Let me know if there is interest and I'll tell you a good one that just happened to me... it would gag maggots [>:/].

Does it beat your "whoopsie in your diapers" thread? [puke]

Hmmmm... in the past two weeks Albany has gotten more snow than in either of the past two winters.  Needless to say, the City is not used to dealing with it.  Idiot plow company once again buried my car and I set out to dig it out.

Before heading out into the blizzard I ate a couple slices so that I would have some energy.  Damn it tasted good...  stuffed crust pizza with extra cheese and peperoni...  I didn't even need to chew it, just out it in my mouth and let it slide its way home... deeelish!

So I bundle up and head out into thigh deep snow trecking to the back lot and my car.  Son of a gun, I can't even see it!  Dig dig dig for half an hour and I'm only half way there... dig dig dig...  OK, I'm now just about done when I bend over to move one of the last shovels full of snow.  My body is aching, my arms are tired and I just want to move the car so I can get inside and warm up.

Bend over and the explosion from hell ripped my bowels.  No warning, not even one of those early vent farts that warns you of the gas build up.  Well remember I told you about the greasy pizza?  Apparently the grease passed go, did not go to jail, collected a million dollars and was now holding a party in my pants.

You know how when you are cold sometimes your skin feels wet when it is dry?  Let me assure you, I felt wet, I was cold, but I wasn't dry.  No sooner did I say it and I did it...

Anyway, now I have a load of junk in my trunk and I have to wade back through hip deep snow to get inside to the bathroom.  Well the only way to move through hip dip snow is to life your leg high and stomp through it.  Apparently there was a reserve from the second slice that I was not aware of as it made itself known.  If the first blow was Hiroshima... this was Nagasaki!  I never knew what it felt like to have your own fecal matter run down your leg.

Make it inside and the dog is running away from me I smell so bad.  Great, the little bastard will eat his own turds but he runs from his owner when in need...  Ingrate!

Well finally kick the boots off, peel the pants off... slip out of my shorts and jump in the shower and hose myself off.  Finally feeling human I climb out of the shower and look down at my once tighty whiteys that now look like the GI issued briefs that some of you are aware of.  Bad news is that while I was in the shower the plow came along and buried my car once again.

So, in a few minutes I'm heading out to start again.

If only I was so lucky...  the woman I have been keeping company with lives in the same building... her car is three down from mine.  I thought I was sly and got inside without her knowing what happened...

Just went and finished with the car and guess who was moving her's as well?

Keep in mind, this is a woman I just became intimate with the other night for the first time so we are in that wierd stage... not quite an item, but have exchanged bodily fluids...  Anyway she asked me if I was alright and said I ran off like I was sick earlier...  She then pointed out I changed my clothes... black jeans instead of blue.  I dismissed it as not liking to wear wet clothes.  No sure she bought it, but she is cooking me dinner later.  Just got to take another shower to make sure all lingering odors have disappeared.

So, unless Steve crapped himself in front of the woman he is hittin... I think we are at least even.

LMAO!!

Here is a picture of ComputerGuy, HiramRanger and 1Gunrunner:
[img]http://photos.ar15.com/ImageGallery/IG_LoadAvatar.asp?sAccountUnq=21219[/img]

I dont think its fair to put these 2 guys in the same category as Computerguy mainly because I actually believe them unlike Computerguy and his tall tales.

HR..I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. My wife thinks I finally lost it!!!!
Thanks..I needed that!!! [:D]

You know guys a little compassion might be nice...

Gee Hiram, we're so sorry...

Hiram, you feeling any better...

It's ok Hiram... it's happened to us all at one time or another...

Heartless bastages!

Sorry guy.  I can't say I have ever blown nuclear class shitballs while shovelling snow in front of a hot chick I was bonking.
[BD]

My dear Hiram,
Seriously, I hope you are feeling better.
I have a friend who takes an Imodium before every restaurant meal (and he eats out a LOT).
You might want to consider this advice, perhaps along with some powdered fibre in your diet. As one who has suffered from Irritable Bowel Syndrome for years, it is no joke when the "moment comes upon you" and you have no quick acess to facilities.

Having said the above in fraternal concern, let me conclude with the following:

It was friggin' hilarious to hear you relate this, and have you boinked her again? [:D]

Let's just put it this way...  I gave her a new pair of earings last night... most people however refer to them as her kneecaps [;)].