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9/22/2017 12:11:25 AM
Posted: 12/7/2003 7:57:51 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/7/2003 8:32:48 PM EDT by jtb33]
Christmas Memo...


To: All Concerned
From: Santa Claus

I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer serve the States of Georgia, Florida, Virginia, West Virginia, North and South Carolina, Kentucky, Tennessee, Mississippi, Texas, or Arkansas... on Christmas Eve.

Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. As part of the new and better contract... I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so keep that in mind. However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement, who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls... however there are a few differences between us. Those being:

1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba
Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads:
"These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."

2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave an
RC cola and pork rinds (or a moon pie) on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please ... have an empty spit can handy.

3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.

4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen" when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Andretti, on Elliott and Petty."

5. "Ho, Ho, Ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" and you also are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat!"

6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words "Back Off."

7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area...
instead... you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each other.

And Finally,

8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure you, the wife, and the kids... turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under the tree.

Sincerely Yours,
Santa Claus
Link Posted: 12/7/2003 8:19:21 PM EDT
Speaking of Bubbas and ignorant stereotypes, in the subject line you've indicated that Santa won't be serving Alaska--AK--this year, not Arkansas. I leave it as an exercise to the reader to determine Arkansas' postal abbreviation.
Link Posted: 12/7/2003 8:22:27 PM EDT
hardy har har
Link Posted: 12/7/2003 8:28:13 PM EDT
Ah, It's "AR", right? Do I win a prize? Vulcan94
Link Posted: 12/7/2003 8:37:22 PM EDT
[LOL]
Link Posted: 12/8/2003 6:11:05 AM EDT
Yay! I still get Santa!
Link Posted: 12/8/2003 11:12:28 AM EDT
Hey jtt33, you don't get Santa Claus in AZ anymore either. Illegal immigration has given you the spanish Papa Noel.
Link Posted: 12/8/2003 11:17:58 AM EDT
Originally Posted By fsj_man: Hey jtt33, you don't get Santa Claus in AZ anymore either. Illegal immigration has given you the spanish Papa Noel.
View Quote
Doh! You're right. Not only is it killing us in the auto insurance premiums, but now we lose Santa to get Papa Noel... [:(]
Link Posted: 12/8/2003 11:18:06 AM EDT
[LOLabove] Hessian-1[wave]out!
Link Posted: 12/8/2003 11:35:06 AM EDT
ASS ROT BOY!!! Me an' Bubba Clause is closer than two burrs in a mules tail! Gonna git me wonna them thar fly'n deer heads fer ma'h trailer, jes like ol' Bubba's got. Now where did I put ma'h banjo at...
Link Posted: 12/8/2003 12:50:15 PM EDT
Originally Posted By DPeacher: ASS ROT BOY!!! Me an' Bubba Clause is closer than two burrs in a mules tail! Gonna git me wonna them thar fly'n deer heads fer ma'h trailer, jes like ol' Bubba's got. Now where did I put ma'h banjo at...
View Quote
Ah gotcher banjo raht here! Ya might wanna check out the bowstrings. I used it to bag a 36 point mountain elk. Dunno if I stretched it out or not. Sorry 'bout that. You can come over anytime and have a bite of the elk. Be careful, he kicks and you gotta move fast. And what looks like expletives above is really an ole country boy's way of sayin, "You are correct, sir!"
Link Posted: 12/8/2003 12:59:47 PM EDT
[ROFL2] lol!
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