I was just computer-surfing through GUNBROKER.COM looking for P7M8 mags when the phone rang. I answered it and the female caller asked to speak to (Harley1647) and I rolled my eyes, knowing that it was another telemarketer.

This one launched in to a mile-a-minute, obviously read from a script,  speech about how the Brady Campaign needs my finacial help to get some bill that strengthens the background check laws through the Senate. Once I realized what she was talking about while I looked at H&K pistols on the internet I started laughing. She never missed a beat until I interupted her and told her: "Boy have you ever got the wrong number, Lady!"
She said "Oh, do I not have (Harley1647)?

"Yeah, that's me but there is no way I'll be donating to your little fund!"

She said "Well perhaps that is a bit much to ask, so if you'd just consider....." and she went right back to that mile-a-minute speech that I couldn't understand. I stopped her:

"Lady you are talking so fast I can't understand a word you are rattling off!"

She says "I'm sorry I have a cold!"

"Well, this has gone on long enough, because I don't have a cold but I have severe allergy to left-wing trash like Sarah Brady and her ilk, so you can just remove me from your list and not call me anymore!"

..anyway I hung up and I'm still mad, thinking of all the things I wished I'd said!

What you said...

...good enough.

I keep thinking I should have said things like:

"I'm right in the middle of filing on my AK47 to make it a machinegun. Can you call back later?"

or perhaps:

"Just a minute. I'm having a pallet delivered! (shouting to make believe delivery people) PUT THAT .50 CALIBER AMMO IN THE GARAGE!"

or maybe:

"I've got 5 under the table sales of automatic weapons to drug dealers pending and I need to keep this line open!"

You can see I'm normally real big on tact, she just caught me off guard earlier!

The only thing you should have done differently:

Instead of saying "remove me from your list" you should say "put this number on your company's do-not-call list."  

Here's why, and I know this first-hand:  They may very well take you off their list, but they'll probably compile another list tomorrow morning for their dialer and you'll be right back on it.  But honestly, they don't even need to comply with that request.

The request that means something is the request to have your phone number put on the do-not-call list.  By federal law every company that engages in telemarketing needs to keep a do-not-call list, and must honor those requests, provided they are made by someone living in that residence.  If the ph# is put on that list, they cannot call it for at least 10 years, if I recall correctly.

edited:  some organizations are exempt.  Among them are politicians, I think.

Well, like I say she caught me kind of flat footed....

Quoted: I keep thinking I should have said things like: "I'm right in the middle of filing on my AK47 to make it a machinegun. Can you call back later?" or perhaps: "Just a minute. I'm having a pallet delivered! (shouting to make believe delivery people) PUT THAT .50 CALIBER AMMO IN THE GARAGE!" or maybe: "I've got 5 under the table sales of automatic weapons to drug dealers pending and I need to keep this line open!" You can see I'm normally real big on tact, she just caught me off guard earlier!

I like the "pallet shout" the best.

Thanks! I was kind of happy with that one myself!

To bad I didn't think of it until afterwards!

Should have just told her you're buying a gun off the internet right now...

What was the gun that shot Jim?  Cause I need to get one

Quoted: Thanks! I was kind of happy with that one myself! To bad I didn't think of it until afterwards!

Next time (and, yes, there will probably a "next time" ) turn your tv or radio on and turn the volume up just loud enough for it to be heard by the phone but just low enough so the caller won't be able to clearly understand what exactly is being said. Then, do your pallet thing above and start having a make believe conversation with the tv (as if the tv was really a UPS delivery guy or something) and then get all pissed and make like they shorted your order by 10 cases or something.


To wit:



Brady Bunch Caller: Hello, is this harley1647?  


You: Yeah. What do you want?


Them:  How are you doing today?


You: What Do You Want?


Them: We're from the Brady Bunch and we are--------


You: Hold on!!! Somebody's at the door.


{place phone down and walk away for about 10 seconds leaving the caller with a few moments of awkward silence}


{Off in the short distance start talking to the tv and, then, say this just before you pick the phone back up---and talk just loud enough that the caller CAN hear you at least a little bit}



You (to your tv a second or 2 before you pick up the phone): Yeah, put that______________ in the garage. All of it! I know it's heavy but do it anyway. Thanks.


{Go silent for a second but let her hear the tv in the background----barely}


You {in an irritated tone of voice}: WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE'S ONLY 10 CASES? Damn it, I ordered ____________ cases? Why did they short me so much?!?!?!?! I gotta call somebody and fix this crap out!


You {continuing in your irritated tone of voice that is even more irritated now than it was 5 seconds ago}: Who is this and what do you want again?


If they are still on the phone at this point then get creative. Don't do anything weird that might get the cops called in on ya but maybe start talking about deer hunting or taking your kid out shooting for the first time or how your kid wants to join the military when they grow up or (better yet) how your wife wants to get a ccw because she likes the comfort that a firearm gives her when she is out in public. In short, make them hang up first instead of you.