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Posted: 3/9/2010 4:10:37 AM EDT
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason took my

order first. "I'll have the steak, medium rare, please."



He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""



Nah, she can order for herself."



And then the fight started...
Link Posted: 3/9/2010 4:25:03 AM EDT
Suuuuurrre........
Link Posted: 3/9/2010 4:30:06 AM EDT
LOL
Link Posted: 3/9/2010 4:40:53 AM EDT
Link Posted: 3/9/2010 4:42:50 AM EDT
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.

"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"


And that's when the fight started....
Link Posted: 3/9/2010 4:44:54 AM EDT
My GF of one year asked me while drunk, "So, have you saved all the money you've earned this year for an engagement ring?"

Me: "Nope, I just bought a geissele trigger and the rest is going towards an upper."

And then the fight started...
Link Posted: 3/9/2010 4:53:33 AM EDT
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road

and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you

just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I

couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked

up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"



So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"



And then the fight started.....
Link Posted: 3/9/2010 5:03:36 AM EDT
I was sitting in the living room and my wife comes in and asks, "what's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust"

that's when the fight started.
Link Posted: 3/9/2010 9:05:54 AM EDT
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and

slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and

proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph

, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that

the weather would be bad all day.



I went back into the house, quietly undressed , and slipped back into

bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and

whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."



My loving wife of 5 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband

is out fishing in that?"



And that's how the fight started...
Link Posted: 3/9/2010 9:11:36 AM EDT
"After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
Security.

The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify
my age.

I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.

I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home
and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she
processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability, too'

And then the fight started....."
Link Posted: 3/9/2010 9:14:58 AM EDT
Me wife says, "I'm getting gray hair. What are you gonna do about it?"
I reply, "Trade you in for a younger model?"

And you guessed it, that's when the fight started.
Link Posted: 3/9/2010 9:17:27 AM EDT
After my week long, unsuccessful hunting trip, my wife asked me if she had packed everything I needed.

I thought for a moment, and mentioned that she hadn't packed my underwear.

She paused, and said, "yes I did. I packed them in your rifle case."

Then the fight started.
Link Posted: 3/9/2010 9:20:37 AM EDT
Link Posted: 3/9/2010 9:22:49 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/9/2010 9:23:12 AM EDT by FNC80]
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, "I feel Horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And then the fight started.....
Link Posted: 3/9/2010 9:24:10 AM EDT
My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started.
Link Posted: 3/9/2010 9:32:34 AM EDT
Originally Posted By FNC80:
My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started.


Link Posted: 3/9/2010 9:47:44 AM EDT
I asked my girlfriend, "What would you say if I asked you to marry me?".

She said "I'd say yes".

I said "Well, remind me to never ask you that question".

And that's when the fight started.
Link Posted: 3/9/2010 9:50:43 AM EDT
My new girlfriend asks "Will you have sleep with me?".

I say "Honey, there's only two kinds of women I sleep with, those I love and those I pay for".

She says "Well, which am I".

I look in my wallet and then say "Honey, I love you.".

And then the fight started.
Link Posted: 3/9/2010 9:55:15 AM EDT
Link Posted: 3/9/2010 11:43:37 AM EDT
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in

about 3 seconds.'



I bought her a bathroom scale.



And then the fight started...
Link Posted: 3/9/2010 11:48:33 AM EDT
FTMFW


Originally Posted By Nuke_Head:
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in

about 3 seconds.'



I bought her a bathroom scale.



And then the fight started...






Link Posted: 3/9/2010 12:08:00 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/9/2010 12:08:23 PM EDT by kcobean]
On our 10th anniversary, my wife asked me if I loved her as much as the day we married. I replied, "how could I not honey, there's so much more of you to love."

And then the fight started.
Link Posted: 3/9/2010 12:09:44 PM EDT
After a rigorous day of house-cleaning, my wife said "I'm exhausted and I need a shower", to which I replied, "while you're in there clean it, I notice you hadn't done that yet."

And then the fight started.
Link Posted: 3/9/2010 12:15:59 PM EDT
someone owes me a new keyboard, just dont know what post did it!
Link Posted: 3/9/2010 1:07:37 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/9/2010 1:08:40 PM EDT by Nuke_Head]
Originally Posted By SAarms:
someone owes me a new keyboard, just dont know what post did it!




Do you want some more?





My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion, and I

kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a

nearby table.



My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'



'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to

drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't

been sober since.'



'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on

celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...
Link Posted: 3/9/2010 1:12:51 PM EDT
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