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Posted: 12/27/2012 1:15:28 PM EDT
I fucking hurt. Several days of synthetic opiate intake complemented with sour mash has made my guts into an anvil-like mass of uncooperation. My last attempt upon the commode left me writhing on the floor like a rep-tahl, and alternating heat pads with ice packs has made limited improvement.

So fuck a lot of things right now.

Fuck the idiots willing to spend orders of magnitude above normal price for guns and ammo. Capitalism notwithstanding, the waterheads paying $3K for a clapped-out Oly are hereby sentenced to a lifetime of wobbly bolt carrier raceways and dead ejector springs. If you're a person who didn't even want a self-loading rifle until Feinstein whipped out her paper-towel-roll tampon to write another DOA AWB and have never been an NRA supporter, you deserve to be the first to get your fucking guns taken away before you even mount that airsoft red-dot backwards on your rifle.

Fuck the fucking fuckers who had the foresight/cash to bulk-buy AR15s of any sort. Not because you're wrong, not at all - but because I didn't. So fuck you, roughly and without respite, by means of a middling-sized roll of old chainlink fence material.

I want calamitously-unlubricated sodomy by surprise and utterly absent consent visited upon every legislator who buys into any AWB. If you have an "A" record from NRA and even so much as twitch in the direction of a "yea" on such a bill, your genitals must be thrust into the open breech of a Garand for a twelve-hour marathon of operating rod stress-tests.

The next person who uses the words "sporting" and "purposes" in conjunction with each other and within my earshot will be compelled to fellate our only male horse to orgasm. Granted, he is a geld, so it make take a while, but this is about the penitence of the matter and not productivity.

Likewise, anyone employing the statements made by any daytime television personality in support of "common sense" gun laws will be forced into a large tarpaulin filled with Frog Lube and the entire naked cast of "The View", suspended marginally over a fire-ant mound and sprinkled liberally with brown sugar.

I'll contribute further as my meds progress in action.
Fuck anybody whom I've overlooked so far, though.

Link Posted: 12/27/2012 1:24:46 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/27/2012 1:25:19 PM EDT by Red_Label]
9/10

I was on hydros after my root canal in September and have NEVER been so stopped-up in all my life (which has a LONG history of back problems, surgery and spasms -- meaning I've had lots of percocet and muscle relaxers over the years).

Three days without crapping and I was ready to cut myself open and pull the crap out by hand!
Link Posted: 12/27/2012 1:28:15 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Red_Label:
9/10

I was on hydros after my root canal in September and have NEVER been so stopped-up in all my life (which has a LONG history of back problems, surgery and spasms -- meaning I've had lots of percocet and muscle relaxers over the years).

Three days without crapping and I was ready to cut myself open and pull the crap out by hand!


Copy that - next stop is Wild Turkey with prune juice.....
Link Posted: 12/27/2012 1:33:48 PM EDT
Have had several root canals with no problem--ate popcorn after one of them.

But the back spasms are a whole other ballgame. Are you taking muscle relaxants (e.g., Flexeril) along with your pain meds or just pain meds?

Pretty good rant, all things considered. The most I can manage when my back goes out is some pitiful moaning.
Link Posted: 12/27/2012 1:37:35 PM EDT
That's a rather sporting rant, but what's it's purpose?
Link Posted: 12/27/2012 1:42:00 PM EDT
Originally Posted By VacaDuck:
That's a rather sporting rant, but what's it's purpose?


Dear God but fuck you. You, especially. I envision your self-suppositorying a cholla cactus drenched in ghost pepper juice and explicit misery. Asshole.
















Link Posted: 12/27/2012 1:43:01 PM EDT
Originally Posted By wunbadweel:
If you have an "A" record from NRA and even so much as twitch in the direction of a "yea" on such a bill, your genitals must be thrust into the open breech of a Garand for a twelve-hour marathon of operating rod stress-tests.



Link Posted: 12/27/2012 1:43:20 PM EDT

Originally Posted By wunbadweel:
Originally Posted By VacaDuck:
That's a rather sporting rant, but what's it's purpose?


Dear God but fuck you. You, especially. I envision your self-suppositorying a cholla cactus drenched in ghost pepper juice and explicit misery. Asshole.



Link Posted: 12/27/2012 1:43:33 PM EDT
Miralax. Get some.
Link Posted: 12/27/2012 1:44:30 PM EDT
Come on over to the house. We'll fix you up with bourbon and fentanyl.
Link Posted: 12/27/2012 1:46:32 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/27/2012 1:48:27 PM EDT by LeeA]
Originally Posted By wunbadweel:
I fucking hurt. Several days of synthetic opiate intake complemented with sour mash has made my guts into an anvil-like mass of uncooperation. My last attempt upon the commode left me writhing on the floor like a rep-tahl, and alternating heat pads with ice packs has made limited improvement.


Poop thread.

The good news is if it gets bad enough that you have to go in and repeated enemas don't work they go in finger deep and dig it out a finger full at a time... that's why the doctor's make the big bucks.
Link Posted: 12/27/2012 1:48:01 PM EDT
Originally Posted By VacaDuck:
Come on over to the house. We'll fix you up with bourbon and fentanyl.


Can't. Pretty much bound to my recliner, and couldn't bring the right guns with me anyway.

And fuck your spooge-swilling Governor, too. Hate that cocksucker. He makes Gray Davis seem like a good decision.
Link Posted: 12/27/2012 1:49:06 PM EDT

Originally Posted By wunbadweel:
Originally Posted By VacaDuck:
Come on over to the house. We'll fix you up with bourbon and fentanyl.


Can't. Pretty much bound to my recliner, and couldn't bring the right guns with me anyway.

And fuck your spooge-swilling Governor, too. Hate that cocksucker. He makes Gray Davis seem like a good decision.


Link Posted: 12/27/2012 1:54:06 PM EDT
Additionally: fuck this Luntz poll guy. He ain't helping. He sniffs bicycle seats parked at grade schools.
Link Posted: 12/27/2012 4:09:15 PM EDT
for the first part, HOT HOT HOT, OH MY GOD i JUST COOKED MY BALLS BATH, once you get over the testicular pain it will help with the back pain at least. Now for the rest, I dunno, I just curled up in the fetal position and cried.


speed

good luck, we are all pulllin for ya, keep your stick on the ice.
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