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Posted: 10/5/2014 8:43:02 PM EST
It's not bad enough that I forgot my fucking phone on my own shitter, but I have to finger through this fucking tripe to occupy my adult attention deficit disorder so I don't wonder off the shitter mid shit. Now I have to wade through 120 pages of perfume scented mom articles. This magazine is singlehandedly ruining our women. You want to know who wore it better? The hot one. It's doesn't take a brain scientists to know Scarlett Johansson wore this summers lacy sun dress better than the lesbo teacher from glee. Then there is the never ending list of sex tips. Guess what lady's, eating an onion ring off my dick isn't sexy, it's a snack. Men want two things, grilled cheese, sex, and beer. Oh and you are shocked that you just got the best score on how feminist are you? BECAUSE IT'S FUCKING RIGDED. So ladies if you want to learn how to be comfortable in that frumpy body on page 48 and then learn how to "get fit for him" on page 87 this is your rag. I know this because I didn't want to awkwardly waddle across my house to fetch my own electric addiction.





Fuck
Link Posted: 10/5/2014 8:46:21 PM EST
Good rant. But for the sake of equality, Maxim is just as retarded.
Link Posted: 10/5/2014 8:48:10 PM EST
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Originally Posted By GrasshopperNOmore:
Good rant. But for the sake of equality, Maxim is just as retarded.
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Quoted for truth.
Link Posted: 10/5/2014 8:48:21 PM EST
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Originally Posted By GrasshopperNOmore:
Good rant. But for the sake of equality, Maxim is just as retarded.
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All women rags.
Link Posted: 10/5/2014 8:50:23 PM EST
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Originally Posted By GrasshopperNOmore:
Good rant. But for the sake of equality, Maxim is just as retarded.
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I haven't "read" Maxim since I was 14.
Link Posted: 10/5/2014 8:53:32 PM EST
I broke the secret code long ago,

"Get a sexy _____ in X days!"

"X number of crazy new ideas to try in bed"

"Do ____ to get his attention"

"what X celebrity is up to"

Same. shit. every. magazine.
Link Posted: 10/5/2014 8:54:49 PM EST
Try gin and tonic with a twist next time.
Link Posted: 10/5/2014 8:56:38 PM EST
[Last Edit: 10/5/2014 8:57:27 PM EST by PR361]
All I know is Emily Ratajkowski is on the cover this month. YUM!

All that crap does is feed the beast anyway. If Womens minds weren't all fucked up over that shit, they wouldn't read the magazine. Cosmopolitan has been around since dirt for a reason.
Link Posted: 10/5/2014 8:58:19 PM EST
You people seriously have such a hard time shitting you need to read a magazine while you're on the throne?
Link Posted: 10/5/2014 9:03:01 PM EST
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Originally Posted By Synyster06Gates:
You people seriously have such a hard time shitting you need to read a magazine while you're on the throne?
View Quote


you don't read on the shitter???
Link Posted: 10/5/2014 9:07:14 PM EST
Dennis Leary's lamer brother? Nice to meet you!
Link Posted: 10/5/2014 9:08:50 PM EST
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By Synyster06Gates:
You people seriously have such a hard time shitting you need to read a magazine while you're on the throne?
View Quote



Its free quite time, why wouldn't I want to read a news article or maybe chapter in a book?
Link Posted: 10/5/2014 9:09:53 PM EST
Link Posted: 10/5/2014 9:11:06 PM EST
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Originally Posted By Synyster06Gates:
You people seriously have such a hard time shitting you need to read a magazine while you're on the throne?
View Quote

I have 2 kids under 4. I get 15 mins a day to myself. It happens to be when yesterday's dinner is froyo'ing out of me. It was either getting my doctorate in the ingredients in neosporan or this. I thought I made the right call.
Link Posted: 10/5/2014 9:12:39 PM EST
[Last Edit: 10/5/2014 9:13:16 PM EST by FightingHellfish]
What's the problem? I always thought "Twelve Disgusting Perversions that Your Boyfriend Secretly Wants to Try" was a great article, all 450 times its been published.

BTW ladies its: a threesome, anal, a threesome with anal, your sister, anal with your sister, an anal threesome with your sister, and some other stuff I forgot.
Link Posted: 10/5/2014 9:13:32 PM EST
Why the fuck are you reading women's' magazines?
Link Posted: 10/5/2014 9:15:27 PM EST
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By Synyster06Gates:
You people seriously have such a hard time shitting you need to read a magazine while you're on the throne?
View Quote


Sooo... what, you're saying you're loose enough that it just falls right out and you leave?
Link Posted: 10/5/2014 9:15:28 PM EST
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By d5griffin:
I broke the secret code long ago,

"Get a sexy _____ in X days!"

