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Posted: 5/8/2004 9:46:22 PM EST
[Last Edit: 5/8/2004 9:57:14 PM EST by clean_cut]
Hello. I am new to this forum and am desperate to speak with some mature Christians who may have been where I am now.

I am SICK of my "secret" sin. No, it isn't just pornography...it is masturbation. I hate the very mention of the word.

I keep doing it. I can't seem to quit. I am so ashamed and disgusted with myself. You see, I am a spiritual leader where I work and at my church. I am married with children and in closing in on the age of 40 soon.

I have masturbated since I was old enough to know I could, 14 years old...since before I became a Christian in my late teens to now. There have been periods where I would, by God's grace and sheer determination refrain, but this is the single most biggest struggle in my life. Pornography is not the issue (please don't think I am excusing porn, I am not, but in my case porn is just stimulant). You see, my mind seems to be ALWAYS seeking ways to make me depraved and lust after women and girls...of ALL ages. I am sick. Sick of the sin, sick of breaking God's heart and sick of knowing I can lose it all if I ever got caught.

I battle with Satan and my flesh on a daily basis. I FIGHT. And still loose.

I am at work right now. About an hour ago I masturbated. Right here at work while looking at porn on the computer. I WORK AT A MINISTRY.

I NEED help.

I have gone to settingcaptivesfree.com Tried it. I have done spiritual warfare and continue to do so. I have sought and cried out to God with ALL my heart. He did deliver me a few months ago. For four solid weeks, I had NO desire to lust and masterbate. I seemed to believe that it was too good to be true. So what did I too? I began to DELIBERATELY imagine sexual things in my mind and look at porn to see if I would get stimulated. Stupid me.

How many people do you know in HISTORY that were prisoners of war and then set free by the greatest leader of all time, spent time out of their dungeon and enjoyed their freedom from captivity only to say, "Nah, I want to go back to prison and be a captive once again." For that is exactly what I have done.

I do know that Satan knows that God works through me to bless others for He does. And He does so often for I have a ministry.

I believe that God has wanted for a LONG time to bless me, my ministry and my marriage. But I keep putting my hand up in God's own face and saying, "No Lord. I want to gratify my selfish desires one more time...just once more...it won't hurt that much to masturbate one more time."
Yet I know it does hurt. It hurts everyone around me for each time I do it, Satan racks me with guilt, my relationship with my wife and family is hurt and my ministy is wounded for I am no longer walking in the Spirit.

I have had an accountability partner in the past too. Didn't work. I just lied.

I hate this. This is the first time I have ever in my life spoken like this and I hope it is ok to bring this before you.

I have tried everything I know to do. I don't necessarily believe in curses, but SOMETHING is keeping me in bondage to this shameful secret sin.

I KNOW it is sin. I KNOW it is bondage.
Why can't I quit?
Help




This guy does need help. Does this sound like a potential pedophile to you? I brought this up in a PM to the moderator, which got me banned (for being unloving).
Link Posted: 5/8/2004 9:54:25 PM EST
Well you could register again and...


Let him know that the Jesus flogged the dolphin too and that's OK for him to do it.
Link Posted: 5/8/2004 9:56:33 PM EST

Originally Posted By Janus:

Let him know that the Jesus flogged the dolphin too and that's OK for him to do it.





You're going to hell.
Link Posted: 5/9/2004 1:37:01 AM EST
This guys real problem is he spends to much time in church. He is all fvcked up and thinks that flogging his wang is bad and a sin. He is probably married to one of those fvcked up people that thinks sex is for procreation only, thus he goes thru life suffering from "Deadly Sperm Build-up" or (DSB). He gets so frustrated until he is about to explode and loses it, in more ways than one.

Is this the same forum with the wife that thinks a baseball cap could break her leg if it hits her? They may be a couple, she is thinking he will kill her if he sticks that thing in her and he is going crazy from lack of pussy.

I'd offer him some useful advice, go get laid and have a few beers, beat your meat at home for a week until you cant stand it anymore and for god sakes stop going to church, find a decent job. Either that or join the priesthood, those guys get more ass than rock stars. Sadly it is usually underage and from boys.
Link Posted: 5/9/2004 1:45:09 AM EST
You sure like to share, clean_cut.
Link Posted: 5/9/2004 1:59:45 AM EST

Originally Posted By clean_cut:

You're going to hell.




