First of all please no clowning around in this thread because this is a very serious deal for me, please.
Let me give you a quick little back-story.  I was with this girl for 6 years.  I got in good with her family, loved them all and they loved me.  We had one of those really special relationships where we trusted each other without any question.  We enjoyed spending time together and had plans on getting married at some point in time.
Three years into our relationship I joined the Army.  After OSUT I got stationed only 3 hours from my hometown.  My and my g/f were not married, and she had a pretty good job going, so we just decided to see each other on the weekends.  This went on for 2 years and everything was still going pretty good.
Then, Iraq happened.  I was in a unit where we actually went on missions multiple times a day and had VERY little free-time.  I didn't have a single day off the entire deployment (minus R&R).  So, I didn't have a lot of time to call her.  She started to take this as me not caring.  Throughout the deployment things started to deteriorate.  She started to get into partying and stuff on the weekends.  One time I even found out she partied with a bunch of air force guys (High School friends...) that were on R&R, stayed the night, and it was an out of state party.  That really pissed me off and I didn't talk to her for about 3 weeks during the deployment.
Well I finally made it back home from Iraq.  Everything seemed to be going great again finally.  I was due to get out of the Army 4 months after I returned from Iraq.  I don't know what happened but we started arguing about EVERYTHING shortly after I got home from Iraq.  We argued when I saw her on the weekends and we argued on the phone every night during the week.  
The week that I was clearing out of the Army, she told me she couldn't take the fighting anymore and said she was leaving.  I was so F-ing mad that I said "fine, whatever."
Well about 3 months later I try to get back in contact with her and try to work things out.  I was wanting to get out so we could start the new chapter of our lives (getting married, family, etc.)  It turns out she has already slept with one other guy and has been on countless dates.  HOW can you do that only months after a 6 year relationship?  This started driving me CRAZY.  She started hanging out with supposed "friends" and they are all trying to get with her now.  I'm talking so crazy that I was SERIOUSLY ready to start shooting people.
She told me that she doesn't want to work things out because she is moving on.  She wants to focus on herself now, yada yada all that crap.  She told me that I need to focus on myself and making myself happy.  WELL, I can't be happy unless I am with her, so what the hell do I do?  I seriously feel so helpless right now, and my friends aren't being much help.  They don't know what I am going through and just tell me to get over it.  
I can't just get over it, and it is seriously driving me insane.  I am in so much pain 24 hours a day that I feel like the only relief is ending it all.  I can't stop thinking about how she just left me, and it doesn't even bother her!  She even told me there is not even a chance we will ever get back together, and I have known for years that she is my soul-mate.  I'm just so lost and need help.
I don't want to talk to my family about being suicidal, and my friends aren't being much help right now.  Please, I would appreciate any advice on how to get through this.
EDIT––––      I just want to stress to everyone that I am NOT going to do anything crazy.  I just wanted to let everyone know that I have had those crazy thoughts running around in my mind because I feel so frustrated.  The replies I have read so far have been VERY helpful!  Thank you all.  I am going to bed for the night but will be checking the thread again in the morning.  I will definitely be giving updates on how everything is going.  Thanks again for all the help.
UPDATE 21 JUL -  OK I am doing a whole lot better today.  I don't know what the hell was wrong with me last night.  Sometimes it just hits me out of the blue and I get all down.  But, I am doing a whole lot better today.  I had a great day at work and I planned out a motorcycle ride this weekend with a bunch of really good friends and coworkers.  Thank you guys for the VERY good replies!  LOL Turbo's reply cracked me up, you have some fire in you SSG.





A quick little note- I had a good thing going in the Army.  I made E5/SGT in 3 years.  I am half tempted to get back in before I get dropped back to SPC.  It might do me some good to get the hell out of here and continue with a good career that I had going.
For those who have asked:  I am 26 years old.  My ex is 22 years old.  We were together for 6 years so you do the math ;)  I am realizing that is she is acting almost exactly how I did when I was 22 years old.  It may pass, it may not, but either way I do understand that I need to move on from her one way or the other.  This was my first real "serious" relationship I have ever been in which is why it is so hard on me at times.  But, like I said before I am doing great today.
 

First off, thank you for your service.

Secondly, NO woman is worth beating your self up over for more than a week MAX.

It seems tough as hell, but if you sit and dwell, it will not get any better. You have to take initiative and try to do some things on your own, forgetting about her.