"X number of crazy new ideas to try in bed"

"Do ____ to get his attention"

"what X celebrity is up to"

Same. shit. every. magazine.
View Quote




Have you ever watched an LEO bashing thread?


Link Posted: 10/5/2014 9:18:17 PM EST
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By FightingHellfish:
What's the problem? I always thought "Twelve Disgusting Perversions that Your Boyfriend Secretly Wants to Try" was a great article, all 450 times its been published.

BTW ladies its: a threesome, anal, a threesome with anal, your hot sister, anal with your hot sister, an anal threesome with your hot sister, and some other stuff I forgot.
View Quote


FIFY. Can't forget that very important qualifier.
Link Posted: 10/5/2014 9:18:56 PM EST
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By Stoney0102:

I have 2 kids under 4. I get 15 mins a day to myself. It happens to be when yesterday's dinner is froyo'ing out of me. It was either getting my doctorate in the ingredients in neosporan or this. I thought I made the right call.
View Quote


This shit right here, cracked me the fuck up. So much gold in there...
Link Posted: 10/5/2014 9:20:42 PM EST
I browse it occasionally

It is like insider trading
Link Posted: 10/5/2014 9:24:28 PM EST
Grilled cheese, beer, and sex are three things.
Link Posted: 10/5/2014 9:25:59 PM EST
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By missme:
Dennis Leary's lamer brother? Nice to meet you!
View Quote

The voice I hear in my head sounds like Lewis Black's autistic nephew.
Link Posted: 10/5/2014 9:26:43 PM EST
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By BigW1stCav:
Grilled cheese, beer, and sex are three things.
View Quote

Not the way I do it.
Link Posted: 10/5/2014 9:29:11 PM EST
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By BigW1stCav:
Grilled cheese, beer, and sex are three things.
View Quote

Murica!
Link Posted: 10/5/2014 9:32:14 PM EST
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By Stoney0102:

Not the way I do it.
View Quote View All Quotes
View All Quotes
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By Stoney0102:
Originally Posted By BigW1stCav:
Grilled cheese, beer, and sex are three things.

Not the way I do it.


Well...son, you're going to get a second degree burn that way.
Link Posted: 10/5/2014 9:36:44 PM EST
If your woman reads Cosmo, you will be divorced within five years.
Link Posted: 10/5/2014 9:40:16 PM EST
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By Keith_J:
If your woman reads Cosmo, you will be divorced within five years.
View Quote

You speaking from experience or did the amount of steps you hear upstairs drop by half?
Link Posted: 10/5/2014 9:42:28 PM EST
[Last Edit: 10/5/2014 9:43:27 PM EST by Synyster06Gates]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By MadMonkey:


Sooo... what, you're saying you're loose enough that it just falls right out and you leave?
View Quote View All Quotes
View All Quotes
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By MadMonkey:
Originally Posted By Synyster06Gates:
You people seriously have such a hard time shitting you need to read a magazine while you're on the throne?


Sooo... what, you're saying you're loose enough that it just falls right out and you leave?


No, what I'm saying is I've got a diet that keeps me on the shitter for less than 4 minutes at a time.

Feel bad for those of you who have to work for it, though.

Though OPs situation gets a pass
Link Posted: 10/5/2014 9:43:10 PM EST
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By Stoney0102:

You speaking from experience or did the amount of steps you hear upstairs drop by half?
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Originally Posted By Stoney0102:
Originally Posted By Keith_J:
If your woman reads Cosmo, you will be divorced within five years.

You speaking from experience or did the amount of steps you hear upstairs drop by half?
Experience of all my friends. Took me a while to find a woman who never read it, still getting my winky wet after 18 months of marriage. Plus all the samiches I want, in addition to my fav foods.
Link Posted: 10/5/2014 9:54:42 PM EST
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By Keith_J:
Experience of all my friends. Took me a while to find a woman who never read it, still getting my winky wet after 18 months of marriage. Plus all the samiches I want, in addition to my fav foods.
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Originally Posted By Keith_J:
Originally Posted By Stoney0102:
Originally Posted By Keith_J:
If your woman reads Cosmo, you will be divorced within five years.

