My buddy is about to be a Dad...any important information he should know before hand?  Hoard 22LR, blade at 45?

Use condoms.

One of his most important jobs is to protect his wife from her liberal friends and family, Dr. Oz types, and the internet.  They'll have her second-guessing everything she does or buys for her kid.  

Trust her judgement.  Women instinctively know what is right for their babies.

1) Sell guns to best friends
2) Hide dag
3) Pepper anus
4) Shave neckbeard to hide true identity

EDIT: that baby better start the reactor on its way out

I have boys. Be consistant. Feed them a lot of quality food. Make them go outside. Nothing means more than your time. 

Its really surprising how little sleep you can survive on

Buy your wife a BOB jogging stroller and a Tula baby carrier.

Prepare his anus

My little dude is 10 Months old,almost 11.
I wouldn't trade it for the world, before him I was known to have a quick temper and speak my mind out loud and now I'm the complete opposite.
It's a small kid and doesn't/ won't know right or wrong yet.
I have become way more observient and am always on the lookout for threats to my family, more so then when it was just me, and I will sacrifice myself if it keeps my family alive if need be.

If he is quick to anger have him take a deep breath and always keep a smile on his face.
Every day is a learning experience and there is no book to read to understand each child, every child is diffrent and acts their own way.
I was blessed with a son that even when sick always had a smile on his face and he spent most of his first 6 weeks in the nicu with IV's and being woken every hour for test.

He is the happiest baby the Drs said they have ever seen and is rarely cranky for long.

Tell your friend to buy cloths from second hand sales and get as many from family that has kids as he can, they will out grow them quickly. My little man is wearing 18-24 month sizes, he's not fat just really long and keeps growing daily.

Spend as much time as possible as they grow old quick, it just seems like yesterday mine was born and now he's almost one and scoots all around the hose and is quick and wants to explore on his own.

How everyone says there will be no sleep, it's true but after the first few nights he will find himself waking up and looking at the child as it sleeps checking on it.
He will get use to no sleep and find that he can function well.

I have way more I could post but the Moscow mules have kicked in and I'm getting tired, the FIL makes some strong ones

Stay off the internet when it comes to signs and symptoms that the kid is showing.  The pediatrician knows that the first problem with a first time parent is ...  the parent, not the kid.
The kid will get ear infections, gas, cry alot, act weird sometimes, shit funny colors, have something leaking out of it at one time or another from every hole its got... and all of that is (mostly) normal.

Life tip:'Calm down'.  That little bundle of joy is all real cute in the hospital and when it first comes home...  but it is all down hill as soon as the poop starts to smell.

Forget everything you've read in GD. 

Drown proof the kid as soon as possible. Do it while he/she is a baby. Blow in their face and dunk them under. They will naturally learn to hold their breath and are too young to actually be scared. Make it a fun game. My daughter was swimming before she was one. A real tadpole. Best thing I ever did besides buy one of those battery powered swings. If your kid gets cranky stick them in the swing and turn it on. Nighty nite, nap Time

The best advice I have is to buy the best small point and shoot digital camera you can, something that's easy to throw in a pocket (not the crappy camera on your cell phone). My kids are 4 and 2 1/2 years old, I have video and pictures since birth and the kids love to watch them.

Then buy a external hard drive to store your pictures on, I store all of my pics on my computer but just in case I have them stored on an external hard drive that's stored in a fire safe which is stored in my fire rated gun safe.

When they get mobile . . . yeah, just crawling . . . teach them what "no" means.  Be firm and consistent in that regard.  You will be tested as they get older.  Start then and be relentless in having them understand that no really does mean "NO".  Consequences and all that when they test you!!!

Amen!  Never get angry.  Always be a leader.  Most important job?  Love your children's mother.  Model love, devotion, consistency, patience, and devotion.

Few things in life are better than the feeling of devotion to the one you have chosen to love.

Sleep now.

Best advice was from my dad. I have two boys with one on the way. He told me "Your number one job as a father, is to be a husband to their mother."

Nothing is more important then your healthly relationship with your spouse. Hell, if the kids are raised in a home where mom loves dad and dad loves mom, he/she would be way ahead then most of their peers.

It's your responsibility, not some fuckin' village.

Hoard tons of mama rosa's frozen pizza's for nights when there's no time to cook.

I'll quote this one because it it hits to the heart of the matter.

Also my nephew just had a baby and he was worried about this stuff.
I told him babies bounce, don't worry about dropping them.  When they want something they will tell you.
Mostly, just hold 'em on your chest for nap time and Love, love love.

First post failed it.

The guy i qouted knows his shit.