Link Posted: 5/9/2004 2:00:28 AM EST

I have gone to settingcaptivesfree.com Tried it.


Well, isn't that what he's confessing to?
Link Posted: 5/9/2004 2:01:54 AM EST

Originally Posted By clean_cut:

Pornography is not the issue (please don't think I am excusing porn, I am not, but in my case porn is just stimulant). You see, my mind seems to be ALWAYS seeking ways to make me depraved and lust after women and girls...of ALL ages. I am sick. Sick of the sin, sick of breaking God's heart and sick of knowing I can lose it all if I ever got caught.

This guy does need help. Does this sound like a potential pedophile to you? I brought this up in a PM to the moderator, which got me banned (for being unloving).



We don't have laws for Thought Crimes (yet). The guy needs to chill out. Choking the chicken is not a sin. 90% of men do it and the other 10% are liars.
Link Posted: 5/9/2004 4:45:15 AM EST
Janus is right. Can you prove Jesus never flogged himself? I have seen pictures of him with his hands inside his robe, he may have been playing pocket pool more often than you know.

Why would you go to hell for saying that? Jesus did not go to hell for flogging his noodle.
Link Posted: 5/9/2004 5:23:14 AM EST

... me depraved and lust after women and girls...of ALL ages.



I am at work right now. About an hour ago I masturbated. Right here at work while looking at porn on the computer. I WORK AT A MINISTRY.



Keep this freak away from your kids.

Link Posted: 5/9/2004 5:42:36 AM EST

Originally Posted By lonegunman:
This guys real problem is he spends to much time in church. He is all fvcked up and thinks that flogging his wang is bad and a sin. He is probably married to one of those fvcked up people that thinks sex is for procreation only, thus he goes thru life suffering from "Deadly Sperm Build-up" or (DSB). He gets so frustrated until he is about to explode and loses it, in more ways than one.



Amen!

Many fanatical church-goers tend to be the biggest freaks of all. They're the ones who are usually banging Sister Sara behind their wives' back. It seems to be more of a problem with Protestants than anything else but this may just be because there are more of these type churches in my area.
I suspect it's happening in every other church as well.

Over my years in law enforcement I've seen preachers and deacons arrested for soliciting prostitutes, drug dealing and child molestation. There have also been the numerous domestic disturbance calls from a spouse learning that Brother Earl is banging Sister Sara.
You know how many Rabbis I've seen arrested......zip, zilch, none.

I have a "Praise the Lord" theory that I've developed. The PTL theory is that the more someone says PTL or Praise Jesus, the bigger pervert or theiving scumbag they are.

You can't take me to jail, I'm a deacon in the church! Yeah...that's why that shemale was just blowing you in the parking garage.

Link Posted: 5/9/2004 5:51:36 AM EST

Originally Posted By Red_Beard:

... me depraved and lust after women and girls...of ALL ages.



I am at work right now. About an hour ago I masturbated. Right here at work while looking at porn on the computer. I WORK AT A MINISTRY.



Keep this freak away from your kids.



no kidding. people that work 'in the church' have led some of the most fucked up lives in their 'pasts'
Link Posted: 5/9/2004 5:57:32 AM EST
Better not suggest that Jesus did anything but walk around and say profound things if you don't want the wrath of the religious right.
Link Posted: 5/9/2004 6:11:55 AM EST
Jesus was too busy bangin' ho's to have time to polish his pope.
Link Posted: 5/9/2004 6:25:50 AM EST

Originally Posted By -Absolut-:

Originally Posted By Red_Beard:

... me depraved and lust after women and girls...of ALL ages.



I am at work right now. About an hour ago I masturbated. Right here at work while looking at porn on the computer. I WORK AT A MINISTRY.



Keep this freak away from your kids.



no kidding. people that work 'in the church' have led some of the most fucked up lives in their 'pasts'



Agreed! Sadly they are drawn to it as if it is a santuary.

