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Posted: 1/29/2002 4:02:14 PM EDT
I hope I do not tread on anyones sensibilities....Had a pretty rough day at work... Came home to a wife with a odd look on her face.. It seems that my LITTLE GIRL....aint so little anymore. Now she is a LITTLE WOMAN!!! AHHHHh She is only 11!!! Damn...time flew by Tooo fast!! She came and told me herself later...she wanted to make sure I knew about this important day in her life... Not sure if I should cry or what!! Mind you she is one hell of a kid..girl..woman...Ahhhh
Link Posted: 1/29/2002 4:07:27 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/29/2002 4:07:57 PM EDT by ph119]
I have a 6 year old little girl who is intellectually and socailly going on 16. Man, do I dread the day she becomes a woman. I have to give her the SEX SPEECH, too!!![>Q] I have even made her promise me that she will always be respectful and sweet, even when she is a teenager. Yeah, right!!![;)]
Link Posted: 1/29/2002 4:08:11 PM EDT
give her some of these. [img]http://graphics.theonion.com/pics_3802/home_menstruation_test.jpg[/img] Home menstration detection kit.
Link Posted: 1/29/2002 4:09:40 PM EDT
Link Posted: 1/29/2002 4:09:58 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/29/2002 4:11:14 PM EDT by Stormbringer]
Thanks raven but I think I will let the Mrs handle all the details!! I think I might get drunk.......have not done that in YEARS!!! Oh wait its a weekday...got a meeting in the morning!! Oh well...I will just wallow in self pity. Well I hope that this will not change her desire to go shooting with the OLD man! She is a crack shot with her Anshutz
Link Posted: 1/29/2002 4:26:18 PM EDT
Better change your sig line NOW! "I love my daughter but fear her hormones!"
Link Posted: 1/29/2002 4:38:46 PM EDT
Menstral cycle, HA. HA, HA, HA. Start saving now for a home entertainment center. One with lots of base.
Link Posted: 1/29/2002 4:46:17 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/29/2002 5:10:23 PM EDT by Halfcocked]
What the hell is he talking about you ask. Well I'll tell ya. 5 years from now she will be having boys over. Set your DVD system up in the basement. Let them go down stares to watch a movie. They'll have the sound up loud so you can't hear them. This works right into your plans. They cant' hear you sneaking down the steps either! ...and the neighbors can't hear the screams of her boy friend when you catch them both lying down on the couch and your strangling the ever living shit out out of him. Have a hole dug in the back yard, ready the night before. Claim septic troubles.
Link Posted: 1/29/2002 5:01:05 PM EDT
You know what they say, if you have a boy you only have to worry about 1 pecker and if you have a girl you have to worry about a million peckers, I have one of each, thats alot if dicks to worry about.
Link Posted: 1/29/2002 5:54:34 PM EDT
I have a boy as well... he is only 8. Damn! For everyone who has little kids or hopes to have them in the future...CHERISH EVERY SECOND!!!
Link Posted: 1/29/2002 6:10:26 PM EDT
You don't have to worry about her meeting the wrong guy... you have to worry about her meeting the right guy... [:(] My condolences
Link Posted: 1/29/2002 6:49:03 PM EDT
Uhhh...M4.....he's saying she had her first period, if it must be put that bluntly, not that she had sex. Are ya with me???
Link Posted: 1/29/2002 6:53:43 PM EDT
Hello !... McM4 !..... Anyway mine just turned 18 . Thank god , now if I can get her to move out !
Link Posted: 1/29/2002 6:54:16 PM EDT
Link Posted: 1/29/2002 6:55:47 PM EDT
Originally Posted By ph119: Uhhh...M4.....he's saying she had her first period, if it must be put that bluntly, not that she had sex. Are ya with me???
View Quote
Holy shit, my bad. I guess this is one of my semi-tard days. I'm going to delete my rant for the sake of minimizing my idiocy. Thanks for spelling it out for me. Forgive me, I'm single, no kids....just a rottie.(and he's a boy.)
Link Posted: 1/29/2002 7:07:25 PM EDT
Damn M4 now you have me confused as to what the heck you said in your deleted post!! Yes to confirm...she had her first visit from her little monthly friend. MY GOD what kid of father do you think I am!!!! No offense by the way...I was rather circumspect in my description of todays events and you being a single guy and all......speaking of which STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM MY LITTLE GIRL!!! THAT GOES FOR ALL YOU HEATHEN MALES!!!! I am now on FULL ALERT!
Link Posted: 1/29/2002 7:08:13 PM EDT
I know how you feel It's a strange feeling. "Well I hope that this will not change her desire to go shooting with the OLD man!" LOL! About 2 more years and she'll start thinking your an asshole. [V] I have a feeling it's only going to get worse. Yeah, get drunk. [BD]
Link Posted: 1/29/2002 7:15:50 PM EDT
God. My niece is 10. It seems like just a couple of years ago that my sister told me she was going to have a baby. I am once again reminded of how fast they grow up, and I don't even have one of my own.
Link Posted: 1/29/2002 7:23:05 PM EDT
Link Posted: 1/29/2002 7:30:56 PM EDT
Here's something all you dads with budding daughters can post at the front gate. Ten Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them. Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist. Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you. Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early." TBC
Link Posted: 1/29/2002 7:31:47 PM EDT
and now for the rest of the story... Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry. Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car? Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better. Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me. Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
Link Posted: 1/29/2002 8:17:26 PM EDT
S_U_R_Fire, ROFLMAO...I saved this and printed it..I hope to someday have a childe (wife an I are attempting) and this would be handy to have around...I think I will keep this and just hand it to the first boy that wants to date my daughter if I have one. medcop
Link Posted: 1/29/2002 9:01:48 PM EDT
The price of a date has gone up: $300 dollar deposit. If not home by 10:30pm my watch the $300 dollars is mine. If midnight, Your ass is mine. 2 daughters, 1-11 1-6, I have a few years of piece. Although I expect some difficulty with the older ones mouth. I expect it to overload her ass on numerous occasions in the comming years. We are trying to (beat) break her of it now so It will be easier (possibly) for her when she doesn't know when to shut up. Benjamin
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