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9/19/2017 7:27:10 PM
Posted: 2/20/2006 12:05:15 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 2/20/2006 2:10:14 AM EDT by 10fp]
At what time do you just throw your hands up with your spouse and say.........I'm done......

I am not looking to get a 12 page thread going here, and its not another one of those here comes the divorce threads....

the wife and I have been together 16 years...married 12..... things got a little fuzzy about 3 years ago but we worked thru it......then a few months ago I find out there was and affair on her part,but due to medical reasons (upcoming surgery)...throwing her out was not a option....so forward a couple of months....she starts alienating me again...and I sit her down to have a talk...she nuts up,professes she wants out of the marriage....she says I am a hate full bastard,and I try to control her.....( nether I can deny)....... so we talk things thru..who gets what,how we are dividing property,and we have both agreed to be civil to one another.we still want to see one another,and despite being incompatible as husband and wife we are still friends......so the separation agreement gets signed without a hitch,(that was yesterday).
due to my work schedule(I work at night) and her schedule we never see one another during the week.... Sunday thru Friday.... she thinks it might be ok for her to stay in my home..and just leave on the weekend........she has told every one she is leaving,and already has a new friend(who just happens to be a guy)....public forum you know

now mind you we are already separated and YES there is a 16 year old child involved....
I think that this idea is F%CK@D UP in so many ways so at what time do you just throw up your hands and say "im done"..
Edit. seperation/property settlement is already finished,notary stamped &such

this is not a +1 or stuff it in her pooper and take pics topic...i already have pics..........
Link Posted: 2/20/2006 12:10:15 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 2/20/2006 12:11:52 AM EDT by Mr45auto]
When it's over it's just that...over. I tried to hang on and it ate me up. The quicker you just move on the better off you'll be. Protect your assets and walk away. Staying on for weekends is not a good idea. Be strong about it and tell her it was her choice and she's got to stand up for herself now and get the flack out, completely out and right now.
Link Posted: 2/20/2006 12:12:16 AM EDT
I would say in your case it is over,you need to break it off.
Link Posted: 2/20/2006 12:12:29 AM EDT
get an lawyer
Link Posted: 2/20/2006 12:15:35 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Mr45auto:
When it's over it's just that...over. I tried to hang on and it ate me up. The quicker you just move on the better off you'll be. Protect your assets and walk away. Staying on for weekends is not a good idea. Be strong about it and tell her it was her choice and she's got to stand up for herself now and get the flack out, completely out and right now



Enough said right there. Shit ot get off the pot.
Link Posted: 2/20/2006 12:21:23 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Mr45auto:
Be strong about it and tell her it was her choice and she's got to stand up for herself now and get the flack out, completely out and right now.



ok but at what level do you carry on...............I figure i hate you and dont want to live here...pretty much sum it up........but i think she is just tring to give herself a way back in incase new boyfriend dont work out.....

"you know no mater how sweet you think a woman is,somewhere there is a man tired of putting up with her shit"
Link Posted: 2/20/2006 12:26:57 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 2/20/2006 12:28:03 AM EDT by Mr45auto]
Never let one back into your world after a nasty split. She will know you're weak and will take advantage of it. Now is your chance to show her that you're not a pushover. She is likely to crack a bit and may try to cozy back up when she finds that it's not going her way. Dont fall for it, kick her ass out and be done with it.

Going on with this will only bring you grief. Remember if she flat wigs you out a domestic violence conviction ( even if you really didnt do anything) will bar you from owning firearms forever.

She just has to make the accusation. Dont give her the chance to fuck up your life forever.

She made a choice, make her live with it.
Link Posted: 2/20/2006 12:33:24 AM EDT
1. Lawyer up.

2. Tell her to gtfo and change the locks.

3. If she refuses to go, PFA.

4. She is looking to use you as a meal ticket provided that the new meat doesn't work out.

It sux for the 16 yr old, but kids aren't stupid - if she's been cheating, the kid likley knows. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

Sorry bro, I know it sux.

Ops
Link Posted: 2/20/2006 12:41:59 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Ops:
1. Lawyer up.

2. Tell her to gtfo and change the locks.

3. If she refuses to go, PFA.

4. She is looking to use you as a meal ticket provided that the new meat doesn't work out.

It sux for the 16 yr old, but kids aren't stupid - if she's been cheating, the kid likley knows. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

Sorry bro, I know it sux.

