, as the cord had already sealed off and we kept the rooms well aired, I didn’t feel this posed any threat to Ulysses.



...


I believe that to truly understand how nature intended women to give birth we must look to the wild animals who are untouched by man.





...


I believe we can learn from nature as parents. Let's observe and learn from the wisdom of animals in the wild.





http://www.xojane.com/healthy/how-to-lotus-birth





If you learned from the wisdom of wild animals you wouldn't be a dirty fucking vegan.





On the contrary, you might just decide to eat your baby.
 
Link Posted: 10/29/2013 9:43:42 PM EDT
[#1]
I'm glad someone finally found a way to feel connected to their child.
Link Posted: 10/29/2013 9:44:51 PM EDT
[#2]

Link Posted: 10/29/2013 9:45:15 PM EDT
[#3]

mankind is doomed.
Link Posted: 10/29/2013 9:45:18 PM EDT
[#4]
Quoted:
After six days of healing and bonding, we woke up one morning to find our baby Ulysses had gripped hold of the cord and detached it by himself, leaving a neat and healthy-looking belly button.
 
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I have this hilarious image in my head of an annoyed looking baby sitting up in bed next to his sleeping mother, thinking to himself, "Goddamn hippie, I'll do it myself..." and yanking the cord off.

Also,
Quoted:



Other animals chew the cord off shortly after birth, but as a vegan, this option did not appeal to me.
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That's why we have these:

Link Posted: 10/29/2013 9:47:16 PM EDT
[#5]
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Quoted:

mankind is doomed.
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Their kind is doomed. It's self-limiting.
Link Posted: 10/29/2013 9:47:35 PM EDT
[#6]
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Quoted:

I have this hilarious image in my head of an annoyed looking baby sitting up in bed next to his sleeping mother, thinking to himself, "Goddamn hippie, I'll do it myself..." and yanking the cord off.
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Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Quoted:
After six days of healing and bonding, we woke up one morning to find our baby Ulysses had gripped hold of the cord and detached it by himself, leaving a neat and healthy-looking belly button.
 

I have this hilarious image in my head of an annoyed looking baby sitting up in bed next to his sleeping mother, thinking to himself, "Goddamn hippie, I'll do it myself..." and yanking the cord off.


Same thought I had!

Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile
Link Posted: 10/29/2013 9:49:04 PM EDT
[#7]
In the interest of being more natural I will not pinch off my next turd, but let it follow me around until such time as it decides to break free.
Link Posted: 10/29/2013 9:49:21 PM EDT
[#8]
What the fuck?

So the hippies think leaving the placenta attached until it rots off of the baby is healthy???

Link Posted: 10/29/2013 9:52:49 PM EDT
[#9]
Link Posted: 10/29/2013 9:53:28 PM EDT
[#10]
Really, modern medicine has enabled a lot of these lunatics to do things that should kill them or their children.
Link Posted: 10/29/2013 9:53:57 PM EDT
[#11]

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Quoted:




I'm glad someone finally found a way to feel connected to their child.
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When he's a little older they can fling feces together.
 
Link Posted: 10/29/2013 9:54:51 PM EDT
[#12]
Maybe next time REALLY do it like a chimpanzee...in the middle of the forest, hours from emergency help, and drop that kid out in the dirt at the base of a tree.  

Let's not half-ass it with a house, running water, and electricity.
Link Posted: 10/29/2013 9:59:31 PM EDT
[#13]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Maybe next time REALLY do it like a chimpanzee...in the middle of the forest, hours from emergency help, and drop that kid out in the dirt at the base of a tree.  

Let's not half-ass it with a house, running water, and electricity.
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Then maybe a tiger or some other predator will come around and eat mom and baby during birth, its all part of the circle of life right??
Link Posted: 10/29/2013 9:59:34 PM EDT
[#14]
Is there any like, nutritional, or maybe you know, medical reason doing it would be a benefit?
Link Posted: 10/29/2013 10:00:18 PM EDT
[#15]
Waterproof pouches and stretchy wraps, just like nature!

Link Posted: 10/29/2013 10:00:30 PM EDT
[#16]
Maybe it balances your chi.



That's totally why monkeys do it.




Link Posted: 10/29/2013 10:02:18 PM EDT
[#17]
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Quoted:


Then maybe a tiger or some other predator will come around and eat mom and baby during birth, its all part of the circle of life right??
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Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Quoted:
Maybe next time REALLY do it like a chimpanzee...in the middle of the forest, hours from emergency help, and drop that kid out in the dirt at the base of a tree.  

Let's not half-ass it with a house, running water, and electricity.


Then maybe a tiger or some other predator will come around and eat mom and baby during birth, its all part of the circle of life right??


