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Posted: 10/6/2004 8:20:08 PM EST
I was wondering if anyone is the parent of a mentally handicapped child. I was thinking about this today when my girlfriend and I were talking about having children. Were you ashamed at first? How did you cope? How do you deal with it?

Link Posted: 10/6/2004 8:21:56 PM EST
Being ashamed would be the very last thing on your mind! Its your child, by god. And you "deal" with it like anything else that affects your family. With love and support.

Dang...
Link Posted: 10/6/2004 8:23:57 PM EST
Why would someone be ashamed of their child because of a medical condition?
Link Posted: 10/6/2004 8:26:47 PM EST



sorry I had to
Link Posted: 10/6/2004 8:27:35 PM EST

Originally Posted By TheRedHorseman:
septimus.stiffee.com/timmah2.gif


sorry I had to

you know you're going straight to hell don't you
Link Posted: 10/6/2004 8:27:40 PM EST
Yea, my girlfreind has a boy (7year old) that had a few problems when he was born and at around 6 months old he had a stroke. Now he is brain damaged and acts alot like the rainman but doesnt talk.

Its a pretty rough deal and feel sorry for the little guy as he is on roids and a few other meds that will probably kill him in a few years. I dont want to come off shallow but Ive lived with him and know that its a fact.

When we ahd our 2 boys we tested about everything that we could talk them into and because of her sons history they were pretty good as we have 2 healthy boys.

Good luck in your choice.
Link Posted: 10/6/2004 8:28:21 PM EST
my middle son has autism.

I love him as much as the other three.
Link Posted: 10/6/2004 8:29:12 PM EST

Originally Posted By -Absolut-:

Originally Posted By TheRedHorseman:
septimus.stiffee.com/timmah2.gif


sorry I had to

you know you're going straight to hell don't you



I cant, I've already lived in tucson, and Al-Fallujah.
Link Posted: 10/6/2004 8:29:15 PM EST
[Last Edit: 10/6/2004 8:30:45 PM EST by EricTheHun]
Link Posted: 10/6/2004 8:34:44 PM EST
A parent is never ashamed of their child just because they are unique.
Link Posted: 10/6/2004 8:36:38 PM EST

Anyone have a mentally handicapped child?


Sometimes I wonder.....

Link Posted: 10/6/2004 8:40:20 PM EST

Originally Posted By 20iner:
I was wondering if anyone is the parent of a mentally handicapped child.




Yes, cyanide's parents do.
Link Posted: 10/6/2004 8:41:41 PM EST
Way back in my high school days, I saw one of the kids I looked up to running to school. I found out a few days later that he does that so he doesn't have to be seen walking his mentally retarded brother to school. He was embarassed.

I didn't look up to him after that.

Family first.
Link Posted: 10/6/2004 8:41:53 PM EST
Our daughter is 15 and profoundly autistic, the giggly, hyper kind of autism. On ocassion, she would be somewhat embarrassing in public, but she can't help it. Folks who asked nicely if she had a problem got the polite answers, the asshole comments got the curt answer and the balled fist..

Most of the problems we had with her are due to the 'inclusion' program foisted on the public schools by Congress. VERY little help is available, and be prepared to fight the welfare queens for it..

She has been in a therapuetic foster home now for three years, we see her every other week. She seems quite happy with it, and is dong as well as she is able.

Mentally handicapped kids are hell on marriages, something like 90% of such marriages end in divorce. It is a real drain of time and energy. IM me if you have any more questions. Ops
Link Posted: 10/6/2004 8:43:41 PM EST
Although my daughter is physically and mentally doing very well, my best friend has a son that is both mentally challenged and blind. I love him as if he were my own son. In fact my best friend has me in his and his wifes wills that if they should pass that I would get custody of him... He is one of the coolest people I have ever met. He just turned 13 however he mental age is about 6 and that is probably the best he will ever be. If anyone ever harms him, he will have 2 fathers to deal with. I take him out with me frequently as he is a joy to be with. He often reminds me of how precious life really is.
Link Posted: 10/6/2004 8:49:46 PM EST

Originally Posted By 20iner:
I was wondering if anyone is the parent of a mentally handicapped child. I was thinking about this today when my girlfriend and I were talking about having children. Were you ashamed at first? How did you cope? How do you deal with it?



I also wondered the same thing before having my son. I worried about it & was scared shitless. Thank God everything turned out OK for me. Nothings wrong with handicapp children but in todays world its hard enough being normal/healty.
Link Posted: 10/6/2004 8:50:25 PM EST
Link Posted: 10/7/2004 2:24:11 AM EST
Link Posted: 10/7/2004 2:51:45 AM EST
My youngest, Sallie Rebecca, has Downe's Syndrome. She will be nine in November. I have had almost a decade of tears and absolute joy. Mostly absolute joy.