Don't ask GD for life advice. Unless you want your friend's kid raised like a Neanderthal.

Life tip: Get a vasectomy and don't have kids.

My first is due in April- a boy.  Pretty excited would be an under statement.  I have appreciated reading the advice here.

Put the marriage first, not the kid.

By doing so, you ensure the child the best environment and the most lasting emotional and mental health....and give it statistically the best odds for being a successful adult.

What goes down WILL come back up.

Tell him to pepper his angus because Legos are fucking expensive. And stepping on them hurts like hell.

Prepare him for the maternity nurses. As long as his wife is in the hospital she'll be repeatedly asked if there's abuse in the home. They'll usually ask when the husband is present to see the wife's reaction at least 3-4 times/day. I'm going to be honest - after the third time I was a bit offended. The second day I told the nurse that question was starting to piss me off (not in a hostile tone, but I did say "it's starting to piss me off"). I also told her that if they think I beat my wife they need to call the police. They stopped asking.

Childproof everything.

The night before his child is born with be the last good night's sleep of his life. The rest of his life will be one of anxiety. Every bad thing that happens in the world could happen to his own child and it's terrifying.

Start buying batteries now. Everything made for a child requires batteries. Everything. He needs to start stockpiling now.

I hope he enjoys cartoons. I hope he enjoys kid movies. I hope he enjoys watching every kid movie he buys at least two dozen times, if not more.

Halloween will be more exciting than it ever was when he was a kid. Watching their excitement will be one of the highlights of having a child. Plus when they're really little they don't eat most of the candy. It'll be his.

Prepare to spend 3x more for Christmas than he budgets. Once you start buying cool toys for your own kid it's hard to stop.

Don't let him have a video game system until he can afford to buy it himself. That'll keep him playing outdoors. My son finally saved enough for an X-Box when he was 13 and I still think that's too young.

The quickest way to get him to overcome his fear of riding a bike without training wheels will be to promise him a fishing rod when he learns to ride. He'll be terrorizing the neighborhood on two wheels before the day ends.

Obsess over making him brush his teeth. Dentist bills get expensive. Start saving for braces now. Dental insurance doesn't cover very much.

Above all, love him.

This.

It's about the child now, not you.  That said, don't neglect yourself.  Exercise, eat right, schedule time for you so you don't burn out.  Enjoy being a dad.

I have four kids, for what that's worth.  I received two bits of advice that I found very important.

First, was from a guy who had four kids.  He said "There is no way to be ready for a baby.  If I had another, I wouldn't be ready for it."

Second, was from a pediatrician.  He said "The most important thing is to love your child.  I have patients whose parents are dumber than that sink, but they raise great kids, because they love them."

One thing that I have learned is that every child is different and you have to treat them all different.  Because of that, you have to try different things to communicate with them and teach them.  Some people think you have to spank your kids or that you must not spank your kids.  I would say that with some kids may require spanking and other kids will not.  I have found that people who have only one child are the worst for giving bad advice because they have found what works with their child and think that will work for every child.  The second worse source of knowledge about kids is someone who doesn't have kids.  You'd be surprised how often they want to give advice because their sister's friend is a school teacher and that somehow makes them an expert.  If you need advice look for someone with at least 3 kids, and 5 or 6 is better.  Those parents have more perspective and experience.

The main thing is to love the kids and love your spouse.
.

When baby wakes up for the 02:00 feeding DO NOT remind your wife you don't have the right plumbing for the task.

Bottle feeding WILL start the next night.

Don't ask me how I know.


But it was worth every minute of sleep I lost.

Nobody's tombstone says "I wish I'd spent more time at work and less with my children"

I passed out 2 boxes of cigars for my first daughter, and collected 3 gems from 3 different old men who had grown daughters...


1) Think of all the crazy fucked up women you know. Every one of them has Daddy issues. Your onlu job is to make sure your daughter doesnt have Daddy issues.

2) Enjoy every smile, every kiss, every laugh. You will look uo, your kid will be grown with their own family in Philly, and you will be lucky to get a phone call every other Sunday.

3) Your daughter will be the sum of your marriage and your home. Make those two things right and your kid will be ok.


They all sounded real good to me, Ive held onto those.

Everyone they know will want to come visit for hours as soon as they get home. Limit visits to 30 minutes and force the wife (and self) to sleep when baby sleeps, babies sleep about 1.5 hours, then they eat which takes an hour, then they play and poop which takes an hour.

Long story short, only about 1 hour in 4 is available for sleep, miss that opportunity at your own peril.

Kids bounce, seriously don't run to the doctor every time the kid cries. I've got four and by the last one if it wasn't a compound fracture they were ok.

QFT