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Posted: 10/1/2004 5:13:57 PM EDT
I've never been a parent, so share with me the emotional consequences of realizing you are a parent and responsible for another human being.
Link Posted: 10/1/2004 5:38:42 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 10/1/2004 5:40:07 PM EDT by thompsondd]
The first time you look into eye that look just like yours that are looking back at you, and you realize RIGHT THEN that this life that you helped to create and bring into the world is TOTALLY dependent on you for everything, your life will gain new meaning. In some cases, it will be the first time many understand their place and purpose. For others, such as myself, you find the meaning that has been lost for awhile.

It is both joyous and scary. The good thing is that the positives outweigh the negatives a hundred fold. It is true that you are giving up a lot, especially the first few years. But you gain back so much more.

Link Posted: 10/1/2004 5:40:11 PM EDT
Link Posted: 10/1/2004 5:41:24 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 10/1/2004 5:41:33 PM EDT by sgthoskins]
Two words for youUn-F-ing believeable

I love it. It has made me a better man. Congrats. You're gonna love it.
Link Posted: 10/1/2004 5:42:08 PM EDT
well said Junkie
Link Posted: 10/1/2004 5:46:23 PM EDT

Originally Posted By sgthoskins:
well said Junkie

+1 - very well put Junkie
Link Posted: 10/1/2004 5:48:54 PM EDT
In order of appearance:

Scared- I have no clue how to raise myself, much less another human being. Wife tells me I'm an overgrown pre-schooler with 5 o'clock shadow, now I'm gonna be responsible for one? Crap, I'm doomed. Kid's gonna grow up to be a democrat, or some other sorta pervert.

Apprehensive- Every thought of every minute ends with the words ".........now that we're gonna have a baby." You start to catalog the changes that are coming, and rearranging plans and schedules to accommodate.

Excited- Parents, wife, neighbors all overjoyed with the news. You get caught up in their excitement.

Scared Again- Wife's body and temper go berserk. Labor/delivery are best viewed only by trained medical staff. Your father and his father were smart...there is a reason you should read Field and Stream in the waiting room, view wife and child only after a thorough cleansing, and pass out cigars before passing out yourself.

Zombie Stage- This is not a child, it's some sort of Nazi scientist sleep-deprivation experiment. Day and night cease to exist for a month or two. You find yourself contemplating just exactly how much NyQuil added to formula will make the beast sleep for 3 hours, but not kill it. Wife helps with your calculations.

I could go on, but this isn't really answering your question, is it? Serious answer? Hmmmmm.

Fatherhood will make you realize there is something more important than yourself in this world. This is no longer the clean_cut show, staring clean_cut.

Sorry I can't express myself any better. I don't do well dealing in emotions and feelings, I tend to deal in thoughts and reasoning. The subject matter doesn't lend itself to my means of expression. Did I help?
Link Posted: 10/1/2004 5:49:00 PM EDT
Don't pull out and find out for yourself. It's a magical experience.

Link Posted: 10/1/2004 6:02:01 PM EDT
Link Posted: 10/1/2004 6:03:23 PM EDT
All of the above are great answers!

Some other things:

Some spiritual 'phenomenon' make sense. Ex. Around 2+months you realize fact from fiction concerning spiritual corruption. What you realize is that we are BORN already corrupted--we are further influenced by things around us. ie--if you are a christian believer, indwelling sin makes sense.

Boys are boys and girls are girls:

Boys 'know' what sound a truck or tractor makes and girls 'know' how to manipulate quickly.

In the future: Discipline your child!! This practice may soon get you thrown in jail, but you are still responsible for him/her. Proverbs 19:18
Discipline your son while there is hope, And do not desire his death.

Another translation words it: 'Do not be a willing party to his death'.

You will mature quickly...
Link Posted: 10/1/2004 6:05:38 PM EDT

Originally Posted By FMJunkie:
Well, I have a 3.5 year old son and my wife is due to give birth to my second son in the next 2-4 weeks so the timing is perfect!