Dave S
Link Posted: 10/7/2004 3:10:54 AM EST

Originally Posted By Ops:


Mentally handicapped kids are hell on marriages, something like 90% of such marriages end in divorce. It is a real drain of time and energy. IM me if you have any more questions. Ops



Ops isn't kidding.

My daughter who just turned 12 last month has Downs. Dad and daughter are doing well, her mom isn't.
It has its ups and downs, mostly ups though.
Link Posted: 10/7/2004 3:30:07 AM EST
It is an experience that will certainly humble a person. Any time you feel like complaining, go to the special olympics and see some real courage and sacrifice.

You wonder if it will be safe to have children. We all did before we had them. Nothing is certain.

In the end it is your choice.
Link Posted: 10/7/2004 4:13:48 AM EST
Wow ETH. Excellent quote.

Parents and caregivers of special kids have an enormous job, but also a very honorable job. I think we all wonder if we have the character for it before each of our children is born.


Originally Posted By EricTheHun:
when His servants take care of the weakest and most infirm among God's children. And who could be more of the 'least of these, My Brethren, than a mentally challenged, blind child?

They are ROYAL!

For they are the Children of the King!

Eric The(Lowly)Hun

Link Posted: 10/7/2004 5:35:49 AM EST
no, but my brother is corky from "The Wonder Years". He sure loves becca.
Link Posted: 10/11/2004 3:23:36 PM EST
We have a 27 year old daughter, multi handicapped since birth. She has a happy and sheltered life. My wife and I have been through the tears and anguish that all parents of handicapped children experience. Ashamed is a word that doesn't exist in our home. I wouldn't trade her for the world, and I would also give everything I own to take away her handicapps.
Link Posted: 10/11/2004 3:26:18 PM EST
I don't wanna' be an ass, but I just can't help myself.

Maybe you should ask SGTAR15's mom?
Link Posted: 10/11/2004 3:34:48 PM EST
The wife and I are considering adoption of a child with special needs.
Link Posted: 10/11/2004 3:35:43 PM EST
Your question reminds me of a thread that I was involved in a long while back.

One poster (I can't remember his name) told of his retarded daughter and his love for her. She had died in childhood and he told of his continual love for her and how much he missed her.

I sobbed as I read his post. It moved me more than any other I have ever read.

God only gives special children to special parents, I believe.

Link Posted: 10/11/2004 3:45:50 PM EST
Knowing what I know now about my perfectly normal son who is 2.5 years old, I would have absolutely the same love for a handicapped child if we were to have one.
Link Posted: 10/11/2004 3:45:55 PM EST
[Last Edit: 10/11/2004 3:49:11 PM EST by hydroshok]
Please go to the pit and read the topic that states "a picture i had to share", it is locked but you can still read most of it, also read "locked topics in the pit, then decide what you think of some of the members here"
Link Posted: 10/11/2004 4:14:34 PM EST
[Last Edit: 10/11/2004 4:17:54 PM EST by OMETZ]
We do not truly understand how the mind works.

When someone is born blind or becomes blind, there are many cases in which their other senses become more astute. My grandmother suffers from macular degeneration and is legally blind, but can tell tiny fractions of a degree in the angle of the floor when walking on it. She can feel tenths of a degree in temperature change (most people its about 1 degree F).

She didn't have these "abilities" before becoming blind.

The fact is that when someone loses or doesn't have a certain ability, they may have other abilities that those of us without major "defects" (and I use that word in a very non-insulting way) may never know.

For all we know the autistic kids can think thoughts and comprehend things that would cause the brains of us "normal" people to simply give out.

Raising any child is a challenge more because of society's expectations than anything else.

There is nothing crueler in this world than a group of fortunate kids picking on another less fortunate kid (and I define fortunate as being society's definition of such).
Link Posted: 10/11/2004 4:22:20 PM EST
One of my aunts (the daughter of my great-uncle) is brain-damaged because when she was being born, her mother was at home, didn't know what to do, and held her legs together, depriving the baby of oxygen.

