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Posted: 5/17/2005 8:25:46 PM EST
....not to tell.

Last night my best friend and fellow Officer answered a call at one of the local apartment complexes. A girl has called in to report the theft of her porno DVD. Here is her story...She went to a bar earlier in the night and while she was there she met a man. She invited him back to her apartment for some drinks and he went back with her. They sat around and stared drinking when she went and got out a porno DVD for them to watch. In case there was any doubt as to where this was headed, she went into the bathroom to change into a sexier outfit. Here is the problem, she was 'a little chunky' as my friend described her to me and I guess a little too chunky for the guy that she had invited back. While she was in changing, he stole her liquor and her porno and went home! She came out of the bathroom to an empty apartment and no porn! She was pretty upset about her missing porno and demanded that the theft be reported and the suspect be arrested/cited for the act, but after some time she agreed that it was more hurt feelings on her part and that she had learned a lesson about bringing men back to her apartment.

That was pretty hardcore (no pun intended) to opt out of sex with a fat girl being nice and instead steal her booze and porn for his own personal use.
Link Posted: 5/17/2005 9:05:53 PM EST
hahhaahahahaha!!!!

Now there's a cop story.
Link Posted: 5/17/2005 9:28:19 PM EST
I still haven't decided where to begin with this one. Should I be 'happy' that the guy had enough personal pride not to have sex with the girl, be amazed that the girl had the 'huevos' to report the whole thing to the Police, see the guy as a thief who was hard up for some porn and self gratification or perhaps see the whole thing as yet another example of two definitions of being a drag on society.....better yet, I don't think that I will give it any more thought and instead go to bed.
Link Posted: 5/18/2005 2:38:56 AM EST
Link Posted: 5/18/2005 10:22:27 AM EST

So I'm driving down the street one summer night in my patrol car when a taxi cab pulls next to us and goes, "officer - the guy in my back seat is getting a blowjob!" Me thinking nothing is wrong with that goes "Awesome! Good for him!" At this point the guy in the backseat realizes the cops are pacing his taxi cab...that's when his boyfriend's head pops up!


Priceless

is right
Link Posted: 5/18/2005 10:29:23 AM EST
Remember, Truth is stranger than fiction...
Link Posted: 5/18/2005 12:11:36 PM EST


Soooooo... how much you want to bet this was heard in TxLawDog's locker room when the morning shift was dressing out:

"Damn Bro, I went to some chicks Apt last night after the bar and when the Cuervo wore off... hey, you want to borrow a sweet DVD?

Link Posted: 5/18/2005 12:14:01 PM EST
i never went to bed with a fat chick, but man i woke up with a few
Link Posted: 5/18/2005 1:13:27 PM EST
That, Norcal_LEO, is closer to the truth than I want to think about with some of the guys that I work with. What are you doing hiding in our locker room?
Link Posted: 5/18/2005 7:28:22 PM EST
She was too big of a slump-buster for him!!!
Link Posted: 5/19/2005 7:44:39 AM EST
Link Posted: 5/20/2005 5:08:49 AM EST

Originally Posted By tequilabob:
i never went to bed with a fat chick, but man i woke up with a few


<Schultz voice On> I know nuthink!!!!<Schultz Voice Off>

(All I'm gonna say is that when I left that one house early in the A.M, I was PRAYING that I didn't
run into anybody that I knew.....)
Link Posted: 5/20/2005 5:56:18 AM EST
Good story but stealing is stealing even from fat whores.



Originally Posted By uafgrad:

So I'm driving down the street one summer night in my patrol car when a taxi cab pulls next to us and goes, "officer - the guy in my back seat is getting a blowjob!" Me thinking nothing is wrong with that goes "Awesome! Good for him!" At this point the guy in the backseat realizes the cops are pacing his taxi cab...that's when his boyfriend's head pops up!


Priceless

is right



If I was the cabby I would have stepped on the brakes hard a few times.
Link Posted: 5/20/2005 5:58:28 AM EST

Link Posted: 5/23/2005 2:52:13 AM EST
HAHA. Kind of makes you wonder though. What did the guy think was going to happen after he went to her home. I mean he should have just turned her down at the bar if he didn't want her. Or maybe the alcohol started to ware off and he realized he was with a fat chick. And then still being horny and lost his buzz, in a panic he grabbed the porn and alcohol and ran. Just my opinion though.
Link Posted: 5/23/2005 4:47:03 PM EST
I don't know what's wrong with some people.
Shoulda hit the fat chick, then stole the booze and porn when she was sleeping.
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