Posted: 2/4/2001 7:24:27 PM EDT
From email. Hope it doesn't offend any of our members.
Those of you that know Lancaster County will appreciate these; those that
don't, consider this a lesson (or a warning).
Zeb and Elsie's Honeymoon:
Zeb and Elsie got married. On their honeymoon trip they were nearing
Lancaster when Zeb put his hand on Elsie's knee. Giggling, Elsie said, "Zeb, ve're married now; you can go farther than that if you vant to." So Zeb
drove to Harrisburg.
A Pennsylvania Dutch farmer's wife decided to compete in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition, against a French woman and an English woman . The French woman came in first, the English woman second.
The farm woman reached shore completely exhausted. After being revived with blankets and coffee, she remarked, "I don't vant to complain, but I
tink dose other two girls used deir arms."
When the old farmer accidentally lost 50 cents in the outhouse, he immediately threw in his watch and billfold.
He explained, "I'm not going down dere just for 50 cents."
Jacob and Martha were getting on in years. He was 92 and she was 89. One evening they were sitting on the porch in their rockers and Jacob reached
over and patted Martha on her knee. "Martha , vat ever happened tew our sex
relations?" he asked. "Vell, Jacob, I chust don't know," replied Martha . "I don't tink ve even got a card from dem last Christmas.
A Menonite farmer took a trip to Fargo, North Dakota. While in a bar, an Indian on the next stool spoke to the farmer in a friendly manner. "Look,"he said, "let's have a little game. I'll ask you a riddle. If you can answer it, I'll buy YOU a drink. If you can't, then you buy ME one. Okay?" "Ja, dat sounds purty good," said the Menonite.
The Indian said, "My father and mother had one child. It wasn't my brother. It wasn't my sister. Who was it?" The farmer scratched his head
and finally said, "I give up. Who vas it?" "It was ME," chortled the Indian. So the farmer paid for the drinks.
Back in Lancaster County, the farmer went into a bar and spotted one of his cronies, "Jacob," he said, "I got a game. If you can answer a qvestion, I buy you a drink. If you can't, YOU have to buy ME vun. Fair enough?" "Fair
enough," said Jacob. "Okay . . . my fadder and mudder had vun child. It vasn't my brudder. It
vasn't my sister. Who vas it?" "Search me," said Jacob. "I give up. Who vas
it?" "It vas some Indian up in Fargo, North Dakota."
The Pennsylvania Dutch farmers invented the toilet seat. Twenty years later "them darned English" invented the hole in it
HEEEEYYYY!!!!!! You just gave us a big fat Luege, there, pal! Those are not German jokes, those are DUTCH jokes!
Sie sollten sich schaemen, there, buddy!
Kuiper would love those!
LMGO. Oh man, thanks I needed that this morning. [:D] [:D]
messed the smilies. bummer
Society calls the Pa. Germans (Pennsylfanisch Deitsch), Pa. Dutch for some reason that I forget. If you like, you can substitute the proper term. [:D]
A friend of mine sends me these awful "jokes". BTW, I am trying to learn the language. It's a bit different than German.
The reason they are called the Pennsylvania Dutch is because in German, the word for the German language is Deutch. (I think i butchered the spelling, but its close) So, the uneducated locals of the area thought they were Dutch.