You can actually hardly tell. She's a little loud and definitely not the brightest bulb in the chandelier, but not really "retarded."
Link Posted: 10/11/2004 4:23:11 PM EST
I don't have any children, but I was a teacher for severe/profound autisic children for a year. They were the best class that I ever taught and I still miss them even though it has been more than 5 years. I had one boy who, at the age of 5, was still on a bottle and in diapers. I loved those kids and I got more personal satisfaction from seeing them do little things like being able to participate in a music program or learn how to pop popcorn than I have ever gotten from any job since. The children truly are special and their parents were amazing for what life dealt them.
Link Posted: 10/11/2004 4:30:49 PM EST
[Last Edit: 10/11/2004 4:31:46 PM EST by DriftPunch]

Originally Posted By Old_Painless:
Your question reminds me of a thread that I was involved in a long while back.

One poster (I can't remember his name) told of his retarded daughter and his love for her. She had died in childhood and he told of his continual love for her and how much he missed her.

I sobbed as I read his post. It moved me more than any other I have ever read.

God only gives special children to special parents, I believe.




Except for the god thing, you're right!!! That guy [sanityfair] pulled no punches and wrote the ultimate lump in the throat post. I saved it. Here is the text. I doubt he'd be upset at the repost:


Once upon a time, the wife and I were the proud parents of a baby girl. She came roaring into the world at a whopping 8 pounds and had the prettiest little face I've ever seen. The doctors had told us before she was born that things looked "amiss" with the ultrasound and her heart beat was erratic at times. The wife spent the last eight weeks of her pregnancy in the bed and we couldn't wait to become parents, even to a special needs child.

Megan Danielle was with us for three years before her tiny little heart gave out and in those three years I learned what it was like to feel absolute, true love. One of her legs were deformed and she was in a small wheelchair, but there was nothing wrong with her arms when she hugged me. And her eyes were always out of focus and she wore coke bottle glasses that allowed her to see about 75% ... because she was practically legally blind.

And because of lack of oxygen in the birth canal, she never could speak really good, but I knew exactly who she wanted when she wanted me because her eyes would light up and those little arms would reach for me.

She seldom cried. I think I saw her cry the most there at the end when they were giving her medications that made her sick and had operated on her heart for the last time.

Megan was a *good* kid. She would sit for hours if we let her and listen to the television with her eyes closed. And she'd laugh if she heard a laugh track on a sitcom and she'd try so hard to make word sounds, but never could quite get it.

Would I change a thing? Hell, yes. I'd have her here with me today ... sitting in her wheelchair watching me build furniture. Or maybe she would have been completely blind by now in which case I'd laugh and sing to her the way she used to love.

Bottom line is ... these kids didn't ask to be retarded or deformed and the advances that are being made in medicine today are astounding. The kid you abort today could have been the key to a breakthrough tomorrow.

Megan could feel love. She laughed. She smiled. She felt pain. She liked a blue teddy bear better than anything else and she'd hold it under one arm and run her fingers through the shaggy fur over and over.

God, I miss her.
Link Posted: 10/11/2004 4:37:51 PM EST
Before my mom retired, she had a career dedicated to working in schools with special needs children. I spent many summers working in the schools doing maintenance and cleaning.

I got to know a lot of the kids because they are mostly very friendly and always want to talk to people. I learned many lessons from those kids and found out how special they really are.

I saw more unconditional love and real down to earth people than I see when dealing with so called "normal" people everyday.

I actually looked forward to my summer vacations when I could work at the school.

Kids are a gift from God...cherish any gift from God and never be ashamed!

Link Posted: 10/11/2004 4:59:26 PM EST
I take care of many patients with mental handicaps. I have one girl in her early 20's who was injured in a crash that killed her aunt and uncle when she was 8. She's always happy to see me and I think she has a crush on me. I feel far more appreciated by these patients than by many of my abrasive 'normal' ones.
Link Posted: 10/11/2004 5:06:54 PM EST

Originally Posted By MrClean4Hire:
The wife and I are considering adoption of a child with special needs.




If we're talking Down's here, DO IT!!!!!

I have NEVER met an ill-tempered Down's kid.

I have never met a Down's kid that was dishonest or nasty, mean or petty.

That kid will do all it can to make you proud and will NEVER wind up on the Jerry Springer show.
Link Posted: 10/11/2004 5:07:23 PM EST

Originally Posted By 1Walker:
no, but my brother is corky from "The Wonder Years". He sure loves becca.



Wasnt that "Life Goes ON?"
Link Posted: 10/11/2004 5:14:19 PM EST

Originally Posted By DriftPunch:

Originally Posted By Old_Painless:
Your question reminds me of a thread that I was involved in a long while back.

One poster (I can't remember his name) told of his retarded daughter and his love for her. She had died in childhood and he told of his continual love for her and how much he missed her.

