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Posted: 10/9/2005 4:41:45 AM EDT
 I'd hate to be the arresting officer.  

Cops Nab Sex Offender Clad in Rope, Feces

Cops Nab Sex Offender Clad in Rope, Feces

By Associated Press
Posted October 8 2005, 7:47 AM EDT

MEDFORD, Ore. -- A registered sex offender who fashioned a loin cloth from a rope and piece of lawn furniture was arrested near a high school, where he asked four girls for a ride to the mall or a motel, police said.

Kelly James Bailey, 33, of Greenwater, Wash., was wearing only the rope when he shocked a Medford woman by appearing in her back yard Thursday morning.

Before he left, Bailey, who appeared to be covered in feces, ran away with a strip of leopard-print vinyl peeled from the seat of lawn chair, said Medford police Lt. Mike Moran.

More than an hour later, four North Medford High School girls were waiting in a car near the school when Bailey -- now wearing blue jeans, but still covered in the apparent fecal matter -- approached the car. He asked the girls for a ride to the Red Carpet Inn or the Rogue Valley Mall.

"The girls wisely rolled up their windows and left," Moran said.

The girls alerted authorities, who spotted Bailey running near campus.

"When we caught him, he still appeared to be covered in fecal matter," Moran said. "He told us, though, he was partying with girls the night before and somehow ended up rolling around in tomato paste."

As officers patted him down, they found that he had used the rope and vinyl strip to make a primitive loin cloth.

"I think it's definitely the strangest case of the day," Moran said.

Bailey was lodged in Jackson County Jail on charges of theft, trespassing, criminal mischief and failing to register as a sex offender in Oregon. He was held on $24,000 bail.

The theft charge was for allegedly taking the vinyl strip, Moran said.

* __

Link Posted: 10/9/2005 4:54:00 AM EDT
He's just misunderstood.............
Link Posted: 10/9/2005 5:01:28 AM EDT
WW fecal must be the new colors of only the hardest of core gansta'z "yo you aint sh*t unless you iz wurin sh*t"
Link Posted: 10/9/2005 5:03:54 AM EDT
There I was thinking that a few neighborhood fathers had "taken out the trash."

Link Posted: 10/9/2005 5:31:22 AM EDT
"I think it's definitely the strangest case of the day," Moran said.

I would hope so.  

Link Posted: 10/9/2005 5:33:26 AM EDT
He is not a sex offender, he is an "undocumented deviant"  .
Link Posted: 10/9/2005 5:37:21 AM EDT


He is not a sex offender, he is an "undocumented deviant"  .

(actually, he is documented)
Link Posted: 10/9/2005 6:56:25 AM EDT
Seeing as how Medford is my home town, I'm not surprised.
Link Posted: 10/9/2005 6:56:46 AM EDT
List of Reasons Why I Am Not A Cop:

Reason 1: See above.
Link Posted: 10/9/2005 7:00:16 AM EDT
Somewhere in Oregon, there's a horse with blue balls.
Link Posted: 10/9/2005 7:04:30 AM EDT
so are we gonna get a legal fund together for cyanide or not?
Link Posted: 10/9/2005 7:05:32 AM EDT
What is a cop going around covered in shit for? Can't the cop nab a sex offender wearing a shirt and jeans?
Link Posted: 10/9/2005 7:07:24 AM EDT

so are we gonna get a legal fund together for cyanide or not?

Fuck no, let him sit in his own shit.

Link Posted: 10/9/2005 8:15:57 AM EDT
I bet y'all would freak out and draw down on him if he walked up to you!
Link Posted: 10/9/2005 8:33:47 AM EDT
Was his first name Frank?   ......as in Frank_the_Spank?
Link Posted: 10/9/2005 8:50:38 AM EDT
The sad part is, Kelly James Bailey of Greenwater, Wash., thought the girls would be attracted to him.  And maybe wanta "Give it up to him".    

Link Posted: 10/9/2005 8:55:29 AM EDT
As if none of you hypocrits have ever fashioned loin-clothes from rope, leopard-print vinyl lawn furnture and feces.  
Link Posted: 10/9/2005 9:33:20 AM EDT
I probably would have just shot him and let the ME's office deal with him.

Some things just don't wash off......

Oh, then I'd want to take a mellon scoop and scoop that part of my memory out. Some things you just don't want to remember.....
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