SGtar15
Link Posted: 5/9/2004 6:27:42 AM EST
[Last Edit: 5/9/2004 6:28:01 AM EST by Cypher214]
Yeah, I must resist the urge to register and post there. My response would be something along the lines of:

"Dude, whackin off is perfectly normal. Stay away from the church for awhile and quit being such a pansy. For fuck's sake, go get laid!"
Link Posted: 5/9/2004 6:40:36 AM EST
[Last Edit: 5/9/2004 6:45:04 AM EST by FLAL1A]
Whacking off is not only normal, it is a healthy alternative to illicit sex, and (for the self-righteous twits on the board) it is not condemned anywhere in the Bible. Onan's sin was whacking off in direct disobedience to his orders, which were to knock up his sister-in-law. It was not whacking off per se.

As for clean_cut's quickdraw anathema, he sounds like that clown who said I was going to hell for suggesting that Jesus told jokes. Jesus was fully God and fully man. Suggesting that he may have engaged in a nearly universal male pastime (not everybody has opposable thumbs, hence "nearly universal") is by no means a sin. Get a grip.
Link Posted: 5/9/2004 6:42:21 AM EST
Maybe I should give him that booklet my mom gave me on sexual purity
Link Posted: 5/9/2004 6:42:24 AM EST

Originally Posted By FLAL1A:
Get a grip.





Sgtar15
Link Posted: 5/9/2004 6:43:45 AM EST

Originally Posted By sgtar15:

Originally Posted By FLAL1A:
Get a grip.





Sgtar15



Thank you very much. I'll be here all week.
Link Posted: 5/9/2004 6:44:06 AM EST

Originally Posted By Gunslinger808:

I have gone to settingcaptivesfree.com Tried it.


Well, isn't that what he's confessing to?



Link Posted: 5/9/2004 6:45:59 AM EST

Originally Posted By FLAL1A:
Whacking off is not only normal, it is a healthy alternative to illicit sex, and (for the self-righteous twits on the board) it is not condemned anywhere in the Bible. Onan's sin was whacking off in direct disobedience to his orders, which were to knock up his sister-in-law. It was not whacking off per se.

As for clean_cut's quickdraw anathema, he sounds like that clown who said I was going to hell for suggesting that Jesus told jokes. Jesus was fully God and fully man. Suggesting that he may have engaged in a nearly universal male pastime (not everybody has opposable thumbs, hence "nearly universal") is by no means a sin. Get a grip.



Like the preacher guy!!
Link Posted: 5/9/2004 11:07:25 AM EST
They are just following in the footsteps of Noah's son.
Link Posted: 5/9/2004 3:15:53 PM EST

Originally Posted By sgtar15:

Originally Posted By FLAL1A:
Get a grip.





Sgtar15



"Beat" me to it!
Link Posted: 5/9/2004 3:21:49 PM EST
If flogging the dog is a sin, the only men alive who aren't going to hell are the ones who have no arms, no legs, no money, and no friends to lend a hand.

Quite the contrary, as being fertile and bearing children is a good thing very much approved of at the Head Office, masturbation is an important part of that process as it keeps the machinery working properly (exercise for the system is necessary to maintain proper function and muscle tone) and also the benefits pertaining to working up a batch are obvious in both a mental and a physical sense.

I know of nothing that releases tension so well, and it helps you to go to sleep. It sure does for me!

If it's evil, then I'm an evil man. But you'd never know it if you knew me, because in all other respects, I live a decent life.

Plus my grip strength is quite impressive!

CJ
Link Posted: 5/9/2004 3:25:36 PM EST

Originally Posted By lonegunman:
Janus is right. Can you prove Jesus never flogged himself? I have seen pictures of him with his hands inside his robe, he may have been playing pocket pool more often than you know.

Why would you go to hell for saying that? Jesus did not go to hell for flogging his noodle.



Any idea who took the pictures and what they used?
Gerry
Link Posted: 5/10/2004 4:25:13 AM EST
Back in the olden days they used to paint or draw them. Film and cameras were hard to come by back then. They finally started writing down rumors and half truth stories in books used for the different religons.

I am pretty sure they deleted the stories about Jesus getting the shits from bad water or farting after eating to much cabbage and onions. If Jesus grew up as a human, I kind of doubt he was floating around on a cloud all day.
Link Posted: 5/10/2004 4:40:44 AM EST

Originally Posted By FLAL1A:

Originally Posted By sgtar15:

Originally Posted By FLAL1A:
Get a grip.





Sgtar15



Thank you very much. I'll be here all week.



FLAL1A that was excellent I'm still laughing
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