Uh, yeah me too...spooky.
Link Posted: 10/1/2004 6:16:51 PM EDT
When my wife gave birth (c-section) to our first child, as soon as he started crying, I started bawling like a baby. I will never forget that moment. You can't even believe until you are there yourself.

I now have my son (8) and twin daughters (5). Hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life, raising kids. Just the pure work of it. But, one day at a time, and soon the days become weeks, the weeks months, and months years. The absolutely most fulfilling thing I have ever or will ever do in my life is raise my children.

Try it, you'll like it.'pez out.
Link Posted: 10/1/2004 6:34:49 PM EDT
I can only tell you from a mother point of view, you're wife, no matter how sophisticated she may be, will reduce herself to the primitave level of a bear protecting her cub. That the urgent call of "Mommy!" will cause her to drop her best dish without hesitation. No matter how many years she has invested in a career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. Everyday decisions will no longer be routine. Her life will be of less value to her, she would give it up in a moment to save her child, and yet hope for more years to watch the accomplishments of her child. She will fall in love again with the man who once was so exciting to go out with, but now for much more unromantic reasons...to stay home and take care of baby.

You'll never regret it.
Link Posted: 10/1/2004 6:36:24 PM EDT
Extends my blood line and gives me immortality

Link Posted: 10/1/2004 6:38:42 PM EDT
Enables you to put up with a multitude of stupid questions!
Link Posted: 10/1/2004 6:43:42 PM EDT
Got 4 from 18 to 2, damn great experience except for 1 thing. Say goodbye to your money. But for some strange reason you don't really mind.
Link Posted: 10/1/2004 6:44:55 PM EDT
Don't know, don't care.

... and never want to know!!

Link Posted: 10/1/2004 6:47:34 PM EDT
Theres no "baby mama" in my life so I wouldn't know, though I came close to it (pregnancy freak out and one time where the kid wasn't mine). Having a child is something I look forward to (once I find a mentally stable female)
Link Posted: 10/1/2004 6:51:08 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Mmanwitgun:
Theres no "baby mama" in my life so I wouldn't know, though I came close to it (pregnancy freak out and one time where the kid wasn't mine). Having a child is something I look forward to (once I find a mentally stable female)

Good luck finding her......you should just adopt now and get it over with!
Link Posted: 10/1/2004 6:51:32 PM EDT
My son just turned 5 months old. It seems like we just found out the wife was pregnant yesterday.
It seems like everthing moves so fast in this world, but when you come home from a hard day at work, walk in the door and see that smiling little face looking at you, everything stops. You realize just how lucky you are and for a little while at least, you forget all the things that may have been bothering you.
Yep, your whole life is about to change and you are going to love it!
I hope this makes some sense, I am not very good at saying things like this.

Oh yeah, the hormone thing is kinda rough, but you will be glad for the "patience and understanding" lessons later.
Link Posted: 10/1/2004 6:52:01 PM EDT
It totally changed me in ways I didn't think possible.
First of all, you get patience...you don't have any choice. I was the most impatient person in the world till I had kids.
Second, you don't notice it when you're miserable...I tend to ignore things that used to annoy the hell out of me now.
But perhaps the most significant change is the way you see the future. It's no longer about you, or what YOU will accomplish with your life. It's suddenly all about what THEY will accomplish, what THEY will do.
It's the most incredible thing that can ever happen to you, and it's really hard to describe.
Link Posted: 10/1/2004 6:53:55 PM EDT
It keeps you healthy if you drink the breast milk ...
Link Posted: 10/1/2004 6:56:25 PM EDT
How does it change you? The answer is how doesn't it change you? I'll be honest, I hardly remember who I was before I had a son. And I don't miss the old guy at all. Adios.
Link Posted: 10/1/2004 6:57:03 PM EDT
The greatest experience of your life! The strangest thing is when they look EXACTLY like your baby pictures.
Link Posted: 10/1/2004 7:00:53 PM EDT
I have got three, 6, 3, and 4 months.
Great stuff, only I miss sleeping.
Not much else. Children make you realize how empty your life was before them.
Link Posted: 10/1/2004 7:01:04 PM EDT

Originally Posted By DK-Prof:
Don't know, don't care.