I sobbed as I read his post. It moved me more than any other I have ever read.

God only gives special children to special parents, I believe.




Except for the god thing, you're right!!! That guy [sanityfair] pulled no punches and wrote the ultimate lump in the throat post. I saved it. Here is the text. I doubt he'd be upset at the repost:


Once upon a time, the wife and I were the proud parents of a baby girl. She came roaring into the world at a whopping 8 pounds and had the prettiest little face I've ever seen. The doctors had told us before she was born that things looked "amiss" with the ultrasound and her heart beat was erratic at times. The wife spent the last eight weeks of her pregnancy in the bed and we couldn't wait to become parents, even to a special needs child.

Megan Danielle was with us for three years before her tiny little heart gave out and in those three years I learned what it was like to feel absolute, true love. One of her legs were deformed and she was in a small wheelchair, but there was nothing wrong with her arms when she hugged me. And her eyes were always out of focus and she wore coke bottle glasses that allowed her to see about 75% ... because she was practically legally blind.

And because of lack of oxygen in the birth canal, she never could speak really good, but I knew exactly who she wanted when she wanted me because her eyes would light up and those little arms would reach for me.

She seldom cried. I think I saw her cry the most there at the end when they were giving her medications that made her sick and had operated on her heart for the last time.

Megan was a *good* kid. She would sit for hours if we let her and listen to the television with her eyes closed. And she'd laugh if she heard a laugh track on a sitcom and she'd try so hard to make word sounds, but never could quite get it.

Would I change a thing? Hell, yes. I'd have her here with me today ... sitting in her wheelchair watching me build furniture. Or maybe she would have been completely blind by now in which case I'd laugh and sing to her the way she used to love.

Bottom line is ... these kids didn't ask to be retarded or deformed and the advances that are being made in medicine today are astounding. The kid you abort today could have been the key to a breakthrough tomorrow.

Megan could feel love. She laughed. She smiled. She felt pain. She liked a blue teddy bear better than anything else and she'd hold it under one arm and run her fingers through the shaggy fur over and over.

God, I miss her.



What a precious little girl That had me tearing up.
Link Posted: 10/11/2004 5:19:36 PM EST
Link Posted: 10/11/2004 5:32:29 PM EST
I was told by many doctors as a child, at least my parents where that I had Tourette Syndrome, Bipolar, ADHD ADD and a few other problems. Got to take some special classes in 2nd to 4th grade.

After about 9 years of being heavily medicated I finally decided fuck it, It's my own body I will do as I want with it.

Pretty fine now, just a wee bit hyper at times and my sleeping is pretty bad.

I must scare anti-guners shit less.

Life is grand ... it's the only life you got here, no reason to be down about it.
Link Posted: 10/11/2004 5:42:40 PM EST
My youngest brother was born normal , but the Doctor made a huge misdiagnosis. My brother had bacterial Meningitis but was diagnosed as an ear infection. We knew something was wrong when Chris went into seizures. That was in 1979 , I was 9 and watching "Son of Frankenstein" on TV when he seized. It has scarred me for life and he is now 25 but has mental and physical handicaps. It still destroys me to this day to talk about it and I get so angry I just want to lash out and kick someones ass , but what will that do? Well my Dad bought a 2004 Corvette so he ( my Brother) could ride in it and get some enjoyment out of lofe! I asked him one time about what he wanted to do for the rest of his life and he said " I wanna laugh" . But HE VOTES REPUBLICAN !!!!!!!!!!!
Link Posted: 10/11/2004 5:47:59 PM EST
Thanks Driftpunch.
Link Posted: 10/11/2004 5:49:14 PM EST
Just my parents...
Link Posted: 10/11/2004 5:54:03 PM EST

Originally Posted By sobekra70:
My youngest brother was born normal , but the Doctor made a huge misdiagnosis. My brother had bacterial Meningitis but was diagnosed as an ear infection. We knew something was wrong when Chris went into seizures. That was in 1979 , I was 9 and watching "Son of Frankenstein" on TV when he seized. It has scarred me for life and he is now 25 but has mental and physical handicaps. It still destroys me to this day to talk about it and I get so angry I just want to lash out and kick someones ass , but what will that do? Well my Dad bought a 2004 Corvette so he ( my Brother) could ride in it and get some enjoyment out of lofe! I asked him one time about what he wanted to do for the rest of his life and he said " I wanna laugh" . But HE VOTES REPUBLICAN !!!!!!!!!!!



