I had a relationship with a lady. This resulted in the birth of a boy, Nathan Clark H. The lady and I became disenchanted with each other and went our separate ways. I was granted court approved visits and tried  very hard to keep them. The lady tried to manipulate the relationship I had with the boy to her financial benefit. I fought her in court and won the financial part but was not able to get custody. Because of the bitterness and immaturity of both parents Nathan suffered.  So, I then decided to just disappear and to find him at age 18 years and explain why things had to be this way. This did not work as the lady filled Nathan's head with stories about how I had abandoned him. I did try to keep in touch with him through mutual contacts, phone calls and letters. On December 23, 2003 Nathan hung himself and committed suicide. I found out about this yesterday September 2, 2005. No one told me anything. He had been dead for almost 2 years and I just find out through the internet doing genealogical searches. So PLEASE, no matter what the circumstances, put aside your bitterness, anger, spite, etc with your ex-spouse, and tell your child tonight, "I LOVE YOU". I hope you rest in peace Nathan as I will always LOVE and MISS you and I am so sorry for being such a poor father.... The saddest day of my life. Charles.

sorry bout that but you should try and make peace with yourself and pray, just have a little talk with JESUS. ask him for forgivness of your sins.  

my deepest condolences

Ouch.

Quoted: I had a relationship with a lady. This resulted in the birth of a boy, Nathan Clark H. The lady and I became disenchanted with each other and went our separate ways. I was granted court approved visits and tried  very hard to keep them. The lady tried to manipulate the relationship I had with the boy to her financial benefit. I fought her in court and won the financial part but was not able to get custody. Because of the bitterness and immaturity of both parents Nathan suffered.  So, I then decided to just disappear and to find him at age 18 years and explain why things had to be this way. This did not work as the lady filled Nathan's head with stories about how I had abandoned him. I did try to keep in touch with him through mutual contacts, phone calls and letters. On December 23, 2003 Nathan hung himself and committed suicide. I found out about this yesterday September 2, 2005. No one told me anything. He had been dead for almost 2 years and I just find out through the internet doing genealogical searches. So PLEASE, no matter what the circumstances, put aside your bitterness, anger, spite, etc with your ex-spouse, and tell your child tonight, "I LOVE YOU". I hope you rest in peace Nathan as I will always LOVE and MISS you and I am so sorry for being such a poor father.... The saddest day of my life. Charles.

Sorry to hear that, but you seriously fucked up. Tell everyone you can not to do what you did. Sorry to bust balls, but thats the way I see it. Never abandon your family and friends no matter what.

Wow, I can't even imagine how that feels. Sorry to hear of this.

OMG!!! a parent's worst fear. I am sorry to hear of this... Call the mom.

Quoted: I had a relationship with a lady. This resulted in the birth of a boy, Nathan Clark H. The lady and I became disenchanted with each other and went our separate ways. I was granted court approved visits and tried  very hard to keep them. The lady tried to manipulate the relationship I had with the boy to her financial benefit. I fought her in court and won the financial part but was not able to get custody. Because of the bitterness and immaturity of both parents Nathan suffered.  So, I then decided to just disappear and to find him at age 18 years and explain why things had to be this way. This did not work as the lady filled Nathan's head with stories about how I had abandoned him. I did try to keep in touch with him through mutual contacts, phone calls and letters. On December 23, 2003 Nathan hung himself and committed suicide. I found out about this yesterday September 2, 2005. No one told me anything. He had been dead for almost 2 years and I just find out through the internet doing genealogical searches. So PLEASE, no matter what the circumstances, put aside your bitterness, anger, spite, etc with your ex-spouse, and tell your child tonight, "I LOVE YOU". I hope you rest in peace Nathan as I will always LOVE and MISS you and I am so sorry for being such a poor father.... The saddest day of my life. Charles.

CALL HER!

Quoted: my deepest condolences

Man, I just don't know what else to say. You do need to make peace with yourself though - you can't go back and change any of this, but you can change your future.

God Bless You,
NMSight

MrClean4Hire no offese taken as I fucked up so badly. You are not telling me anything I have not already told myself. I am so dar down there is no up....Charles.

Quoted: MrClean4Hire no offese taken as I fucked up so badly. You are not telling me anything I have not already told myself. I am so dar down there is no up....Charles.

Sure there is buddy, help others no to do what you did. You can help people. Have you called the mother yet?

Quoted: MrClean4Hire no offese taken as I fucked up so badly. You are not telling me anything I have not already told myself. I am so dar down there is no up....Charles.

This is what is so fucked up and I DONT MEAN TO HIJACK HERE. If the courts just make it a standard that parents get 50/50 finacial and involvement in the kids life (unless there is a danger) the courts wouldnt be as fucked up as they are and 1911builder would have been able to hang with his child. But you get wives that get all fucked mentally and dont let the dad see his kids... that is just wrong!

1911builder... I dont have the words to make you feel better... I sure wish I did. I know you are new here but you can talk amongst us if you need to. We have had a few here down in the dumps and helped as much as we can. We are listening if you need us.

Quoted: Quoted: I had a relationship with a lady. This resulted in the birth of a boy, Nathan Clark H. The lady and I became disenchanted with each other and went our separate ways. I was granted court approved visits and tried  very hard to keep them. The lady tried to manipulate the relationship I had with the boy to her financial benefit. I fought her in court and won the financial part but was not able to get custody. Because of the bitterness and immaturity of both parents Nathan suffered.  So, I then decided to just disappear and to find him at age 18 years and explain why things had to be this way. This did not work as the lady filled Nathan's head with stories about how I had abandoned him. I did try to keep in touch with him through mutual contacts, phone calls and letters. On December 23, 2003 Nathan hung himself and committed suicide. I found out about this yesterday September 2, 2005. No one told me anything. He had been dead for almost 2 years and I just find out through the internet doing genealogical searches. So PLEASE, no matter what the circumstances, put aside your bitterness, anger, spite, etc with your ex-spouse, and tell your child tonight, "I LOVE YOU". I hope you rest in peace Nathan as I will always LOVE and MISS you and I am so sorry for being such a poor father.... The saddest day of my life. Charles. Sorry to hear that, but you seriously fucked up. Tell everyone you can not to do what you did. Sorry to bust balls, but thats the way I see it. Never abandon your family and friends no matter what.

I get the impression you didn't need to tell him that....thanks for embellishing the obvious.  and hang in there buddy.  our lives are like a puff of smoke.  we are full of trouble, then we are gone.  love those around you, enjoy life now.

My sincerest condolences Sir.

Sorry to hear of your loss...but don't be so hard on yourself.  We all make mistakes, some which the outcome is not known until it's too late.

Give it some time.  Perhaps you can find/go to his final resting place and finally say the words that have gone unspoken for soo long.  

I want to take a moment to thank all of you fine people for your comments and sympathy. I had a very bad night, but, I did get through it. It will be a long time before I will be OK but with the grace of God and others, such as yourselves, I hope it will happen. With all humility and gratitude, thanks again, Charles.