... and never want to know!!

Saving this quote for later.

Link Posted: 10/1/2004 7:01:07 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 10/1/2004 7:09:30 PM EDT by LWilde]
Parenthood huh?

Well, as one who, with my missus has a thirty year old, a twenty eight year old...AND a seven and five year old, I think I just might have finally figured this out.

Virtually all of the advice offered is right on the money. Children are hard to raise; they use up all of your treasure, they can be exceptionally fun and equally frustrating.

On the whole, they are real joys and well worth it...BUT you need to ask yourself if YOU are ready for the decades of sacrifice? Some aren't and make terrible parents. My dad was one.

Just to help a bit here are some simple tests to see if you're really ready:

Preparation for parenthood is not just a matter of reading books and decorating the nursery. Here are 12 simple tests for expectant parents to take to prepare themselves for the real-life experience of being a mother or father.

1. Women: to prepare for maternity, put on a dressing gown and stick a beanbag down the front. Leave it there for 9 months. After 9 months, take out 10% of the beans. Men: to prepare for paternity, go to the local drug store, tip the contents of your wallet on the counter, and tell the pharmacist to help himself. Then go to the supermarket. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office. Go home. Pick up the paper. Read it for the last time.

2. Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who are already parents and berate them about their methods of discipline, lack of patience, appallingly low tolerance levels, and how they have allowed their children to run riot. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's sleeping habits, toilet training, table manners and overall behavior. Enjoy it -- it'll be the last time in your life that you will have all the answers.

3. To discover how the nights will feel, walk around the living room from 5pm to 10pm carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 lbs. At 10pm put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, till 1am. Put the alarm on for 3am. As you can't get back to sleep get up at 2am and make a drink. Go to bed at 2:45am. Get up again at 3am when the alarm goes off. Sing songs in the dark until 4am. Put the alarm on for 5am. Get up. Make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.

4. Can you stand the mess children make? To find out, smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains. Hide a fish stick behind the stereo and leave it there all summer. Stick your fingers in the flower beds then rub them on the clean walls. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?

5. Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems: first buy an octopus and a string bag. Attempt to put the octopus into the string bag so that none of the arms hang out. Time allowed for this: all morning.

6. Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and a pot of paint turn it into an alligator. Now take a toilet tube. Using only scotch tape and a piece of foil, turn it into a Christmas cracker. Last, take a milk container, a ping pong ball, and an empty packet of Coco Pops and make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower. Congratulations. You have just qualified for a place on the play group committee.

7. Forget the Miata. Buy a Taurus wagon or minivan. And don't think you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that. Buy a chocolate ice cream bar and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a quarter. Stick it in the cassette player. Take a family-size packet of chocolate cookies. Mash them down the back seats. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car. There. Perfect.

8. Get ready to go out. Wait outside the toilet for half an hour. Go out the front door. Come in again. Go out. Come back in. Go out again. Walk down the front path. Walk back up it. Walk down it again. Walk very slowly down the road for 5 minutes. Stop to inspect minutely every cigarette end, piece of used chewing gum, dirty tissue and dead insect along the way. Retrace your steps. Scream that you've had as much as you can stand, until the neighbors come out and stare at you. Give up and go back into the house. You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a walk.

9. Always repeat everything you say at least five times.

10. Go to your local supermarket. Take with you the nearest thing you can find to a pre-school child -- a fully grown goat is excellent. If you intend to have more than one child, take more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goats eat or destroy. Until you can easily accomplish this do not even contemplate having children.

11. Hollow out a melon. Make a small hole in the side. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side. Now get a bowl of soggy cold cereal and attempt to spoon it into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane. Continue until half the cereal is gone. Tip the rest into your lap, making sure that a lot of it falls on the floor. You are now ready to feed a 12-month-old baby.

12. Learn the names of every character from Blues Clues, Barney, Nickelodeon, Sesame Street, and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. When you find yourself singing Barney’s theme song at work, you finally qualify as a parent.