Go out and try to enjoy yourself, even if you can forget about her for 5 minutes, its one hell of a start to improvment.

It WILL get better sir, you just have to make an attempt to move on. It seems hard at first, but its really not.

Best of luck to you, and Im sure you will be fine in no time, look back on this and wonder what you were thinking.

There is always time.  It will make it better.  I promise.  You have to give yourself the time.

Get out and get your mind off it.  Do not drink or do drugs.  Find a hobby, hit the woods, anything.

In fact, start finding other women.  The are literally billions out there.  Odds are, you have more than one potential soulmate out there.  Besides, she is not much of a soul mate if she doesn't feel the same way.

Keep your head up, and stay strong.

Pull yourself together. Go and lead the best possible life for yourself!  It takes time, but occupy yourself with friends and things you like to do!

Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile

dude...

i know you dont want to hear this right now now but trust me.. ending this is for the best.. you dont want a woman like her.   call your friends go and and meet some new people... start doing other shit and keep yourself occupied.. after a few months go by you will look back and go wtf was i thinking being all crazy about that dumb bitch.

Have a talk with the Lord and place your faith and your trust in Him.  Just say, "I'm hurt and I'm lost and I'm not sure what to do. Just help me out here. And just help me understand what it is that You want me to do"   And when you say those words everything will change.

About three years ago, I suffered a detached retina.  The surgeon told me that I had a sixty percent chance of losing my eye.  I was really scared but I had that little talk with the Lord and it helped me get through the entire ordeal.  I simply asked the Lord to help me accept whatever it was that He had planned for me.  And that gave me the strength to endure three very painful operations.

So have that chat with Him and open up your heart and your mind.  Because sooner or later you will have your answer.

The problem is that I am looking at it as 6 years totally wasted.





 

As tough as it may be to hear, there are plenty of women out there. Learn from your mistakes (no woman is gonna have it easy with that much separation). Dump the suicide idea immediately. As they say, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Move on and you'll be a better man for it.

You didn't do anything wrong.  She was the one being deceitful and unworthy.  Just be glad you've seen her true colors now instead of later when it would have hurt much worse.

You'll be alright.  Just hang in there.  There will be a bright day again.  Power through this shit.

Go fuck her best friend, her sister, or her mom.
Closure.
Then get out and find someone better.





eta:









 

I'll send a prayer your way.

I have several friends, including my brother, who were SEVERELY depressed after their breakups. They were talking just like you are.

Since then, one of them has married and has a wonderful family and is SO GLAD that he made it through the tough times.

My brother ended up finding a girl that freakin looks like a model. She's had two kids now and still looks like a model.

Life goes on dude. This girl wasn't meant for you and she did you a favor by leaving. Go out there and live your life. There's plenty of girls out there.

Boarslayer

its not wasted its part of your life a learning lesson...  its better to be 6 with no strings then 10 with two kids

No experience is ever wasted. You learned and you grew.

Thanks to all for the replies so far

So? How many years do you still have to go? 60 maybe?

Don't throw good after bad.

Those 6 years aren't wasted at all.  You are a better man in the long run because of it and you know what not to do in a relationship and/or who not to go after.  Would you be happier if you two got back together and you were divorced a year, two years, or ten years down the road?

Time will do a lot in the terms of healing.

If she's causing this much heartache right now, there's no way you'd really want to spend the rest of your life with her. It sucks, but its over, let her go and do her thing, you need to worry about you.

She doesn't want it, and she's messed around since you broke up, so she obviously doesn't feel as deeply for you as you do her. Why put all your effort into someone who seems like they don't even care? Six years is a long time, but this just shows that she wasn't the one, might have seemed like a good show, but thank your stars you found out now that she'd break your heart; lots of guys only find out once their wives walk out the door with half of their shit.

It'll get better, and remember that suicide is never an option. Focus on finding someone else, and you can forget about her, brooding about it and hoping to get back together is just going to make it that much harder for you to move on.

Find somebody to talk to.  Priest, counselor, somebody.  You aren't the only person that has been through this.  You will get over it.





Find someway to occupy your time.  Weights, runnings, some other hobby, but getting in shape IS the best one.  You WILL have to force yourself to do it because you won't want to.
But after 2 weeks it will be a little better, after a month a little better, after several months better.  After a year.  Better.  And so on.





At some point you will find another girl that you like and/or love.



