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10/20/2017 1:01:18 AM
9/22/2017 12:11:25 AM
Posted: 9/22/2005 5:57:48 AM EDT
Hope this isn't a dupe...



Bush Braces As Cindy Sheehan's Other Son Drowns In New Orleans
September 21, 2005 | Issue 41•38


WASHINGTON, DC—According to White House sources, President Bush is bracing for intensified criticism following Monday's report that the body of Tyler Sheehan, son of outspoken anti-war activist Cindy Sheehan, was recovered from the receding floodwaters in New Orleans.

Although the White House has not released a statement, a firestorm of controversy is expected to follow the death of the dynamic, well-liked young man, who was working on a levee-upkeep crew while completing the EMT-certification training he needed to become a firefighter.

"Tyler was the very picture of an American hero," said Jorge Guiterrez, an Ochsner Hospital orderly present when Sheehan evacuated dozens of patients from its intensive-care unit. "He pulled off-the-clock double shifts moving guys in wheelchairs, guys without arms, guys on dialysis—you name it, he got them on a bus to Baton Rouge."

Before Sheehan moved to New Orleans, he was a struggling coho-salmon fisherman in Oregon's Klamath Basin. However, when the Bush Administration relaxed federal protection of the endangered fish, Sheehan's catch became contaminated with mercury. He gave up fishing and moved to Oakland, CA, where he opened a free clinic, which lost its federal funding in 2002 for giving out oral contraceptives to poor women.

A recent transplant to Louisiana, Sheehan reportedly went above and beyond the call of duty to aid imperiled New Orleans residents, dispensing bottled water and first aid to dazed hurricane survivors between shifts at the breached Canal Street levee.

Sheehan was last seen Sept. 4, hours after he and his levee crew sustained injuries while attempting to shore up storm-weakened levee pilings. According to sources, contaminated water laced with slicks of petroleum from a recently deregulated, poorly fortified refinery ignited, causing third-degree burns among the workers. Survivors recall seeing Tyler, badly injured and without the life jacket and medical kit denied him by recent budget cuts, digging survivors out of the wreckage.

"I don't know how we would have gotten out of there without Tyler," said Dom Ghivarello, Sheehan's crew chief. "Once we got clear of the break, we had no way of getting to high ground without our utility truck, which was requisitioned by the Defense Department last month for use in Iraq. But Tyler threw me his truck keys and went back to help others. That's the last I saw of him."

Sheehan moved to New Orleans in 2004 to take a year off from the University of California at Berkeley, where administrators had temporarily suspended the stem-cell research program in which he was enrolled in hopes of helping to combat his younger sister Ruth's spinal meningitis. Friends report that his public spirit continued in the Big Easy, as he delivered meals to elderly New Orleans residents affected by recent Medicare cuts, and doggedly petitioned the Justice Department for the release of his life partner, Amin Sagheer, who has been detained without charge at Guantanamo Bay for nearly three years.

"He made service to his fellow citizens his number-one priority," Ghivarello said. "He made that vow back in 1998, when his best friend, a developmentally disabled black juvenile, was put to death in Texas for a crime he didn't commit."

Cindy Sheehan was unavailable for comment, as she was busy trying to contact her lone surviving son Teddy, a meteorologist studying global warming with the International Geophysical Foundation in Antarctica, who is believed to be marooned on a 45-square-mile chunk of the shrinking Ross Ice Shelf that broke off Tuesday morning.





www.theonion.com/content/node/40764
Link Posted: 9/22/2005 6:00:32 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/22/2005 6:01:41 AM EDT by kindstranger]
The Onion, it must be true!

This is utterly tastless... I like it.
Link Posted: 9/22/2005 6:02:15 AM EDT

Originally Posted By DavidC:
Cindy Sheehan was unavailable for comment, as she was busy trying to contact her lone surviving son Teddy, a meteorologist studying global warming with the International Geophysical Foundation in Antarctica, who is believed to be marooned on a 45-square-mile chunk of the shrinking Ross Ice Shelf that broke off Tuesday morning.





www.theonion.com/content/node/40764




Link Posted: 9/22/2005 6:02:34 AM EDT
It's all Bush's Fault...
Link Posted: 9/22/2005 6:04:18 AM EDT
Zionist conspiracy
Link Posted: 9/22/2005 6:08:16 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/22/2005 6:08:33 AM EDT by hardcorps1775]
maaaaaan, you rat bastards!!! i was like "you gotta be shittin'' me, no one's that unlucky!!!"
Link Posted: 9/22/2005 6:10:18 AM EDT
You know you suck when TheOnion.com starts busting your chops.
Link Posted: 9/22/2005 6:10:30 AM EDT
Would that make Mayor Nagin a freedom fighter?
Link Posted: 9/22/2005 6:11:13 AM EDT
So how long before the movie "Saving Private Sheehan" comes out?
Link Posted: 9/22/2005 6:12:34 AM EDT

Originally Posted By BenDover:
You know you suck when TheOnion.com starts busting your chops.