You speaking from experience or did the amount of steps you hear upstairs drop by half?
Experience of all my friends. Took me a while to find a woman who never read it, still getting my winky wet after 18 months of marriage. Plus all the samiches I want, in addition to my fav foods.

Gentleman behold! This man seems to have found the woman who we all aspire to find. Basically the female version of himself. I find myself on my knees in the presence of such an adonis. If some how I could rid my house of such filth, my wife of 5 years (whom I have known for 10) will lose the unconscious desire to leave me and shower me with unlimited BLT's and ammo. Hallelujah.
Link Posted: 10/5/2014 9:58:09 PM EST
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Originally Posted By Keith_J:
If your woman reads Cosmo, you will be divorced within five years.
View Quote

"12 hot new dresses for divorce court!"

"Tips for meeting the new love of your life at the lawyer's office!"
Link Posted: 10/5/2014 10:03:40 PM EST
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By steelycr:


you don't read on the shitter???
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Originally Posted By steelycr:
Originally Posted By Synyster06Gates:
You people seriously have such a hard time shitting you need to read a magazine while you're on the throne?


you don't read on the shitter???


I thought everyone read on the shitter...

Link Posted: 10/5/2014 10:04:29 PM EST
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By Him:
Why the fuck are you reading women's' magazines?
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Is reading the whole thread that fucking hard?
Hell, in this case all ya had to do was read the OP and your question would have been answered FFS.
Link Posted: 10/5/2014 10:29:51 PM EST
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By Stoney0102:

I haven't "read" Maxim since I was 14.
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Originally Posted By Stoney0102:
Originally Posted By GrasshopperNOmore:
Good rant. But for the sake of equality, Maxim is just as retarded.

I haven't "read" Maxim since I was 14.


You can read Maxim? I thought it was just a picture book that chicks found less revolting than something like Penthouse.
Link Posted: 10/6/2014 9:33:32 AM EST
[Last Edit: 10/6/2014 11:05:03 AM EST by Him]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By redfish86:


Is reading the whole thread that fucking hard?
Hell, in this case all ya had to do was read the OP and your question would have been answered FFS.
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Originally Posted By redfish86:
Originally Posted By Him:
Why the fuck are you reading women's' magazines?


Is reading the whole thread that fucking hard?
Hell, in this case all ya had to do was read the OP and your question would have been answered FFS.


OP can't take a shit without reading a magazine, or he will get off the pot prematurely?
Link Posted: 10/6/2014 9:52:46 AM EST
So....is "it's fucking RIGDED" going to be the next "FO"?

I believe it has potential. I shall start to use it.
Link Posted: 10/6/2014 9:57:16 AM EST
Does nobody else here have a gun magazine or a LA Police Gear catalog in the bathroom?
Link Posted: 10/6/2014 10:18:52 AM EST
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By d5griffin:
I broke the secret code long ago,

"Get a sexy _____ in X days!"

"X number of crazy new ideas to try in bed"

"Do ____ to get his attention"

"what X celebrity is up to"

Same. shit. every. magazine.
View Quote


Yup, Men's Health is the same

"How [insert celebrity] got shredded for [insert movie title said actor is promoting]"

"Lose your gut in X days"

"X tips for ripped [insert body part here]"

"The X things you do everyday that will kill you"

"New superfood that will burn fat"

Link Posted: 10/6/2014 10:26:00 AM EST
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By AKengineer:
Does nobody else here have a gun magazine or a LA Police Gear catalog in the bathroom?
View Quote


Field and Stream
Brownell's new catalog
Guns and Ammo
American Rifleman

I like to keep it fresh when I'm feeling not-so-fresh.
Link Posted: 10/6/2014 10:31:27 AM EST
Happily, my wife hates these magazines.

It's all, "You need to accept yourself as a real feminist modern woman, so to help that let's show you pictures and badly written articles all about sexy famous women who are way thinner than your fat ass will ever be and wearing clothes you can never afford."

It basically sends a confusing message of "Women are more than sex, so here's shit that's all about sex."

Amusingly, my wife bought two old (1904, IIRC) copies of Ladie's Home Journal. You know, back when women were all oppressed and uneducated. The reading level of those puts the current NYT to shame.
Link Posted: 10/6/2014 4:51:57 PM EST
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By AKengineer:
Does nobody else here have a gun magazine or a LA Police Gear catalog in the bathroom?
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Duluth and Sportsman's Guide, Grassroots Motorsports, Model Aviation, American Rifleman and Uncle John's Bathroom Reader for me
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