I had a relationship that literally took me 4 years to get over.

I'm a Soldier, too.  Thank you for your service.



Right now, this isn't about her.  It's about you.  Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.



Call a suicide support organization now.  You can call call 1-800-273-TALK and press 1 to be routed to the Veterans Suicide Prevention Hotline.

Man i have been married 3 times, dont let a woman get you down . After all look what you have through , drop her like a rock.

it is not wasted time.  You have grown up.  



Also, you know how to please a woman enough to keep her around for more than half a decade.  





 

My PA just dumped her boyfriend. She's cute 21 smart and in school. There is a world of opportunity ahead of you. Please have the smarts to see it.

Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile

I went through something similar 12 years ago.  People give lots of advice, but nothing really helped. Probably the best thing I heard is that "Time heals all wounds."  I know it sounds cliche, but there's no easy way to heal this type of wound.  People say "Get over it" because they don't know what else to say.  But, I know as well as you do that its not so easy.  It takes time, plain and simple.  Some days will be better than others.  You may be tempted to drink heavily to get through the pain...but I remember that when I got drunk, I didn't really feel any happier about the situation.



You NEED to understand one thing right now...she's not coming back.  I once thought the same way you did, but when a woman says there's no way she's coming back, she means it.  I thought I could change her mind, and for awhile it looked like I did.  But, I basically had to go through the same experience 6 months later because I could not let go the first time.  I badgered her into coming back, but she just left again anyway.  Stupid me for not thinking.



IN NO WAY DO I MEAN TO DENIGRATE YOUR SUFFERING BUT...what you're experiencing is an unfortunate part of life.  In the past 5 years, I've been diagnosed with epilepsy, lost my godfather to cancer, my mom had a stroke, and my wife almost had 2 miscarriages.  But even now, as I hold a 5 day old baby while typing, I'm thankful for what I have.  From dust God brought us, and back to dust we'll go.  Accept the fact that God has a plan for you.  Whether you choose to embrace that plan is up to you, I suppose.

26 is still plenty young. Trust us experienced dudes on that one. We've been there, done that with the relationships. It feels like the sky is falling, but it's not. You're not happy without her because you don't know how to be happy without her, because you were with her for so long.





Go rent the movie "Swingers" and commiserate with John Favreau's character. Ron Livingston gives him a good pep talk towards the end.
 

I can tell youre a young guy and you lack the knowledge that comes with age.  You just got your heart broke bad. It's part of being human.  Hell, at times i wish I could go back to those times when I actually had emotions.  Age and experience tends to kill those, or at least round off the hghs and lows.

 You need to slow the hell down.  All those crazy thoughts arent right and you know that deep down.  

Heartbreak sucks bad.  I had a very simmilar thing happen to me when I was 21.  Every second I just kept wondering what she was doing, and even worse, who she was doing.  I put all my energy into the gym and school work.  I emerged a few months later with an extra 25 lbs of muscle and a 4.0 for the semester.  I can't imagine what would have become of me if i used that energy for a negative purpose.  The choice is up to you.

Agree First off thanks for your service

I was the same way not to long ago man, I end a marriage of 20 years.

At first you think there is no way you will be able to move on, and like you I had thoughts of just killing myself.

But let me tell you man it will get better, time will take care of it. I know it is not easy but as others have said
Go out, do something you have always wanted to do. Anything to take your mind of off the pain, over time it will get less.

Try going on a date man that was what really helped me out.

Hope this helps some, I feel your pain.

You don't need that girl, believe me. You are better off without her.

Right now that may be what you think, but later on that feeling usually changes. Lessons will be learned from this and that makes this situation valuable and not wasted.

People never want to hear this in this situation, and I'm sure you will read right past this, but #1 It will get better and #2 There are plenty others out there. And yes, I know from experience.

Stay strong Brother!

Choose better next time.  The rest of your life is a long time buddy.

This too will pass.

The thing is that my GOOD friends are great friends.  When we go out and have fun then I get it off of my mind.



I have been OK for about a week now, but for some reason tonight it just hit me again all the sudden.



I love to ride motorcycles, and when I am riding everything is OK.  It's when I buy a 12 pack of keystone and start drinking that I start remembering all of this crap.  That is actually what is going on right now.  I'm not drunk, I've only had 2-3 beers, but it's enough to remind me of how mad I am about this whole thing.