Ops



and a big fat +1 to this post.
Link Posted: 2/20/2006 1:39:51 AM EDT
Might not see it now bro, but later you WILL wish you had protected your assets and stuff, so trust us and do it NOW. Don't give her a damn thing. The guy she's cheating with can pay her way.

Once you decided it's over, get thru it and over it as fast as possible, no hanging around on Wed-Fri, crap.
Link Posted: 2/20/2006 2:38:14 AM EDT
Cut the thread. Move her out, and move on.
Link Posted: 2/20/2006 3:10:23 AM EDT
Boot
Curb

Get on with your life and don't be a doormat.


12 pages?
Easy.
Wait til the women get on here.
Link Posted: 2/20/2006 3:13:01 AM EDT

If she still lives with you, she still has control over you.

Your child is old enough to understand the situation and will be fine. If you are getting a divorce, then ack like it. Get a lawyer and protect yourself. You are leaving yourself wide open for any games she might play on you.

A lawyer is expensive but so is losing all your shit!

Link Posted: 2/20/2006 3:22:11 AM EDT
I see more hurt coming your way if you don't end this now.
Link Posted: 2/20/2006 3:29:19 AM EDT
Her staying in the home is unacceptable.

If you feel a need to explain it tenderly, simply
say that you are ready to move on, and, you know
that she is too, and, it would be best for all parties
involved for it to be that way.

Then change the locks.



Don't mean to make light of your situation.

I think you already know what you have to do and are looking
for validation.

Well, you got it. You know what you have to do.

Do it.
Link Posted: 2/20/2006 3:31:57 AM EDT
InBeforeThatOnePussyWhoThinksShitLikeThisCanB­eWorkedOut
Link Posted: 2/20/2006 3:33:01 AM EDT
WAit a minute... you ADMITTED TO HAVNG PICS and you didn't post them?

pffft. amateurs
Link Posted: 2/20/2006 3:57:30 AM EDT
This thread is worthless without pics of her luggage on the curb!!
Link Posted: 2/20/2006 5:18:44 AM EDT
She cheated and I forgave her once (not really, it always eats at you) and decided to stay with her "for the kids".
I came home one evening after work and told my 8 year old daughter to come sit with me on the couch and she said "No, thats where mommy kisses her boyfiend when your at work and I dont like him".

I put my 2 kids in the truck along with our clothes and personal items and I left Wisc. , went to Michigan and filed for divorce, fought for custody and never looked back.

Now I live in AZ. ,
My daughter is 18, son is 15,
The EX pays ME $720.16 a month in child support,
2 years ago I married my first real love
Link Posted: 2/20/2006 5:26:01 AM EDT

Originally Posted By 10fp:
At what time do you just throw your hands up with your spouse and say.........I'm done......



You've already answered your own question.
Link Posted: 2/20/2006 5:31:38 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 2/20/2006 5:32:10 AM EDT by swingset]

Originally Posted By 10fp:
she says I am a hate full bastard,and I try to control her.....( nether I can deny)



Not to turn this around, but keep this sentence in mind - sounds like you gave her good reason to sabotage the marriage. No decent marriage is described with the words "hate" or "control". If you carry these traits to the next relationship you have, you'll be back here repeating this post in a few years.
Link Posted: 2/20/2006 5:40:07 AM EDT
Kick her out.
Link Posted: 2/20/2006 5:44:27 AM EDT

Originally Posted By swingset:

Originally Posted By 10fp:
she says I am a hate full bastard,and I try to control her.....( nether I can deny)



Not to turn this around, but keep this sentence in mind - sounds like you gave her good reason to sabotage the marriage. No decent marriage is described with the words "hate" or "control". If you carry these traits to the next relationship you have, you'll be back here repeating this post in a few years.



Unless her version of "hate" and "control" is blown out of proportion.