I hope that doctor got the living shit kicked out of him. Physically or financially.
Link Posted: 10/11/2004 6:12:31 PM EST
no, my son is not special needs mentally.....................

what i did have to go through, although temporary, was awful

my son was born with a narrow heart artery, the pulminary

we went through angoiplastys and the NICU and all the other horseshit.............

they finally told us he would need heart surgery...............so we opted for first available, he was 2 months old...............well AFTER the surgery the doctors all said how great it was that we got it done since his pressures were so far off as to warrant a possible heart attack

anyway, he's 2.5yrs now and a ball of fire, i love that little shit

but i remember going through it and as yall may already know, i don't have an even temper..............i was and still am mad that some crack whore cunt bitch can go get pregnant on compete and absolute accident and sans a john kerry style gov't funded abortion can have a perfectly normal child................life aint fair and then you die, guess you gotta get used to it
Link Posted: 10/11/2004 6:28:54 PM EST
[Last Edit: 10/11/2004 6:32:49 PM EST by ScottS]

Originally Posted By Old_Painless:
God only gives special children to special parents, I believe.



Well, we know that's not true, because I have a son with special needs. He's autistic, but not as profundly affected by the disorder as some. Unlike some autistic kids, he's very social (In fact, he's sleeping on the couch right next to me, because he always wants to go to sleep wherever I am.), has lots of friends in school, and even played T-ball in the city league this summer. He's mainstreamed into a regular classroom, with a full-time one-on-one aide, and he does well in that setting. The kids in the class are very accepting, much moreso that I remember being when I was a kid. We still have the occasional outburst in Walmart when he can't have what he wants, and that always produces some interesting looks. Usually a combination of frustration caused by not being able to communicate what he wants, not understanding why I'm not giving it to him, and being 8 years old, all balled into one. He's making steady, remarkable progress, and although he has a long way to go, some day he'll live on his own, and be productive in society. And I love him every bit as much as his gifted, precocious sister.

Friends look at us and occasionally say, "Wow. You guys really have a tough row to hoe. You're really super parents."

We know a family with a profoundly autistic 11-year old son. He's run away from school a couple of times, terrifying all involved. The local school can no longer handle him, so he is bussed to a special school an hour away. He's detached and withdrawn in a classic autistic fashion. He wasn't toilet trained until he was 8. He'll probably spend his entire adult life in a special home. And you can tell by the way the talk to him that they love him deeply.

My wife and I look at each other and say, "Wow. Those guys really have a tough row to hoe. They're really super parents."

I'm sure they look at parents who have a child with a debilitating illness, or cancer, and say, "Wow. Those guys really have a tough row to hoe. They're really super parents."

And so it goes, up and down the line. You play the hand you're dealt, and if you're ever tempted to feel sorry for yourself, you look around at what others are going through, and thank God for the cards you have.

Scott

Link Posted: 10/11/2004 6:37:43 PM EST
My brother has Downe's Syndrome, and is very functional. He's a bit stuborn and likes things his way, but who don't. He's also one of the most religious persons you'll ever meet. Brent
Link Posted: 10/13/2004 7:37:32 AM EST

Originally Posted By sae057:
Originally Posted By sobekra70:
My youngest brother was born normal , but the Doctor made a huge misdiagnosis. My brother had bacterial Meningitis but was diagnosed as an ear infection. We knew something was wrong when Chris went into seizures. That was in 1979 , I was 9 and watching "Son of Frankenstein" on TV when he seized. It has scarred me for life and he is now 25 but has mental and physical handicaps. It still destroys me to this day to talk about it and I get so angry I just want to lash out and kick someones ass , but what will that do? Well my Dad bought a 2004 Corvette so he ( my Brother) could ride in it and get some enjoyment out of lofe! I asked him one time about what he wanted to do for the rest of his life and he said " I wanna laugh" . But HE VOTES REPUBLICAN !!!!!!!!!!!



I hope that doctor got the living shit kicked out of him. Physically or financially.[
Financially he did. A stipulation of the settlement was that no one in our family is allowed contact with him. He got his, his son died of cancer./quote]
Link Posted: 10/13/2004 10:20:20 AM EST
[Last Edit: 10/13/2004 10:21:17 AM EST by Daggar]
You know I believe we existed in the presence of God before this life. I wonder if perhaps some of the souls present kind of volunteered for less perfect bodies and minds. If so that makes them great spirits who certainly will be greatly blessed as will those who raise them.

Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting:
The Soul that rises with us, our life's Star,
Hath had elsewhere its setting,
And cometh from afar:
Not in entire forgetfulness,
And not in utter nakedness,
But trailing clouds of glory do we come
From God, who is our home

—William Wordsworth
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