P.S.: My missus saw this and says that most of these are for the womenz 'cause we don't do squat! Not sure I agree with her...but I'm not going to do so publicly anyway.
Link Posted: 10/1/2004 7:54:34 PM EDT
THe most important question...with children....is....


Link Posted: 10/1/2004 8:14:45 PM EDT
Until you are a parent, you have no idea what love feels like. The love for your child can be compared to nothing else. To look at your children and know that they are a part of you and a part of someone you love is unbelievably overwhelming. To watch your child grow and learn about life - each experience is amazing.

Parenthood is also a new experience filled with fear. Fear when your child is sick; fear of what the future holds for your child. Your priorities change. You are no longer the most important person in the world - your child is.

Even if you are the most shy easy going person imaginable, you will become a 'mother bear' pretecting her cub if you feel your child is in any danger or being hurt in any way. You will do anything to make your child safe and happy.

Parenthood is wonderous experience. No matter what is posted on here, you can not begin to imagine the emotion you will feel when you look at your child. It is such an overwhelming experience that words can not come close to describing; it is impossible to imagine what it is like until you experience it yourself.
Link Posted: 10/1/2004 8:59:00 PM EDT
Parenthood will also make the love you have for your own parents strong. Assuming you had good parents, a stong relationship with them and you have no hangups or bitterness from childhood, all you can do is expect to see your father and mother in your mind all the time when you interact with your own children. How many times have we said something to our kids and we actually hear our own parents saying it?

The redemption my parents get from watching me raise my kids as they did with me is priceless. Their expression says it all- "And now you know..."
Link Posted: 10/1/2004 9:18:35 PM EDT
when they turn into teenagers, they become a major strain on the wallet
Link Posted: 10/1/2004 9:20:12 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 10/1/2004 9:20:52 PM EDT by chrome1]
When they are little its great . Then they become little people which is also good . Then once you get through the mid teens ( If you survive ) it gets better again .
Link Posted: 10/1/2004 10:55:46 PM EDT
It made me happy to know that I can reproduce w/ the help of my hubby's swimmers.

Being a parent to our almost 3 year-old made us happier b/c it's joy to hear her and see her shine.
Of course, there are ups and downs with having kids. Being in a marriage has its ups and downs too.
Link Posted: 10/1/2004 11:01:40 PM EDT
King Of The Hill
Link Posted: 10/1/2004 11:02:11 PM EDT
I want to come home to a fridge full of beer and an address book every night :)
Link Posted: 10/1/2004 11:32:31 PM EDT
A lot of good replies. I cannot top them, but concer with almost every one.

Basically, your life will come in second to a new and true higher calling. When it happens, it's not a belief, but it's who you are.

You see yourself as your child, and in your childs eyes, at time when magic is real.

Sad, how it all dies when we get older.
Link Posted: 10/2/2004 12:05:15 AM EDT
Here's a new twist:

Made/makes me feel a bit of guilt. Guilt for bringing him into a world so chock full of terrible people. It is my mission to see him thru it and protect him, so one day he can fight the good fight.

I all too aware of the beautiful things in life, but much, much more aware of the monsters that roam amongst us.

Link Posted: 10/2/2004 5:47:22 AM EDT
I DO however fear for other people's kids at the playground....my son is 6-0 in the sandbox! These are things you'll will try to control and usually lose at.....
Link Posted: 10/2/2004 8:03:07 AM EDT
You won't understand, until you have one I think
Link Posted: 10/2/2004 9:25:49 AM EDT
It is an incredible experience that will forever change our life. However, it is impossible to describe. I have a 4 1/2 yr old boy and a 19mth old girl. My daughter is a handful! She is more inquisitive and daring than her brother ever was at that age. He pretty much helps out with her and she absolutely adores him, especially when they are wrestling! Kids will forever change your life and be damn sure you are ready for them. They will take priority in your life and are a full time job on top of your other job and hobbies. However, they add to your life in ways you can not imagine.
Link Posted: 10/2/2004 9:38:19 AM EDT
Well, I inheritted a 17 year old when I married my wife and he does nothing but sit on his bed and play video games or wtch tv or play on his computer. I've given up trying to get him to get off his ass and get a job and I'm just waiting until next year when he goes to college. As far as having others... I just really don't see what useful purpose a child would serve?!?!
Link Posted: 10/2/2004 10:35:57 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 10/2/2004 10:56:33 AM EDT by Ogre_4070]