Link Posted: 2/20/2006 5:44:33 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 2/20/2006 5:52:29 AM EDT by PlaymoreMinds]
Second post...seems awfully personal....hmmmmm

That said, sounds like you two are already "done" so g'head, throw up your hands and say it.
Sounds to me like it's over and it's best that it's over.
That said, she needs to move out if you are now in posession of the family home. If she's asking to stay, she's just looking for a free ride, which is ridiculous.
She needs to get her own place and you two should stay civil for your child (if possible) but move on.
I guess I fail to see the dilemma here...seems pretty cut and dried to me.
Good luck.


Link Posted: 2/20/2006 5:46:06 AM EDT
Sounds like 20 Feb '06 Sorry , but it is time.
Now go get some strange PIE!
Link Posted: 2/20/2006 5:53:50 AM EDT
Link Posted: 2/20/2006 5:58:49 AM EDT
Your second post? Wow we must be good!
Link Posted: 2/20/2006 7:55:38 AM EDT

Originally Posted By VooDoo3dfx:

Originally Posted By swingset:

Originally Posted By 10fp:
she says I am a hate full bastard,and I try to control her.....( nether I can deny)



Not to turn this around, but keep this sentence in mind - sounds like you gave her good reason to sabotage the marriage. No decent marriage is described with the words "hate" or "control". If you carry these traits to the next relationship you have, you'll be back here repeating this post in a few years.



Unless her version of "hate" and "control" is blown out of proportion.





Sounds like he's admitting to her version to me.
Link Posted: 2/20/2006 9:18:59 AM EDT
What about that "Until Death" thing in the marriage vows. You were both supposed to mean it.
Work it out. Marriage isn't easy.
Link Posted: 2/20/2006 9:36:50 AM EDT

Originally Posted By mwood65:
She cheated and I forgave her once (not really, it always eats at you) and decided to stay with her "for the kids".
I came home one evening after work and told my 8 year old daughter to come sit with me on the couch and she said "No, thats where mommy kisses her boyfiend when your at work and I dont like him".

I put my 2 kids in the truck along with our clothes and personal items and I left Wisc. , went to Michigan and filed for divorce, fought for custody and never looked back.

Now I live in AZ. ,
My daughter is 18, son is 15,
The EX pays ME $720.16 a month in child support,
2 years ago I married my first real love



You sir are going to make a lot of friends on this board
Link Posted: 2/20/2006 10:10:35 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Dragracer_Rob:
What about that "Until Death" thing in the marriage vows. You were both supposed to mean it.
Work it out. Marriage isn't easy.



Hey Captain Obvious, we're not in Victorian England.

Even tho divorce is troubling and sad, it's still perferable to living in a loveless, unhealthy marriage. By the sounds of the man's post, his marriage is wrecked. Even if it wasn't, it takes 2 people to live with the idea that it's forever and worth working on. It only takes one partner to break the bond.
Link Posted: 2/20/2006 10:19:13 AM EDT
man if you both tried to work things out and you really tried looks like its over.
Link Posted: 2/20/2006 10:24:09 AM EDT
Well, in my case it was after the following:

- She asked for a separation twice.
- I gave her the separation, and she complained.
- She swore she would never move because family was important. The fact she'd lose me escaped her.
- She didn't make any effort at counselling.
- She refused to accept any responsibility for any of our problems.
- She made my life miserable and then complained that I wasn't happy with what I had.


Somewhere in there, after 6.5 years of this shit, I gave up.

My only regret is that two little girls are now paying the price.
Link Posted: 2/20/2006 10:34:38 AM EDT

Originally Posted By swingset:

Originally Posted By Dragracer_Rob:
What about that "Until Death" thing in the marriage vows. You were both supposed to mean it.
Work it out. Marriage isn't easy.



Hey Captain Obvious, we're not in Victorian England.



Since Queen Victoria is dead, we no longer have to keep our promises? I think it says a lot about your character when you say you don't expect people to keep to their word.z
Link Posted: 2/20/2006 10:42:53 AM EDT
If two people are mature and honest, this marriage can be saved. Before doing anything hastily, talk to your priest, minister, reverend, Mulah, etc. and then try counseling. Try all reasonable options before throwing away all those years.

lawdog (married 31 years and have worked through major problems myself. I am happy and glad we stayed together.)

lawdog
Link Posted: 2/20/2006 12:17:35 PM EDT

Originally Posted By lawdog:
If two people are mature and honest, this marriage can be saved.



Sure, all he has to do is lie down and print "WELCOME" on his chest.


