Assault-Weapons Ban Expires: The Onion's Take

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[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Assault-Weapons Ban Expires: The Onion's Take

Posted: 9/16/2004 8:05:21 AM EDT

Haven't seen this posted yet, but if it has been, someone will let me know:

www.theonion.com/wdyt/index.php?issue=4037

Posted: 9/16/2004 8:11:45 AM EDT

[#1]

"Now that our children are grown up and off at college, it's not such a pressing issue."

Now that was funny. I guess at college they're safe but not in grade school.

Posted: 9/16/2004 8:13:15 AM EDT

[#2]

"This is mainly a semantic problem. If assault rifles were called 'fun rifles' or 'quick rifles,' there wouldn't be all this outrage."

"If the criminals are going to have assault rifles, I should, too. Actually, can I have a better one than they do?"

Posted: 9/16/2004 8:14:15 AM EDT

[#3]

"This is mainly a semantic problem. If assault rifles were called 'fun rifles' or 'quick rifles,' there wouldn't be all this outrage."
Daniel Moore
Systems Analyst

True dat.
When "Assault Weapons" are banned, they will go after "sniper rifles" (hunting rifles) or "pocket rockets" (CCW pistols).

Posted: 9/16/2004 8:15:51 AM EDT

[#4]

"If the criminals are going to have assault rifles, I should, too. Actually, can I have a better one than they do?"

Jim Mertens
Sewer Worker

Was there another thread referring to the difference between wisdom and intelligence?

Posted: 9/16/2004 8:24:13 AM EDT

[#5]

I love The Onion. Lots of funny stuff and sometimes the articled get picked up by "mainstream" outlets as serious journalism.

I seem to remember a few years ago that they did a Harry Potter article that purported to interview kids who have taken up witchcraft after reading the books. Was piss-in-your-pants funny.

About two months later, some religious group was citing the article as a reason to get the Harry Potter books out of school.

Too funny.

Posted: 9/16/2004 8:56:06 AM EDT

[#6]

not to hijack the thread, but do an archive search on The Onion for Very Special Forces...I laughed so hard I nearly wet myself

Posted: 9/16/2004 8:58:33 AM EDT

[#7]

"Hey, if I could turn the clock back to a time before titanium deer with full electronic countermeasures, I would. But face it, I need this Kalashnikov

Posted: 9/16/2004 9:03:28 AM EDT

[#8]

"The people who want assault weapons banned can't provide any evidence that they're used for criminal activity. See, you can't use common sense as evidence."

Cracks me up... but I'd still...

Posted: 9/16/2004 9:10:13 AM EDT

[#9]

Quoted:
I love The Onion. Lots of funny stuff and sometimes the articled get picked up by "mainstream" outlets as serious journalism.

I love it when that happens.

Posted: 9/16/2004 9:11:35 AM EDT

[#10]

I used to read the onion every week, until the Iraq war started. Then they began a huge shitstream of anti war stuff that pissed me off.
I haven't been to that site since, and I will never go back.

Posted: 9/16/2004 9:14:21 AM EDT

[#11]

"If the criminals are going to have assault rifles, I should, too. Actually, can I have a better one than they do?"

good one

Posted: 9/16/2004 9:18:40 AM EDT

[#12]

Quoted:
Quoted:
I love The Onion. Lots of funny stuff and sometimes the articled get picked up by "mainstream" outlets as serious journalism.

I love it when that happens.

The only thing that tops that is when Birdman has his stuff quoted in the mainstream media.

Posted: 9/16/2004 9:29:19 AM EDT

[#13]

Another one off their site:

Kerry Vows To Raise Wife's Taxes
BOSTON—Campaigning in his home state, John Kerry vowed Monday to raise taxes on his wife Teresa Heinz Kerry, whose worth is estimated to be in the range of $900 million to $3.2 billion. "My spouse has benefited long enough from tax cuts," Kerry said. "If Congress increased her taxes by 15 percent, this country would have millions of dollars to use to create new jobs and explore alternative energy sources." Kerry added that it's high time that billionaires like the one with whom he shares his life start paying their fair share.

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Assault-Weapons Ban Expires: The Onion's Take

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