Originally Posted By dpmmn:
when they turn into teenagers, they become a major strain on the wallet

A strain on the wallet?! I wish it were that easy - they are a bigger strain on your nerves and patience. I still love them though! And it does get better. I would not change a thing - I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.
Link Posted: 10/2/2004 10:45:50 AM EDT
Good Point… You grow up, I mean really grow up and realise this 'little person' is the most important thing in the Universe… more import than life itself.

Bad Point… You will be poor for the next 18 years!

Is it worth it? Hell yes!!!

Link Posted: 10/2/2004 10:51:37 AM EDT

Originally Posted By DK-Prof:
Don't know, don't care.

... and never want to know!!

Go o! You know you fancy the patter of little wooden clogs…

Link Posted: 10/2/2004 10:56:38 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 10/2/2004 11:04:54 AM EDT by ScaryGuy]
It just happened to me in the last ten days.

There are no words that adequately describe how I feel, nor how I know my life has changed. I can try, but it will not even be a tenth of the actual feeling.

In short, it used to be about me and my wife.

The first time my daughter looked at me and I realized that here was this entire new little person, that I helped create, and that is totally dependent on me for everything, well, it was an epiphany.

Imagine the most joy you've ever felt, mulitiplied by a factor of 1000, but accompanied by a feeling that you're gonna blow chunks and shit yourself at the same time, 'cause you ain't sure you're up to this.

In short, it's the most humbling and exhilarating feeling in the world.

Originally posted by AZ-K9:

I'm all too aware of the beautiful things in life, but much, much more aware of the monsters that roam amongst us.


It's amazing how much different my views of things have changed now that I have a little one to protect. I was an old-Teastament, Code of Hammurabi justice type of guy before, but now I'm 100% worse.

I realize now that I would quite literally do anything, even die myself, to protect that little life. Anything.

Needless to say it's in anyone's best interests that they not harm or attempt to harm, hell, even THINK about harming her in any way.

It makes me thankful that I made the decision not to be a sheep long ago as well.

Link Posted: 10/2/2004 10:58:14 AM EDT
I have 2 (daughter in college, son in high school)

when they're young, they are a treasure.

now thet're just 2 more people on earth I have to yell at.

Link Posted: 10/2/2004 12:50:05 PM EDT
Man what can I say(as my 15 month old is climbing up intommy armsas wespeak to give a hug,pull my beard and hit me on the head at the same time.) He also insists on sticking his fingers in your mouth!All of them are awesome! I have a 14 year old girl, she lives in S.C. with her mom, a 5 year old outside right now playing in his sand box, and said 15 month old watching Oobi. Best thing my wife andI ever done!
Link Posted: 10/2/2004 1:01:01 PM EDT

Originally Posted By vito113:

Originally Posted By DK-Prof:
Don't know, don't care.

... and never want to know!!

Go o! You know you fancy the patter of little wooden clogs…




The ONLY reason I'd ever even consider having kids is so that I could screw with their minds. Kids will believe anything.

It would be hilarious to tell them that Danish tradition demands they wear wooden clogs to school during all of elementary school! ... oh, and maybe I'd tell them that they're not really my kids, but I bought them from Gypsies - and if they don't behave I'm going to return them!

yeah - it's probably for the best that I'm not having kids
Link Posted: 10/2/2004 3:58:00 PM EDT
My Daugher had an auto accident today. She was on a road that had just been surface treated (today) . Lots of loose gravel. In a KYA curve she hit the brakes and about the same time another vehicle came the other direction. Her car swapped ends and the operator of the other vehicle reacted and went over a bank. Everyone is ok, both vehicles driven away from scene.

Scared the crap outta me when I got the call.

She was written for wreckless driving.

It could have been worse, much worse.

Let them know and feel that you Love them. The words alone don't mean much without hugs and kisses every now and then.

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