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Posted: 12/28/2012 6:19:12 PM EDT
If I ever finally snap I want you all to take up a collection to erect a fucking statue with a likeness of me (with an exaggerated large cock lump, of course) with the words "well, the bitch shouldn't have burnt the goddamn motherfucking cocksucking shitass popcorn" inscribed in stone for all of posterity to see. If funds won't allow an inscription this verbose, it will be permissible to omit one word of profanity. Anything beyond that would negatively impact the artistic value of the caption.

Holy mother fucking fuck. I'd rather have the festering, infected, seeping asshole of nancy pelosi positioned withing licking distance of my face for six hours on end, forced to stare into her abyss of a bacon ring, than smell burnt popcorn for 1 second.

If I were king of the world, burning popcorn in my presence would be punishable by ramming 6 feet of razor wire up the asshole of the offender and forcing them (via fire) to run away at high speed from the other end, which would be anchored into the ground by a 900 ton block of concrete.

While a small burden of blame falls on the manufacturer, with a bag design that torches itself into a likeness of the fires of hell upon overcooking the fucking shitty corn by 3 nanoseconds, the majorty of the burden falls on...the woman of the house.

That fucking stench is more persistent than fucking VX gas, and almost as deadly.

It's 15 degrees out; every single window in the house is open, the heat is cranked, and I have the whole house fan roaring away on high to clear out the toxic fucking fumes.

The environment will stay that way far past the point at which the stink goes away, as a dramatic symbol of my displeasure and as the 950th reminder to her NOT TO BURN THE FUCKING POPCORN.

Fuck.
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:20:57 PM EDT
F5

Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:22:20 PM EDT
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:23:05 PM EDT
First post
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:25:14 PM EDT
Solid 10/10. Well done my good man.
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:26:45 PM EDT
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:26:49 PM EDT
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:26:55 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/28/2012 6:27:14 PM EDT by djbradley]
I'd rather have the festering, infected, seeping asshole of nancy pelosi positioned withing licking distance of my face for six hours on end


Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:26:58 PM EDT
At least she didnt microwave fish. That is punishable by death.
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:28:31 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Lakeguy:
Solid 10/10. Well done my good man.

No shit, I can't find any fault.
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:29:13 PM EDT
You need a dedicated popcorn popper
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:29:18 PM EDT
I hear ya!
My buddy doesn't know how to make popcorn either....

Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:30:41 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/28/2012 6:31:32 PM EDT by Webdood]
10/10

a while back at work one of the gals decided to make popcorn. She evidently set the microwave to Hiroshima and the timer for infinity+1.

The ensuing conflagration filled the entire floor with burnt popcorn funk. It was so bad I can no longer abide popcorn of any kind.

To sum up thank you sir do you have any pamplets you could leave with me?
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:32:40 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/28/2012 6:35:00 PM EDT by PeteCO]
Originally Posted By RabidMonkeyPox:
You need a dedicated popcorn popper


As long as she's blonde with a petite little ass and big tits, I'm all for it.

The GF would not be amused by her new play mate, but I think that eventually I could make it work as long as I slept in the middle.

However, lest I be thought of as a douchebag, it should be known that she burns the popcorn every single time - EVERY SINGLE TIME - she makes the shit.

For a while I had her buying the pre-popped stuff, but tonight a logistics breakdown caused her to attempt to make the microwave shit.


Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:35:48 PM EDT
she apparently needs to be instructed in the use of the 'popcorn' button on the microwave.
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:36:10 PM EDT
Originally Posted By PeteCO:
Originally Posted By RabidMonkeyPox:
You need a dedicated popcorn popper


As long as she's blonde with a petite little ass and big tits, I'm all for it.

The GF would not be amused by her new play mate, but I think that eventually I could make it work as long as I slept in the middle.

However, lest I be thought of as a douchebag, it should be known that she burns the popcorn every single time - EVERY SINGLE TIME - she makes the shit.

For a while I had her buying the pre-popped stuff, but tonight a logistics breakdown caused her to attempt to make the microwave shit.




Maybe she's just testing the smoke alarms....
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:37:47 PM EDT
Originally Posted By AZ_Sky:
I hear ya!
My buddy doesn't know how to make popcorn either....

http://m0.i.pbase.com/o4/72/325172/1/56103530.BurnedPopCorn.jpg


That deserves a punch in the nose
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:37:56 PM EDT
You, sir, are a poet. Well done. 10/10.
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:39:41 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Birddog1911:

Originally Posted By Lakeguy:
Solid 10/10. Well done my good man.

No shit, I can't find any fault.


Agreed! I think when I quit this job, I'm going to put a bag of popcorn in microwave on nuclear meltdown and leave it as a final fuck you. There is nothing worse that I could do.
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:41:43 PM EDT
Fitting Avatar

10/10
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:44:38 PM EDT
There's not much that smells worse than burnt microwave popcorn.
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:45:51 PM EDT
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:47:44 PM EDT
Good Rant!
As I read this post, I kept smelling burnt popcorn. Thought I was imagining the smell. NO, My wife made popcorn in the microwave and slightly burnt it.

A long time ago, I worked at Macy's in the Housewares Department. One day some kids came in and put some popcorn in a powered up display microwave and left. 5 minutes later the whole floor was filled with that wonderful burnt popcorn smell. Motherfuckers!
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 6:58:36 PM EDT
It is really easy to cook popcorn on the stovetop, and also very inexpensive.
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 7:02:43 PM EDT
Well at least you understand why there is a housewide ban on microwave popcorn. Use the damn popcorn popper!
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 7:06:29 PM EDT
Originally Posted By XJ:
It is really easy to cook popcorn on the stovetop, and also very inexpensive.


Exactly, but people who like microwave popcorn are too lazy for the stove top.
They would probably burn it anyway.

OP 10/10 on the rant. best laugh all week.
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 7:10:41 PM EDT
You need to get a whirly pop popcorn maker...mmmmm gooood



But better on a gas stove or other open flame imo.
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 7:14:28 PM EDT
fucking burnt popcorn stinks like shit. assholes at work burn theirs all the time and go ahead and eat it. makes me want to cram the whole bag down their throats.
Link Posted: 12/28/2012 7:14:58 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Blackheart_Actual:
You need to get a whirly pop popcorn maker...mmmmm gooood

http://lib.store.yahoo.net/lib/popeilfamilystore/wpOnStove.jpg

But better on a gas stove or other open flame imo.


I use my moms (rest in peace) old 1953 electric popcorn maker.
Everyone says it makes the best popcorn they have ever eaten.


Link Posted: 12/28/2012 7:25:12 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Roadhawk:
I like microwave popcorn that is a little burnt in the middle of the bag.


Same here I usually let it go for about 30 seconds past the last pop to get a nice scorch. I will agree though that the stink is bad and does last but screw it it tastes good.
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