+1


Equal opportunity offensiveness
Link Posted: 9/22/2005 6:19:37 AM EDT
HEHEHHE

I just sent that to my mother and her freind, both hopeless liberals....

They are going to hate me
Link Posted: 9/22/2005 6:22:57 AM EDT

Originally Posted By cluster:

Originally Posted By DavidC:
Cindy Sheehan was unavailable for comment, as she was busy trying to contact her lone surviving son Teddy, a meteorologist studying global warming with the International Geophysical Foundation in Antarctica, who is believed to be marooned on a 45-square-mile chunk of the shrinking Ross Ice Shelf that broke off Tuesday morning.





www.theonion.com/content/node/40764







+

GM
Link Posted: 9/22/2005 6:25:25 AM EDT
Wow, that shit was too funny!

Link Posted: 9/22/2005 6:25:40 AM EDT
That's pretty bad.
Link Posted: 9/22/2005 6:26:44 AM EDT
Hilarious
Link Posted: 9/22/2005 6:28:08 AM EDT


Kharn
Link Posted: 9/22/2005 6:30:56 AM EDT



+1

Link Posted: 9/22/2005 6:31:35 AM EDT
Love the Onion!
Link Posted: 9/22/2005 6:32:27 AM EDT
I am shocked at myself. I smiled and chuckled.........before I saw that it was a joke news report.

Thats sad that someone could inspire so much destain in other people as to cause them to delight in hearing about their sons death.

And sad I took delight in it.
Link Posted: 9/22/2005 6:32:42 AM EDT
Link Posted: 9/22/2005 6:41:55 AM EDT

Originally Posted By bvmjethead:



How can you call BS on a satire?

Link Posted: 9/22/2005 6:53:05 AM EDT

Originally Posted By bvmjethead:



No, it's true dude, I read it on the internet.
Link Posted: 9/22/2005 6:53:37 AM EDT

Originally Posted By pv74:
It's all Bush's Fault...




That damned hurricane makin' machine is still taking them out!

BigDozer66
Link Posted: 9/22/2005 6:54:57 AM EDT
Link Posted: 9/22/2005 7:01:45 AM EDT
Oh, Man...that is one of the BEST Onion articles I have ever read...I didn't catch on until the end where the guys luck kept getting worse and worse and then I realized....MAN, Bush MUST REALLY, ACTUALLY AND SERIOUSLY hate these folks......and then it hit me......


I love it!!!
Link Posted: 9/22/2005 7:04:06 AM EDT
Link Posted: 9/22/2005 7:05:00 AM EDT
Link Posted: 9/22/2005 7:06:56 AM EDT

Originally Posted By NewbHunter:
So how long before the movie "Saving Private Sheehan" comes out?



Check with Michael Moore's secretary for the answer to that question.
Link Posted: 9/22/2005 7:12:49 AM EDT
I feel stupid.....I'm thinking the whole time, "why haven't I heard he was missing?".

What a maroon.....me that is

Bomber
Link Posted: 9/22/2005 7:15:24 AM EDT
Bush hates Sheehan people.

Essayons
Link Posted: 9/22/2005 7:16:19 AM EDT
ROFLMAO holy shit that's terrible
Link Posted: 9/22/2005 7:16:36 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Red_Label:

Originally Posted By NewbHunter:
So how long before the movie "Saving Private Sheehan" comes out?



Check with Michael Moore's secretary for the answer to that question.



Link Posted: 9/22/2005 7:17:20 AM EDT
Someone somewhere is gonna believe it.
Link Posted: 9/22/2005 7:18:30 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/22/2005 7:19:32 AM EDT by u-baddog]
No matter how big of a dumbass,tool of the lib's,Moron she is it I just cant smile at jokes
about the death of her other son (if she even has one). It instanty reminds me of her son that died in the service of our country. I wish I could be so removed from his death so as to be able to enjoy the joke at her expense. I truly dislike her.
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 3:58:34 AM EDT
Hook, Line, Sinker.


I need sleep.



Good one.
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 4:06:06 AM EDT

Originally Posted By wgjhsafT:
Love the Onion!



couldnt tell...
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 4:17:09 AM EDT
And here I was thinking, damn, out of the few White folks killed in NO, her son had to be one of them. Oh well, son of a dumbass....Apple.....Tree.

Link Posted: 9/23/2005 4:17:32 AM EDT

Originally Posted By npd233:
Hook, Line, Sinker.


I need sleep.



Good one.



+1
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 4:22:48 AM EDT
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