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11/22/2017 10:05:29 PM
Posted: 9/16/2004 7:05:21 AM EST
Haven't seen this posted yet, but if it has been, someone will let me know:

www.theonion.com/wdyt/index.php?issue=4037
Link Posted: 9/16/2004 7:11:45 AM EST
"Now that our children are grown up and off at college, it's not such a pressing issue."

Now that was funny. I guess at college they're safe but not in grade school.
Link Posted: 9/16/2004 7:13:15 AM EST

"This is mainly a semantic problem. If assault rifles were called 'fun rifles' or 'quick rifles,' there wouldn't be all this outrage."

"If the criminals are going to have assault rifles, I should, too. Actually, can I have a better one than they do?"

Link Posted: 9/16/2004 7:14:15 AM EST


"This is mainly a semantic problem. If assault rifles were called 'fun rifles' or 'quick rifles,' there wouldn't be all this outrage."
Daniel Moore
Systems Analyst



True dat.
When "Assault Weapons" are banned, they will go after "sniper rifles" (hunting rifles) or "pocket rockets" (CCW pistols).
Link Posted: 9/16/2004 7:15:51 AM EST

"If the criminals are going to have assault rifles, I should, too. Actually, can I have a better one than they do?"

Jim Mertens
Sewer Worker



Was there another thread referring to the difference between wisdom and intelligence?
Link Posted: 9/16/2004 7:24:13 AM EST
I love The Onion. Lots of funny stuff and sometimes the articled get picked up by "mainstream" outlets as serious journalism.

I seem to remember a few years ago that they did a Harry Potter article that purported to interview kids who have taken up witchcraft after reading the books. Was piss-in-your-pants funny.

About two months later, some religious group was citing the article as a reason to get the Harry Potter books out of school.

Too funny.
Link Posted: 9/16/2004 7:56:06 AM EST
not to hijack the thread, but do an archive search on The Onion for Very Special Forces...I laughed so hard I nearly wet myself
Link Posted: 9/16/2004 7:58:33 AM EST
"Hey, if I could turn the clock back to a time before titanium deer with full electronic countermeasures, I would. But face it, I need this Kalashnikov
Link Posted: 9/16/2004 8:03:28 AM EST
Link Posted: 9/16/2004 8:10:13 AM EST

Originally Posted By FatMan:
I love The Onion. Lots of funny stuff and sometimes the articled get picked up by "mainstream" outlets as serious journalism.




I love it when that happens.
Link Posted: 9/16/2004 8:11:35 AM EST
I used to read the onion every week, until the Iraq war started. Then they began a huge shitstream of anti war stuff that pissed me off.
I haven't been to that site since, and I will never go back.
Link Posted: 9/16/2004 8:14:21 AM EST
"If the criminals are going to have assault rifles, I should, too. Actually, can I have a better one than they do?"


good one
Link Posted: 9/16/2004 8:18:40 AM EST

Originally Posted By Spade:

Originally Posted By FatMan:
I love The Onion. Lots of funny stuff and sometimes the articled get picked up by "mainstream" outlets as serious journalism.




I love it when that happens.



The only thing that tops that is when Birdman has his stuff quoted in the mainstream media.
Link Posted: 9/16/2004 8:29:19 AM EST
Another one off their site:


Kerry Vows To Raise Wife's Taxes
BOSTON—Campaigning in his home state, John Kerry vowed Monday to raise taxes on his wife Teresa Heinz Kerry, whose worth is estimated to be in the range of $900 million to $3.2 billion. "My spouse has benefited long enough from tax cuts," Kerry said. "If Congress increased her taxes by 15 percent, this country would have millions of dollars to use to create new jobs and explore alternative energy sources." Kerry added that it's high time that billionaires like the one with whom he shares his life start paying their fair share.

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