I really need to just stop drinking completely.

Not wasted. Trial run.  The world is 50% female. Get back in the game and layoff the beers short term.
 

When I was deployed (not to Iraq but still overseas) in 02', everyone in my squad, including myself, who had a girlfriend when we left, didn't have one when we came back.

Looking back on it, it was a blessing in disguise.

There's lots of folks that you can talk to.  There's counselors and shrinks and priests, etc.  It might really do you some good... give it a real emotional purging using your words.  You can get a lot off your chest.





You don't have to go it alone.





- BG

I've felt like that before. Especially the absolute hatred and disbelief at the not even trying to work it out, and "focus on yourself line". The truth is you do need to focus on yourself. But not like she is saying. Trying to 'be happy' is a non starter. Instead the only thing that helped at all for me was setting some goal and working towards it for intensity. I got in shape. I needed something with a goal and measurable progress. I focused my anger and energy into that. That said, at the time it didn't really help the sadness, it just gave me something to do. Instead of feeling the whole life isn't worth living idea, I thought "I'm going to be fucking awesome and no one can stop me!"

Try 15.

She KNEW where you were and what you were doing. [Iraq]  If  one year of hardship is too much for the relationship, why would you think a lifetime would last with her?

This is a long term solution to a short term problem.

Wait it out, work it out, snap out of it and get over it. There is always time to "end it all" at a later date.



 

Get out and ride your bike.  Go on a road trip.  Avoid the alcohol if its triggering these thoughts.  Any problem I ever tried to drink away was always waiting for me the next day when I sobered up.

Make a list of things that need doing...around the house, vehicle, weapons etc....No matter how small, they go on the list.

Start with completing one task on your list.  Cross it off.  You will feel better accomplishing something for YOU.
Keep going with your list.

The important thing that has been said many times, is to keep your mind occupied.  If you find yourself sitting and brooding, FORCE yourself to get up and do something productive for you.

I would also recommend making yourself unavailable to her, possibly changing your numbers, email addresses (or just block her) etc....this way she can't contact you and open the wounds again.

Brother, suicide is not an option.  This world has a shortage of good people like you.  Please don't deprive us of a good man such as yourself.  You would be missed.  I can assure you.
Thank you for your service from the bottom of my heart.

Stay strong

That would be a good thing to do for the time being.

Seems like your head is on straight when you're not.

Hell, you say you even started the process.

Put down the bottle can for now . Pick it up only when you realized you have moved on again.

If you decide you want to pick it up again, that is.

While my experience was nowhere near yours, there was a parallel.  When I told my GF at the time I was joining, she told me she didn't think she could trust herself.
I did what other posters here have suggested:  Find another woman.  Sixteen years later I still have the older woman and two wonderful sons.

If that woman couldn't appreciate your commitment to the service, it's unlikely she would have viewed her commitment to you with the same conviction.  As stated above, if she ran around while you were gone, she probably would have done it at some point anyway.  You are better off without her, and finding something more constructive to do with your mental energy.  Lift, run, read, write, surf for porn or sculpt kittens out of blood sausages for all we care.  All we know is what you've told us, but based solely on your service we'd appreciate you hanging around a lot longer.

This, go talk to someone, it will help, you gotta get it out, holding it in is no good.

So far you have all been a big help.



I know that if someone came to me and said everything I said, I would tell them to quit being a baby.



I feel like I know I need to let it go, it's just so damn hard.



I do appreciate all of your replies so far, I am reading them all.

First:  do not kill yourself.

Second, realize every one here has a hard luck story and a couple broken hearts,   Hell, I've been divorced twice (kids in teh second marriage), and was crushed by my high school girl freind.

Stop thinking about the negative, count your blessings, and do something to help others.  

Then, do something you enjoy.

If it overwhelms you contact the VA or whatever service .mil provides and get some counseling.  

God bless you.

+1 on this

Also, thank you for serving.

I agree with all of the replies so far. Times like this are a true test of your soul. Surround yourself with your true friends. Lean on them. Don't be afraid to ask for a shoulder to cry on, but allow them to help you move on. Go out and have fun with your buddies. Time does it's thing and the pain will slowly fade away, but for now you need to understand that you don't have control over what others do, only how you react. You deserve to be happy and that comes from within you. Choose and allow yourself to move on and be happy. It's cliché, but the world is a big place and there's lots of good women out there. Find yourself, then go find one of them.

