A dyslexic walks into a bra.....

A lexdysic salkw toin a rab.

ba-dum-bum

So this baby seal walks into a club...

1911fan

a man with a big black eye walks into a bar.  he sits down and orders a drink, then looks over and notices the guy sitting next to him also has a black eye.
first guy says, "wow...how'd you get that shiner?"
second guy says, "well, i was at the train station and this beautiful blond with an enormous rack was working the ticket counter.  I couldn't stop staring at it, and when I went up to her, i meant to say 'I need two tickets to Pittsburgh,' but instead what came out was, 'I need two pickets to Titsburgh.'  She leaned across the counter and punched me in the face."

First guy says, "Yeah, I know what you mean...I sat down to eat breakfast with the wife this morning, and I meant to say, 'Honey, please pass the Cheerios,' but I slipped and said, 'YOU FAT BITCH, YOU RUINED MY LIFE!"