Before doing anything hastily, talk to your priest, minister, reverend, Mulah, etc. and then try counseling.


He's seen an attorney. That's all he needed.
She screwed around, it is OVER.

Link Posted: 2/20/2006 12:26:09 PM EDT
I'll say this: I hope everything can get worked out-even if it does involve kicking her out.
Link Posted: 2/20/2006 12:33:22 PM EDT

Originally Posted By drjarhead:

Originally Posted By lawdog:
If two people are mature and honest, this marriage can be saved.



Sure, all he has to do is lie down and print "WELCOME" on his chest.



Nah, he just has to not complain when she prints "WELCOME" on her ass.

Link Posted: 2/20/2006 12:35:58 PM EDT

Originally Posted By w4klr:
WAit a minute... you ADMITTED TO HAVNG PICS and you didn't post them?

pffft. amateurs

Thats what I'm talkin about right there!
Link Posted: 2/20/2006 12:37:30 PM EDT
Lawyer up and ride it out.
Link Posted: 2/20/2006 12:48:18 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 2/20/2006 12:55:34 PM EDT by Searcherfortruth]
I waited until I came home from a 16 hr shift to find her, my son & all our houshold possesions gone to only God knew where, moved in with her internet boyfriend. That's when I said I'm through.

To late to little for me.

I had told her a few weeks before if all the weird stuff didn't end she could come home & find her bags packed & waiting for her on the walk.

Ask yourself this. Do I want to spend the rest of my life putting up with this crap? If she left would I look for someone just like her?

If not, then give her an altimatum & a warning as to the options she will face if she doesn't get right.

Make sure to watch your 6, & have a free consault with a good divorce lawyer before doing this though. Be prepaired to carry out your contingency plan should she decide to keep making your life a living hell.

I never wanted what happend to me to occur, but I will say it is the best thing that has happened "for" me in a very long time.

I just read the rest of your post!

Change the locks, & cover your assets!

My wife came back & made a second load of the few valuables that were left. Her & the new fellow.

My son was 6.5 at the time & he has handled this all like a champ. I know no child wants their family split up, but it sounds like she is a moron, & made her plans already, all you can do is damadge controll.
Link Posted: 2/20/2006 1:07:06 PM EDT

Originally Posted By zoom:

Originally Posted By swingset:

Originally Posted By Dragracer_Rob:
What about that "Until Death" thing in the marriage vows. You were both supposed to mean it.
Work it out. Marriage isn't easy.



Hey Captain Obvious, we're not in Victorian England.



Since Queen Victoria is dead, we no longer have to keep our promises? I think it says a lot about your character when you say you don't expect people to keep to their word.z



Don't be a douchebag....you know full fucking well what I mean.

If you get yourself into a relationship where, for probably a whole littany of reasons, you have changed, you bring out the worst in each other, and infedelity threatens the relationship, I'm glad to know you're the kind of stand up guy that will stay in there and continue to nuture unhappiness and get walked on by a cheating spouse.

Good for you, Mr. Promise Keeper. You knock yourself out. My promise to my wife was not to endure abuse or unhealthy relationships until I die. If yours were, you should have sought out a better preacher.
Link Posted: 2/20/2006 1:14:02 PM EDT
Link Posted: 2/20/2006 5:09:50 PM EDT
+1 on the lawyer

It's over. The best thing for you to do is end it quickly and amicably (but fairly...which is why you need a lawyer, not to dick her, but to make sure no games are about....they know the law, etc much better than you do/can).

It will be less traumatizing on your 16 year old son if you part ways without a battle. You also need to sit down and talk to him about why you are getting a divorce. Be honest, don't place blame, just tell him why. He should be old enough to understand, and the better he understands the situation, the better he will cope with it.

Staying together will probably be more trumatic on him, then getting the divorce.
Link Posted: 2/20/2006 5:17:02 PM EDT
Link Posted: 2/20/2006 5:20:52 PM EDT
If she is going to be in your house---get your guns out NOW! Find a trusted friend and have him buy them all for $1.00 and fill out a bill of sale. It will suck to not carry until she is long, long gone, but it has happened to my friends as well as many on this board. Ex's and your guns = poop chute screw for you.

"But she ain't like that"

Right...

Trey
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