Take care brother.

I'm subscribing to this so you can keep us updated on how you're doing.

In college I broke up with my GF and thought it was the end of the world. We had been together 5 years. Two years later I really did meet the woman of my dreams and have been married for 31 years... trust me, learn from this experience and move on. There is someone better for you out there. EVERYTHING happens for a reason... hang in there...

This.

My wife of six years told me she just didn't know what she wanted and wanted to separate.  We had a great marriage until that point, or so I thought.  I thought it was maybe just a time in her life she had to work something out.  We went to counseling.  It ended up being about how much I hadn't be doing for her.  By all standards I was a great husband and provided well, plus I put up with a lot of crap from her.  Mind you I was never one of those guys to go out and try to lay everything in sight.  When I married I intended it to be forever.  

Then I found out she was screwing some guy while we were going to counseling  and probably well before.  Long story short, women in their mid 20's are freaking nutty.  Don't look for logic in what she did.  Its not there.  Don't ask why, it just won't make sense.  What she did about killed me.

I did something really stupid.  I had always wanted to hike Guadalupe Peak, highest Texas.  Its a hell of a hike, about 9 miles.  I was out of shape and over weight, in no shape to do such a hike.  I decided to go on Wednesday night, Saturday afternoon I was there, on top of the peak.  I figured if I died on the hike then all the problems would have been solved.  It was hot, hard and painful.  But something clicked.  It occurred to me I could have never done the hike with my wife.  She would have pissed and moaned about the entire trip the entire time.  After a little prayer on the peak I started back down.  Honestly just a peace came over me.

Fast forward a year later.  I found a job I had been searching for 5 years just fell into my lap.  I moved to a new city and new state.  I had no friends, not a whole lot of money (and only two guns :) ).  I felt I had been lead there, but was still out of my mind for going.  I remember driving into town and saying "Okay God, Now what?".

A few more years passed.  I happened to meet a girl I never would have dreamed would have been out there.  Beautiful woman, extremely conservative and loves guns.  Things happened in a way I wouldn't have even dreamed could have happened.  My wife is even more amazing than I would have dared hoped for.  Work has gone amazingly well.  What seemed like a horrible experience before turned out to be what I needed to shake me out of a trace I was in.  I could feel things were way beyond my control.  I asked for help from some that I knew I could trust.  Amazing things happened.

Things are bad right now.  You have to figure out a way to get yourself down the road long enough for the pain to subside a bit.  You have realized this is a bit bigger than you can handle right now.  Find a hobby, pick up an old one.  Watch out for the self destructive behaviors.  Hell, find some local ARFCOMMERs and go do a little shooting.  Spend some time praying, find out where you need to be.    

Don't forget the AAR here in a couple of years.

All I can tell you is that it DOES get better. And, it happens to most of us.

It hurts so bad you are in a weird cloud and suffocating almost. But, it gets easier.

The next thing you know it's 15 years later and you're married and as happy or content as you can imagine. That's just how it goes, I guess.

Talk to your friends, Possum. That's why they are your friends.

Or just curl up in a fetal position and cry your eyes out all night long if need be.  Just don't kill yourself.  That's just plain stupid over somebody who doesn't even have any respect for you.

That whole being quick to argue is typical of a girl when she's screwing around on you.  She's all confused and guilt ridden inside and is purposely causing drama to cause you to lash back at her so she feels justified in what she's doing.

Find a good girl.  Those party chicks are hard on the soul.

Just try to keep yourself occupied, surround yourself with things and people you enjoy being around.  You may think that this will not go away, but as may have said before, time is a healer.  Give up the beers, go ride your bike with some friends, hang out, whatever, just don't set and beat yourself up over this.  When your old and gray, you'll look back on this whole thing, and kick yourself in the ass and wonder why you even thought this way.  Keep your chin up, don't let it drag you down

Six years is not as bad as if you had kids and then she decided she wanted out and you couldn't live with your kids!

Take a look around you and find a new hobbie, try to meet some new people and find some new girls to hang out with and take some time finding the best life partner for you.  When you find the right person and you have a happy and healthy family you really have a full appreciation for just how good life can be!  You don't want to make any mistakes over the wrong person that will deprive you of some of the very best moments in life!

I didn't notice if you posted this in Team but if you didn't perhaps one of the staff can move it for you!

Thank you for your service to the country and we really do care.