You have to lick the baby clean so the predators don't smell it.
Link Posted: 10/29/2013 10:03:39 PM EDT
[#18]
However the heck wandering around with a 3 pound chunk of rotting meat and blood attached to your kid is healthy or natural or whatever



is way out of my pay grade.
Link Posted: 10/29/2013 10:05:27 PM EDT
[#19]
This is a heartwarming story of multicultural enrichment and connecting with nature. It's something we all should strive for!
Link Posted: 10/29/2013 10:06:06 PM EDT
[#20]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Is there any like, nutritional, or maybe you know, medical reason doing it would be a benefit?
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THAT'S JUST SORCERY!!
Link Posted: 10/29/2013 10:09:08 PM EDT
[#21]
Well, it's better than eating it.
Link Posted: 10/29/2013 10:12:56 PM EDT
[#22]

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Quoted:
You have to lick the baby clean so the predators don't smell it.

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Quoted:



Quoted:


Quoted:

Maybe next time REALLY do it like a chimpanzee...in the middle of the forest, hours from emergency help, and drop that kid out in the dirt at the base of a tree.  



Let's not half-ass it with a house, running water, and electricity.




Then maybe a tiger or some other predator will come around and eat mom and baby during birth, its all part of the circle of life right??





You have to lick the baby clean so the predators don't smell it.



You also have to lick it's butt until it poops for the first time.



 
Link Posted: 10/29/2013 10:15:57 PM EDT
[#23]
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Quoted:

You also have to lick it's butt until it poops for the first time.
 
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Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Maybe next time REALLY do it like a chimpanzee...in the middle of the forest, hours from emergency help, and drop that kid out in the dirt at the base of a tree.  

Let's not half-ass it with a house, running water, and electricity.


Then maybe a tiger or some other predator will come around and eat mom and baby during birth, its all part of the circle of life right??


You have to lick the baby clean so the predators don't smell it.

You also have to lick it's butt until it poops for the first time.
 


Many kinds of animal will eat the poop until a certain time, too.

As for the hippies.... Leaving dead tissue attached to the kid seems like a spectacular idea.
Link Posted: 10/29/2013 10:16:31 PM EDT
[#24]
Fuck that. I watched them pull the placenta out of my wife. Looked like those fucking face sucking aliens from the alien franchise. Fucking nasty.
Link Posted: 10/29/2013 10:17:57 PM EDT
[#25]
Nature intended you to die from a tooth infection too. Are you going to just roll with that lady?
Link Posted: 10/29/2013 10:18:34 PM EDT
[#26]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:


Then maybe a tiger or some other predator will come around and eat mom and baby during birth, its all part of the circle of life right??
View Quote View All Quotes
View All Quotes
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Quoted:
Maybe next time REALLY do it like a chimpanzee...in the middle of the forest, hours from emergency help, and drop that kid out in the dirt at the base of a tree.  

Let's not half-ass it with a house, running water, and electricity.


Then maybe a tiger or some other predator will come around and eat mom and baby during birth, its all part of the circle of life right??

I support the release of lions, tigers and bears among populations of hippies/vegans/antigunners. Videotape the results with drones, put it on PPV and let's solve the debt crisis and the stupid crisis all at once.
Link Posted: 10/29/2013 10:25:16 PM EDT
[#27]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Really, modern medicine has enabled a lot of these lunatics to do things that should kill them or their children.
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These people don't embrace modern medicine. She left her fucking placenta inside her for 5 hours until she queefed it out. Sounds like a pretty good way to end up dead or in an OR getting an emergency D&C.

These people will do their hippy shit until one of them kills their kid and then society will fuck them over and set this shit straight, like the lady who is on trial for negligent homicide because her vegan diet didn't give her breast milk the nutrients her baby needed to survive.

It sucks that a baby has to die to set this shit straight, but beating hippies with bars of soap is apparently frowned upon.
Link Posted: 10/29/2013 10:28:57 PM EDT
[#28]
Lotus birth
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Lotus birth is the practice of leaving the umbilical cord uncut after childbirth so that the baby is left attached to his/her placenta until the cord naturally separates at the umbilicus, usually a few days after birth.[1] Lotus births are rare in Western culture.
There is no evidence that there are any benefits for the health of the baby with lotus birth. A spokesman for the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists (RCOG) has stated, "If left for a period of time after the birth, there is a risk of infection in the placenta which can consequently spread to the baby. The placenta is particularly prone to infection as it contains blood. At the post-delivery stage, it has no circulation and is essentially dead tissue," and the RCOG strongly recommends that any baby that undergoes lotus birthing be monitored closely for infection.
Link Posted: 10/29/2013 10:30:46 PM EDT
[#29]

Link Posted: 10/29/2013 10:32:31 PM EDT
[#30]
Oh my god... It really is devolution... Next that bitch will be swinging from a tree and ripping the face off of people.
Link Posted: 10/29/2013 10:33:23 PM EDT
[#31]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
In the interest of being more natural I will not pinch off my next turd, but let it follow me around until such time as it decides to break free.
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Link Posted: 10/29/2013 10:44:17 PM EDT
[#32]
If she can just raise him exactly like a chimp, maybe he'll grow up and rip a lady's face off, or maybe rip a guy's balls off and eat them.  Just a proud mom
Link Posted: 10/29/2013 10:47:56 PM EDT
[#33]
i'm kinda grossed out.
Link Posted: 10/29/2013 10:57:38 PM EDT
[#34]
I would imagine the risk of infection is high.
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